Muse

Hi. I don't recall ever seeing you in here.

Well, maybe it's because it's my first time in here. That's right, my mom used to do all my laundry, but I do now. I'm what you call San's parents. Oh. I can go to a movie on a school night like that.

Well, welcome to the neighborhood. What's your name?

Garth, Garth Algar, what's yours?

I'm Honey, Hornet.

Oh, okay, Miss Hornet.

Would you like to have dinner some night?

Oh, I like to have dinner every night. TBTL.

Guess what day it is. Guess what day it is. It's Friday, Friday. Okay, gonna get down on Friday. Everybody's looking forward to the weekend. I am not gonna talk about myself. I'm gonna talk about you. And if I talk about you, I think I'm gonna talk about me.

Beware of things that cost $1.99. Those are the membership dues for this club that I joined. The Columbia House Music Club. Turns out, that wasn't really even a club. It was just a business for making money. Although it is how I found my favorite band, various artists of the 80s.

Oh, I see. Dirty monkey not okay, but dirty monkey dance? I could really use a win here!

Well, alright. Hello, good morning, and welcome everyone to a Friday edition of TBTL, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. Indeed, Queen. My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host.

No you don't, Oprah.

Coming to you, once again, from beautiful Chicago, Illinois, where it is an absolutely stunning fall day, blue skies, light breeze off of Lake Michigan.

I'm sorry, I'm tan. I like to be tan. It just feels good.

It is the perfect environment for us to bring you episode 4,000 to 300. That is, 4,328 in a collector series. Let the fun begin. And I just didn't think I'd be saying this again this week. But we've got more information for you. Can you verify? Can you give me some 411? Regarding these statues that have been going up around America. The first one we saw was in D.C. on the National Mall. It was a desk with a big poop emoji on it. And it was basically a satirical comment on the January 6th insurrection. Then a tiki torch went up. Another satirical comment on that whole situation in Charlottesville. and now they've gone up in portland and philadelphia and they're coming down that is to say people have stolen them destroyed them defaced them they're missing now this is why we can't have nice things so we will dig into that story a little bit also i went to a spirit halloween here in chicago yesterday at like just before 6 p.m on halloween and it was literally a major disaster i saw things i can't unsee but i will put that evil inside all of you and at least inside of your minds here on this friday edition of the show coming up first though we got to say hi to this guy longest running co-bro of the show may be best known for his depictions of the tall ships um i'm his best friend also co-boss and he's known as andrew walsh and he's joining me

right now good morning my friend good morning luke can i say something you absolutely can in

fact if you didn't it would be a it would be a weird show and a quick hr meeting about level

setting and goals and expectations no no we set the levels before the show we did a whole sound test um i just heard that tape from not wayne's world but wayne's world 2 i believe i grabbed that somewhat randomly today it was a mix that i'd made about a year ago probably after watching wayne's world 2 that's that's my guess there either way i did grab it somewhat randomly and in a hurry today but as i was listening to it just now it occurred to me that it ties into an observation i had yesterday which is we've been talking a lot about people's halloween costumes for the past several weeks you and i leading up to halloween have been trying to predict what would be in the zeitgeist this year i will say i saw at least at least four different wayne and garth costumes in my timeline over the past couple of days i don't know if you've seen the same as well so i saw some kids dressed up like wayne and garth i saw some adults dressed up that way Thank you.

There's something about there's just that just hit this year perfectly for people who maybe came of age with that show and that those movies.

I'm saying I haven't seen as much Wayne's World stuff, but I'm seeing a lot of other stuff that was even in like the TBTL zeitgeist at the beginnings of this show. So we're going back, you know, 15 years. I mentioned yesterday to you and Veeves the idea of maybe dressing up as the little bacon kid. The bacon is good for me. and he um so i saw a lot of little bacon kids and it's like oh yeah i mean maybe again that may just be my the pristine nature of my for you page on tiktok it's it's elegantly manicured but i saw at least five and it was typically women which kind of added a funny layer to the whole thing but like with the little kind of like you know page boy wig or whatever and the shirt and the like what none of them had that i thought was the key to playing little bacon is you need a small rolling

suitcase yeah right if you remember he forgot the constantly threatening to run away like i think

having bacon is that's that's a mistake you know because the thing is he doesn't have oh well no

he's exactly he's little bacon but like yeah he doesn't have bacon he does have a suitcase and he

does have a motivation to leave exactly that's to me that's the key prop that many of these folks were missing but they were all young people and there's also a lot of shrek this year which again i think is a nostalgia play for a lot of people maybe in their late 20s and 30s so it is interesting how something would be uh so i guess maybe the point is that you'll finally get your

ray gun andrew in 15 years oh i saw another ray gun today no no there's for for those who are saying that i was all and i don't i don't know who these people are but for those who are saying i was wrong about ray gun man check your back at the haters i am clapping back at the haters on this Friday check your feeds I've I saw another one yesterday somebody I think it was maybe even our friend Katie Beck was posting photos and videos from her workplace and um there was a Wednesday Adams featured prominently and a a ray gun dancing across the floor I have to give my friend uh CBS

producer and all-around man of arts and leisure young Kim credit he went as Wednesday Adams and he has very long hair um um and uh which i've mentioned before like i mean young is one of the more striking people that i've seen in my life he has a very unique look he's a very sort of stylish guy but it'll be so funny because we'll be in like way deep rural somewhere like we went to that marbles tournament in tennessee oh yeah and it's just it's just it's just like not a bunch of folks who have experienced like a 6'1 korean american dude with like a very sort of stylized mustache and a long sweeping hair who's maybe wearing some sort of either traditional garb or high fashion like it's just the most and young the thing about young is that he's just comfortable anywhere he goes and even though he's often unlike any person the people we're talking to have experienced and uh but anyway because he's got this beautiful long hair uh he was when is Wednesday Adams and it was perfect like the braids and he did this funny reveal on Instagram where he was standing in kind of a sort of adams family-esque hallway and but his back is to the camera and the camera's pushing up on him and then you turn it turns around and it's mr young kim and he's got the full it was a i was i was like can i grow my hair out in time for next year to be wednesday adams and then i realized probably the the mood will have passed everyone by that point now we

are here talking about halloween perfect transition into a story you want to tell here at the top of the show that is halloween related but i am not going to allow that to happen i will not allow a seamless conversational transition to happen on this show are you saying are you saying you

you you have real questions about a seamless transition of this conversation i don't know what you're talking about i said i was gonna stop andrew i said i was gonna i said maybe i was gonna step back from the political news continuum yeah and then this morning on my run i just mainlined maybe the most anxiety producing daily i've listened to in months which was Jim Rutenberg on the move to decertify elections and the very real inroads that election denialists have made. And I was just I was somewhere near Soldier Field or whatever they call that now on Lake Michigan. And I was just like, do I just do I walk into the lake? Do I just walk into the lake and just, you know, like let somebody else handle this mess?

But all that is I found myself just dip not not mainlining that kind of analysis, but just dipping my toes back into some just like what you would just think of as just like, you know, your morning cup of cup of coffee and news and found myself spinning real hard on more like somewhat superficial things that I'm not even going to get into here. But but just spinning, spinning, spinning towards potentially non-freedom, as they once almost said in The Simpsons. Here's what I was going to do, though.

When you were mentioned, so again, I don't trust a seamless transition into more Halloween talk. I'm going to yank us so far to the left here, but I'm hoping or to the right. This is not political, but I'm going to yank this conversation away from you because I think it might give you an opportunity to explain a pop culture slash sports phenomenon to me in a way that we'll all find entertaining. But I'm hoping that you know what this is about. when you started setting up the story about your colleague's Wednesday Addams costume and you started saying it was somebody you work with at CBS, I thought you were going to be talking about somebody else you work with at CBS, our friend John, whom I've met in person but mostly know through our Fun Living Criminals. It's Return to Glory, the Fun Living Criminals text chain. It really has. And every now and then he will drop something.

I consider it the Gino Smith of text chains.

Well, ever since we got the naming situation.

It was seen as a bust, and then when you least expected it, it came roaring back and is actually really putting up some decent numbers.

Yeah, but then the Bills came to town. Or, no. Yeah, the Bills came to town, right? I mostly listened to that game.

They did. All right, listen. You could be, Andrew, you could be forgiven for not knowing sonically where they were because Bills Mafia was in full throat.

That was actually, I should have known right away they were at home.

I blame listener Bette and to some degree Bobby Pate.

But anyway, John is a is a smart fella who is more plugged into various areas of culture and let's say arts and science, too, that I am not. And so sometimes he will just drop something into the text chain that I have no idea what he's referring to. Sometimes I'm like, did I miss a text that this is a that this is a reference to? Or is he is his mind just sort of like kind of jazz manning out on information that he's dropping here? And he dropped something in the text chain last night that I had no idea what it meant. And I'm hoping that it's not untoward because I'm going to ask you to explain it to me. He said, I can't believe they shadow banned Fireman Ed. Haven't seen him once. And I was like, oh, OK, well, maybe he's having some maybe he's on mushrooms. Maybe I'm on mushrooms. I don't know what any of that means.

Maybe you're on different kinds of mushrooms that just don't really speak to each other.

But I just did a very, very quick Google of Fireman Ed. And I see that he is indeed a real person. And neither one of us were tripping, apparently. Tell me about Fireman Ed and what this text means.

It's funny because I didn't actually see that text because I was doing, I was literally, I think, on stage at Wait Wait, so I missed it. But now I've just scrolled back in the chain to look at it. And it makes me laugh because I've actually been having these thoughts about Fireman Ed for a couple of weeks. So Fireman Ed is a guy who is a lifelong Jets fan. And there's a version of this guy at every NFL stadium. We had, like, Bob the beer man in Seattle for the Seahawks for many years. And then, you know, there's all those folks that paint them, paint their faces. We had Big Low, the super fan that would hold up the sea fence.

Yeah, where's Big Low? Oh, Big Low kind of stepped aside, huh? Maybe some health issues. Am I right about that?

I think, yeah, Big Low has suffered through various health issues over the years. But at his, you know, most visible, he was always, he's like a real large individual. and he was always holding this S-E-A and then like a fence, C-Fence, instead of D-Fence. So every stadium, most teams have like a person who's a super fan who then kind of becomes almost like an unofficial mascot. And what I'll say about this is it's fun to have these people around. There is a point for most of these folks where, to use the term we've been using a lot, Andrew, they kind of move into, in their own minds, real main character territory. Sure, sure, yep, of course. And I think, so if I remember right, the backstory is a few years ago, so Firefighter Ed or Fireman Ed is the Jets version of this. He wears a fireman's hat that is Jets colors, and I think he leads a J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets chant. But again, he's he's a guy who, as often happens in these things, starts to really take it like a personal responsibility to motivate the team and the stadium as if like the whether or not the team will win comes down to if he's able to turn in his best performance of leading the crowd of hyping people up.

And I sort of understand that instinct because sometimes I do feel like I can affect the outcome of a game like based on whether or not I eat a Totino's pizza roll before or after the kick.

Precisely. So my memory now, I don't want to slander Fireman Ed, but I think Fireman Ed might have had some bad takes a while ago. I feel, I mean, just knowing the geography of Long Island and just Fireman Ed's overall, let's just say, vibe, would not be shocked to find out that he's carrying around some theories that have been yet to be proven.

in various areas, be they science, politics, who knows, gender studies. I just remember a while ago, something kind of like we're fired.

You know, by the way, I would watch this. I would watch Fireman Ed goes to a gender studies class.

A reboot of Back to School starring Rodney Dangerfield, but it's Fireman Ed has to go take a women's study class at Oberlin. anyway so anyway i i've you know i as a person who doesn't follow the jets super closely what popped out at me a couple weeks ago was this very like self-serious video that fireman ed put out that somehow came into my tiktok and this is and it was just so funny because it was like it was him just being such a little baby about if he was on screen or not like they weren't putting him on the you know i grew up calling it the diamond vision that's what it was in the kingdom i don't think we call it that anymore but i'll just use that like the the jumbotron if you will this there was the funniest video because this is a 60 year old man who's i believe in the video wearing his fireman firefighter jets hat and he's just talking to the camera and again it's like he just seems so so just kind of petty about how much screen time he's getting at the jets games and you know i'm listen i have the privilege i guess of not caring if i'm have screen time at the seahawks game this isn't something i've spent my life kind of building up to or defining myself with so it's easy for me to be like he's being a little baby it's a big deal to him obviously but there was just something about it was something about him trying to act like so serious and so sanctimonious about something that's so effing pointless did you get on the diamond vision or

not i'm looking i'm kind of as you're talking i'm sort of reading espn articles that like things that just came out yesterday jet superfan fireman ed says team is facing him out at metlife stadium it doesn't say anything about whether or not he's red and he's or a neil hurston lately but it also doesn't mention whether or not um it's because you know there's no no statements

or anything and you know what i want to walk that i want to walk that back and say it might have not been that he had bad takes outside of just being mad that he wasn't getting enough love at the stadium that might have been it he may not have been you know a part of any kind of a bad you know take around like the vaccine or or politics i just remember him kind of going from being like beloved character uh that jets fans love to like kind of feuding with people over something or feuding with the team or the ownership because he was feeling like he was not getting his quote unquote due so i might have missed i might have misremembered exactly i don't want again i don't The guy's having a tough enough week. He's shadow banned, as John said. I don't want to.

Right.

And the reason he texted us is because I – wait. Actually, did the Jets play last night? Were they also on Thursday Night Football?

I was just about to check that.

Because I know they played against the Patriots on Sunday and lost, and that was considered a real low point. Did they also play last night?

The Jets beat the Houston Texans yesterday, 21-13.

Beat C.J. Stroud and the Texans. That's interesting.

Can I say – you know, this is going to make me persona non grata here in Seattle. possibly actually i don't think that's true i don't think anybody cares but are are you familiar with broccoli man at mariners games you ever see him on the screen i mean that's where i get most

of my weed before i go to the stadium is isn't that a store on soto yeah exactly you send him

an emoji with a pizza and a mushroom right thank you um uh i am not i you know i was so i don't

think i don't know if i attended the seattle mariners game last season andrew which is a

I thought they showed him on TV, too, although I will say I listen to more games than I see. So maybe it is more of a in-stadium thing. All of that is to say, I'm just not a big fan. I mean, maybe personally, I don't know Broccoli Man when he's outside of his Broccoli Man duties, you know, probably self-appointed duties. But he is a man who I could be wrong here. I feel like he dresses in green and maybe paints himself in green and dances around. but he always brings maybe that's like at the height maybe that's his sunday best i'm not sure but um he does bring two crown what do you call him a crown of broccoli one for each hand nothing huge but also not to diminish the size of the broccoli crown but just like he goes to the store buys two broccoli crowns has one in each hand and just sort of dances up in like the i believe

the sky level i'm looking at photos i'm actually into this yeah when you describe broccoli man I thought it was going to be somebody who painted their whole self green and had some kind of a prosthetic on his head that made his head look like a crown of broccoli and was possibly sponsored by the Washington Broccoli Council.

But no, this actually what I find great about this is that his commitment to the broccoli bit is just so limited. It's something any of us could do with it inside of four minutes going into the stadium. And somehow I respect that more than than the full broccolization of his whole like physical self. Like I like that he's just doing the minimum. He's like, I got these two stocks of broccoli or these two crowns of broccoli and I'm going to kind of groove out. um the question would be and i'm again i'm scrolling this guy's instagram page yeah he

tends to wear not i i thought i thought i'd seen him dressed in green before i guess i'm wrong he tends to wear like clothes sometimes like somewhat outlandishly cut clothes but not not nothing too far outside of the norm but very 90s inspired with that sort of like blue paint splash with highlights of purple or something that i'm not doing a good job of describing it but it's the

type of design that just screams 1990s yeah I will do a worse job describing it than you did but that it's exactly right it's a very 90s era thing I know what you're saying like but again Andrew we have to also pass this through the filter that neither of us is really that well this is I'm a guy who dressed like Guy Fieri on stage last night so I don't know what I'm talking about I was gonna say neither of us are really have that kind of look at me gene although Maybe I do, and it's just dying due to low T. You never had it, and I think you don't particularly – you aren't drawn towards it in others either.

I'm a look-away-from-me kind of guy, as he says, into a microphone in a podcast that he's hosted for a decade where he just talks about his own personal bullshit. More than a decade, Andrew. More than that.

Don't you try to get out of the legal jeopardy of having been on this show now for more than a decade?

Well, I feel bad for Broccoli Guy catching my stray here. I do love the fact that it does bring the conversation back to dressing up. And what you just mentioned, dressing up like Guy Fieri. Here's the deal with the way I say that word. I grew up saying Guy Fieri because I grew up with him, of course. But I know that that is not the proper way to say it. You're supposed to say Fieri, right? But then I'm uncomfortable putting that much mustard on it, as Genevieve would say. So I try to strike it somewhere in the middle where I don't sound like I'm putting on an affectation. But I'm also being true to my roots and somewhere in the middle is not where that is supposed to land, which is why I say his name in a weird way. Boy, who's the main character of Guy Fieri's story now?

I have reverted back to just saying Fieri in the way that I just say Madrona Hill because it's like it might not be correct, but it's the thing that is more recognizable for people. And it's just easier that way. Although yesterday I was maybe I was more try Fieri. I don't know. It was, it was, it was a very cobbled together situation. I'll just, I'll take you through my, my late afternoon and early evening. So after you and Veeves and I got done recording our special Halloween show, I had some other work to do here at the hotel and CBS related, LiveWire related. I'm trying to power through. Oh, I want to mention too, that we do have two episodes of LiveWire this weekend, Saturday night at the Alberta Rose Theater. Please come see us. It's part of the Portland Book Festival. And then Sunday, a matinee show. We never do this. I don't know how it's going to go. I'm usually, you know, moving slow on a Sunday morning at 10 a.m., but it's a matinee show at the Reeser in Beaverton. So anyway, I was doing all this work this afternoon, yesterday afternoon, and what I wasn't doing was figuring out my costume situation. I had started this thing with the wait, wait, folks. I thought I had started something, which was, hey, if I dress up. I mean, really what it was, Andrew, was I wanted to get permission from the producers because what I didn't want to do was show up in a costume and then have them be kind of put off by it because either it was a distraction or it messed with the microphone or it's the kind of thing where one of the other panelists is referring to it. But, of course, the show doesn't air until Saturday. Halloween is over. I'm a radio professional. I can remember that, but not everyone on the panel is. And I just – so I checked in with the producers. Hey, would you care if I dress up?

Sorry to interrupt, but there was also – you had sort of explained this on yesterday's show, but like there was also like it sounded like an expectation now that the other panelists were going to dress up as well but you might not have had total confirmation on that is that where

were you also walking into that situation yeah so what happened was yeah i i floated the idea really more just to make sure it would like if i decide to do this would everybody be cool with it or would everybody not be cool with it in which case that's fine it's one less thing for me to think about and the response was oh that sounds fun and actually um emmy is going to dress up one of the other panelists this week is emmy blotnick the funny comedian and then brian babylon the comedian as well is going to be on there like emmy's going to dress up and uh and we're going to do a whole thing and so then i was like oh great well now this went from me just being like is it cool if i do this to like well now if i don't do it i'm kind of i'm i started this thing and then if i show up in street clothes it's like that's kind of a lame move by me so So...

I got my Fireman Ed outfit together, and that would have been just a freaking genius pull for last night. That would have been incredible timing. Just keep asking, why am I not on the screen, guys? Why am I not on the screen? Anyway, so all this comes to a head at about 5.30 local time, and I realize, like, I got to be over at the theater pretty soon. I still don't have an outfit. I got to get over to that Spirit Halloween. And so I jump in a lift. I go to the Spirit Halloween on Canal in Chinatown here in Chicago, and I can't seem to find it because, of course, famously Spirit Halloween locations are kind of the hermit crab of the American retail industry. They just move into the wreckage of an auto zone or something, although in this case it was in the interior of a mall, and there was a hastily zip-tied vinyl banner that said Spirit Halloween outside. But then when you went into the mall, I couldn't find, there was a DSW, there was a Mervyn's, there was a variety of things. None of them were the Spirit Halloween. I was like, oh, I need to find out which one of your, which one of your compatriots, which one of your retail locations failed most recently. Yeah. Like, you know what I mean? Like, you have the Survivors, you've got your DSW and your Mervyn's, they're hanging on by a thread. You've got your Five Below. And it's like, okay. Oh, I don't know Five Below. Oh, I didn't either. And more on that in a minute. So I go. Finally, I take the escalator upstairs. I go around. I find around a corner there is. I really I'm going to be honest with you, Andrew. I smelled it before I saw it because the amount of marijuana smoke and just a marijuana kind of energy that was radiating from this spirit. Halloween was quite something. It smelled so strongly of pot. I couldn't believe it. And again, I'm what do you attribute that to? Do you attribute that to the clientele? going in their blaze clientele at 5 45 p.m. on halloween day at the spirit halloween in chinatown

in chicago but they're not they're not like sparking up in the spirit halloween right they're just showing up that i saw and it's just hanging on to their clothes it's following them around like

a peanuts cartoon essentially there was some pig penning i mean and i would i only bring it up because it was sort of the last it was the last sensory expectation i was expecting to have like And, you know, certainly when marijuana was more broadly legalized in places like Portland and Seattle, you had people like me commenting on the fact that it was a much more frequent occurrence to smell it. But I do. I don't know if they've if they've pioneered some like less pungent weed now or if people are doing more vaping, which I don't know, processes it differently. I feel like that experience has kind of dropped off in my life a little bit until yesterday afternoon. I just was hit by a wall of it. I was also hit.

As they said in The Simpsons, it smells like Otto's jacket.

The other thing I was hit by was a sign, a big sign on the outside of the door of the Spirit Halloween that said 50% off everything. And then that was hastily crossed out and it said 80% off everything.

This is, again, about 5.30 on Halloween night.

i want to tell you this spirit halloween if like um you know the internet was to be believed i believe was open for like 1.5 more hours like i think it closed at 7 p.m you are in snl territory

of the parody of of spirit halloween from two weeks ago but i but even but even worse because

what i didn't realize was a spirit halloween at 5 30 p.m on halloween is essentially uh it's a bunch of stuff that's on its way to the dump but it's just still for some reason on a rack somewhere like i feel like i could have probably just shoplifted anything i wanted in there and they would have given me an escort out because that's one less thing they have to deal with right like it's just what i hadn't thought of was this place will be absolutely picked clean like there was almost nothing physically in the store except the stench of marijuana and the most random assortment of shit you have ever seen and then people i'm not talking to one person andrew i'm talking many people on the phone with other people saying there's nothing at this spirit halloween i heard one guy go well they have stuff but nothing you would want there's one

Paula Poundstone outfit left in the corner. I still think if we had more time, like, that was an idea that we had during yesterday's show, and I will take credit for the idea, and if we had thought about this longer, like, if just a couple more days, I honestly think that would have been an amazing... I mean, I was thinking about it after our show yesterday, you walking out as Paula Poundstone in her iconic outfit would have just slayed. Not that...

I'm sure you're Guy Fieri. That's how I say it now. That's how they said it in the old country.

They were not a very assertive people in the old country. None of them could fully agree.

Not to undercut what you ended up doing, because I don't know how that ended up playing. But man, maybe next year. As long as not too many Wait Wait heads listen to this show, maybe you can roll that out next year.

I will mention quickly that I didn't end up doing a Peter Sagal for a few reasons. one there just was not the there was not the inventory to make that happen you know what i mean like they were there were no bald caps left there was no uh i also didn't leave myself enough time to go find i guess i could have gone in the marshals and and tried to get maybe a suit jacket but guess what one of the sound guys eric dressed up as peter segal oh there you go and did the full bald cap he used spirit gum to attach the hair around the side of the bald cap so it would have been actually like it would have been unfortunate because he did a way better job than i would have done that would have been bad yeah that was bullet dodged um although that was a very good idea by vives i thought anyway so i walk into this place and i immediately realized like we have to take evasive action like i don't know what i was looking for in there but anything i had in my mind as far as preconceived notions was out the window because it was just the most random assortment of like just shit like there well first of all what they did seem to have a couple leftover things were like dinosaurs that inflate that you wear i don't know if you know you're

talking about yeah very they're very big i feel like they've even maybe peaked a little bit now

too but they were very big a while back there was like a handful of those around but like that would have never worked for a few reasons i have to wear a headset and a microphone that was also part of this calculation was like played out now too honestly well i mean that i mean believe me this is how i ended up with trifieri was all all standards of like is this a cool costume because to be honest with you i don't even think the guy fieri thing is that cool it was just literally the only thing left it was on the ground underneath something in the back in the like wig department and i was like okay i know what this is i can work with this right right we're

getting into very ross dress for less um whose stand-up bit is it yeah sebastian maniscalco by

the way a chicago guy oh yeah um it yeah it was it was just like i like there was uh an inflatable you could dress as a condom that inflated itself not unlike one of those dinosaurs and it says

no glove no love on it you didn't you that was still available you did not do that one

again mostly because of the sonic implications i just thought about poor gary yek uh our sound guy trying to fit that headset microphone on me while i'm in this self-inflating condom costume

plus one of the other panelists was an iud and it just sort of seemed a little bit yeah seriously

although i mean listen reproductive health is as important now as it's ever been and i do think we to keep bringing that point home in these final days before the election and maybe these final days of this country but so i'm just like i'm kind of wandering around in a daze and what i'm really thinking is i don't want to do this anymore i don't want to wear one of these bullshit like i at one point i picked up a a like a a lloyd from dumb and dumber outfit that was for some reason

still there and then i was like just dumb you're just going as dumb you don't have you don't have

a friend to go as dumber i want to tell you andrew this is how how kind of ambivalent i became so one like i again dumb and dumber is not canon for me i mean i remember seeing it and thinking it was pretty funny i do like the movie don't get me wrong but i i can't quote it i don't i don't know like i just don't know it cold but i pick up the like there's like the gym care that's lloyd i think i pick up the lloyd costume i walk around for with the lloyd costume and then i i bump into the jeff daniels costume and then i go is that funnier and the only difference is one is so this is like bright orange tuxedo with a top hat and that's the lloyd one and then baby blue tuxedo with the top hat is the jeff daniels one i don't know what that character's name is and i'm literally going like is one of these materially funnier than the other one like i mean i was just I was in a terrible, terrible situation And so I just kept sort of aimlessly wandering Also, they have Some pretty scary Like, they're not quite Animatronic, but you know, I guess part of the whole thing With Spirit Halloween is They've got just tons and tons of like Like a six foot tall Skeleton with like a Scythe who will say some Scary shit to you if you step on this

Oh no, yeah, yeah, I don't like those

Yeah, I don't like being in a store and then something triggers something to cackle at me or scream at me. I hate those.

And I'll tell you this, since we were kids, Andrew, the like audio technology, the like speaker technology has gotten better because and the recording, like some of these things I saw. So they also have a kid section at Spirit Halloween, which, by the way, like that should be considered a form of birth control. The kids section of the Spirit Halloween at 530 on Halloween Day and just the meltdowns that were happening. The parents, the frazzled parents that were trying to like, again, there was like nothing left in the kids. The parents trying to convince their kid to be, you know, Dora the Explorer for the third year in a row because that was like the only costume left. And then the meltdowns that were happening.

Some kids screaming, I wanted to be the Jeff Daniels one.

and i'm like too late bitch plus this is an adult double xl that was the other thing i found like a beetlejuice costume but it was adult triple xl and then i was like first of all you know there's a lot of beetlejuice going on this year because of the the new movie and stuff and i was again i was like it the problem is the outfits don't come with the wigs andrew this is how they get you so i could have gotten a beetlejuice costume but it first of all would have been probably a bit large on me and also it's just the like shirt and the pants it's not the face paint it's not the wig it's not any of the stuff that you need to do a convincing Beetlejuice also again not a movie that's like you know canon for me like I like the movie Beetlejuice I can't quote it you know so uh so anyway I find this Guy Fieri wig and goatee on the ground and I'm like okay well it's a start so I pick that up and I mean I can't even

Spalding Gray they did have a Spalding Gray

they had a swimming to Cambodia it was a full swimming to Cambodia setup but I wish I could remember

they're just down to the monologuist section

there's a There's a Mike Daisy, but then it comes with like a big, like a hand where the fingers are crossed and you hold it behind your back like you're lying. I wish I could remember. There was one other costume that I picked up that I'm not proud of, that I'm not proud of even considering, but it was such a desperate. What would happen is when I would, when I would find myself at like a, you know, these are in a bag, right? like a like a sealed bag although many of them were unsealed and then back in the bag which was like oh this is why this is still here someone tried this on didn't like it shoved it back in the bag and now this is why no one bought this version of lloyd from dumb and dumb i hate this

so much this is so gross like they're oh god what you can catch i'm i really it's it's really

bumming me i should have taken more pictures of this because there was another one i'll remember it by monday show andrew there was another costume that i picked up oh i remember it

i think like stan from south park which one is stan the one that dies all the time no that's

kenny i think again i just love yeah i'm not in that i don't know i can't i mean i i laugh when i watch south park or i used to years ago i can't you know quote it to you i don't i know it wasn't generic i know it wasn't respect my authority guy so it was like the other one i think the more normal one which also is why no one bought it because no one wants to be stan from south park he's just the kind of apoplectic voice of reason i think that's observing all this craziness i am

i was never into that show and maybe it's the people who are such diehard fans are like you got to it's like the smartest show on tv it's like such it's such trenchant commentary on the culture and like maybe it is but it's kind of like quicksand the more you fervently try to convince me of that the less i'm interested in hearing somebody say my authority in a funny way

but yeah south park is not my world i just sent you i was able to locate a photo of the stan from south park costume that i carried around for like 12 minutes in this store and then i was like well this will be something but can i quote anything this character says ever dude if you showed up

like this i would have no idea are you a chilly chairman mau like what in the world is this that doesn't i mean again i know i'm not super familiar with that show but it's just in the yeah the

photo part of the problem is it's uh you're a human and the character's a cartoon yeah and it's

just like this smile the model is just like this kind of smiling white guy in his third uh maybe in his 20s sort of waving at the camera wearing big mittens a jacket but it's kind of got that that kind of collar a red collar that's sort of sticking up and a blue cap I would if you if you showed up like this and gave me a hundred

guess is I would never get there well luckily I found this wig which of course none of it can be called what it's supposed to be because it's spirit Halloween and I made the joke both on Instagram and last night to the assembled crowd at wait wait that legally I could not refer to myself as the mayor of flavor town I had to call myself the treasurer of taste city but I the other thing was I didn't have a shirt I you'll be surprised to know I don't only own any shirts

that are in the sort of fiery verse but luckily there was a dan flashes next door

actually it probably would have been i don't know if it would have been cheaper but like if there would have been um uh there was a like a marshall's where i could have probably gone and got something if i needed to but again i was in sort of panic mode so i've got this wig i'm like i don't have any shirts but then i look over and andrew what do they have on markdown collared shirt that you wear if you're being an adult version of chucky oh okay the like murderous

doll sure is that the shirt that i saw oh that's the shirt that i'm wearing if you

if you enhance enhance it's covered in knives and guns oh i did not the warren zvon song uh it it's it's not it's not fiery it's not fiery specific it's like supposed to be i guess there must have been they must have sold out of the chucky heads that went with the chucky shirts or something i don't know but it's chucky branded apparel but it was loud enough that i figured it would kind of work they did not sell sunglasses and so i went out onto canal street which it was so windy at this time which yes i know the windy city but anyway it was like blowing around i'm looking around i'm like i need sunglasses and i look over and there's this store called five below and what i think five below refers to is everything is less than five dollars but i didn't realize that at the time i was just kind of like what's a weird name for a store i wonder if so i'd already gone in the marshals and asked if they had sunglasses they were like no we don't sell sunglasses and immediately andrew i went into this mode thinking the american sunglasses industry is dead like in the time it took me to walk from the marshals to the five below i had created a whole theory about how it's not profitable to sell sunglasses anymore because of the online business because of whatever like why in the world would a marshall's not sell sunglasses right like i couldn't i i assumed there had to be some macro economic effects or something and then i looked over at the five below and they just had a bunch of shitty sunglasses in the window i was like oh that marshall's just doesn't sell sunglasses yeah we're still selling we're still selling cheap plastic sunglasses in this country thank you very much it could be seasonal too like maybe marshals yeah i mean you're beginning but it was weird because the two the women working behind the counter at the marshals were like i don't know the last time i saw so like both of them were like one takes a drag off of her cigarette right sunglasses you say that's a product i haven't heard in a long time so i go to five below and they have like that well i sent you a picture they have the perfect sunglasses and guess what they're less than five dollars actually with tax They were slightly over $5. It must have been $4.99. But I get up to the counter and I've got my bag from Spirit Halloween. I'm buying these sunglasses that seem like the kind Guy Fieri might wear. By the way, I want to be clear. None of this is a Guy Fieri burn. We have listeners who have pointed out, and I think fairly so, that Guy Fieri seems to be a really solid dude. And so, you know, making fun of Guy Fieri is kind of a, it's a tired old playbook, as I've been saying a lot this week. And I, this was less, I'm not trying to roast him. I just, you know it's an iconic look and it was the one that was available to me but i'm not you know i'm not trying to i'm not trying to be mean to the guy he sounds like he's a pretty good dude but anyway i go up to the counter and i've got the sunglasses and the guy who's checking me out from five below i go i go this is the guy i'm trying to look like and i show him a picture like i need to show him a picture of guy fieri but i'm looking at it for a reference point like what does this guy do with his like you know what's his jewelry situation what's his sunglasses

the situation and um have you seen this man i've always wanted to go to a place and show a photo of somebody and say have you seen this person so i like i uh i show him the photo and i go do you guys have any jewelry that would work for this because you know he usually has a lot of kind of like pretty pretty gaudy like necklaces and spiky things on and the guy says to me with an absolute straight face he goes we don't sell a lot of men's jewelry he goes we have some like women's jewelry but he goes i don't think any of it is fieri worthy i love that and this was a totally straight comment like this was not like he was like you know he was like there is a a certain level of quality of the jewelry that guy fieri wears and we don't i'm sorry at five below in chicago we did not feature this fieri worthy jewelry i was like say less i love i love his commitment like

he should you should absolutely how this story ends is he should Thank you.

like take off his five below apron and be like okay we're gonna solve this together and then you guys go hit the windy city together cut to montage scene of you and your new fairy loving mannequin two on the move exactly while you guys he's mishak taylor you're going in and out of stores he's putting jewelry on you then shaking his head like that's not gonna do it and taking it off and then you're going into other stores until you finally because this man this is the man this is your ride or die on this costume he really was great i mean right when i walked in

the story was like welcome to five below he was dressed kind of like a i don't know exactly what he was it was like a flaming not flaming in the guy fieri sense don't get me wrong or i would have bought that shirt right off of his back he had sort of like a cat in the hat top hat and a thing and he was clearly enjoying that it was halloween he was really friendly he was a good dude all around and had high standards for the fieri jewelry so all that is to say and we are unfortunately we haven't even gotten to statue talk maybe we'll have to punt that to monday Andrew. And, and, um, maybe there'll be more developments by Monday that we can talk about with this nationwide statue situation. But I, I get the sunglasses, I skip the jewelry, I throw it all in the bag. I hustle back to the hotel and, uh, I get to the theater and I'm not wearing the wig and the makeup and the goatee at the theater because, well, one, I've put the goatee on at the hotel room and immediately realized the tape on the goatee is not sufficient to hold it on my face it's on my face for like 45 seconds and it's already falling off like the goatee is because if you try to talk with the goatee on it stretches it and it sort of unsticks it so i'm like oh man so i take it off and i'm like trying to preserve it for at least walking on stage at wait wait it was so windy that the wig was going to blow off and go blowing down michigan and i was going be running after a guy fieri wig um you know like for the rest of the night so i i get to the theater

save that for the montage i can see that being a quick like hit in the montage you chasing your

wig down the exactly and i get into the i knock on the back door they let me in the theater and uh i walk in and immediately observe that no one is dressed up yeah emmy dressed totally normally looking very cute and normal. Sagal, forget it. Bill Curtis looking great, per always. Thankfully, Brian Babylon emerges from the bathroom and he does have on like a some kind of a Dragon Ball Z kind of shoulder pad situation. So I was like, whew, thank you, sir. But like, basically I was under this impression that I had to get dressed up or I was going to be letting everyone down. It turned out no one actually cared. It was not really a thing. I'm glad for Brian that at least I was dressed up but it was not like the stat it wasn't like everybody and the there was a handful of people dressed up in the audience but um it turned out that like this like is often the case with this stuff i had overblown it in my mind and it would have also been fine if i would have just shown up normal old me nobody would have really cared one way or the other thankfully though andrew the guy who dressed up as peter sagal had some extra spirit gum nice i was gonna say you need spirit gum for that goatee what are the chances that i'm backstage and colin miller the very very fine wait wait staffer and friend of mine i'm complaining about this goatee not staying on he goes well you know the guy who's being sagal has spirit gum and i was like what i was like get me that spirit gum immediately then i'm go i'm running around backstage asking everyone has anyone ever used spirit gum i was gonna say it or people i only know that as a concept i would

have no if somebody gave me a bunch i i don't is it like rubber cement it's like rubber cement

it is okay i yeah i'd never used it either i assumed it was more like i don't know what i thought it was but it's it's like rubber cement but more liquidy and it's in a little vial and it's very it's very fragrant it smells real chemically very like you know you can kind of imagine it so then i'm like i'm walking around with this thing of rubber of the thing of spirit gum this guy fieri goatee i've never put this on in my life i go do i put it on the goatee do i put it on myself do i need to let it cure and all anyone will tell me is that stuff will never come off your face you are never getting that off your face and now um our uh gary yak our our technical director is going two minutes two minutes and i'm just like it's like okay we'll introduce a new stress stream to the whole thing you're carrying around a goatee and spirit gum and you don't know how to use it and it's two minutes before you're supposed to go on stage so everyone's like be very sparing with the spirit gum and so i'm super being sparing and it's not sticking and now i'm panicking now it's like one minute so then i'm just like screw it so i'm just like slathering it on bring it on i'm just i'm drinking some of it just i don't know let's see sure and then i stick the thing on and it finally sticks and i did something actually very smart i thought which was i only really s***. Stuck the mustache part and the sides Not the bottom because that's what was constricting My speech because the other thing was I was like I can't go through like two hours Of recording wait wait and my speech Is impacted by this goatee that no one Can see nor will be referenced On the radio show I was like I'm not going to let this Make me have trouble Trying to do my job of being a panelist So I got it to stay on And got out there And I got A pretty I thought a pretty Strong reaction from the crowd and got to wear my outfit for brian jordan alvarez um he also didn't comment on it but i think he was impressed he was the not my job guest the sitting guy um and uh anyway it was a great night all around and uh and and and that was pretty much i will also mention spirit gum technology must have come a long way because i pulled the thing off and you can see me and yeah it seems fine pretty much nor i was i was in the moments that i was panicking and applying this goatee with a lot of spirit gum, I thought, well, I know what tomorrow's TBTL topic is. It is Luke still has a Guy Fieri goatee glued to his face. But anyway, here I am. I survived, and that was my Thursday night.

All right. Well, I'll tell you what. You know, I'm looking at the clock here, Luke, and I think we've got to make today's show sort of a bottle episode maybe, maybe a no-breaker. We'll have to thank our daily donors tomorrow maybe, because you have a flight to catch, and I'm always nervous about your flights. I appreciate your care. And it's like, you know, Chicago, it's not exactly easy. I can thank the donors. I've got time. Are you sure?

I've got five minutes and a dream. Do you have the music? That's how Guy Fieri started his restaurant empire. Sure, absolutely. He had five minutes. He had a sushi taco and a dream. I've always wanted to. And he made it all happen.

I've always wanted to say this. Hit it, Leanie. Thank you for being a 10.

All right, now you have effectively fired the donor music,

but now I need to effectively fire up my email program. I thought I was being so smooth and clever and helpful, and instead I kind of hung you out to dry.

No, no, no, you didn't. I asked you. I said Andrew hit it, and then you said Leany hit it. I just really wanted to say he hit it, Leany.

That's just such a fun thing to say. That is a fun thing to say.

While I'm getting the donors together, I'll just tell you this, as it relates to the statues. It's actually turning into kind of a whole thing. They put one of them up in Portland and one in Philadelphia, and what they did, Andrew, that was so genius, and it's the same group of people. I don't think they had permits for the Philly and Portland one, but what they did was they put Donald Trump up being kind of lascivious, and they put him near an existing statue that happened to depict the female form.

I saw that one. Yeah, was that the Philly one?

The Philly one, and then there was a version of it in Portland near a statue in Portland that was similar. Do you think – I know we don't have time to really get into it, but does that kind of elevate it for you? I thought those were visually pretty interesting.

I didn't dig deep into those stories, so my feelings on the whole thing haven't changed much, although I don't really know what my feelings are necessarily other than it doesn't move me too much one way or the other. While we're sort of stalling here and sort of picking up on other things, I did want to correct one thing, and this, again, hangs you out to dry a little bit. but what i i've heard i'm sorry this show is over oh i'm out of time i um i heard from a couple of listeners who were saying whatever whatever story you heard about astronauts coming back down to earth they are not the ones who are stuck in space those guys are still up in the in the in the space station according to an article that was posted like two days ago and it says that they're planning on coming down in 2025 at some point oh my bad yeah i don't i don't know who i don't know who came down from space that's also maybe it was a spaceman like i don't know what but i just want

to get that space man you know what this is this is what happens andrew when i spend too much time on tiktok i'm sure that i saw the clip on tiktok and it was who knows what the time stamp on it was i mean it might have been a cosmonaut uh yeah it might have been that dog it was black and white

they're filming all that in black and white now right sure well it's all done on a sound stage Jalini, hit it. Thank you for being a 10.

I regret the error, but you know who forgives me, Andrew? Dana Saretsky of Lexington, Kentucky.

Hey, Dana, thank you for supporting the show.

Go Wildcats. Dana and the rest of these folks that we're reading today are supporting TBTL with a donation, and it's how we are able to do the show. And we are very, very appreciative on this Friday. Thanks also to Christina Sampson in Everett, Washington.

Hey, just a bit north of here. Can you see me waving?

Yes, that's where the Everett High Seagulls are, which is where my basketball coach, Mr. Collard, was a star. And I know that that's one of the things that attracted Christina to Everett Washington. Ruthie Benton in Los Angeles, California.

Long-time owner and friend of the show. Joe, thank you. That's right.

Thanks, Ruthie. Thanks to Catherine Harvey, who's in Seattle, Washington. Nice. That's a place where I'm a high school star, as I was the 15th man on the Nathan Hale basketball team, and got a lot of attention for that. I hit one shot, I hit one half-court shot during a summer league game, and it was like Rudy. It was like the good, because I played at the small school, and I was like pretty good there, and then I transferred to like the big school that was actually the best basketball team in the state that year and i was so bad compared to everyone else that i remember hitting a shot and they practically carried me off the court like and it was halftime of a summer league game but it was a half court shot it was a really really it was like a three-quarter court shot it was just like the buzzer was you know and it wasn't i can't stress this enough it was not impactful i remember we were playing mount si and we were winning by 40 points which was how i was

in the game still though former president obama would have appreciated that you took that that game seriously even though it didn't count for anything exactly he and i are in alignment on

that and so many other things as is and i don't know really where michelle jenkins comes down on things but i assume the right side of things because michelle is donating to tbtl and is out there in sammamish washington out there i don't know if that's technically on the plateau or not But that's beautiful country out there Thanks Michelle And then James West Is in Thornton, Colorado Solid name, James West of Thornton Have you considered writing cowboy fiction?

I was also thinking that that's good That Colorado, I consider Colorado to be a Western state Is Colorado a Western state? To me it is

I mean listen, there was a period when Kansas Was probably the West, right?

Well right, exactly If you read The Great Gatsby ohio was west um so precisely so yeah but anyway i'm glad that james is in you know it would just be a little and listen we would obviously appreciate and accept james's donation no matter where he lived but it would be different if it was like james west in new hampshire you

know what i mean right colorado yeah we appreciate james aligning his last name to the region he's in and also making time to donate to tbtl so thanks james we appreciate you james all right Thank you, Andrew. Thanks for a fun week of broadcasting. Again, yesterday's show was really fun. Thanks for piecing that all together. Every once in a while, we have to turn in a highly produced program. Prove we still can.

Just calm down on that. People are going to go back and listen and be like, wait, that was highly produced? That was highly produced?

This was your master plan?

No, this is just a goof.

Maybe that was a decent impression.

That was pretty good. That's pretty good. but do you even know the name of the character that do you know what that's from?

Is that Gru? Who is that?

That's somebody from Archer but I don't have that drop in front of me but yeah I have no idea even that character's name who says that

Well maybe we'll find out on Monday Alright everybody thanks for listening Hey thanks for being part of TBTL this brings us to the end of our broadcast week but guess what we're going to be back here on Monday with more imaginary radio for you so we'll see you then. In the meantime have a great weekend. Take care of yourselves and please remember no mountain too tall. And good luck

to all. And this, this is your master plan. Oh no, no. Now this is a whole other awesome thing. This is just a goof. Later, Tater. Power out.