Muse

Hello, you're listening to PPR PPP. I am Dale Denton. The topic of the day, new beginnings. Getting over losses. Friends. Life. We have our first caller. Yes, ring, ring, ring. How's it going?

Hi, Dale Denton. Yeah? You're my hero. You're my hero. Yay! You are good, man. Seriously. Thanks, man. I got to admit, yeah. It sounds pretty good. It sounds real, dude. It's not bad, huh? If I close my eyes, it does sound like, yeah, that's the voice. You are on the radio. That's the radio. This is the radio. That's the DJ. No, but better. Like, if you were on it, I would listen to it. Thanks, man. High five, seriously. I know this sounds weird, but can we be best friends? TBTL.

I think we're pretty much ready to go here with this podcast.

What the hell is the podcast?

I mean, why don't you just tape it? What are you doing?

Have you ever had a dream that, that you, um, you had, you, you, you could, you do, you, you want, you, you could do so, you, you do, you could, you, you want, you want him to do you so much you could do anything?

Listen, I'm not one of those college types that's going to talk your ear off. I bought a balloon, and it doesn't mean I think I'm better than everybody else.

So you mean to tell me that all of those sounds were coming from your body? Yup. I'm the president of rap music, and I need to work with you right away.

This is not your mama's podcast. This is Too Beautiful to Live. Did we just become best friends?

All right, hello and welcome to a very, very special edition of TBTL. This right here, this is the show that just might be Too Beautiful to Live. This is special. This is special. My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host.

I don't know who that is, and I don't care to find out.

Coming to you today from the Friends Center in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, where we have arrived at episode 4,303 in A Collector Series.

Let the fun begin.

And we have a very fun, very informative program for you because we're here at the Quaker Center, the Center for Friends. We thought that we would teach you a little bit and maybe ourselves learn a little bit about the Quaker tradition.

You know what I've found over the years is that the facts are your friends.

I promise you, it is going to be more fun than that reaction from the crowd just indicated. The Quakers did some cool shit. Saying shit was not one of the things they ever did. That might be the first time that's been said in this room, but it's going to be entertaining. And if that's not entertaining, we are going to get the definitive guide to Philadelphia from Philadelphia's favorite daughter, my own mother, Susie Burbank, is here.

I'll say, what's up, dog?

I know one of the things she's excited to talk about because she texted Hawk Squad about 20 minutes ago. It involves the fact that she did not have any nurturing instincts before having me. That's the text. I'm not making that up. She's going to unpack it here in a few minutes, okay? We're going to get into it with my mom and learn what the best tasty cake in Philadelphia is. It's a hotly contested matter. We can't get the show going, though, but without saying hello to the longest-running co-bro of the show, maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships.

That's a tuna, bro!

That's an Andrew Walsh, way up there in the balcony. Hello. Hello, Luke. Hello, Philadelphia. You are very far away from everybody else and in a completely empty balcony, which is not normally how we do the show. What is happening?

I need my space, Luke. Yeah, you got it. You look very lonely and weird up there. I know. I feel weird up here. Can you hear me okay? Kind of. Yeah. I don't know if I should take this mask off.

Can you wedge the microphone under your mask? Is this better? A little bit. Can you hear me better now? Do that.

All right. Maybe I got to do this. But the truth of the matter is I think I'm far enough away from everybody to take this mask off. I was double masked when I came out here. That was smart. Yeah.

That's not an audio product. I mean, we should have had six masks on.

But pardon me, as you can hear, I'm a little verklempt because I had a little bit of a sniffle when I got into town, and I told Genevieve, I'll take a COVID test just so I can tell everybody I don't have COVID. Yes.

Yes, my friends. You know how this story ends.

I literally said, I'll just take it so I can tell everybody I don't have COVID.

Andrew has the Rona right now. Is everybody okay?

Do you need me to put my mask back on? I feel like it's going to hurt the show.

We have masks, by the way. If you would like a mask, we spent the entire trip's budget on masks. And they're distributed throughout the crowd. So if you would like to have a mask, if they feel more comfortable, please avail yourself of that.

Andrew, you're actually feeling fine.

I feel fine. I'm not even joking. I mean, it was ironic, I guess, that I had a little something in my throat there a moment ago. Sorry about that. But there's just kind of a lot going on. I'm wearing a cape for some reason.

I have to say, Genevieve and I were talking about this before the show that, as you guys know about my friend Andrew Walsh, he is not a guy who likes to dress up in costumes at all. It's literally his least favorite thing. and I think only because he was weakened by the COVID did he agree to dress up as Phantom of the Opera for me. So let's give him a round of applause for that. Yes, sure.

I will say this about capes. I don't know how you guys are doing down there, but it is really warm up here. You're kind of going almost more like the Count or even Count Chocula. I was honestly, I don't know anything about the Phantom of the Opera. I was like, is he a Dracula guy? I was honestly back there like, well, I should probably look this dude up. I guess he's not a vampire. That's what I learned, if anybody was curious about that. But I will say, if he had the same issue that I have, which is pit stains, the cape is a perfect solution to that because I am drenched under here right now. It's very flattering, too, actually. Thank you. I think you look kind of nice. Is it slimming?

Also, it's just so hard to dress for the Philly weather, you know? So I guess you've already figured out the rest of the story. The kissing booth is canceled for tonight with Andrew. I will also mention, though, the rest of us. This is real. We've all tested. We're all negative. He's the only unclean one, and we've got him way up there where he can't hurt you. But also, no selfies with Andrew afterwards. You'll just have to get all the selfies with the rest of us who are feeling tip-top.

Yeah, unfortunately, I will have to be bowing out of the after-show festivities. Sorry. You guys don't feed into his ego. like seriously that's why y'all came out to hang out with me look what you've done

I want to tell you that TBTL is not just Andrew Walsh it's also TBTL employee numero uno Mr. John Skloroff hey buddy hey how's it going? good are you feeling left out that you don't have a ridiculous costume on right now?

No, I'm very grateful that I don't have a ridiculous costume on. I am sweating, though, a lot like Andrew. I've been running around, and it's humid and all. But other than that, I'm okay.

I mean, this weather, I've got to say, Philadelphia, you knocked it out of the park today. If you wanted to be both soaking wet but also broiling, this is a perfect day for that. Is this the tail end of the hurricane? Is it coming up here? Because then I feel bad about complaining about sweating when there are entire towns washing away in North Carolina, so I guess I'll keep my complaints to a minimum. Hey, here's another thing that we have tonight that's very exciting. One of our very favorite special guests on the show. Please welcome Genevieve Haas to the program. They're like the coolest person I've ever met.

Hi, everybody.

Uh-oh. I think we might need a little more juice on your microphone there. If you've learned one thing on the show, it's that you've got to eat that microphone. Let's see here. Try the Suzy mic and see if we can use that in the pinch.

How's this sounding? Oh, way better. Of course, Suzy's mic works.

Well, I'm a little, I mean, how do you think?

She doesn't even need one, as she very aptly said.

Mom, we're recording this for the podcast. No, I'm just saying we do want to use the microphone. We want to get you on tape Veeves, thank you so much for stepping up I know that you came out to help us with putting the show on But also to like Have a fun time in Philadelphia And do this fun stuff with Andrew And then he came down sick And now it's like you're just being pressed into duty

Yeah, I naively thought I signed up For a free trip to Philadelphia And here I am Two feet from the listeners I know I mean, I know this is an audio medium But they are right up on us

Yeah, they really are. I'm choosing not to make eye contact. I also don't know how long I have to wear these pretend glasses because I'm at the age in my life where I need real glasses. Yeah. And, yeah, I didn't bring the real glasses with me, so I'll just be squinting. Oh, boy. I love this joke from White Christmas Mom, Bing Crosby playing trombone. I'm just going to be playing trombone with this script all night. All right, we are here at the Friends Center, and I was thinking that it might be a little interesting thing to just give you a quick history on Quakers and the Friends movement. So this is Know Your Quakers. All right.

The name Quakers, this is a real thing, came because the founder of the Quakers, a guy named George Fox, was in court and told a judge the judge needed to quake before the authority of God. And then other people started calling them the Quakers. That is where the name comes from. It was a small claims court about a dry cleaning issue. He lost the case. But that is where the name comes from, quaking. The Quakers were very boisterous when they started out. Like, this was a real thing. And then somebody got embarrassed and they entered a period called quietism where they got very quiet and inward and were not boisterous. They would have long, like sort of silent periods during their meetings and stuff. It's basically the thing that Andrew and I are the most scared of during an episode of TVTL is even a moment of silence. These are some things that you should be if you are a Quaker or friends with one or considering doing it. By the way, this is not, I'm not evangelizing for them. I'm not trying to get anyone to sign up, just throwing it out there. The Quakers can be very proud of these items, these things in their history. Slavery, anti. You could have reversed order on that, Luke.

You had me nervous for a second.

I will be honest, it is a low bar for us white people that just being anti-slavery puts them in like the 1% of organized religion during that period. Also, progressive views on women. The Quakers, from the first Quaker meetings, women were welcome to speak as much as the men were.

Wow, how does that feel for TBCL?

All right, that's enough, Genevieve.

Well, I literally tried to cut your microphone earlier. Not like I feel threatened or anything.

You're in my seat, Genevieve. This is not a Quaker ceremony, that's the point. It's mostly dudes talking, I'm sorry. Also, they are and have been conscientious objectors during the wars. They did not want to fight in World War 1 and 2, but they drove ambulances. They had a friend's ambulance brigade that would go around helping people. So they weren't into trying to kill people, but they were into trying to help people who were injured. You might be wondering, Luke, how does a Quaker meeting work? I'm so glad you asked. It's called unprogrammed worship. And what happens is Quakers, friends, they gather together in a room like this, and they don't have any plan at all. They just wait for the Spirit of God to move someone to talk, then they reflect, and then somebody else gets up and talks. There's absolutely no plan, which is exactly like an episode of TBTL. In a way, that TBTL is very dissimilar to the Quakers is that a modern Quaker meeting goes for no longer than one hour. That knowing laughter is from the regular listeners of the show that know that the show is often far too long this is legitimately how a quaker meeting is brought to a close or can be brought to a close two people they can be randos make eye contact and give each other the peace sign which is shaking hands and at that point that everyone else shakes hands the meeting is over so no matter how bored you become tonight fight the urge to shake someone's hand because you will officially end the episode that is the

rules of this place. I think more religions should have a sudden death clause like that.

First team to score. Yeah. We're done with this. Let's take a moment to talk about the obvious elephant in the room, and that is the Quaker Oats Company. Okay. First of all, not founded by Quakers. There was a dude named Henry Seymour in like Ohio who was in charge, and he had been on the well, they didn't have the internet then, on the encyclopedia reading about Quakers and their qualities, which included integrity, honesty, and purity. He said he wanted those to be the traits people associated with their oatmeal, so they just named it Quaker Oats. In 1971, the Quaker Oats Company bankrolled the film Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Yeah, right? See? I was losing you, but I got you back. With that dazzling detail. They paid for the movie in exchange for the rights to make candy bars that were named from the movie. But the movie was such a flop that nobody bought the candy bars and they eventually sold the rights back to Warner Brothers right in time for the movie to become super popular when it was in reruns. Also, no conversation about Quaker Oats would be complete without, well, a couple things. One, these are real other things the Quaker Oat Company has owned in its existence. Fisher-Price toys and Gatorade. I don't feel like the same person can eat Quaker Oats and drink Gatorade. Those are wildly different.

No, it's illegal. Yeah. No athletes are allowed to eat Quaker Oats and no, I guess.

Librarians and elementary school teachers are allowed to drink Gatorade.

It's, yeah, it's not even, I mean, I feel like those things in you, you'd be like a seagull that ate an Alka-Seltzer. You would explode. Be very physically dangerous. Does anybody know where Gatorade was invented? Okay, a lot of you know. Fine, I thought that was like, I thought I had something there. Because of the Gators. Because of the Gators, I guess. Okay, wow, fine.

You want to host the show, Nick? Did you know that you're supposed to shake Gatorade before drinking it? This is a fact that blew my mind. It says it on the bottle, shake before drinking. Really? True story. Does anybody shake their Gatorade before drinking it? Oh, a lot of you. You're a big...

Andrew, they've got all the answers. They don't even need us. What am I even doing here? What am I doing? We're going to the bar, and you're going back to your sad hotel room. I am.

Where I'm going to drink a lot of Gatorade, believe it or not.

You do, by the way. You are a big Gatorade guy.

I am. I love me some Gatorade and honestly they say when you have a fever drink some Gatorade so if I have a fever I'm going to be drinking Gatorade tonight. I

was like convinced as a kid from the commercials that if I imbibed enough Gatorade I would become like a way better athlete because everybody in the commercials was just they were just crushing it and the Gatorade was like flying off of them and I would like drink Gatorade and chew Gatorade gum at the same time when I played for Handy Andy baseball team and

Were they the same flavor, at least? What's that? Were they the same flavor, at least?

Yeah, orange, which is the best Gatorade flavor in existence. It did not work. Yeah, we have some orange Gatorade fans in the house. You knew they'd come out. You knew you'd hear from them before the end of the night. And now we're hearing from them. No conversation about Quaker Oats would be complete without talking about the work of Wilford Brimley. who for some reason the Quaker Oats Company decided to hire during the 80s and 90s to scream at children to eat Quaker Oats because it was quote the right thing to do. I cannot think of a less compelling sales pitch to the youth of America than Wilford Brimley.

What's shocking is that I bet you if you looked up how old he was when he did those. He's probably like 32. Ish. If that. He was younger, I think, than I am now when he made Cocoon. That's a 27

year old man right there.

Hold on. I'm looking this up now. Oh, you know what? The Wi-Fi is very, very slow here. How old is he in Cocoon? Because there's famously... 55.

Alright, so I'm not quite Cocoon age yet.

That's good. You think 55? Is that the... In his 40s. Jesus. I'm sorry, Aunt Mary Lou, no, that was fresh. I'm really in my head because I have a lot of family here who, some of whom I haven't seen for many years, some of my cousins, my mom, my Aunt Mary Lou, and I really, my Uncle Chuck is right there. I want it to go well. I don't want it to be too fresh for my Aunt Mary Lou. But Aunt Mary Lou, I mean, a bird's got to fly. This is a fresh show. So I just want to prepare you. It might get PG-13 at some point.

49 years old. 49 years old. According to the internet, yes, he was 49 when he was cast, and he turned 50 during filming, so he could be right twice there. What day is his birthday? Okay, give me another few minutes on that one.

Because that means I will be, my next birthday, I will be the age that Wilford Brimley was. Oh. Were people older then than they are now? Does that make sense as a concept? I don't know. Is that a bird song? Here's the thing. Wilford Brimley, he looks like he would be a Quaker. He was not a Quaker but there are a lot of famous Quakers. Celebrities who either are Quakers or descendants of Quakers you might be surprised. How about James Dean? James Dean was raised a Quaker by his aunt and his uncle who raised him. His aunt was named Hortense. They're not naming people Hortense anymore either. Tell you what. Dame Judi Dench, a Quaker. She went to a Quaker high school and apparently really dug it. Bonnie Raitt told O Magazine. I'm sure you all got that copy of O Magazine, that she was a Quaker. John Cadbury also, this is the guy who did the Cadbury eggs. Right? I know. It's intense to even consider it. He was an animal enthusiast. He did not like animal cruelty, so he got into making Cadbury eggs to try to get people to eat less of the real eggs. Also just looks like a real party. Annie Oakley. Annie Oakley was raised by Quakers. Did not get the pacifism thing. Very... Was really into gunplay. David Byrne from the Talking Heads, also a Quaker. Seems like a Quaker. Like, he would have a Quaker devotional in that suit. It's big enough. Zooey Deschanel. Zooey Deschanel, her dad is a Quaker, so I guess by extension. I was trying to find a picture of her today, and all I could find were the pictures of her and her new husband, one of the property twins. And I'm sure that guy's got a heart of gold. But it was, I don't know, I just, Zooey Deschanel, for maybe, you know, for a guy who's almost as old as Wilford Brimley, has some manic pixie dream energy, it occupies some special part of my brain, maybe it's from the movie Elf the other stuff that she's done I just can't quite square that life with a property brother

You don't think a handsome, rich, successful property brother is like good enough for Zooey Deschanel? Handsome? Well first of all

I guess we know Are they handsome? Thank you Kyle It's amazing when people have name tags on it. It's like a superpower. You guys think that the... Is he a...

Is he... I think they're... Yes, I think they're inarguably handsome. I mean, they might not be to everybody's specific taste. But I think you're putting her in a special

bubble. That is unfair. You're right. And probably misogynistic and a whole bunch of other things. Are you still mad that

she broke up with Ben? Well, I am a little

mad about that. She used to be married to this guy that I used to know, Ben Gibbard from Death Cab for Cutie. And that made sense to me. And also it meant I might have gotten to meet her at some point. That ship sailed. Where's my bell? Yeah. All right. Other famous Quakers. Dave Matthews of the band. Now, I was reading this fun fact during the sound check and rehearsal. And yes, we had a rehearsal. Don't act surprised. Every word I'm saying has been preplanned for months. enough in the fedora and I was reading that Dave Matthews you know his family was originally from South Africa and he came from South Africa according to the internet to avoid the South African military because I guess they have conscription there maybe it would make sense with the Quakerism but John you said no he went to your

high school? Mill school for a year his father worked at IBM in Westchester County in New York and so they lived in Yorktown for at least a year so he's a few years older than me so we didn't cross over but he was there so

was there like was he famous dave matthews yet when you were going to middle school yeah when

i was that age he was like that was like the height of that era unfortunately and whoa easy sorry i mean i meant fortunately and uh my my eldest sister like really loved dave matthews

matthews in high school was it like the dave matthews band room or something did they had Was there like a statue of him?

Oh, at a school? No, it was like one year. Mildred E. Strang Middle School. He was there for a year. That's really, it's not really a good power out. It was just a fact.

Well, I mean, what's the most fun Dave Matthews fact, though, of all time? Oh, poop bridge. Yeah, poop bus. Poop bus. Sorry, Aunt Mary Lou. The Dave Matthews band was driving their tour bus over a bridge in Chicago and for some reason decided that was where they were going to let out the bathroom waste from the tour bus but the bridge was metal grating and so the number two went right through the bridge onto a tour boat of people taking an architecture tour yeah and i think there's a plaque so i was right it's one of the most photographed spots in chicago now

as well it should be i love that the band will take the rap for that for the rest of their lives No one remembers the name of the driver who pulled the lever. It wasn't like Dave was like, hey, I think this would be a good time to let it all out.

You sure?

Yeah.

I'm pretty sure.

That is such a good point. And by the way, that is how it should be.

Yeah, no, correct.

The world is mostly about, you know, the people that didn't do anything good getting credit for something.

Yeah, usually shit rolls downhill in this case.

Yeah.

Other famous Quakers, Richard Nixon Richard Nixon, not doing a lot for the brand Also Kevin Bacon, doing a lot for the brand He found out about his Quaker heritage on the PBS show Finding Your Roots which I would never go on because I do not want to know what is going on in the dark depths of my patronage Joseph Lister, who Listerine is named for was a Quaker. Now, here's what I think is interesting. He looks like a guy from Footloose who is mad about Kevin Bacon getting to dance. Right? Like, he was not excited when Kevin Bacon gave that speech.

This is a weird fact about Listerine. Joseph Lister did not invent Listerine. He just was such a legend in the field of disinfecting that when a different guy in Missouri years later invented Listerine, or invented the thing, he named it Listerine.

I like that there was a time when there were legends of disinfection. I'd go see that, like, rock weekend, you know, like, festival.

Can I ask you guys a question, and I apologize to the podcast-only audience for this one, but when you look at Joseph Lister up there, does he look like a man who has good breath? I don't want to be judgy, but I don't get that from him. He looks like a man who wears a cape.

You don't think his three pipes a day and four shots of brandy gave him the best breath? I'm going to chew on some pebbles before bed. Yes. the thing the guy who invented Listerine in like the 1800s I'm not done with this part of the night a lot of you thought I was going to breeze past the Listerine part, you thought wrong the guy who invented it took the thing and someone tried it and said this is great and they were going to try it for all different kinds of disinfecting, surgical disinfecting, whatever someone was like well why don't we try drinking it and he sold the patent, or he licensed it, and the deal was all of his heirs in perpetuity would get a cut from every bottle of Listerine that was sold, and it's still going on to this day. There is some asshole somewhere getting free money because of Listerine, who did nothing at all to help with it.

That's incredible. That is why our capitalist system is so broken. Yeah. You are in the

right building. Preach, girl.

Yeah, but I will also say that Listerine tastes like something that was not invented to be put in your mouth.

Thank you. What is the longest amount of time you can keep Listerine in? It's probably 20 seconds.

I don't even mess with it. I'm an act girl.

I like it because I feel like I'm punishing my mouth for whatever it is my mouth did. The longer I can keep it in there. I'm sure it's terrible for whatever pH my mouth, you know what I mean, whatever a healthy mouth biome is. It can't be a good thing to just napalm it, and yet I do.

Yeah, I mean, it does. Like, learning that it was invented to disinfect other parts of your body or stove or whatever, like, makes total sense to me. I think it is very consistent with how it tastes. It tastes like some kind of industrial solvent.

There is one last Quaker I want to mention, and this is, I think, probably the most surprising one, which is why we saved it for the end. Lil Jon.

Yeah! Yeah! Okay!

little john is not a quaker but i would like him to be this is me trying to manifest that okay life is long there's still time for little john to uh to become a quaker in this life but anyway those are some famous quakers uh hey let's do some top stories hello and welcome to top story all right our top story obviously uh tonight is that we are here at the friend center and it seemed like an apropos time for me and andrew to get to the bottom of something that we've both been sort of dancing around for a long time for i don't know 4 000 or so episodes which is the question of are we actually even friends

I'll say Andrew being way the hell up there does not feel like we are super close friends.

The optics aren't good here. So what we did was we had Genevieve put together a quiz testing our friendship, or at least how well we know each other.

Yeah, I put together this quiz. It's kind of like a newlywed game style quiz. And I feel a little like a doctor who has to deliver really sobering news to you both, which is to say you guys might not be friends. There's not a ton of overlap here, but we can get into it. You can see where the delta is on this old friendship.

Do I still have a job, Genevieve?

I mean, they're still business partners. I didn't ask those questions.

I was shocked that one of the questions was, what's your favorite place to make whoopee? I got to say.

So wait, Veeze, can we get into the methodology a little bit? Sure, yeah. This is apparently the quiz that is tearing our friendship and business apart.

Yeah, or at least exposing it.

By the way, I need to tell you guys, I spent a lot of money on this costume. close the business down until I reimburse. This is your donations at work. Thank you very much. What's that? I know. What was the methodology of this? What were the, how did you come up with

the questions? Okay. I tried to think of a list of questions about your, your long association with each other that you would both have either a factual answer that you would both know or or an opinion answer that you might both share. So, you know, like, and, you know, I, we all know how the newlywed game was played, right? They would ask a question, like, you know, famously, what's your favorite place to make whoopee? And then Bob Eubanks would, like, one person would answer it, and then the other person would, like, hold up a little slate that saw, you know, see if it's, like, the same answer. So I had Luke and Andrew each fill out in separate documents the answer to the same questions, and then I kind of collated the answers this morning. Okay. And, yeah, and I have to say there's, yeah, there's a little bit of a discrepancy here on a few of them.

Because all of mine are right and his are wrong.

Well, I do, by the way.

How are we doing so far?

I think Andrew has a much better memory than I do for these things.

All right, shall we get into it?

Yes.

All right. So I'll ask the question, and then, I don't know, Andrew, if you want to, like, just say your answer first.

You want to go back and forth maybe? I'll go first this time.

I'll have you go first, and then I'll go. First question was, where did you hold your first TBTL live event together? Andrew, what do you think it was?

I think it was the Vera Project during a Bumbershoot weekend. Now, before we even hear Luke's answer, which might be the same as mine, and I'm not even 100% sure of that, I've got to give Luke a little bit of leeway here because he was doing the show already before I was around, doing a bunch of live shows. So it wouldn't stand out to you as much what my first show with you was. So I'm just giving you some... You're just another pretty face. I'm just another pretty face there, but I think it was the Vera Project during Bumbershoot in Seattle, whatever year that was.

All right, Luke, what did you say it was?

I thought it was, we did a show at the Neptune Theater where Ira Glass was supposed to be a phone-in guest and we could not, for the life of us, get him on the phone. And I was on stage sweating bullets and I thought that was our first show.

That is actually correct, except I wasn't really on that show. I was backstage trying to get Ira Glass on the phone, but I wasn't part of TBTL at the time. I was just a buddy of yours, but I'll take that. In fact, I feel closer to you more than I did a moment ago.

Resolved on a technicality.

Look at that. Look at that. It's the spaces in between where we find commonality.

You know, we're more alike than we are different, Batman. A part of why I remember that too, Andrew, is because you're such a detail-oriented person and you are a really, really, really good radio producer. Co-host, producer. Yeah, no. No, but like I could just, and I had having also been a radio producer for a lot of my career, that feeling when you're trying to call the guest and it's a live show and they're not picking up. And it's Ira Glass. It's Ira Glass. And also we were on stage. It wasn't even like we were at the radio station. It was like, that's like the stuff of nightmares for a radio producer, so I just, I remember just thinking, this wasn't great for us on stage, but it must have been just absolute murder for poor Andrew. Well, the good news is

I still have his number in my phone, so. Yeah, dial him up.

Actually, can we get him right now? All right. All right. So that's like, we got that one right. Yeah,

I mean, ish. Yeah, I don't know, I don't know what Bobby Banks would say. All right, let's go, what was the title of the motivational talk, Luke, that you used to give.

It was called How to Be Unreasonable During Unreasonable Times. And for my family who doesn't know what that's about, I will clarify in a moment.

Andrew, you got super close on this. I was very close. Although in a certain way, you also got it exactly

wrong. I thought you were being reasonable in unreasonable times. Well, Andrew,

that would make more sense when I got laid off from the radio station from doing this and was running out of money I had an agent at the time and the agent said you really should get into giving motivational speeches and I was like all right how hard could that be and he got me a gig with this speaking to this group of bankers in Oregon the Oregon Banking Association I will mention that this was 2008 during an absolute financial collapse in this country, like people with wheelbarrows of money going down the street. It's worth nothing, like losing their houses. The bankers are in like free fall. And I was too lazy to write the speech, so this other agent who was technically the give speech people agent, she wrote. She wrote a speech for me, or here's what she did. She wrote on her website, Luke Burbank will come to your organization and will tell you how to be unreasonable during unreasonable times. She had lifted this from one line I had said in like a Seattle Times interview or something. She had reverse engineered this idea of a speech. It makes no sense. It is a ludicrous concept to walk into a bunch of people that are about to have their houses taken away and go, what you really need to get is unreasonable during these unreasonable times. I attempted to do that. I attempted to give a speech based on that premise, and it was a disaster. And then later, when the agent called me and said, what happened? I go, I don't know. I gave the speech you wanted me to. And she said, they reported that there was a credibility gap. So that's how to be unreasonable during unreasonable times.

Okay. All right. This one is more of an opinion-oriented question. We'll start with Andrew. What was the best piece of TBTL merchandise ever created?

I went with the TBTL. Wait, hold on. John, did you work on the TBTL sound machine?

I was at APM when that happened.

But you weren't a point person. John, what was one that you worked on?

The TBTL Junior Sluggers T-shirts and hats?

I went with the TBTL Junior Sluggers and hats. No, I will be honest. Last night I did say the TBTL sound machine was the first thing that sort of lit me up.

It's very cool, and that was a former colleague, Sarah, who made that happen. She was awesome. That was pretty

amazing, yeah. But we've had a lot of great

stuff. I wrote, and I can explain this, the TVTL lunchboxes, and here's why. Yes, they were a major flop at first. Yes, they did not look anything like we thought they were going to look, and many people, when they got them, immediately threw them in the garbage. That all happened. Yes, we had hundreds, if not thousands, of extra ones, which we brought to my parents basement these are all real things but in the most tbtl of ways when we made it a thing for the 4000th episode and people were starting to send them across the country to people who didn't get one at the time and like i just saw one on my friend evan's like instagram he was just driving his dog somewhere it was just like in the truck with them and like it's so tbtl to me because it's something that seemed like a terrible idea but it somehow became this whole other thing due to all the cool people that are part of TVTL. And so I think of it as a sort of a fable, a lesson. It's almost like

the core of being unreasonable in unreasonable times. Well, that's it.

It was a very unreasonable thank you.

Can I just jump in real quick? I was not at APM when that lunchbox was a failure, but I was with you guys when it was a success.

Mom, how many lunchboxes do you still have at your house? How many lunchboxes do you still have at your and dad's house?

Maybe it doesn't.

Maybe it doesn't, okay.

That's really impressive. It's like the Willy Wonka.

Yeah.

It's like the Willy Wonka movie of TBTL merch.

Thank you for connecting it.

It just took a while. It took a while. To find its audience.

It had a long tail that we just couldn't have known.

Yeah.

Okay, so we got that one wrong.

Yeah, you're going to get them all wrong. Just spoiler alert.

I got to tell you, this thing is itchy. And it doesn't come with an undershirt. Yeah, for the listeners. My hairless chest.

For the listeners, he's scratching his doublet.

Do you guys have any chest hair, Mike and Tim? Double it. Is this a Kelly thing? Let's compare notes later. I'm one of the most non-Hersuit adult males ever, and I have two of my actual cousins here. We could do a comparison later. Not for all of you freaks. I mean, in the privacy of... Oh, no, really? That's classic Mike Horger for you. All right.

All right. How many pets have Luke and Andrew owned between them? Total pets. Andrew, you want to take a stab at this?

Yeah, I'll go first, although, again, I don't know why I'm giving Luke so much leeway. I feel like this is a tough one because I don't think Luke knows about all of my pets, but here's how I counted them out. But I'll start with Luke's first. The first one that I can think of is Flea, Pagoda, Momo, Rudy, then Bubbles. Then I had the cats Fred and Ethel. Yeah, Ethel. That's the one you didn't know about. You thought I just had a cat named Fred. No, it was Fred and Ethel. Alex, Theo, Professor of Bananas, and Bingo. So I have 11 total between the two of us.

I thought we were only answering pets that we've had during the time of knowing each other because I thought you wouldn't know about Harvey the gerbil that I brought home See I didn't know about that Remember that one Ma? So I was trying to contain it to a knowable time period us, and so I had, of course, Theodore, Professor, and now Bingo, and then I had from, like, at that time, Rudy, Olive the cat, now Bubbles the cat. I did add also, so I had four animals while Andrew's known me. How many animals have I lost custody of while Andrew's known me?

Four. Yes. I also was very tempted to include Shop Cat, but I didn't. I felt like, how can you own a Shop Cat, you know?

Aw, yeah. Good old Shop Cat.

all right all right what was the scariest event you guys have been on a lot of adventures in your in your many fundraising endeavors uh what was the scariest adventure that you ever had together

luke when i'll start with you well i i don't know if scariest is the right way to describe it but i was the most nervous when we did the show in australia at that bar where a guy had been recently abducted and murdered um but not because allegedly not because i thought we were going to get abducted and murder but because it was just embarrassing to do the show in front of a bunch of australian rednecks and i was doing the show so quietly and like whispering the whole time like the whole point was to go to this bar and do the show and i was very uh very very uncomfortable and maybe like five percent scared because i didn't want to give someone the wrong idea and have them come up and try to start trouble yep that was my answer and then you also noted that

you thought for andrew it might have been the time of being on your roof i would assume i mean

And that's, like, I saw you get the fear. We did the show from my roof once because the Blue Angels were flying over. And I didn't know you as well then, Andrew. I didn't. One of the things that I genuinely admire about you is that you've got some pretty solid boundaries. Now I know what they are because I've just known you for so long. But back then I thought, like, hey, Andrew, you should get out on this roof with zero railing and just hang out. That'll be fun. I did not realize how much of a hard pass you are on that.

And now look at him. He's way up in a balcony. Look at me.

Dressed like Count Chocula.

Look at me now. I was really stuck between my love of airplanes and my fear of heights, I think, and my love of TBTL. So, yeah, that started off fun, and then the fear got me. But that is not what I put down as the scariest adventure of TBTL. I put down hitchhiking. I remember standing on the, before we got our first ride, just standing in the middle of nowhere on the side of the road. Denver, Iowa. Denver, Iowa. Just being like, well, looks like the sun's going to go down pretty soon.

You know how like your phone does that thing where it just resurfaces a photo randomly, often of an ex, at the perfect time? I have this one of you Andrew hitchhiking like that I must have taken to put on Facebook or something but you look adorable and I noted that you had I think we were trying to get to Memphis you had written these little musical notes on your side like we're going to Memphis and then like in case you don't know it's the music city right a couple of treble clefs to indicate and I forgot about that it's a great picture

yeah I forgot but you You know, I didn't, did we have a conversation about this at the time, though, that it seemed like we were musicians trying to make our way? I thought I, didn't I try, I thought I tried to draw something that indicated podcasting. No, I drew a, that's what it was. I think I drew a microphone, right? Wasn't that what it was? Because I was like, we're podcasters. But everybody just thought we were just going to make our, make our way as musicians in Memphis. All right.

All right, who, this is, this is a big one because you did both get this one, the same answer. Oh, phew. Who was the best boss that TBTL ever had? Come on.

That's, I mean, I have a question, Lee. I had this drop ready to go, right? Steve Nelson. God, I wish he were alive to hear this.

It's a longer drop than I thought it was. We both wrote down Steve Nelson. Oh, Steve Nelson, yeah, absolutely.

He was the only boss we ever had who even moderately enjoyed the show.

Yeah. I mean, is he the only person who hired us knowing what he was getting into? Yes. Like, he's the only one who knew what the show was and still said, yes, we want this.

He did. He heard the show, he hired us, and then he immediately changed jobs. Yeah, that he said. He went to, like, work for Tom Brady or something. I believe his exact words were, I've made a huge mistake. Yeah, that's where we get the drop from. That's right. Now, when we were playing this Steve Nelson El Ropo audio drop, It reminded us of the days of the El Ropo magician at the Magic Castle. And I will just mention, as I was telling Vives earlier, there is a new reality show coming out about the Magic Castle, and El Ropo is in the promos. And we have to, I mean, honestly, I think you and Andrew get some real credit for injecting El Ropo into the discourse.

I think so, too. I think it was us who discovered him and then TBTL who made him famous.

Did we ever hear if El Ropo ever heard about us obsessing over him the way we did?

I'm not sure. I don't know that that is the case. Although, I've got to give El Ropo some credit for just being out there because I remember a colleague who had no idea we had a connection to El Ropo from Minnesota reached out to me and said, Hey, I heard you went to the Magic Castle one time. I'm in contact with a guy named El Ropo who says he can get me into it. So, like, he's out there. He's in the zeitgeist, man.

He's making his own way. He's about to get even bigger once this reality show

comes off. We knew him when he was just a little robo. Okay, we've got a couple more. Which drop is most associated with Andrew? Luke, I want you to go first.

Okay, I think I picked the wrong one. In my mind, it's this weird sound that Andrew once made, which we call them our supial gurgle. Sounds like that. I mean, that's what I think of. I mean, it's called on my computer, Andrew Weird Sound. That is what it is called. Can we have one file named that?

Can I, I don't know if this will work for the podcast, audience, just top of your head, what drop do you think is most associated with me? Go. Perfect. Yeah, wow, that worked. That worked. I heard none of that. Just crystal clear.

Yes. I heard Andrew's answer out there, though. Andrew said

tall ships. Yeah, definitely. He may be best known for his depictions of the tall ships, capturing their grace and power.

I thought that was going to be unanimous with the possible exception of the New Hampshire, but that was getting a little bit old.

Well, this was the other thing during soundcheck that I thought was pretty fun, Andrew, was you and Genevieve were reflecting on the fact that this drop, this weird-ass thing, this tall

ship. He may be best known for his depictions of the tall ships, capturing their grace

and power. That is just a thing a guy said when you were working in New Hampshire Public Radio that just stuck with you. No, no, this

is a guy I worked with. I kind of worked on this show for a little bit. I knew this man very, very well. Genevieve, can I tell this story in the Quaker Hall about the weirdest John Walters moment? Please.

Are you sure? It's a winner, yeah.

Luke, do we have earmuffs for your more sensitive family members? Sorry, it might get a little rough.

It's worth it.

John was a really good guy, and I don't want to tell too many tales out of school here, but he had a show that was based on sort of interviewing people and kind of drawing the most out of them, and it was kind of interesting because he had a lot of skills, but one of them was not drawing the most out of people. He was a very...

Not a natural conversationalist.

Not a natural conversationist. He was a very awkward sort of looming fella who would rock back and forth while he was talking to people.

Like a guy in a Dracula suit up and about. Yeah.

And he was an awkward, like kind of tall presence. And one time we were having an obligatory birthday celebration in the New Hampshire Public Radio break room. And it was during the time when people were getting those custom birthday cakes with like kind of a film on top that would have like a photo of somebody or something. I think it was my friend Shea's birthday. There's a photo of Shea on it. But when you cut into the cake, that top part sort of came off as a film, right? And this is a man who I'd never heard say anything even close to sexual or inappropriate in his life. But we're just standing in this office room and he just puts it up to his mouth and he says, huh, like edible panties.

He may be best known for his depictions of the tall ships, capturing their grace and power. That was before the Me Too movement.

And all the women's ovaries dropped out of their body.

100%. It was an astounding moment that will live forever, at least in my memory. All right, any others?

All right, what drop is most associated with Luke? And now, Andrew, what did you say? I mean, this one is tough because... Luke is all things to all people. Because Luke is all things

to all people. I think of Luke plays his own drops, and there are drops he plays at the beginning of the show to say I just couldn't think of what is associated with him as a person as opposed to the show. So I punted. I said let the fun begin. I do play that a lot. Let the fun begin. Okay, I got some people backing me up on that one.

But Luke, you had a different answer.

Well, this isn't the drop I play the most, but it's the most associated with my lived experience, which is George Brett asking, when's the last time you shit your pants? When was the last time you sh**ed your pants? Been a while? So that's what I put down. Huh. I hadn't even heard that drop in so long. Yeah, again, I...

I guess I didn't really answer the question properly. It's not the one I play

the most, but it's the one I identify with the most. Hey, Luke, you know what would really strengthen our friendship? If we both blame Genevieve for that question. Can we together turn on her?

That's fine. My enemy's enemy is my co-host tonight. Mom, do you remember, I mean there's no way you could have me coming home. I had gone to the Mariners game with the Fulmers and me coming home and taking a shower at 11.30 at night, which is not really my scene. Because I had an accident, that's right. But I can't imagine I told you that. My memory of it is I got home and I was like, I probably hit a shower before bed. Yeah, well that's what that was, yeah. And that's where this drop comes from. When was the last time you shit your pants? Been a while?

Alright. One more question.

Okay.

What was the original mission statement of TBCL as conceived by Jen Flash

Andrews? Tell me we got this one right. Luke, what did you say? I put down curing global loneliness.

Andrew, what did you say?

I got get rich or die trying. And you're both right. Hold off and you shit your pants. Alright. And we both got that one right? Well, I literally sent in to get rich or die trying, but I knew what we were going for.

I mean, I have to say, just getting to be here with all of you, and a lot of you came from far away and stuff, and we had such a great time with the TV telethon and stuff, the idea that this show is connecting people and trying to help, in a very small way, cure a loneliness that a lot of us feel, I feel really happy to get to be a part of that. So thank you all for being here. Yes, that's good. We are, we of course are here in Philadelphia, PA, which is not where I was born, but where I was invented. If you catch my drift. And we would be remiss if we came to Philadelphia and we did not talk to one of the great Philly experts of our time. Please welcome my mom, Susie Burbank.

You want to do your dance? You want to do your line dance?

Can you do it, Amory Lou?

Okay, this is the Can't Hurry Love line dance. This is going to work great as a podcast. Okay, do the move, Mom.

Gotta trust, give it time, no matter how long it takes. But how many heartaches must I stand before I find the love

to let me live again?

Right now, the only thing that keeps me hanging on when I feel my strength. Yeah, it's almost gone. I remember Mama said, no.

All right. Woo! All right. So is it safe to say you've come out of your shell?

That's just what I needed to come out of my shell.

Just imagine my mom and, like, three of my sisters just trailing, doing that dance all at the same time. It's super great. Right. Taught my daughters, yeah. Mom, welcome to TBTL. Thank you, Luke. Okay, so let's just get right to it. You sent this text to the Hawk Squad about what you were excited to talk about tonight, which was not in my plans or on my script. One second. But you really want to talk about it, and I have it here, but I want you to unpack this. You said, I'm going to Luke's gig, and I'm going to mention that I was not a natural nurturer, but how everything changed when Luke was born. And I plan to mention that to all of you, including Matthew, who is my little brother, your son, who passed away, and who would be, is today the day?

His birthday is today.

Wow. September 28th. Wow, way to bring the mood up.

Yeah, I know. That's what I didn't want to do. Oh, okay. put it down her but here's the deal I'm wearing this little necklace it says mama and a friend of mine was really good and crafty you know and I asked him to make it Peter Steinle and it has the birthstone eight of them starting with Luke all the way and Matthew's in there too people who don't know me can you hear me okay they say oh you have like you've had eight kids or seven kids, because, you know, Matthew's in heaven. You've got all these kids, and I'd be like, oh, you must have just been such a nurturer. And I said, no way. Because my mom died when I was six. My sister Mary Lou was three. never really learned those things. You know, my sister Kathy was 10, my brother Chuck, seven and a half. And we never really learned mothering, nurturing. So I would babysit only if the kids were in bed, good food in the fridge, and don't ask me to do anything. Don't ask me to, you know, change a diaper or give them a bath. I'll peek in on them, make sure they're still sleeping I was the opposite of nurturing and then weird and then this little bundle of joy came along it's amazing that I know I'm all it's going to come up like all huffy because I was doing that can't hurry love dance anyway um yeah something happened something happened not so much when I knew I was having you but when you were born like people say oh what was the biggest adjustment in your life it wasn't from six to seven or five to six it was from zero to one you mean that changed my life when you were born when when big time when you were holding me

in your arm when you were holding me in your arms did you think this guy is gonna host a podcast someday?

I knew you were smart. So maybe I thought you were going to be a doctor, a lawyer,

you know? Well, Mom, let's talk about Philly because we're here in Philly. How did your life change when you won the Mayfield Canball Championship and were written

up in the local paper? Well, first of all, it was Vaughn Hurst. It was Vaughn Hurst. You got it pretty close, yeah. Okay. I was eight years old and I had good aim. What is Canball? Canball is basketball on the ground, basically. The cans, It's a trash can, a trash can. You throw it in, you go back step, throw it in, back, throw it in, all the way to like 20 steps. It's a pretty good distance. So I practiced and practiced and practiced at this like recreation summer school. And then I got my name in the paper, the local paper, of course, that I beat, I'm only eight years old, Susan Kelly, only eight years old, beat 12 and 13 year olds in the Cam Ball Tournament Championship. I was so proud. yeah it took it didn't take too much for me to be proud but yeah just because i didn't i didn't really i wasn't a big accomplisher you know what i'm saying so i think that when i had my first and then i continued to have a family i felt like i could accomplish here i could

accomplish you know what was the um worst job you had in philadelphia oh boy probably landis shoes

pretty bad. What was so bad

about Landa's shoes? Okay, so my dad

got me the job. Bless his heart. He was a millinery salesman, okay? So that means he would buy hats and pocketbooks. We call them pocketbooks. What are you? Well, I'm in Philly. Hello! But they call them purses out west.

These people are all from Seattle. Some are, I guess. Eight people from Philly, you guys.

But he would buy these hats and pocketbooks and sell them. He was like the middleman. He'd go to New York and get them, and then he'd sell them to shoe stores back then. We're really big with having matching, like you bought your shoes, and then the purse. I could, you know, oh, this matches your blue shoes or whatever. So I was behind the counter. My dad got me the job. It was brutally boring. It consisted of all retired old men who didn't really want to stop working, so they were hired on commission at Landis Shoes. So there's a little bell that would ring. It was on Frankfurt. And there was a little bell that would ring when you came in the door, and they would leap to the customer to get the commission. And I'd be behind the counter. And when they brought the shoes up, oh, would you like a bag? Would you like a pocketbook to go with it? Oh, my gosh, I hated it. but I loved my dad too much to act ungrateful. I used to cry on the 59 bus on Castro Avenue going to Land of Shoes. Cry. That's how much I hated the job.

That's like Andrew before every episode of TBTL. That's right.

Yeah. But I had so much love for my dad, I would never like act ungrateful.

But that was, you're saying that was worse than your job at the Mafia Cafe where your life was in danger at all times? And why they named it Mafia Cafe, we'll never know. that's a weird name

well we're in Philly but Vassalo is the name the Italian name yeah I hated that one too I hated work call me Maynard G. Krebs you know

yes I was going to say it a timely pop culture reference

I hated to work part time there was no future there

so you worked at this place that was like probably organized crime and you would have to bring over the drinks and you'd be like shaking well because I was

the mic steady boyfriend's father owned the restaurant, little cafe. And yeah, but they would, him and his brothers, Kurt's uncles, would all sit around all like, sort of like whispering, you know. They were definitely godfather-ish. And I'd come over with like the coffee and I'd have to pour it. And then Kurt, the boyfriend's father, would say, yeah, thanks Nellie. He called me Nervous Nellie. And I was like, you're the one making me nervous. I was so nervous because there was all this secret stuff going on. Stuff happened later on down the road.

Yeah.

Yeah, probably never heard of a salad. Probably not. Long gone.

So, Mom, if I understand this right, the kind of household that you grew up in, you guys ate, each night of the week you would eat the same thing, depending on the night of the week. What was the best thing?

I wish my sister Kathy was here because all she had to say was, oh, Dad, this is good. And then it was locked in. It could be like pork roll. I meant you probably like pork roll. I hate pork roll.

I don't think anyone here has heard of pork roll. I think that the FDA shut that down sometime in the 80s.

But my dad would try different things, you know? So we'd have pork roll. And my stepmom, she couldn't cook worth a lick, you know?

Okay, we're not litigating this again, Uncle Chuck. not having the great meatloaf discussion of 86 so anyway it would be like all my sister kath would have and you know she was always like she enjoyed her food what can i say but mom mom mom mom mom i just was trying to find out you didn't like the pork roll that was your least favorite oh my gosh

it gagged me no the worst was my dad would do dinner saturday night she he called them pigs in a blanket. They were hot dogs, the cheapest brand.

Wrapped in bacon. Not those high quality hot dogs.

The cheapest bacon. And not really cooked. The bacon was not really cooked. And he was so proud of it. Every Saturday night. I mean every. And he'd be like, so, you know, or he'd call everybody to dinner. This was his night to make the dinner. And I'd be eating it. And the next, that night, Saturday night, when I was a teenager, I would go to Jardell Dance. I'd be like trying to eat it and trying to sneak like I wasn't going to eat it and hide it with a napkin or something but I'd try to get it down and sure enough I'd have diarrhea the entire night and that's the worst thing to have when you're

on a dance. You could say it runs in the family. You can't do kid and hurry love I could if my computer hadn't shut down I would play that George Brett audio again Ma Ma, what is one thing that anyone who comes to Philadelphia should try to do before we have a lot of people that are visiting to come to the show what's something definitely get a soft pretzel get it when it's just soft

they still have guys on the corner right definitely a soft pretzel my uncle Owen used to sell them remember? really? he'd bring them to resurrection the catholic school you could buy them a strip, a penny a piece but they were smaller but hey if you had a nickel you got a lot of treat there five pretzels but um but yeah a soft pretzel and i have to say cheesesteaks are a little disappointing nowadays

really i know i'm sorry i don't mean to offend anybody called angelo's and it's got to be a

pizza steak smothered in onions okay or a cheesesteak with sauce and onions you know either way but um last couple cheesesteaks i had they were good and i was hungry i scarfed it but it wasn't like ah the best thing i ever ate and i used to rave about cheesesteaks so what need to

get a good one what's the what's the best tasty cake definitely the peanut butter tandy take 100

peanut butter crimp it absolutely no doubt a little strip of peanut butter what do you like

a butter scotch crimp it yeah oh wait that's what i thought you i thought those were the same thing

No, this is the little tasty cake.

Oh, no, I'm team Butterscotch Crimpit all the way.

Yeah, yeah, I know you're into the Butterscotch Crimpit.

This is going to tear us apart. And we're here at the Friends Center, you guys. Keep it friendly. Mom, one last question. You know, you, well, I was going to ask you what neighborhood I was conceived in, but I don't want to put you on the spot. You moved with me in utero out to California, so I ended up having this whole different life. What do you think, what if we would have stuck around Philly? Do you think I would have been a different person? Do you think I would dress like this all the time, just as a Philadelphian?

I thank God that what happened when it happened. Because moving out to California and having you out there surrounded by the people that were so loving toward me really helped me adjust to being a single mom. I really had no regrets. Zero regrets.

Really?

Thank you.

Well, I appreciate you, Mom, being really brave because a lot of people in your situation, a very young woman who's pregnant, would not move across the country to find a whole new life for themselves at a religious commune, which would later be shut down by the police. That's not true.

Yeah.

That is not true. Did you say yet?

I said, yeah. Well, there was like this voice in the middle of the night. I don't want to get too like out there, but there was definitely a voice that urged me in the middle of the night to go.

Well, I'm glad you did it, Mom, because it made me who I am, and I'm only this person because of you.

And listen, when you hear Luke, he embellishes. When he says stuff about me, it's not the full truth.

Mom, I'm really sorry to tell you we're out of time for this segment.

Susie Burbank, everyone, my own mother. Thanks, guys.

all right we're getting towards the end of this here um normally at the end of the show we do a little uh email and v-mail segment but we thought because we're all here with you and uh because this like the quaker tradition is to get up and and share we thought if you wanted to ask us a question if you wanted to i don't know say something about what you like about the tens community or i don't know just tell us a joke anything you want to do we're going to turn the mic over to you for uh just a few minutes here and then we're all going to go where are we going

vives yeah so we we have a gathering spot for an after party uh i encourage you all to join us we would love to see you there please join us at the mulberry it is at 1835 arch street it's a real quick walk from here it's like i don't know five or six minutes uh walking walking from here 1835 Art Street. I will just note, and I'm going to try to get there ahead of you guys, so walk slow, I'll walk fast. We have reserved kind of the back half of the downstairs. What we did was promise them that we could all spend a certain amount of money together. Help us spend that money or we will be on the hook for it personally. And then I have to drink it. Which, by

the way, happened at the end of my last wedding, and yes, I have to specify which wedding I'm talking about my most recent wedding. We had a certain bar tab we were supposed to hit. Right, a consumption tab. And we insanely did not hit it. And that was when Camaro Kev rolled up. And that's why I can't take Uber anymore.

Yes. Long story short. And I mean, I do mean a long story. So, yeah. So what I would ask you all to do is go behind the velvet rope where you belong. Please order from the servers that are designated as our servers so that everything that goes towards the TBTL after party is accruing towards our consumption tab. And please and thank you.

Yes, all right. Before we get out of here, anybody want to... You're drinking for me, too, don't forget. What's that? You're drinking for me, too, so I'm not going to be there, so you've got to drink extra for me. That's all. Sorry to interrupt. Oh, I didn't mean that as a pity party. I just hadn't talked in a while, and, you know, if I'm not talking, who am I? Sorry, Luke, go ahead.

anybody have a question or a comment or anything before we get out of here hey come on hey you come on up it's Mellie wait you gotta say another microphone

I know but this is so far away

just move it there you go just slide it over

but I'm facing the wrong way now

okay well then take it off the stand

I'm not gonna fuck with it Okay.

We got this whole way without the F word in front of my

sainted Aunt Mary Lou. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm from New York. Okay, that's fair. You're from Staten Island, too. Yeah. You're from really New York, New York. So we really, yeah, we really, we, anyway. I just wanted to ask how many people here are card senders? Yay! Yay! Okay, great. It's so good to see you guys. I love you so much. That's all I wanted to say. Thank you, Mel. For those of you

for those of you who don't know there's a card exchange that goes on with the listeners sending each other holiday cards and other things just because it's fun to get a card and not everybody does that so it's like a really great it's kind of to this mission of this show of you know trying to help build friendships and connections and I say this on the program a lot just during the normal show but you know we me and Andrew and John in particular we're kind of passengers now on this thing we make this show but everyone just listens to enough of the show so they have an excuse to go to the Facebook page and talk to their real friends about whatever it is they want to talk to so we're just like really grateful to be along for the ride because this thing has now taken on a life of its own that's far outside of us and you all here are a testament to that so thank you anybody else any last questions comments okay welcome Am I considering we're

Returning the costume? Yes. Did Amazon say no returns? Also yes.

But you, Luke, you've got away.

I left the protective underwear patch in. I mean, that's something.

Michelle McNally here.

Hey, Michelle.

So during the thon, you said if I sent you a text message, you'd answer it. I'm waiting. Did you send a text message to my phone?

My real phone? Or is it the show text message?

I don't have your real phone number. None of us do. And you never will.

That might have gone to, we have a text line.

Yeah, we have a text line. Do you want me to look up? Here, I can probably look this up. What was the text message that you sent?

Who knows? It was so long ago, but he had an answer. Oh, but you just feel like, okay, okay, I see.

Let me just make sure I understand this. You flew to Philadelphia to make sure that I was aware that we did not respond to the text message. We broke our promise, our text message promise.

You know, I flew to Philadelphia to see your mother. Yeah.

All right, we will dig that text out, Michelle, and we'll respond, or I'll respond to you at the next location. All right, one more before we get out here. Hello. Hi, guys.

Hi. Harrison.

Where are you from?

Fairfax. Nice. Virginia. So not too far away.

Well, thank you for coming down to Philly from Fairfax, Virginia. Yeah, absolutely.

So I don't want to make this like a roasting session, but about five years ago, my fiancé at the time and I decided to get married at a Quaker camp, not but a stone's throw from here. And the Hermanos here were in New York on the East Coast, and so we felt we'd be remiss if we didn't include you, and so my dear wife invited you to our wedding. Me? Do you know where the invite was sent? Yeah, you got it and you responded and it was very kind, but I was just wondering if you maybe regretted that now and wanted

to wish us maybe a happy anniversary. I absolutely do. I've only been to one other Quaker wedding and I thought it was one of the most lovely things

I'd ever been to. Well, it wasn't actually a Quaker wedding and I have it on good authority from my uncle who audits weddings of family members that there was no religion in it whatsoever. He said a lot of people try to keep God out of the wedding, but he always finds his way in. But he said in ours, he wasn't there at all. And he was really proud of us.

Wow. And dare I ask, are you still married? She's right here.

Hey! And she was born in Camden. She's lived in Philly. She's a Philly girl, so it's easy to convince her to come down.

What's your favorite tasty cake? Butterscotch crimpet. Thank you. Obviously. I just want to say, Harrison, that you didn't need me at that wedding. I'm a real Jonah. I don't know if you've heard of my track record. Not great. Well, so maybe thank you for not coming. Exactly. That's my gift to you. Thanks, Harrison. Okay. Anybody else? Oh, all right. Come on up. Sure. Hi. Hello. What's your name? Danny. Oh, hey, Danny. How are you? Good. Get closer to the microphone. Sorry. I don't do microphones. That's good.

So, since I'm not going to get to meet Andrew after the show, I had a couple questions I wanted to ask. One question I wanted to ask. Did you know Rick Ganley when you were at NHPR?

Rick Ganley?

Yeah.

He was the one who... No, I did not. Sorry.

Okay. But I also want to say I really love when you talk about Concord because every time I drive by the main element or the Burlington factory or, you know, places that I know you went, I really do feel a connection to you guys.

Oh, thanks. Danny, before you go... You were also there. We need to have a real understanding here. Before you go back to New Hampshire, nothing I said about John Walters and the edible panties comment goes back to New Hampshire with you. Play it cool, Danny. That was just for this room only, okay?

But I have to say, your friend Josh is amazing on NHPR.

Oh, yeah, he's the best, yeah.

All right, thanks, Danny. Okay, all right, last one.

Hi there.

I'm Wendy Adams from Harrisburg, Pennsylvania.

Hi, Wendy. I'm going to Harrisburg on Monday. I'll see you there. Wait, can you get a little closer to the microphone?

Yeah, I live really close to the Capitol. Where are you going to be?

I'm going to be at this odd thing in Harrisburg, PA, which is when musicians are about to go out on their big national tour, they go rehearse in Harrisburg, PA. There are these huge sound stages. So I'm doing the story about a singer named Maggie Rogers, and she's about to go on this big tour, and she's rehearsing. We're also then going to do a story at some point about the sound stages of Harrisburg PA because like Beyonce practices. H-back, is that where you're going?

H-back?

I don't know. I haven't looked at the email.

I just know it's in Harrisburg. Well, anyway, I'm having a proud spouse moment. I'd like to give a shout-out to my husband,

Eric Adams. Wait, wait, get closer.

My husband, Eric Adams, who designed the TBTL logo. Oh, nice.

We love that shirt. Nice job, Eric. Thank you.

All right. That is going to do it for the show. Thank you, everyone, for coming. Hopefully we can see you all just down the road at Mulberry. And yeah, I just want to say thanks again for supporting TVTL and making this thing possible for all these years. It's really kind of a miracle. And I really thank you for staying the whole show. I really appreciate it.

All right. Thanks, everybody. Thanks for listening. Get home to wherever you're going safe. And please remember, no mountain too tall. And good luck to all. Thank you.