Muse

My name is Kurt Fossil, Marketing Director, Bango Energy Drinks. We saw the social media blitz you guys pulled off over the weekend, and it was gorgeous. We believe with our sponsorship, we can take your parties up a notch and get rich quick.

Oh, my God, cool. That's the best way to get rich. Yeah, that's my favorite way to get rich. Wait, you guys, you can quit TAC and just, like, get wasted all the time. I'm in, sir.

Oh, my God, that's a dream come true. Yes, I'm gonna mogulize my lifestyle. I'm going to be like, like, like, I can't think of a mogul. William Randolph Hearst. Paul Abdul.

TBTL.

This is a show for dogs. About dogs. Starring one dog. And one dirty dog. This is genius. This is genius work.

I'd tell you to get this through your head, but you're a machine. So run this through your data processor. Get lost.

She's irrational. You should... You see what I'm talking about? Is it me? Am I wrong? Just let me talk. May I talk, please? I have something to say. May I say it? Yes, Mark. Okay, would you just let me finish?

Perhaps. Am I wrong? Life's a potty. Wipe your body. This is the best moment of TBTL.

Well, all right, hello, good morning, and welcome, everyone, to a Thursday edition of TBTL, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. And boom goes the dynamite. My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host.

We're getting medium play on three independent radio stations in Central Europe.

Coming to you from the Madrona Hill studio perched high above the mighty Columbia where... I'm checking on the tarp is why you heard that pause in my little top of the show ramble here. And I would say that we are... I give it about a... And if one is totally placid, everything's great, and ten is the tarp ripped and blew away into my neighbor's yard. By the way, I talked to my neighbor yesterday. He said, we were watching your tarp the other day. We were watching with great interest as it was ripping apart. I'd give this maybe a six. I'd give this episode of TBTL a 4,362 in a collector's series. Let the fun begin. you've probably been hearing about these unidentified flying objects.

Do you believe in UFOs?

Oh, yeah, yes, sir. In New Jersey and that part of the country. I mean, I guess the term unidentified is incorrect here because they've very much been identified, and yet people are freaking out. We'll talk about that. Also, we have a new submission for the advertising agencies for prescription drugs just doing the least.

Who are the ad wizards who came up with this one?

And then, of course, it's a Thursday, a.k.a. Blur's Day. So we'll do some Blur's Day messages. And we're going to talk to this guy, longest running co-bro of the show, maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ship. This guy is a four and a half foot tall pile of awesomeness. He's Andrew Walsh, and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

I'm sorry, Luke. I was trying to beat some of these Blur's Days into submission here. We've got some long ones today trying to get them into an appropriate level. Maybe if we're charged by the word. Exactly. Really, make that fine line between Dazzling Donors and Blur's Days even finer. And pay to play. And pay to play, exactly. But the point here is, as I was editing down some novels here, I was not listening to you as much as I should have been. What's going on with the tarp? Is it flipping around? How could you tell from my silence? My silence was deeper. No, I have no idea if you're paying attention or not. That was the premise of that joke. Just deeper, deeper silence. Yes.

A certain amount. I am like a sommelier of silence.

Yes.

I'm getting. Hold on. Yes, I'm getting notes of Andrew beating the Blur's Days into submission.

Ooh, ooh, ooh. Yeah, now I hear it. So, is it flipping around? Hold on, let me get eyes on this.

Flopping around, flipping around. It's catching more air It has more wind Kind of blowing through it Than I would like But it's also It's definitely not nearly as bad Because again this is the heavy duty tarp If you want to Hear roughly 1.5 hours of tarp talk Just refer to Yesterday's show please And the one before that And also And the one before that I almost sent you a picture yesterday Andrew I had to run to town to do some errands and I was sitting at a stoplight and I looked to my right and There was a comp there was a sign for something called tarp world

Or like a very broad 90s comedy. Like you're looking for a tarp. You finally buy one and then you drive through the tarp district. I know, right? And I was like. World tarps are us.

Yeah, I was like, how is this now the main sort of element of my life? But what I was trying to do, Andrew, was take three pillows, donate three pillows to Goodwill.

Which turned into more of a thing than I expected. What kind of like decorative pillows or nighttime pillows?

Well, you're asking the right questions. Yeah. Because, first of all, I called them, the local Goodwill, and I was like, do you accept pillows? Now, I want to state for the record, these were, they were not gross. They were bed pillows. They were pillows that would go on a bed. But they were not, you know, I don't know, stained or particularly unsightly. Like, they were in okay shape. I just have more pillows than I need, and I'm trying to do some organizing in the little upstairs of my house. I called. They said, yeah, we take pillows. and so then i the whole way i was like that doesn't make any sense there's what who i was like who's buying used pillows and i realized my parents my entire life i've never until i was like until i became an adult who uh you know made my own decisions i i my head had never been i'd never laid my head on a pillow that was purchased new from a store and you guys and i'm this sound well

i guess it sounds like yes did we have head lice uh rampant oh you did i guess that is true you had that but you did you said specifically that you've never had bed bugs before so that's good right you guys never yes bugs right no not that I'm

aware of yeah I think you'd be aware and we didn't have bed bugs when I was a kid yeah but we definitely never ever ever had pillows that were not

secondhand yeah well and and you do do you actually link the lice to that are

you being I'm no I linked the lice to going to Daniel Bagley Elementary School during the 80s when it was now that school is kind of bougie we have listeners that'll check in i think it's a international school now like they have some kind of language focus and stuff and i think it's you know very desirable when i was there it was uh kind of a place where anyone could go and there was a lot of kids that were kind of on the margins in terms of like what their living situations were and i think there were a lot of kids that were living in the motels on aurora and i think that there was a lice thing going on there and it would get kind of transported over to to the school um uh hence us having lice checks like probably once a week the nurses would come in and do a lice check did any of that happen in ohio for you not that i remember i remember you

know the the the threat of lice loomed large as did the threat of satanism in the 80s like there was a lot of things to be scared of panic there really was like especially growing up in a maybe not especially but from my perspective growing up in a rural area there were certain like you know we had a lot of scary cemeteries around i remember like passing one and being like that's where i heard that they have like their rituals or what have you i never put eyes on any rituals um or evidence nor did anyone it turns out yeah right but i just remember being really scared of satanism and lice but neither one of them touched my life

um this is the part of the show where i i feel compelled to do my little poem that i learned at Bagley which I've told hundreds if not thousands of times but it was share a toy share a ride share the feelings deep inside but never share a hat or comb or lice could make your head their home that's just they were teaching us mnemonic devices to not share hats and by the way to this day Andrew I would never share a hat or comb yeah because of that because of that rhyme it really

you don't seem like I feel like even without that rhyme you're not a big sharing a hat or comb

guy i can't see you sharing a hat what i would say is i don't think it would i don't think i would be as afraid of putting a hat on my head that was someone else's if not for that poem but anyway so i'm driving down uh through the tarp district and i've got these pillows in my car and i'm taking them to the goodwill and i pull through the little drop-off spot and uh the guy i get out of the car and the guy says how's it going i said pretty good how are you doing i think he said something to the effect of well it's going to be what it is so why fight it he gave me some weird little bromide i kind of like that it was one that i'd never heard before like i think he might have made it up yeah but then probably also says it a lot oh definitely i think you know i was probably the hundredth person that day that he had said it to so i opened the passenger door of my car and there's these three pillows sitting there and i go i've just got these pillows he goes ah we don't take bed pillows and I was like oh okay I go yeah because I called and they said they didn't I thought that was weird and then he goes you know what I'll take them and I thought well what is the policy

I guess that's interesting I wonder if he's just going to maybe just took them off your hands and maybe he's just going to

take care of them for me

like i mean they're going to go to the landfill either i was going to take them or this guy you know is going to take them and i think he was favor those guys don't usually get out of their lanes i mean this guy was he was he was super it was super helpful again he had he had made up phrases yeah and it's true he's like why he had a flexible definition of what they could yeah yeah he really was he was living he was living that mantra why fight it it's going to be what it is

wife fight it i i kind of want to meet this guy um you know he has a goodwill in longview washington if you'd like to guess he might be there today i kind of do so he took him off your hands he's

probably not reselling him though no i think that they're just going into the pile of things that they have to basically send to the dump or something but he goes i'll go i'll go up front and i'll let them know uh in other words i'll get the you know get their messaging right so you don't drive down here with these pillows uh although i think what here's what i think happened i think the person i called when i said do you guys take pillows they're in good shape that person should have asked the question do you mean like pillows for a bed or do you mean like pillows for a couch because i'm sure they do accept pillows for couches and things like

of course but um they like the script that says this home is a place of love or whatever right

exactly um and uh and the thing was the whole time i knew that something was up as i was driving these pillows down to the place it's like there's no way this can like there's just no way this can be a thing and then again the thing that made me think it was possible was the actual home environment i grew up in with the used pillows always my mom uh was and remains obsessed with a couple of things that i think i don't know if she just actually likes these things more or if she perceives them to be of sort of high value but uh one of them is down pillows the pillows that have you know goose feathers in them which i i would say are generally speaking the worst because at some point the feathers start working their way out of the pillow ass ass first so they're poking you exactly like that yeah it's not the it's not the soft part that starts protruding it's the it's the little pointy it's the thing that was inside the goose or the skin of the goose so she loves down pillows and down comforters anything down my mom is pretty much down for down she has a system and then the other thing is of a down sorry uh she's the surge tarkazian of bedding that's not how you say his last name um and then the other thing she loved is uh is cotton anything that's cotton she was like always and so we we were always sleeping or flannel sheets also caught like so cotton clothes and flannel sheets we were always sleeping on secondhand flannel sheets and laying our heads on secondhand down pillows that had reached their life expectancy so that they were now just just ejecting pointy feathers at all times that was my childhood so i thought well they got these pillows from somewhere someone was at some point accepting secondhand pillows it's just not in the year of our lord 2024 at the goodwill in longview and also you think

that wherever your mom was getting these down pillows the reason they were available is because they were already starting to shed their feathers somebody did exactly what i did yesterday they got the good stuff they already got the good they got the good side of the uh the down and then you guys got the bad side of the down and all over the world it's a whole system andrew i could i could hey that's a good joke i could feel it all over when i said ass first like everybody in within the sound of my voice was like i guess feathers do have an ass i never thought of it that way but We all knew what I meant.

So, yeah, back to the tarp, Andrew. Oh, yeah, why were we talking about pillows instead of tarps? Well, because I had driven through the tarp district to take my pillows down to the Goodwill. And it seems like it's going to be okay, but it is blowing around a little bit more than I would like. We do have our tile guy here, Beau. He seems to be doing his thing And doesn't seem upset by whatever the status is Oh yeah, as I was driving out yesterday On my way to the TARP District On my way to the Goodwill I went past my neighbor And we were chatting I mentioned this at the top of the show When you weren't listening

Now I kind of heard this It sort of seeped in a little bit

And he was like, I was like, yeah I said, we're finally getting some good weather That's what I said yesterday Because we were And I go, yeah, I've been trying to do this whole thing With these TARPs Because the guy's working on my house He goes, oh yeah, we were watching yesterday yeah just enjoying the show i feel oddly observed yeah like you know what i mean like i was like oh this was my my shame was shared throughout the neighborhood it turns out it does make you

wonder how much we are ever on display i think i'm in a fishbowl here man yeah yeah because the

way that this house is oriented i'm kind of i think that my little house was the first one in the neighborhood.

There was no neighborhood here. I think somebody wanted to pick this kind of like primo spot that had the best view of the river and so they built this little cottage in the 30s and everything else was just kind of rolling hills and then everything then they subdivided and stuff got built around it. But it's all kind of in a U shape. And when anyone goes to their windows, because everyone has their houses oriented so they can see the river. But when they're looking out their windows at the river, what they're seeing is my house. Mm-hmm, right. It's kind of very, very in the focal point of where everyone's looking all the time, and I'm sure my coming and going is extremely noted here.

And you like to look out at the river pantless, and you also have a window. So when they're looking down at the river, they're seeing the backside of you looking down at the river as well. Yeah, the good side of me.

Well, I'm sorry, yeah. Honestly, I do think that my tuchus is one of my main attributes. That's what I've always said. It's the only thing I'm proud of on my physical body. The other thing that happened was I said to my neighbor, who's never been down, this is not the neighbors. I tend to mention two neighbors, one named Brian and one named Bob. They're like my neighbors to the left and to the right. This guy is named Wally, and he's up the hill a little bit.

Oh, do I watch their grandkids and dogs run around when we were fundraising? Would I have had a view?

No, that would have been Brian, the guy to the left. This is the guy who flies a Seahawk flag, who flies a 12 flag every time there's a Seahawk game. And occasionally, it's how I remember there's a Seahawk game.

It's like the flag really works as a flag should.

I'll be like, oh, in the preseason, if I'm not paying close attention, I'll be taking the garbage out. I'll be like, oh, we must have a game today. You quickly salute the flag, get inside, and boot up Amazon Prime. I do. I kneel for the flag, Andrew and I. Whatever that. But what's great is he puts the flag out only on game days and then takes it back in. So it's very indicative of if we have a game or not.

Is there a bugle involved by any chance?

There is for the Seahawks' playoff chances. Yeah. We never even talked about that Sunday night game. Oof, what a debacle.

Yeah, the one game in a long time that I actually got to watch start to finish. Did you go to the Eagles for it? In fact, I think, did I have this right? It was just me and Kamara Kev and Genevieve, and we did go to the Eagles. It was funny because, well, now I'm really taking over your story. This weekend, I mean, I have been leaning into, like, I really crossed some sort of barrier with the friend group of people stopped even kind of trying to get me to come out, which I remember getting to this point in college as well. I don't know exactly what happens after this, but I feel like Friday and Saturday, there were fun times for a little group of North Seattle friends. and I was just like no I was working on some just dumb meaningless computer projects that I was kind of like obsessed with so I was like I'll just stay home and work on those things but then I was all geared up for Sunday night I was waiting all day for a Sunday night because it's like oh there's actually a Seahawks game on that I can actually watch and get into the whole rhythm of watching football with friends again so I'm like who's going to the Eagles to watch the game everybody's like we were up until four in the morning last night are you kidding me everybody's like drinking Pedialyte and limping around You girl bossed too close to the sun Andrew

You created too many boundaries for yourself And then all of a sudden you realized that You had pushed everyone away Speaking of waiting all day for Sunday night My mom sent this text To the Hawks squad Let me see if I can find it It was related to the Seahawks Game Let's see here She said this is Sunday at 6.51pm

6.51pm

I've been waiting all day for Sunday night. Now, by the way, before waiting all day and then at the end of Sunday night, she has used the emoji that is indicating musical notes.

Okay, yeah.

She says, I've been waiting all day for Sunday night. Hope it's not in vain.

This is at 6.51. We're an hour into the game at this point? The game started at 5.20,

so things have already gone pretty badly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been waiting all day for Sunday night and hope it's not in vain. And then Hannah, my sister Hannah says, it's tough. And then I say, I think it's less bleak than it looks, Ma, which is, you know, my common thing. We were still at a point where I thought we had a chance. And then my mom says, that's the opening song that Carrie Underwood sings for Sunday Night Football.

Oh, now I get it. The musical notes. If she wasn't just saying, I've been waiting all day or day.

Like, I was like, Mom, what are the chances that nobody on this text chain has ever heard the Sunday Night Football theme song, I've been waiting all day for Sunday night?

Was there any response to that, or is that one that you just let fly in the wind like a tarp? I said, very aware. That was my response. You give a thumbs up for that. But I did get, I would say that, you know, that is the magic of Kamero Kev. Like, I think that he had said specifically on Saturday night, like, I am not going out on Sunday.

like i am done but all i have to do not me but anybody has to do is just say hey are you gonna go to this thing kevin he's like uh what time would it be and like you can just sort of see like he has so much trouble saying no to like kind of social hangs so i was able to get him to break his rule and come out with me and veves to watch a terrible football game which i believe he said to me during the game i can't wait to go back and not watch these with you next week because

the game was so brutal we have a special love language me and camaro kev it could be the case that we haven't hung out in a while maybe i haven't been in town or whatever i will call him out of the blue and he will pick up and he will answer the phone sir and i will say sir yes and that just means let's go meet up somewhere let's go do let's go to the pinehurst or whatever sir sir yes um anyway as i was driving out of here talking to my neighbor yesterday i said hey i'd love to have you and your wife you know down um for a cup of coffee or a beer or whatever um sometime and you kind of like see the place i go i know i've been like hauling stuff out of here for three years and he goes well it needed a lot of work and i was like what do you mean by that what do you mean it needed a lot of work like i was like you know then i then i felt the need to clarify that like it didn't need a lot of work i just chose to do a lot of work on the house but it somehow that

did need a lot of work right isn't that what you said need a lot of work you could like anyone could have lived here but you you you were the you would complain about that didn't have a refrigerator on the porch like your description of this place when you moved in was that it needed

a lot of work it didn't it somehow him saying it needed a lot of work offended me yeah i think

that that's the that's the interesting but it wasn't like like here's the narrative i've always

told myself about this house is that it was a totally functional house it wasn't like it wasn't like um you know unsafe or it didn't have black mold or it wasn't you know it was just not to my liking but it was for some reason i don't know why this narrative matters to me but the story that i've told myself is the house was basically fine for let's just say a different kind of person who had different priorities than i do or didn't need to stare at the river as much as i do but it was it was it was a fine house it was like a functional working home it wasn't like you know a fixer upper it was the kind of thing that needed some aesthetic touches that's how i that's for some reason that matters to me as far as the story and when he was like it needed a lot

of work i was like what are you who are you talking about is there you sir did he is his house position in a way where he would have had a good view of the refrigerator on the porch maybe that no because i feel like that sends a message two plungers i think says everything says it all Exactly It could be like His perspective on the house You know what I mean Like a I mean the funny part is

If you Zillow the house Like Or if you You know If you google the house And you see I think the The footprint On the internet Of this place Is maybe still the like Redfin ad Or whatever it was One of those online things It actually looks Pretty nice Because of course They took all these pictures At like The magic hour And they You know It was a Probably professionally Done real estate ad And I think that doesn't really give you a sense of how crummy their sort of touches were in the house. But I don't think any of that was apparent to my neighbor, Wally.

And now you're getting the tile. Do we have any sense of when this tile, do you think the tile project should be done by Monday or is that asking too much?

What I would say is no one is going to accuse this guy of being, what's the word I'm looking for? no one's going to accuse him of rushing through this process sure yes now the thing is i'm paying him a flat fee you know i mean like like he gave me a quote for the labor i've paid him half of that for the labor i will pay him the the second half when the job is done so it doesn't really i'm not i don't like there's not a like a taxi cab a meter that's running on this but i'm the more days he's here the more i'm shocked at how little he's charging me based on an hourly because it's like he yesterday was in you know i i went down to the tarp district went to goodwill unloaded some pillows uh went to the grocery store went to home depot went to lowe's and then home depot by the way like i know that you and vives are lowe's people you're a lowe's family

right yes although i will say the home depot in our neighborhood because i've been popping in there for it's slight i mean they're very close to each other but it's slightly closer the home depot is to us and for various reasons i've had to pop in there recently instead of lowe's and i will say i i think that they are trying to make a change as far as customer service in that place is concerned it's much better staffed and everybody's very friendly they will stop you and say hello now like it used to go in there and you'd have to like just hope to see somebody in a home depot apron and then like just sort of like Thank you. kind of not make too much eye contact with them, where you beg them to help you with something, and they're always saying, I don't know, this isn't my section, but then we'll grumpily point somewhere with a screwdriver and a direct, like, the service at Home Depot was so terrible. Then I go in there, and there were all these, like, smiling faces asking me at every, like, kind of, not checkpoint, but sort of, like, end cap, like, hey, how you doing? Can I help you? And I was like, maybe Home Depot got the message.

Well, a couple things on that. um i never go to the lows because it's a little bit further away but i did because they i needed this uh particular item called a schluter rail i'll beep it which is something that has to do with like when you're putting in a subway tile in your bathroom but um they didn't have it at home depot they had it at the lows it's it's so weird to be it's like being in shelbyville when you've just been going to springfield your whole life yes right it's like well it's it's kind of the same but but really different in there for some reason and to keep going with the matt graining universe there was a guy in the lows who looked like um who's the professor in futurama oh oh um good news everybody farnsworth right or is that he looked like he looked like the human he i was like is this a real person he looked like the human like like if they made a live action futurama they would generate this guy with ai and he would look exactly like the professor from future by the way i nailed it professor farnsworth nice what's his name i went up to him and i was like hey i need to get a uh schluder rail and he looked at me he was so confused and he goes huh and i go uh It's like for tile, it's like it's for bathroom stuff, and he's like, tile's that way, and he just pointed me in the direction. And I was like, hmm, I'm not, you know, I wasn't getting the super helpful vibe from him. And he definitely looked like a guy who had, like, been some kind of contractor or high school shop teacher for roughly 100 years, and now in his retirement was working at Lowe's. Okay, sure. Which is usually the guy you want to get. Yeah. But he was not overly helpful. He looked confused. Anyway, I got the stuff that I needed. And there was one other thing that I was going to tell you about Lowe's versus Home Depot, but it's now whiffed out of my brain.

I was going to say he did an okay job, but it's a Lowe's bar. Oh, God. We'll just keep moving. No, we'll keep moving. All right. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

It's time to thank the donors.

You know, well, okay.

On that note.

I was just going to say that idea of contractors kind of having a flat fee as opposed to like seeing the clock tick and then also the meter running. We had something similar. we had this we just bought a gas stove which is now yeah you've got a big hole in your wall right yeah but and that's kind of related to this so we bought the stove and again I know we're going against the grain of what everybody else is doing but you know cut us a break it's too late now anyway but we had gas coming into the house but it was just coming into the hot water heater and furnace in the basement and so we just wanted to run a gas line from our basement up into the kitchen and it's not you know this is not a very big house and so the kitchen's almost directly above this line but not quite and so um genevieve got and genevieve ran point on this project i'm running point on the project of getting the holes uh patched back up um but uh genevieve definitely ran point on this job i think so yes seth has been contacted and uh but seth has a very loose timeline he gave me kind of like i could get over there like during what i was saying the

the other day it's like the big upside of being one of these contractors is you absolutely get to show up when you want to and not a minute earlier yeah and so like i think i gotta like

i could be free between january 2nd and 9th and i'm like okay so this is more like january 13th like i kind of you're learning the math like no offense but a little bit of the math on working with you too luke like i'll be like okay 12 30 i can luke won't be there until 12 40 like you just start doing math in your head and i'm kind of like i know what seth math is starting to look like but um i uh i just i'm gonna let that go without comment the uh the um gas guys came in and jennifer got like three different quotes and she did not go i can't remember were they from the gas company when you say the gas guys they um yes they were they had gas they knew nothing about installing gas but boy were they gas did they say it was turbo time at any point jumping on the bed they did they're not part of this um they were from a company i i couldn't tell if maybe it's a very small company where one of the guys who came out is like has an ownership

or not you'd like but i don't think so northwest natural or whatever the the large natural gas entity is they're a company that does yeah that runs a line for you exactly yeah no but you know that i think about it i don't think it's that small of a company like it just based on like the paperwork and everything it wasn't like a it wasn't a contractor like we can do everything for you like it was definitely a company that it's i think it's a plumbing and gas company or something like that so anyway um and and i don't know what genevieve's like what all her like check boxes were for this job but i know it wasn't like you know the most budget version of the quotes we got it was sort of a mid-range one and she just kind of liked what these guys said but she did get the impression from some of the folks who came out to give us quotes that it was maybe going to be a little bit of a complicated even though it seemed like a pretty short way to run a line through the walls it might be a little complicated because of

the setup of our house and it turns out these guys came out you cannot like mess around with like a gas line no it's not one of those things where you're just like it'll do yeah it needs it it has to be very precise and very uh sort of professionally done yeah and i think it might

have been these folks who said to these well we might have to cut some holes in your wall here or there and i was like yeah well i mean that's that's fine and that's going to probably be behind the stove anyway or in the deep recesses of this of this room in our basement that i call the the boiler room but um uh because it's where deals are made but uh anyway um it's where you push penny stocks on yes you can just sort of see as these guys are kind of poking around more and more that like just things are not going well I didn't realize this like as I'm in my office like doing my work and kind of checking on them from time to time Genevieve's working her desk is more of a kind of a public area down here in the basement so they're kind of walking by her constantly going upstairs and downstairs and um and I could just tell they're there for a long time and they're just constantly poking around they're like in a different part of the basement pulling a different refrigerator away from the wall so they can peek up into the ceiling here and it just seemed like there was just a lot of time peeking into the walls with flashlights like a lot of time and so i started to get that feeling i didn't realize until later genevieve said when they were gone that at one point she said yeah i knew things were going well when i heard the younger guy say i'm just gonna go out to the van and cry for a while no way i mean jokingly but apparently this was so they cut a hole in the in the drywall behind the stove which was like oh that's a relatively big hole but who cares it's going to be behind the stove turns out that was completely unnecessary because now the pipe is coming up through the hole in the floor which is again it's fine it's all behind the stove but they also just basically had to cut this big hole right in our stairwell like actually it's kind of interesting because it's the part of the stairwell where everybody hits their head when they're coming up and down exactly we have the very low i mean incredibly low area that you have to duck under when you're coming into our basement because this house wasn't built for the basement to be finished the way it was later on but it's also got you know structural beams there so you can't just like cut a bigger and now i can see the beams by the way like i can see the huge like eight by fours or eight by twos or whatever they are you can tell you this is a this is a load-bearing stairwell right like because there's big chunk cut out of it now um which honestly you don't even notice that much because it's above your head you'd have to like look up um as you're going under it to see this this big hole so it's not driving me as crazy as i thought it would but it does seem like we're gonna have a couple of weeks here with this giant hole in the wall but yeah they were like kind of genevieve described them and we're happy with we're happy with the final product i mean we're very excited about the stove these guys were very very nice i asked them i'm like did you have to blow off another assignment today because this was such a pain and they're like no we kind of knew it was we knew it wasn't going to be an easy one so we didn't book anything else for the rest of the day but genevieve kept saying to me that's why you get a quote she's like you know this isn't costing us anymore we got the quote locked in and they're just going to have to do it but she did describe them as definitely

um measure once cut twice kind of people hence the hole in your wall the various related to where the gas is coming there's a little tiny hole about the size of my thumb in one part of the wall that we're gonna have to patch up and there's this big asshole in the stairwell there's a hole behind the stove that nobody can see but it's totally unnecessary unless you're like a unless you're like a mouse on a motorcycle and you need that as a garage door so yeah but But anyway, it is installed. You got a Stuart Little living at your place? I have a Ralph Mouse and the Motorcycle.

Okay, but here's the real question. Have you cooked something on the stove yet, and was it glorious?

I have. It tastes like shit. I'm going back to the electric stove. What was the first thing that you made on the stove? No joke. I did kind of ruin the first thing I made on the stove. So Veeves and I were, she was like, well, what's, it was like, I think the first night it was installed, she said, well, what are we going to, um.

What's the inaugural run?

You know, what are we going to cook? And I was like, well, and I had just been really busy. It was, I think maybe the first night we had it, I believe, was a Tuesday. And Genevieve and I had been recording our podcast.

podcast until i think like eight o'clock at night or something so it was already getting kind of late um but i but we're also kind of jazzed up to do it i'm like i'll tell you what one of the things that i have not been able to make in a long time because our other stove was so terrible and didn't work well with kind of walks or like stir fry yeah well actually i she said oh you can make your chicken fried rice i'm like okay yeah so i don't um but the thing about chicken fried rice if you're making it homemade is ideally you're supposed to make it's just you know like white rice but you're supposed to kind of boil the rice the day before and let it sit a day in the refrigerator they say like slightly older rice is better for fried rice um and so i was like well why don't you just go and get uh get some rice and the ingredients and we'll boil the rice tonight and i'll make the fried rice tomorrow so why don't you go pick it up pick it up at the store that i'm currently trespassing yeah i said here take my backpack and rappel into the back of sars um if you get caught you do not know me deny deny deny but um anyway so so that's what i did but the thing is i really did sort of ruin it i i think i've even said on the show before and it's a dangerous game to ever brag about anything but like i have not maybe not always but i feel like just you know quickly making a hot pot of white rice is pretty um it's something that i can dial in pretty easily i know that genevieve has struggles making rice because you kind of got to get the temperature right and like sometimes it'll be too soggy or pasty or lumpy other times it could burn to the bottom of the pot genevieve for a long time has been wanting to get like an actual rice maker um which i hear those things are really great but it's like another standalone pretty big ugly appliance unitasker yeah and we don't have that much space so i feel like i've done a pretty good job of dialing in it sounds like it's such a weak brag it's such a weak brag

But I feel like it's it's actually not like I made some rice recently in my What was it? I think I used the my insta pot. Yeah, and it turned out pretty well And I was so proud of myself and I watched like eight YouTube videos on how much to rinse it and what knuckle the water should be at Etc. I don't think it's I don't think it's a weak brag if you can make good rice

Well, that's kind of the interesting thing too is Genevieve has now because she's struggled to make it on the stove she uses the like we have some sort of an insta potty thing insta potty uh type of thing so she makes the rice in there now and so i always feel i don't know i can't explain i feel a little bit of pressure because i've said hey listen making rice isn't that hard i'll make the rice um i always feel a little bit of pressure to make sure the rice is good and i will say i was getting used to the new stove and i think that because the other one this electric one this flat top electric stove we used to have it just burned pretty hot and also just uneven I can't explain it didn't react well like and now we have the stove which is everything we wanted like a great gas stove with very reactive knobs and everything but I'm still getting used to it and I think I was so scared of the medium heat that I was cooking this rice way way way too low I think and I ended up with pretty pretty lumpy rice and that's what we made the first night and And last night, I was able to take that white rice and try to beat it into submission again. You're beating a lot of things into submission lately. I am. I'm just having a day, man. I would recommend you staying in submission because you don't want me beating you into submission.

Yeah, no, I'm definitely going to watch myself.

But anyway, so I then completed the task last night by turning it into actual, you know, made some chicken and cut it up and made some actual chicken fried rice. And then what I did was I felt like it seemed more like a side dish, but I wanted to, you know, so I got some turkey kielbasa, which was the closest thing I had to like. What's the kind of what's the kind of sausage that you would usually serve with like fried rice and an egg if you were running like a diner that served like kind of more of a Hawaiian breakfast? It would be Portuguese sausage is exactly what I was looking for. Thank you. But I didn't have any of that. But and Genevieve doesn't eat pork, but I did have some turkey kielbasa. So I fried some of that up and then some fried eggs, very loose yolk fried eggs.

Kind of a moco loco kind of a situation.

Yeah, without the gravy and the meat. So anyway, so made that last night, and it was okay. You could tell that the rice wasn't as good as it could have been, but it was my first time out.

It's good. It doesn't insist upon itself.

do you realize we you and i just basically accidentally reenacted yeah an entire scene

from dr cats and somehow the one making fun of the type of conversation i'm having is still way better than um let me see if i can find this here i love this so much yeah i'm sorry i'm talking

about rice a lot but no no i was i asked what the first thing you cooked on your new stove was this is i completely i i i started this whole thing i was a little bit disappointed in the final product

but I said, you know what, this is me getting used to the news.

stove i really enjoyed the process of it like i'll tell you that like getting to know this thing oh i have a confession to make after i play this dad uh the rice you have really my favorite part of this is the low level ground hum that for some reason i captured when i grabbed how young

dad uh the rice you have really outdone yourself the rice is great oh thanks man that that you know what that means a lot to me when dad the rice is perfect i mean it's moist it's perfectly cooked You timed it right. Uh-huh. Yeah, so tender, but it's not mushy, you know? It yields to the bite, but not without a little struggle, you know? I mean, you've got to still open your mouth and chew it. It's not that it just goes right in. Well, it's not going to bite itself. Yeah, I know what you're saying.

God, that show must have been so much fun to work on.

Oh, my God. You know, I've never watched an episode of Dr. Katz. I only know, I mean, I knew about it. I knew it existed, but I've only experienced it by way of the audio that you have pulled for this show, including nonsense. Yeah.

the hair it's dirty oh the hair it's dirty um all i know that and i'm sorry that i'm blanking on your name but there's a listener who because it's not a lot of dr cats is not available streaming it's not officially streaming anywhere you can find it on youtube and we have a listener who was at the philly show who said i almost brought the dr cats box set um but i realize you probably don't want to carry it on the plane with you where can you send it and i said i don't you know i didn't want to be like oh send me your free gift to the the po box but maybe you should be the one to inherit the dr cats because you have a you have a cd i do i have a blue ray yeah

yeah and uh and i'm looking i currently own one dvd which is the documentary streetwise which i bought from the criterion collection it is still sitting in the player yeah i'd love a i'd love a good dr cats uh dvd box okay so you're about to make a confession oh the confession to make and

This is something that I've learned. I mentioned that this oven is also an air fryer. And you and I very briefly on the show said, like, well, what makes an oven an air fryer? And I was saying, like, because you have a convection oven and then you have an air fryer and an air fryer I know uses fans. There's just a little confusion about that. Well, here's one. Here's my big confession, which involves convection, which is I've been using that phrase incorrectly my entire life. I thought any traditional oven is a convection oven. And that is so not true. what makes an oven a convection oven it has fans in it so the oven because our our new oven has a bake setting and then a convection bake setting and a convection roast setting and then

an air fryer setting the circulation of the air is where the circulation air so i always thought

that convection oven is i i just because i always thought you were confusing convection and conventional i think i was but when you when you grab just like a bag of frozen treats like a i don't know totino's pizza rolls or something doesn't it on the back of the bag usually say convection oven instructions or does it say conventional oven and i was i think it says

convection oven but i don't think actually no you know what i don't know the answer i don't know the answer that i haven't cooked any pizza rolls in a while because i got a note from a listener that

said oh an air fryer in your oven is just basically it's just a convection oven they're just like rebranding them like i don't think that's entirely true um and then i started when we got this thing i started realizing oh the ovens that i've been using my entire life they've never been convection ovens they've just been baking the conventional baking ovens and now this one has fans and that is also i will say though there is a difference with the air fryer you do not have to preheat the air fryer function on this thing because actually that was one of the first things i made was probably like after i boiled that sad rice i think it was like midnight i was like you know what i'm just gonna heat i'm just gonna heat up some of those uh chicken tenders that i have in the freezer and so i just like threw on the air fry function of this thing and like 10 15 minutes later these things were totally done you didn't have to preheat the oven or anything so anyway i am enjoying my new toy and also as we mentioned it's blue inside and i don't know why that is so

exciting oh my god it feels because i have an lg oven as well i don't think i have all the bells and whistles you guys have well first of all mine is not gas but there's something about that and that blue enamel interior that it sparks joy every time i open the oven door yeah and i'm already

like you know in this mode of like well it's beautiful like maybe we shouldn't use it maybe we should get another oven that we use and we just keep this one beautiful because i don't want it for company yeah i don't want to drip anything in there yesterday when i actually got done cooking you know right when you're cooking something that has a bunch of like diced carrots and peas and you know things can fly all over the place when you're cooking and so I spent like a great deal of time like

removing all of the grates last night and like cleaning the oven and getting it back to showroom

status i just realized yeah this is a big uh improvement i guess i don't know if that's the word it's definitely going to create more activities for you in terms of puttering oh yeah because when you're talking about it like an electric just kind of glass top there's only you know so much you can do with that but there's a lot of things that you can take apart wash put back together

grouse about hours of fun and also like and no joke like i this sound this sounds so corny but like it just is so it's so much more enjoyable to cook like i just think i'm gonna be cooking more i just really hated that old stove top so much like it was really it didn't do the job that i needed to do a lot of time and it was just like not fun to work with i can't explain it to you that like this thing and yes it's new and maybe it'll wear off but like it was just a joy to cook last night the joy of cooking i'm gonna write a book that's such a good idea it's called the maybe the joy of cooking and it'll be well be a memoir about me um but anyway uh yeah it's just it's just i love having it and i do think that i'll probably start cooking more again

i i think that some of those things have a certain durability to them in terms of the experience and wanting to do it a lot like my little kitchen one of the things again this is a sad statement about me but one of the things i wanted to be able to do was prep dinner while watching television oh

yeah you set it all up because you have it you have an island thing was like whether it's chris's

show or the sport game i want to watch or you know yeah the mariners or whatever and every time i stand at the little area that is near my sink and i'm dicing vegetables and i'm watching television that's entertaining me it feels it sparks again to go back to it sparks such joy yes i totally Enjoy it, and my enjoyment of it is not lessened a year in. So I bet you you're going to really like this stuff.

And it's probably easier for you to watch now because the sun sets earlier. So that's maybe something you can look forward to in the winters more. Because when the baseball season begins, isn't it going to be harder to see your TV because of the reflection, or did you get that?

Well, now I have sun. Now I have shades. Oh, okay. I have curtain. Not curtains, but whatever you call them. So as to, yes. But that was something I realized after all of this, after all this dreaming about watching the Mariners while making dinner, the first time I tried to do it, the sun was just blasting the TV and it was impossible to see.

But Luke, that's been remedied. Do you know what I did the other day? And then I know that we need to move on. Actually, I did this a couple of times, but lately I've been going back and listening to full Mariners broadcasts from yesteryear. How yester is the year? well 90s 80s the first time i went on i'm like i want a radio broadcast because i love listening to baseball and then like nodding off and like i wanted to take a nap a few weeks ago and so i went to the internet archive and they had some games between like um i think the earliest one was an early game in the 70s and they only had maybe a list of 10 but then i went with the most modern one which was 2012 i was like oh i kind of wanted to be in my from my listening history like maybe a game i would have heard of but then the ryan court era and i was sort of like dozing and then i was like oh shit this is the this is the no hitter again this is the no this is when the white socks came to town and no hit us so i stopped that one i was like i don't want that i don't want that i'm like well that's probably why it's archived because it's a no hitter but right you didn't want you actually didn't want a game of any note no i just wanted a random absolutely run of the mill midweek june game but you know what i put on um a couple of days ago and just sort of had on in the background was i couldn't find the radio broadcast but i found a tv broadcast uh and um it was opening day i'm sorry home opener not opening day but the home opener of the 2010 season so you still had dave knee house and i can't remember who his broadcast partner was one of the former players um uh Blowers I believe and it's him and Blowers just opening day and there's something about like the near past that I like because I don't have I don't have connection to the Mariners in the 90s like I enjoy seeing the clips or when I discovered you're not trying to

listen to Diego Segui pitch the first game in Mariner history there's an there's I have an

interest in that but it's not this it's not what I was looking for and what I was looking for was It's just sort of like a midwinter random baseball game feeling where I have some context for what's going on. And so I and also 2010 wasn't it wasn't yesterday. You know what I mean? It's almost 15 years ago now. So, yeah, you could say that I my desire to both avoid consuming any content that I might find upsetting, which is harder and harder with every passing day. and my desire for my desire for the walls are breaking on me luke and my brain is breaking and that's how you end up listening

to Dave Niehaus introduce the 2010 Mariners and and Ichiro receiving the Silver Slugger Award

I on the subject of trying to find content that isn't actively upsetting I just listened to this entire episode well it's three episodes but this entire series called the Queen of the Jungle from the New York Times it's so good I cannot recommend it highly enough and I'm surprised that it's not getting more it's a reporter ellen barry for the times who was stationed in delhi in india and basically there was this story that was kind of legendary of this woman and her two children who had shown up at a train station in india claiming to have been this queen of this because i mean what happened in india um when the british came in was they basically like stripped there was a lot of people that had like you know more or less little small kingdoms you know they had palaces and they had they were there were these little fiefdoms i guess you might call it and the british came in and were like nah and they just took away a bunch of people you know their land and their titles and their kind of sense of importance and uh anyway this woman and her two kids show up her two kind of young but grown children show up at this train station and she says i'm the you know the sort of queen of this like of this particular you know family and dynasty in in india and uh the indian and i i want um you know i want my palaces and everything and the indian government said no and then they just lived at the train station for 10 years with their dogs what just yeah 10 years they lived on the platform and then eventually indira gandhi was like okay we'll give you this old ruined hunting lodge that's uh above an area called luck now and then they went up there and then no one heard from them for 40 years until the daughter so that one of the two kids who was herself very old called this new york times reporter and said i will take a meeting with you oh my and that's kind of where the story begins it's so where the story begins holy yes it's wild It's called Queen of the Jungle. I think it's called Queen of the Jungle. I can't recommend it highly enough. And again, it feels like it should be... It was like... It reminded me of when cereal dropped or something, you know? And this was just in the basement of the New York Times audio section. I was like, holy smokes. So I would recommend. When you've eaten your TBTL, everyone, then you can enjoy some dessert called... Again, I keep calling it Queen of the Jungle. I think that's what it's called from the New York Times audio app. It's really good. I'm sorry that the TBTL is a little bit mushy. It yields.

Thank you for being a 10.

All right, let's thank some donors. These folks are making TBTL possible by voluntarily donating money to the program. It's how we get paid. It's why this is a thing. It's thanks to folks like Jessica Flug of Bethesda, Maryland.

Thank you, Jessica. And by the way, Luke pointed out that it is voluntary to donate now because when we made it mandatory, apparently we were running afoul of some local laws. And so all the more important that you voluntarily donate like Jessica did. Thank you.

Exactly. The guilt trips will continue until morale improves.

That's right.

I believe is our general policy. Here's what's interesting. Jessica's last name, and I don't want to put Jessica on Front Street, but it has kind of an E at the end of it. It's got two Gs and an E, and it's a little bit like, I wonder how we say that. It looks a bit maybe Scandinavian to me or something. And then look who else we have. We have Kent Sog, S-O-G-G-E, in Sammamish, Washington. We've got a Flug, and we've got a Sog. And I feel like they might have lived in neighboring villages back in the old country.

I'll bet you they did. some hunted and some gathered

two G's and then an E and then a Luke who doesn't exactly know how to pronounce the name

but it's also not totally dissimilar from the tile tool you were looking for what was that? a Schluter I'm Marge Schluter

that joke will make sense in a couple weeks Kevin Barry is in Renton, Washington thanks Kevin, I wonder if any relation to Ellen Barry the reporter for the New York Times who did Queen of the Jungle. Probably not. I think different spelling.

Did you hear me say it's Schluder's World? That was a hilarious joke. What am I thinking of, though? What movie is it where they say it's Schluder's World? Isn't it one of those goofy golf movies? Do you have any idea what I'm talking about?

Well, is that from Happy Gilmore? Because there is a guy named Schluder McGavin in it.

I think that might be it. Yeah, I thought so. I thought there was some famous line, but now I'm Googling it, and it's like I stopped you to laugh at my joke, and I have... I have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about.

Sorry for the swears.

You know who loves all this content is my actual sister. My real blood relative, one Hannah Nelson of Grape View, Washington. What, Hannah? Thank you.

Who is one of our donors today. Thank you so much.

Thanks, Hanser. Hanser was trying to show me some piano stuff when I was at her house recently. Oh, she plays. And she plays really well, actually. And it was, like I had, she had listened to the episode where I was trying to play the chords to that song Easy by the Commodores, and she was showing me on her piano how she would play that song, and it was like immediately, she was immediately using terminology and musical theory that was far beyond my brain's abilities.

You know what's beyond my brain's ability? The ability to comprehend how badly I messed up that shooter's world.

I've been tired my whole life, paid my dues, and now it's shooter's turn. And Shooter's not about to let his reign at the top be spoiled by some freak sideshow clown.

So, first of all, I have it labeled as Shooter. So that is Shooter McGavin. He doesn't say Shooter's World. He says Shooter's Turn. And I have it labeled in my system as Shooter's Time. So, like, there is something that my brain will.

Now, Andrew, you need to retitle it as Schlooter's World. So you'll never be able to find it again.

I must. I must.

You know what I've never liked about that movie? is the part where they have Bob Barker say, the price is wrong, bitch. You know, I've never seen that movie. It feels like the laziest joke.

Yeah, he beats him up, right, or something?

Yeah, so basically, and I forget who was. They wanted somebody else, actually, I believe, to play. So the idea is, I love that I'm going to explain the plot of Happy Gilmore to Emmy Kate Pickering of Lakeland, Florida.

Emmy Kate! What up? Florida, thank you.

And also to Ryan Stevenson of San Francisco, California. Thank you, Ryan and M.E.K.

Hey, San Fran, thank you.

Like, the plot of Happy Gilmore is a hockey player, Adam Sandler, decides to play golf as a lark and is amazingly good at golf because he has, you know, perfected this hockey swing. So he's very unconventional, Andrew. And then this guy, Shooter McGavin, is the more typical sort of PGA type dude. And Happy Gilmore Is you know stealing his Place in line and then they play In some sort of pro-am some sort of celebrity Game and one of the celebrities is Bob Barker Yes okay and somehow he gets into It with Bob Barker and then they have a fight But there's a point where they have Bob Barker Say the price is wrong or maybe he Says it maybe he says it to Bob Barker The price is wrong bitch And like punches him and that's probably Played as like the biggest laugh line in the movie And it's like what a dumb joke Yeah yeah Like, by the way, I like Adam Sandler, like I'm a fan, but that is just such a lazy joke.

You know, I've never seen that film and I'm not trying to be a hater about it, but I just don't think that's my kind of movie, you know, like I just, it's just, and it came out during that era of me starting to develop what I did like in movies and in some cases being a little snobby about it. And the funny thing is, is I was snobby about movies that I probably shouldn't have been snobby about you know like looking back at some of the things that maybe i adored during that time maybe they weren't that much better than but then like an adam sandler movie but like i never saw the goal there's the two there's one where he goes back to school and there's one where he's a golfer and i've never seen either billy madison is where he goes to school can't keep him straight happy gilmore never saw him can't keep him straight and don't really care to and i also feel like Like, you know, and I don't think that me seeing them now, even if I do sort of adjust my expectations, I don't think it's going to be, I don't think they're for me. You know what I mean? Like, I missed my moment. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, and you know, it's really weird because I just said I like Adam Sandler. I think I like Adam Sandler as a person who exists in the world. I'm pretty obsessed with the movie Uncut Gems. I'm sorry. Yeah. Uncut Gems. And also Punch Drunk Love. I just like movies that have three words. Wait, uncut is one word? Okay, my theory is falling apart. I like Adam Sandler when he's not being happy. Gilmore, you know what I mean? Yeah. I like that he exists, and yet I feel like if you go back and you actually examine his Saturday Night Live oeuvre, it's like Opera Man? What? Yeah.

I remember being confused by that at the time. I was in the bag for that era of SNL, so I'm not trying to rewrite history here. That was the era that I grew up with and fell in love with, and I loved all those guys. But I remember always being confused and not laughing at Opera Man.

Yeah, I feel like Opera Man wasn't funny. I guess kind of like Cajun Boy, which then I think became the movie The Water Boy. Cajun Man or something, where he just kind of talks Cajun.

That was a little bit funny. Wait, the Waterboy, was he speaking Cajun in Waterboy? Doesn't he have a weird accent in the Waterboy? Maybe. Here's the irony of all this. I believe I saw Waterboy in the theater. What a time. Me and my friend John went to see it in college, but I think we were like, well, we've seen enough of this. And then much like you leaving a black carpet event, I believe we moved our mics and said, I think we're done here. Because I think we just kind of walked out. It was just like such a cookie cutter kind of thing. I remember like in the grand final scene where everything is.

Right, because he's a water boy, but then he's really good at football, right?

Yeah, I don't know. Was he a kid? He seems to be a kid. I can't remember what. But anyway, yeah.

He's a hockey player who's really good at golf. He's a water boy. I'm trying to find right now the water boy trailer. I have found it, but I'm letting this ad play for Verizon. And then we will hear, hopefully, Adam Sandler's accent in the water boy. because, again, I've never seen the movie, but my feeling is he says things in a Cajun-y kind of weird way. Let's see. Oh, dude, Touchstone Pictures. Are you kidding me right now? How iconic. Is there anything more iconic than the Touchstone Pictures title page?

It's calming, yeah. Bobby Boucher was a lonely boy. Hey, bring up my friend, Mama.

I just want some, too.

You want to have what they call this. Definitely Cajun. Definitely Cajun. His only friend was his mama. He can hang out with whoever he was, except you.

A Feruza bulk sighting. Oh, nice. From, what was it? The Craft. The Craft or something?

And also, but she was in, wasn't her real claim to fame or her earliest claim to fame was Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, I think, right?

Oh, wow. I thought. Okay. Only joy was his job. I'm a water boy. until one day he discovered his special gift he assaults his teacher which is how he finds out that he's good at tackling people okay now play football for this team the world will feel his

Every time I hear an explosion, he's tackling somebody. Is this true?

Yep, you're exactly right. He's really good at tackling people because he was bullied, and he's internalized his rage to be good at football. Bobby Boucher.

So I was wondering if it was an actual, like, if this is the same character, an extension of the character, or if it's just, like, he realized he can do a Cajun accent. So the best I got here is from the Wikipedia. The idea for Waterboy, I'm sorry, the idea for The Waterboy came from one of Adam Sandler's Saturday Night Live characters. Sandler said, quote, and this is a quote here, Luke, quote, you could compare him to Canteen Boy. So I guess that's the yes.

Oh, that was the name. That was, yeah, I don't think he was Cajun Boy. He was Canteen Boy.

You could compare him to Canteen Boy, whereas he does, by the way, just dropping a whereas. I love that Adam Sandler's just dropping a whereas in probably a Junkett interview. You could compare him to Canteen Boy, whereas he does love water, and they both get picked on a lot. And have a Cajun accent, right? Yeah, but he's not mentioning that. I like most about this character is that he's just a genuine good person. Another thing I'm noticing here is the cast listing on the Wikipedia page, and most of them are very straightforward. Adam Sandler as Robert Bobby Boucher Jr., Kathy Bates as Helen Mama Boucher, blah, blah. But then for some reason, Blake Clark, the actor Blake Clark, gets like several lines here. Blake Clark as Farmer Fran, whose heavy, thick Cajun accent no one seems to understand, he would later reprise this role in a cameo appearance in the 2001 film Joe Dirt.

so if you're looking if you're looking for the you see who edited that is this the wikipedia page

i promise you it was that actor yeah it was blake clark you're right i believe we have i don't have those skills but i you know what you are most likely correct sir

hello and welcome to top story all right i know we're already over the river here but i just want to play this dingus commercial for you really fast because i've been on this harangue lately about how prescription like all you what you really want to do if you're in a band or if you're a songwriter is try to write a song that rhymes with a diabetes medication or something because the people making these ads they every day they say how do we do less than we did yesterday like their goal each day is to phone it in even harder and uh i was playing you the one the other a day that was like using the

That, you know, oh yeah, but it's like But it's like it's like the worst Like attempt to fold that song into this prescription drug ad it doesn't even make sense This one is maybe less slightly less tortured, but it's for some kind of an eye medication And let me just play it for you

If you're living with dry AMD, you may be at risk for developing geographic atrophy or GA GA. GA can be unpredictable and progress rapidly, leading to irreversible vision loss. Now there's something you can do, too.

By the way, I felt like this was, not to make a pun, this was like a slow speed car crash for me because at the beginning of the ad, you hear the music. This is, you know, originally by the band War, and you know where this is going, and you don't want it to happen, but you're trapped watching the TV.

They progress rapidly, leading to irreversible vision loss.

now there's something you can do to slow it down get it going slower ask your doctor

what the actual slow it down get it going slower i had not heard this yet but i'd heard tell of it because oh really again um back to the eagles on sunday night camaro kev is like have you heard this one yet it's like really and i don't think it was on the tv or maybe it was and i don't know Well, he just sang it for us. He's like, have you guys heard the one with war now? And I'm like, no, I had not. I had not.

This is so awful.

How about I-survey? I-survey. What?

He just sang the words I-survey? I-survey. This poor bastard who booked this, I mean, this is a big deal. He probably got paid a lot of money. I'm sure he was happy for the work, and he should be. But, man, he must have felt a little dirty leaving the recording session having sung these lines whoever this rando is yeah exactly whoever whoever uh they have doing the their their version of their weird al yankovic version of the war song

is an eye injection don't take it if you have an infection or active swelling in or around your eye Eye survey can cause eye infection, retinal detachment, or increased risk of wet AMD. Eye survey may temporarily increase eye pressure. Do not drive-

Legally, I have to play the disclaimer, Andrew. Yes, right. This is a legal thing.

Never use machinery until vision has recovered after an eye injection or exam. Eye survey is proven to slow GA progression.

Can you imagine getting this eye injection and then going right to a heavy lathe? Or some kind of arc welder. Just going right from this eye injection to operating heavy equipment against the recommendation of the commercial.

Which may help preserve vision longer. So shift gears and get going. Don't delay. Ask your doctor about eye.

Anyway, I just, the mind reels thinking about the pitch meeting for that and the fact that someone came into the meeting and was like, I got it. We're going to do the song Lowrider from War, but we're going to change it to be Slow It Down with Eye Survey. To me, the cherry on top of all this is all of the money for the using of that song is going to the guy that wrote the song Hang On Sloopy.

Wait, Hang On Sloopy, same writer?

The guy who, Hang On Sloopy, it's like jerry gold let's see here it's uh well the song was by the mccoys but i believe it was written by a guy named um hold on i'm going to the wikipedia page uh i think it was written by a guy named jerry goldstein he he has all the i think he has the publishing for hang on sloopy and he was later the manager for the band war oh okay and signed war into some bullshit deal where all of the rights to the band War, the songs of War, goes to Jerry Goldstein, even though he didn't write any of their music. And I know this because we were trying to do a story about war.

I was going to say, didn't you do a CBS story about war or something?

It fell apart because none of the people that are in the band War currently were the guys who started the band War.

Oh, yeah, of course, right.

And we wanted to talk to one of the OG guys, and he was like, I can't talk to you, I will get sued by Jerry Goldstein. Oh, God. The guy that wrote Hang On Sloopy.

Oh, my God.

So as you're watching that terrible slow it down with your eye problems, the money is going to the guy who wrote Hang On Sloopy. Oh, my God. Who did not write Lowrider. You know the thing that does occur to me, and I'm not trying to be a no fun Nick here. I just am one naturally no I mean I guess the thing is as cringe as these commercials and these these song versions are is there's no way in hell I remember the name of this product without the song and the song just like especially because it's so catchy I hate how catchy that is and now I'm already blanking on the name of the medication but I'm but I'm sure if I heard this commercial two three or four times during a football game I survey I'll bet you what part of I survey is not memorable to you what part of i survey don't you understand um like i'm sure you could find yourself going around the house like or during the halftime show being like i survey and then the next thing you know you remember the damn name i survey like it's almost more gallant that

it can work right and again that's probably you know what it's like it's like a football head coach punting on a fourth and one and you're so mad as a fan because you're like what and it's like it's about it's about flipping the field it's about game management it's all this boring shit that like isn't fun but if you do it enough times it actually has you know it leads to a good outcome that's like one of these dumb songs and one of these dumb the dumb names they pick for these dumb drugs right it's like it's it seems so corny except now none of us will forget i survey and you know they like in other words they know what they're doing yeah and also i i always wonder

about and i'm sure that there's been plenty of ink spilled on this and i just have not read it because as i like to say i don't know how to read um but i wonder what the thought process is naming these drugs like early on maybe you're not thinking quite it maybe it is just like the the scientists that we got an email from somebody who just referred to them as the the the white lab coats the white lab coats like naming these things and not thinking about it But obviously now you know that when this thing is rolled out, like, why not just name it, like, something that is really, like, that doesn't sound like a medicine? You know what I mean? Like, why not name it, what does eye survey do again? It surveys eyes. It slows it down, Andrew. It slows it down.

It slows down some sort of macular degeneration. It's an eye thing. Although it might lead to wet eye syndrome, which I thought was the, I thought that was the viscosity we were going for with eyes.

don't we want him wet do you remember the line steve buscemi says in 30 rock they call me the chameleon because my big wet eyes he plays it he plays like an under undercover like yeah i mean that's hello fellow fellow

kids right with the skateboard and the hat that says rock or the t-shirt that says rock

with a little acdc bolt between it yeah that's a guy you can see on a black carpet oh i saw a bumper sticker that you might like um i don't know this is not that's not true what the fuck am i saying i'm sorry you won't like it i don't know why i'm saying this but i did see a bumper sticker that you probably won't like for some reason it stood out to me as behind a big white van the other day and it didn't seem to have any labels on it as if like it didn't say like bob's hvac or anything but i'm assuming it's somebody who's running an hvac business because they just had one bumper sticker and it just said it was like the acdc logo only it was hvac oh i do love it it kind of made me laugh i liked it that's great i know you were right i do love it

there's a right way to rock in a wrong way to roll you can't just listen to your soul Just remember that life is number one. You can be having so much fun. Just remember that life is much fun. You can be number one.

Oh, we are starting strong today with the Blursdays. By the way, if you have a birthday wish or a Blursday wish you'd like to share on the show, email me andrew at tbtl.net and put blursday in the subject line i got an email like that from our dear friend phyllis pfletcher who says gus we've been listening to tbtl for just over a decade and today you're 15 it seems smokes like just yesterday you were in your red pjs hugging the boo boo the bobo doll sorry the bobo doll that's luke and uh now i'm about to take why weren't you hugging me and now I'm known as the more huggable of the no it is definitely true I'm all sharp elbows I'm a whirling dervish of pointy elbows non-huggability you're brownish area with points that's right let's see here Phyllis says and now I'm about to take you driving for the

first time let's go sorry not legal Gus is never allowed to try Phyllis says let's go to the store

getting older. Let's go to the store and park too close to Andrew's car. Happy Blur's Day, Gus. Love. Mom. Real polite car. Happy Blur's Day, Gus. Stay away from my goddamn car. Yeah. And by the way, I don't drive to the store. I walk to the store with a backpack, and that's why I get kicked out. Sean. Oh, writing in from the Naval Air Force facility in Atsugo, Japan.

I remember. Is that the Sean that was on the boat?

It indeedly do. Yes, we've met Sean. Sean says, every year I spend an inordinate amount of bandwidth trying to wish myself a happy birthday in an entertaining way, but every year my birthday is overshadowed not just by the Christmas season but also by the continued existence of one Gus F. Fletch Fletcher. So I'm leaning in this year. Resistance is brutal. Happy Blur's Day, Gus. You're probably the best tromboner I'm aware of.

What an interesting approach.

It really is. If you can't beat them, join them. That's right.

Happy Blur's Day, Sean. Trombonist.

Inappropriate answer. I know. I already got the explicit title, so I keep on swearing. Chris in New York says, It's been a few years since I remembered to send in a self-blur's, but as you read this on Thursday, I'm on a plane to spend my birthday in sunny Arizona. Would love to get a Blur's Day shout-out from my favorite business boys. Well, unfortunately, John isn't here right now, but I hope me and Luke will do. Happy Blur's Day, Chris. Yeah, happy Blur's, Chris. That must be our friend Chris, who's always on airplanes.

That guy's given me a real run for my money in terms of just, yeah, time spent in airports and on airplanes. I follow Chris on Instagram, and it's like the other day he was having a bunch of flight delay trouble, and it was like I was living it with him. He was updating his Instagram followers, and I was very frustrated on his behalf.

I am wondering, and this is going to seem like a weird thing to be wondering, but I'm wondering right now about Chris's femurs. Do I have femur right now? Yeah, femur is your top leg bone, right? Your thigh bone, sort of? Yeah, I think so. Because I am not the tallest guy on an airplane, usually, but I look around at people's leg room. I took a photo on one of my last trips. Was that maybe meeting you guys out in Philadelphia? I'm not sure. because I just wanted to show people I never shared this photo with anybody but like I just must have I'm not the tallest person on the plane but I must have the longest thigh bones that's femurs because there's something about when I'm sitting on a plane when I sit down and nobody is you know put their seat back or anything yet my knees are almost always already jammed up against the seat in front of me and I look around at other people and I'm like well this person seems tall But they have an easy two inches between their knees and the seat. And so I'm just wondering if, like, and if I had to be in the air as much as Chris, would I have a surgery to, like, take length out of my femur?

Would you have a surgery to move the seat on the plane? You know what part of it is? One, you might, yeah, that might be something about the way your body is put together, that you just have kind of that bone is longer than typical. but also because you don't fly a ton you're in the most uh and i say this with peace and love you're definitely in steerage like you're in the likelihood is you're in the most the most non-premium seat that there is i think if you were able to move up to even like row 10 and closer like not even first class i think you would find it a little less terrible oh i didn't realize i

don't think i knew that they are broken down quite like that i know that they they mark some not a not just as business and first class but then there are some reserved seats like preferred yeah i guess there is that preferred i didn't i guess maybe i didn't realize i was a legroom thing i do more and more now it's funny when i'm booking an airline ticket i'll like try to find the best deals and everything you're going through the system and then you book it and you're like okay well like you know whatever i didn't buy the most expensive one but then almost inevitably especially if i'm flying by myself the day before when i get the email that says hey you can check into your flight now also would you like to upgrade to like an emergency row i'm just like yeah and then i'll just i probably spend more money upgrading at the last minute than i do when i'm booking the airline ticket but it's just like the day before the night before my flight i'm like yes before i get on this flight i am going to be in and there's something galling about it being an emergency row where you have to literally say yes i am here to sacrifice my life for others and i'm giving you a verbal yes on that but also i paid for this privilege i really feel like they're getting it both ways

there but yeah that's a good point they should be paying you they should be from my service

ready from yeah thank you for your service they should let me fly for free and give me a little uniform alicia our friend alicia says wishing the hap hap happiest blurs day to jen in seattle Jen Had a really difficult year. I'm sorry, Jen. But that didn't stop her from being a great wife to fellow 10 Gary. Oh, these are our former German. Champagne sabreurs. Exactly. Wishing. Let's see here. But that did not stop Jen from being a great wife to fellow 10 Gary. A fantastic mom to Jackson, who's the cutest kindergartner on the planet. And despite having so much going on, a faithful, excellent friend. So happy Blur's Day to Jen from Alicia and Us. Hope you have a better 2025 than you did a 2024. Christine says, I want to wish my five grace a happy 16th birthday. I love being the mom to a kind, smart, beautiful, newly licensed 16-year-old. Can't wait to see all the wonderful things you'll do this year. And I will enjoy my newfound freedom as you drive yourself to school, swim, practice, and work. Six words, Grace, race for pink slips. Howdy-do. It was only four words. I had to add the other two. With the howdy-do, you... Yeah, I got there. How old were you when you got your license? Were you 16? No, I think I had... A lot of my friends were like a year older than me. And everybody just drove my ass around all the time, which you will be unshocked to hear. So I think I got mine when I was maybe 17 or so.

I was one of those people on my 16th birthday there at the DMV on, I think, yeah, 85th and Greenwood. Is that still a DMV? Is there still a DMV there?

I feel like I know that intersection, but I can't picture if there's a DMV there.

It was actually, it was not technically 85th. It was probably like 86th. In Greenwood, okay. No, actually, sorry. It was 85th and whatever a block off of Greenwood is, but it was right in that area. And yeah, it was like the freedom that I felt from having my license. Even though I didn't have a car at the time, I was driving my parents' Ford Fairmount around, which smelled like someone had spilled some milk in there at some point.

Was it because somebody had spilled some milk in there at some point? I think that was what led to that, smelling like that. Funny how those things were.

The least cool whiff, but I didn't care. I was so freaking excited. I believe it.

Yeah, I think I was, because a lot of my friends already driving, I think I was experiencing a lot of freedom at that point anyway, getting out of the house all the time. You know, my friend Sean would pick me up. We'd go driving around, smoke cigarettes, hang out at, like, monuments in parks just so we could smoke and do nothing. I was a real good kid. Don't do that, Grace, by the way. No. Or Gus. Or Gus. Or Sean on the Naval Station. Or Sean, don't smoke, damn it.

Nobody who's having a birthday today, smoke or go look at monuments.

You can look at monuments, but don't do it just so you can smoke. Your parents can't catch you. I'm just thinking about coming home. Like, my parents, I would tell them, oh, I was hanging out with my friends at a coffee shop, and they all smoke. Like, the way I smell smoke now, I haven't smoked a cigarette in probably, well, it's been more than five years now, I think. And I don't hate the smell of cigarette smoke, But, my God, you can notice it from blocks away. I swear to God, if somebody lights a cigarette two blocks from my house and I'm outside and the wind is right, I will smell that and I will notice that. I must have been coming home reeking. Just reek. I must have been like that.

You smelled like the Marlboro Man. You smelled like you had lit your cigarette with a stick. Yes. Do you remember those ads?

Yes, I most certainly do. Were they, but only on billboards? I don't know if I remember commercials. I think they were on billboards.

I don't think there was a TV version. Maybe they'd already made TV ads for cigarettes illegal.

I think by my day they did, or at least that I remember. But, well, that can't be totally true because I remember – sorry, we've got to get out of here. I remember one time making everybody, like the adults in the room, laugh, and I didn't mean to because I referred to – I think somebody – I think it was dinner time, and somebody was talking about the meat being too dry, and I said it's dry as the western wind. And I remember my mom and dad laughing, like, where did you hear that? And I remember saying, like, I don't know, like that commercial on TV. And I'm pretty sure there was a cigarette commercial that referred to the other. And I'll bet you it was probably Camel trying to take down Marlboro and saying their tobacco is as dry as the western wind.

Ours is wet. Ours is just wet, wet tobacco. Like Steve Buscemi's eyes.

Okay, I'm sorry. I am extending the show. We have a lot of work to do today. Let's get going here. Jake in Portland wants to wish a most happy blurs. Hey, we know these guys. Jake in Portland wants to wish most happy blurs to Stephanie. Ooh la la jalapeno, that's my wife. You are a cool and silly lady and a super mom to the Wizard of Aug. We met August and Stephanie and Jake at the... I remain... obsessed with that child i know so cute um we met them at the uh at the bracelet making party beading party yeah you make you make life fun and i'm happy we're on this journey together love you tons marsupial gurgle walsh helm scream oh cute yeah christina in wenatchee washington says today december 19th is my sister Mella's, nope, my sister Melia's Golden Blur's Day. She's a great mom and sister to my TBTL daughter. You know what? I have messed this up every which way but loose. Today, December 19th, is my sister Melia's Golden Blur's Day. She is a great mom and sister and my TBTL daughter. She was also a daily donor this week, so everything's coming up. Millhouse for her this week. Also, happy birthday to the Stewbot. Wait, did you know about this? What? Stu, happy Blur's Day. How are we always the last to know these things, even though we're such good friends?

Yeah, I didn't realize that.

Happy Blur's to Stu and everybody else. Yeah, let's get the music going here. No, we got some more. That was just the music dying because I'm going on too long. But anyway, happy Blur's Day to Malia. And also, let's see here. I'd like to wish Dashiell a happy belated Blur's Day. Dashiell was the only kid that joined the TBTL live show after party in Philadelphia. He loved meeting all of you. his tbtl friendos in real life and getting their autographs even andrew oh yeah you can ask john about that one proof attached we love you daschle enjoy being an 11 or i'm sorry enjoy being 11 you are the best love mom dad and chloe and i gotta say there was a moment where you were talking about that uh that commercial earlier i've already forgotten the name of it don't say it i'm glad that i've forgotten it and i was a little distracted them the satisfaction exactly oh Somebody should turn Satisfaction by the Rolling Stones into a drug song. Maybe it already is a drug song. Staten Faction? Hey, see? I can't get no Staten Faction. You were born for this. I could work in advertising. It's like the relationship between an arsonist and a firefighter. There's two sides to every point. I was going to say I was distracted because there was a photo attached to this Blur's Day, And it was of a poster that was signed by you and your mom, Susie, and it looked like other folks. And then my signature was on there, and I was looking at it, and it sort of looked like mine. It was a big kind of thick strokes. But I was like, that is not my signature, and I wouldn't have been able to sign that. And I was distracted. I'm like, did somebody forge my goddarn signature on Dashiell's poster? And apparently they did. Were you here for this? John is just taking pen and ink and forging my name.

Oh, that's the least of the things he's forged of your signature.

He's our business manager. If he's forging it on posters, what else is he forging it on?

I didn't know he was forging your signature, but I do remember Daschle going around with this poster. And my mom getting to sign it, honestly, the cred that my mom got with my Aunt Kathy and my cousin Mike and my cousin Kellyanne, the whole Philly fam that was there. My mom signing a poster, it was like, you know, she'll be dining out on that for years to come. So thanks, Dashiell.

Yeah, thank you. And also, happy Blurs Day, Dashiell. And also, John, let's talk. Tracy says, it's Matt's Golden Blurs Day today. He's my dear husband, a wonderful father, and a longtime TBTL10 in his spare time. He likes to inundate our home with feral rescue cats. Sadly, he came down with a terrible cold a couple of days ago, so his birthday will not be very exciting today, although he deserves an exciting birthday. Here's wishing him many more happy birthdays. And finally, one from Harlan, who says, Hi, Andrew from TVTL. It's my dad's birthday today. He's 53. He's an awesome guy and a long time 10. So happy Blur's Day to Harlan's dad. And that is where... Stop naming nuts. That's right. We played Harlan Pepper Yesterdoodle on the show, I think, maybe. Anyway, good, healthy dose of blurth. You know what? I'm done talking. Go ahead, wrap it up. I'm done.

Thank you, everyone, for tuning in today. Happy birthday to everybody. I have some incredible news. We're going to be right back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio for you, and we sure hope you can join us for it. In the meantime, have yourself a merry little Thursday, and please remember, no mountain too tall. And it's Shooter's turn. Power out.