Muse

where do you think you're going nobody's leaving nobody's walking out on this fun old-fashioned family christmas no no we're all in this together this is a full-blown four alarm holiday emergency here we're gonna press on and we're gonna have the hap hap happiest christmas since bing crosby tap dance with danny okay and when santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney night he's gonna find the jottiest bunch of this side of the nut house you're goofy

T-B-T-L

It's the first line of the film, man. It's got to be on the money here.

I value confidentiality, and paradoxically, I don't care who knows it.

You know, it's good, you know? I mean, sure, I'm depressed, and I'm constantly sick, and nothing really brings me joy, but it just feels right. This banner has letters on it. They spell Bon and Voy. Well, those aren't words. Oh, snap! This comedian was crazy in the 80s with his raw and delirious routines. Jared! Oh, he's hilarious, dog. Who is Rick Moranis? Everybody can laugh. It doesn't have to just be the idiots! Let's get to the jokes.

Well, all right. Hello, good morning, and welcome everyone to a Tuesday edition of TBTL, a show that just might be too beautiful to live. You see the reactive nature of this program? I don't mean reactive in a bad way. I mean the way that this show can just pivot. Yesterday, we're talking about the movie National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. And then today, the intro to the show is from the very same film. That is the kind of agility that you need in a podcast, my friends. And we are here to bring it to you. My name is Luke Burbank. I'm your host at the Madrona Hill studio perched high above the mighty Columbia. Right over there is my agile friend, Mr. Andrew Walsh, the longest-running co-bro of the show. Hey there.

Spry. They call me the world's spryest producer, Luke. Uh-huh. Am I using spry right there? I think spry, agile.

Nick Jaron, is he using the term spry correctly there, do you think?

Oh, yeah. That definitely checks out. Yeah. Spryest guy I know. Okay. I think Andrew Spry Walsh.

You know what? We just asked you for a clarification on the definition. That was all we needed. We didn't need the sarcastic elaboration.

Because here's the thing about being spry. I feel that it's only applied to people who are maybe older, but are kind of like who are still quite active. And you know what I mean? Like, I feel like I don't hear about like a seven-year-old being spry.

No, it's for people who don't grunt when they get up.

Oh, no. Okay, well, then that takes me out of that. But let's call me cat-like, but a cat that has certainly burned through at least nine of the lives. Significant number of the lives. Yes, exactly. Because I'll tell you what, I have not gotten out of a car without making an audible sound in years. I don't know.

I don't remember what that was like. Are you getting the targeted ads on Instagram and other places for that handle that you can put into the part of the door mechanism of your car? You know, when you open your door, depending on how your car is designed, there's a little metal kind of square that I think is where the door latch kind of attaches to in the kind of, so the door is now attached to the opening for the door. And there's some product that's like a handle that's got a little triangle on the end of it. And the idea is you put that into that little metal welded square, and then it's a handle to get out of your car. I have not seen that, but. But every time I see it, I think, wouldn't mind one of those.

Yeah, getting closer. And not to make Nick feel bad for making fun of my inability to move, but honestly, since my arthritis has, like, the swelling has gone away. Yeah, right, yeah.

No, I mean, seriously, I now feel kind of bad that you actually do have a medical thing.

But I honestly, the initial swelling of all of that that I dealt with this summer has seemed to have passed because of this medicine I'm on. But it has seemed to wreak some sort of havoc with my joints that my doctor says will probably get better over time, especially if I exercise, which I need to do more of. But right now I do this move. I do this move, which I just never thought about how I got out of cars before. And our car is like low to the ground, too. It's not particularly easy to get in and out of. And so I am now doing this thing where I have both of my feet swung out of the car and on the ground before I'm picking myself up out of the car. Does that make sense?

You friggin' need this thing.

You're right in position to use the thing. That's the actual use case for that thing. Put that in the ad. You guys are, like, using one foot to get out of a car. And, like, it never occurred to me that I spent 48 years doing that, 47 years doing that. And it never occurred to me that that was a privilege.

I'm just like swinging my legs out of the car.

It's too bad because I already got you your Christmas present, which is literally, Andrew, as unfortunately, who was it? Was it Megan Hatcher Mays who figured it out?

Yes, who guessed it.

It's one of those, I think you should leave Christmas ornaments. You're just here for the zip line.

That's right. Have you seen those nicknames? That's awesome. It hangs from the tree.

I did really get you that, Andrew, but I can't get you the special getting out of the car handle tool, but maybe next year.

But he will DM you the ad next time it's on his Instagram.

I mean, it's probably on your right. If I fire this thing up, it'll be on your right.

You guys have already given me the best gift you can give me, which is just setting me up, making fun of me so that I can then turn around and say, well, actually, you know, I actually have a condition. And just like watching your faces go from having a good time to having no fun whatsoever is the best gift you could possibly give me.

After we're done yucking it up on this episode, I'm going to be feeling bad the rest of the day.

By the way, that's a common experience. when participating in or listening to TBTL.

Yeah, a real post-TBTL depression that happens to all of us.

So we managed to get through all of yesterday's show without actually getting to the ostensible kind of focus or point of the show, which was Nick's list of five films that you can have playing kind of sort of in the background at your holiday party that will delight. They will spur conversation, but they won't take over the vibe of the place, and they'll just be the right kind of addition to the merriment. And, again, we didn't get to any of them, but today we're going to try to get to as many as possible. Where do we start with this now?

Or we tried to string this across the entire week or possibly several weeks of content. Is there any chance we can get through today's show without getting to the list?

We'll just do number five maybe? Yeah.

Well, let's see. i mean i have a feeling that we could definitely one of these could be an episode like one one

movie equals one episode with the three of us probably but anyway sorry to get us off to a

rocky start nick you had the floor yes uh i guess i'll just go right into number five 1983 an absolute classic one that you can see on the tv on mute and you can quote it anyway i double dog dare you i triple dog dare you to name me a better christmas movie than a christmas story

That is a good call, and that is a great vibe, too, especially you're a bit younger than us, but especially for my generation, because that was kind of new when I was a kid. I looked just like Ralphie at the time. Everybody said I looked like Ralphie. Look at my shoes!

Wait, wait, what is it? Is that the bully? What is that? No, that's the neighbor being, that's the dad being mad that the Bumpuses' dogs are running a moat in their house.

Those goddamn dogs, yes. but yeah that is like you know how you you mentioned on yesterday's show nick um the holdovers the holdovers has a sort of faux nostalgia built into it the way it shopped like this is like that vibe i mean it's a funnier movie but it's like that vibe only because it's

really from the 80s yeah exactly and i wanted to include something that had that like that cinematic coziness that little bit of grain and like the imperfections of a movie of that age like nobody wants to see a christmas story in 4k ultra hd you want to see it in 360p as it would have been like on tbs for the entire day you know what i mean right there's something cozy about

that absolutely yeah there is it's it's funny that there is a look of a film that immediately puts me at ease or you know relaxes me in a way that won't happen if it's something that's newer or heaven forbid you're somewhere and the tv is set on some kind of a you know whatever real motion or i don't know what they call that stuff but i mean that's i can't get that stuff off the tv

fast enough yeah that anti-motion blur or whatever that something where it looks too real looks like

a soap opera it looks like it's like yeah i need there to be some sort of gauziness to it now here's what i'll say about a christmas story i again got to that one a little bit late it just wasn't one for whatever reason probably because of the lamp that looks like a woman's leg my parents probably thought it was fresh so i was gonna ask about the leg lamp yeah it wasn't part of like the burbank you know a christmas watch well first of all we didn't have a christmas tradition at first my parents were in so deep in the evangelical stuff that it was like no christmas because it was pagan and then when we warmed up to it it was like this it's a wonderful life and stuff like that um that being said the reason i've been fascinated with this movie of late is because i think it might have been last year or the year before the guy who was sort of responsible for the film passed away right and he was a radio host and he used to I did not realize that. He told this story my point in this is Andrew and I as sort of still quasi radio people and you Nick as a prodigal son who will one day return to the fold of making local radio with us. I feel like there's a chance for all of us to create some of

the most culturally important things around the holidays it was like a nighttime radio show where this dude would tell stories and he is i believe is he the narrator andrew you look like you might

be looking yeah it's gene shepherd i actually got to um i i think ross reynolds another radio guy interviewed him once when i was a producer for him and yeah he was like this um just old-timey storyteller did he have a regular show on saturdays or something i'm not entirely sure about that like kind of how it was distributed and i'm pretty sure that it's his voice we hear in the movie as well this was right this was a story that he told on the radio that was then turned into a movie the christmas or a christmas story i should say yeah so i'm just saying if we

play our cards right here today we may create the next christmas classic i would turn one of us tells

a compelling enough story i would turn this into a movie ending yeah i have a question for you as somebody who has an eye towards these things is a bit sensitive towards these things as well although i think this might lead into another interesting conversation that you and i were having via text a while back um this is one of those movies where i completely enjoy it it's from my youth i love it but when i think about it i also think oh there's that scene god damn there's that racist scene in the chinese restaurant do you know the one i'm talking about oh i totally forgot about that i was wondering how you because you you had a nice work nick yeah no well that's the thing i mean we talked about this a little bit like i think the goonies has a little bit of that as well again it's kind of like asian racism and i gotta stop picking these

1980s movies you know the rest of them are all newer than this no i'm not trying to put you on

the spot at all because it's just one of those things where it's like this whole this is whole you know 90 minute or more movie and it's great but for some reason i'm always like well would i show that in any circumstance the the scene that i'm referring to happens in a chinese restaurant And let's just say the depiction of the people running the Chinese restaurant on Christmas Day are not exactly not exactly gentle or appropriate. So anyway, yeah, it's one of those things where I'm just like, I don't want that to ruin the movie for me, but I can't help but remember it. And you I mentioned something like that to you via text. You're like, well, maybe that's a list. Everything I say to you, you turn into a list on Letterboxd. But like, didn't you have a radical? I'm a walking yes. It's very fun having you here. Did you have a radical theory about racist, casual racism and old movies that we need to like almost not hide from it, but take it straight on?

Oh, yeah. So two ideas there, actually. So one, of course, one, I do think that it's important to keep that stuff around and continue to talk about it and not like sanitize the art in any way, because this is this is how you end up in situations where you have people saying like, well, slavery was so long ago, you know. The Civil Rights Act was so long ago. These are all things that are in the living memory, along with all of the art that was happening by the people who were growing up with it as well. And if we remove it from our art, we remove it from our cultural memory as well. We have to see this stuff and talk about it. You know what? I take it back. It stays on the list. And you should watch that scene.

In fact, your number one, I believe, is just a supercut of racist scenes from 80s movies. That's right.

this is i want to be i want to be clear too this is a andrew's role on the show a while ago uh was talking about the movie white christmas and andrew immediately reminded me of the black face in the movie which by the way we later learned doesn't actually exist but they do say we miss those minstrel shows which is not a great not a great thing to say in a song but period accurate also

So like, I'm sure they did miss those shows. I mean, honestly, they're telling on themselves.

You know what was good? Yeah, racism. Somebody recut that now. Now it sounds like they're saying, we dissed those minstrel shows.

That leads me to number two on my point. So one, I think it's important to keep them. But two, I went down this weird rabbit hole the other day about, oh, sorry. Oh my God, this is amazing. What just happened? Is it your birthday? it is my birthday but i think it's doing that because i'm making a peace sign wait is today

literally your birthday birthday today is my birthday yeah happy birthday i have never this is the most 2024 unless this is airing in 2025 this is the most 2004 moment i've ever observed in my life we are talking to our friend remotely who because he's using his telephone to talk to us active accidentally activated some kind of birthday balloons on his phone letting us know that it's your birthday today and you think about giving a peace sign to the screen that's why i

think so because like you can do thumbs up too yeah look at that here comes some bubbles

look at that happy birthday brother happy birthday thank you for spending it with us i mean my

goodness nick oh i'm happy to spend my waste of your special day i don't worry i have a very nice dinner coming my way oh fair fair enough but anyway uh point point number two on the the racist scenes. I went down a TikTok rabbit hole the other day about how mormons have like this whole cottage industry around um editing films so that they aren't r-rated so that they can watch them because they're not supposed to watch r-rated movies right i think that we can do a similar thing based off of this list where we can we can add whatever problematic movie we want to and we offer a service that's the party approved edit of the movie takes out all of the uncomfortableness all you get is all party all

all the time yes okay not like the not the the ruling party i'm not talking about like a maoist we we are we will we've released the party approved yeah lowercase p okay i'm not trying

to cut you guys out of this business opportunity but here's what i'd like to call it whitewashing the business will be called the business will be called whitewashing and i whitewash all of the racism out of old movies how does that i love it i'm in all right i'm going to see if that domain is taking it whitewashing.com let's let's let's not engage with whitewashing um all right well i i do love that that is on you did you watch that movie growing up by the way before we move on to your number four is that something that it has like strong childhood memories for you

a christmas story yes yeah that's one that like by the time i was a kid that was one where the generation above me wanted to see it anyway so there was constantly cable marathons of the christmas story i think some channels still doing it probably like tnt or something nice

which is a footnote for so a good number of the like you know classic holiday movies right is underappreciated in their time but then put on cable probably because they were cheap and then rerun a million times and then they become part of like the dna of the holiday for us

Yes. So actually, this one that didn't make my list, but I think is a good candidate for this because people don't have cable anymore. They have Netflix. There's a Netflix Christmas movie called Noel starring Anna Kendrick. She's the sister of Santa. Santa's played by Bill Hader. He doesn't want to do the Santa thing anymore. So he flees to Phoenix, Arizona. This is the only Christmas movie I know of set in Phoenix, Arizona, because then Anna Kendrick, sister of Santa Claus, goes to try to find him and, you know, hijinks ensues. I think that this is a candidate for a new classic because it's going to be at the top of Netflix. People recognize Anna Kendrick. She's in a ton of stuff. Bill Hader, funny guy. You throw it on and it can have a similar like background cable ubiquity that the

old movies used to have. I know that we need to get going with the rest of your list, but let me just say this quickly and we don't have to respond to it if we're tight on time but i don't go in for those hallmark style movies i guess you know it's a whole industry now as you guys well know luke i know you did a tv story on this and you know kind of netflix creating these things with lacey chabert that is hot frosty that's exactly what i want to say i was at a holiday party recently and i don't really follow these things but people were like let's put on hot frosty which luke i don't know Are you familiar with Hot Frosty?

No, it must be. Is that a new one out this year?

I think it's new this year. It's exactly what it sounds like. Frosty the Snowman is hot. Exactly. And there's this hot snowman that somebody made right in the village square. Although nobody questions who carved or chiseled the super hot, and I would say overly vascular. Chiseled is right.

Have you seen this movie, Nick? It's a Lacey one.

Yeah, she's in it. Have you seen this movie, Nick, or just the trailer? No, I've only seen parts of it, just parts of it. So now I've only seen one Hallmark-style movie, and it's that movie. And it's like, as people in the room were saying, it's kind of like Sharknado now. Like, the genre has bent so far that they lean into the campiness. And this, of course, I'm forgetting – oh, shoot, I'm forgetting his name. But great comedian who plays Daryl on The Office. I should know his name. It's Craig Robinson. Craig Robinson. You know, he plays a very over-the-top – he plays a straight-up comedy role. in it but um yeah it it it didn't do a lot i'm hoping it's not number one on your list nick i

saw craig robinson the other day we were filming at the hollywood improv and somebody was the show was going on and then it was also a night where there was a football game i guess it was thursday night football it was like the packers were playing somebody was yelling from inside the bar there's two people in the bar and i was like wow who's this into the game and it was craig robin no shit i mean they all like hang out there at that comedy club but it's just craig robinson with like one friend way too into thursday night football oh love that great that's great all right

what do you got next on your list number four as we count these down all right number four i think

that it's important to have something that is almost a little inexplicable when you look at it you're like when did they make this why is this person in it uh it's an arnold schwarzenegger holiday movie. Back when he was, like, that run of, like, kindergarten cop, he was doing different things that was more family-oriented, although he does have a fight scene with a bunch of Santas in this. 1996's Jingle All the Way.

Right. Of course. How do I forget about that one?

That is where, wait, the premise is he is trying to get the last of one of these, like, cabbage, not a Cabbage Patch Kid, but some sort of the must-have toy for Christmas, right?

Yes. It's kind of a throwback concept. And I put this one on the list because I saw a lot of nostalgia on social media this year for back when Black Friday used to be aggressive, borderline violent, and like getting the hot toy, the Tickle Me Elmo, the whatever of the year was something that people were having nostalgia for. Jingle all the way taps into that. There's scenes here where he's near fighting people in the store to get his Turbo Man figure for his son. And I also put this on here because Turbo Man is nobody. This is a nothing superhero that they made up for the movie. You could redo this, maybe with a Chris Evans type. You put Captain America as the doll instead. You redo the entire thing. You could remake this tomorrow.

I'm just, what I'm wondering is, were they trying to sell Turbo Men at the time? Because what a missed opportunity otherwise, right? For it to not be something like a product tie-in.

To my recollection, it was not a real toy. How interesting. But it was very like Buzz Lightyear coded because that was around the same time that Toy Story came out and that was the hot toy of that year as well. Nobody wanted Woody. Everybody wanted Buzz Lightyear.

Spoiler alert. I'm now realizing I think the only part of this movie I've ever seen is the very last scene. It takes place at a parade somewhere. And I believe Turbo Man is there, right? Like the real actor who plays Turbo Man in the movie. There's some sort of action scene, I believe, at the end.

Major spoiler alert. he doesn't end up delivering the toy for his son but what he does do is become Turbo Man himself in the parade the Turbo Man we wanted was at home the whole time

yes now I get it and also it is like there's a side reference to this from 30 Rock that we love Andrew which is like and now something with Greg Kinnear Jingle All The Doors

actually you know what that's Kimmy Schmidt I believe that drop is from Kimmy Schmidt. Yeah. And now he's in Jingle All the Doors. This is a waste of our time because it's such an inside joke. But one time I mistakenly referred to the movie Catch Me If You Can as Chase Me All the Way. This was just a private conversation between me and Genevieve. And I said, you know, that movie Chase Me All the Way or whatever. She's like, I think you mean Catch Me If You Can. And one of us tweeted it out. And a friend responded, oh, you're going to love Jingle If You Can. And so whenever I think of Jingle all the way, I think of it in my head as Jingle If You Can.

Always remember. Uh-oh. TVTL breaking news.

I just want to let you guys know that whitewalshing.com, .net, .org, .info, .biz, and .co are all available.

I thought you were going to say they're all now registered to Blue and Bird Bank LLC. You think I'm 100 air?

It's there for the taking. If we do decide to go forward, if you decide to go forward with this business, you've got all the URL real estate you could ever need.

Absolutely shocking that nobody has hoovered them up yet.

Yeah. Okay. Next film.

Number three. I did cheat a little bit. This is a bit of a twofer, but one of them is very short. We're doing both the 1966 animated version and the 2000 Jim Carrey live action How the Grinch Stole Christmas. That's right.

Wait, so the original one was only like an episode? It was like 28 minutes, did you say? I forgot about that. 26 minutes. That was weirdly, really close. Yeah.

And isn't it, who's the, is it Boris Karloff? Wait, is Boris Karloff a person or a character?

The Grinch. Yes, I think it is Boris Karloff, right?

Which is crazy that he was still alive and doing things, and I probably wasn't even that old. And I guess, was I born yet? When did that movie come out? Where did the television special come out? 1966. Okay, I was not born yet. I don't want to be alive at the time when Boris Karloff was in his prime.

I'm already feeling old. Boris Karloff, never young, right? Like literally with the name Boris Karloff, never a child.

Definitely, yeah, one of the few cases that they verified of being born 70 years old.

Yes, exactly, exactly. So I included both of them because number one, the animated one, nice and short, iconic animation style. nobody has a bad time watching that one but the jim carrey one i remember when this came out i was a kid and even back then i was like well how could it possibly live up to the animated one that we all love and it's three times as long what are they even going to do for the rest of that time i'll tell you what incredible set design yes and they

added way more Who characters, including like one hot Who in Whoville played by Christine Baranski.

I love it. Like, I feel also like this, that some of the particular monologue where Jim Carrey as the Grinch is talking about how booked he is, like he's going through his daily schedule of all the stuff he has to do, has now been kind of meme-ified on TikTok where people are just like walking around their house, like, you know, lip dubbing it like perfectly. And it's only upon seeing other people like kind of lip sync to it that i realized what a genius monologue it is right it's it's low-key

one of my favorite jim carrey roles because not only is the voice great but him acting through the costume is incredible this is going to sound maybe weird and oddly specific but the stuff he does with his hands and his fingers in particular the fur going off the end of the fingers it's weird and the way that he utilizes them including like sometimes straight up waving them at the

camera yeah it is the perfect it's like the it's like the perfect offense for jim carrey to be operating with yes you know what i mean like exactly because i was thinking about jim carrey the other day when i was in la and jim carrey is actually like a very deeply thoughtful person in terms of how he thinks about life and fame and what matters and doesn't matter and depending on the interview you see him in i mean he's like he's like ram das or some shit and then i look up on and it's like none of this matters and you know he's like again he's he's like super like zen and whatever and then i look up and he's like playing the bad guy in sonic the hedgehog 3 like how does this square with your like deep meditation on what it is to be human but also low-key let me be the bad guy in sonic the hedgehog 3 and wearing a cartoonish fake mustache while it's like he doesn't need the money obviously like it's it's he finds some value in it and hey great but yeah I think the Grinch is like I think that's just like he's the perfect person to play the Grinch and really elevates the whole thing.

I've literally never seen the movie. I'm looking at the posters and stuff now, and I'm remembering how unsettling I find his makeup to be as somebody who hasn't seen it. And also is squeamish like it seems very every visual I've ever seen from this movie is very upsetting to me. I think I found the scene that you're talking about, Luke. And again, I'm not setting you up for anything here. I've never heard this before. It's 30 seconds long. It's listed on YouTube as Grinch's Schedule.

Is that his voice in the whole thing?

I'm bucked.

It pretty much is, yes. And funny enough, those are also my birthday plans.

Yes. Happy birthday, once again. Once again. All right. So that was number three.

It's going to be my birthday. Tell no one.

So that was your number three on your list. Do I have that right?

That's a good one, dude. That's a really good poll.

That was number three. I'm surprised you knew it so well, Luke, but that's great.

Well, again, mostly because it's resurfaced through TikTok

it's kind of back it's back in front of mind for me nice all right headed into number two this one this is one of the few cases where i'm i'm an advocate for sequels and i genuinely think that the sequel to this movie is the better one however the sequel has a very intrusive donald trump cameo and therefore we'll be going with the original i feel a wet band coming on home alone

Home Alone or Home Alone 2? Which one are you picking? Home Alone 1. We're going with the first one. No Trump.

Because of the presence of Trump.

No Trump.

I think Nick's argument is that Home Alone 2 is actually escape to New York, escape from New York. I think it's lost in New York. Lost in New York. You think it's a better film, but it features too much Donald Trump. Absolutely. So we're going to go with numero uno.

We're going with the first one. It's a lot of the same gags anyway. You know, you got the booby traps, people falling in them, people being hurt in ways that you think would probably kill them, at least concuss them, but they're fine. Basically, the paint can to the head.

You think that on a huge pendulum coming from the top of the attic stairs. I think about that all the time. Like that person is, if alive, not living the life that they did before they got hit in the head with that can. Like that is that's a traumatic brain injury. That is. Yeah. Manifest. Absolutely. Can I ask you, are we, can I ask you a question about the sequel? Are we allowed to do that? Okay. Because this came up for a minute. I forgot about it. I'm a guest. I forgot about, well, I know that we want to avoid the Trump talk, but I was thinking about this. sequel recently for some reason i really don't know why i've never seen it honestly i've seen the poster for it before i think i've seen like it's like a fake newspaper i think like wet bandits are like loose in new york or something why how why and how did the wet bandits find themselves in the big apple because the first one takes place in like a suburb of chicago right

yeah the first one is in chicago island park probably is that a christopher columbus film

I can't remember if he directed it but I think he did write that one

because I feel like all of those Chris Columbus movies were always set in Highland Park Illinois which is just like a wealthy Chicago suburb I think

Hughes too right like good grief I believe we were talking about him yesterday on the show who did Ferris Bueller John Hughes his movies also always take place in sort of the Chicagoland area like wealthy white suburbs of Chicago Yeah, Uncle Buck.

Uncle Buck, yes, exactly. Another Macaulay Culkin tour de force.

I cannot remember why they're in New York, but I remember like it's some contrivance because they wanted to set it there. And then the family is again like, there's no way we left him again.

Let me just I'll quickly I'll try to be efficient with this. But this is according to Wikipedia.org. The McAllister family is preparing to spend Christmas in Miami and gathers at Kate and Peter's Chicago home. Their youngest son, Kevin, views Florida as contradictory to Christmas due to its tropical climate and lack of Christmas trees. Let's see. The next morning, the family once again oversleeps and rushes to the airport. What? I mean, fool me once. Won't get fooled again. The next morning, the family once again oversleeps and they rush to the airport. Kevin goes with them, but he becomes separated while carrying Peter's bag, accidentally boards a flight to New York City. So that's how he gets there. Now, let's see. It doesn't seem to mention how the—well, sorry, I'm trying to kind of speed through this. This does not answer the question of how the wet bandits end up there.

Yeah. Maybe they're just on the lam.

Maybe so. In Central Park, Kevin encounters and eventually befriends a pigeon lady. That's not the person we're looking for.

Oh, yeah. She's the fill-in. Because in the first movie, there's like a neighbor lady.

Oh, the neighbor who we are scared of. mm-hmm um yeah uh yeah i don't know how i don't know how the the bad guys get there but as nick

said so i think wisely a contrivance yeah right i just think it's quite a coincidence but it's also a family has left the same child behind twice essentially so i guess they got closer to the plane the second time it is true i think that's actually why it came up i was having a conversation i think with genevieve and i don't know if we're talking about airline rules these days or what but just like the idea that that couldn't happen again like you couldn't just like i think there's a scene where somebody says to the kid as he gets on the plane, oh, just sit anywhere. He's like, somebody's in my seat, and they're like, oh, just grab another seat anywhere. Can you imagine being on an airplane and a flight attendant saying, oh, just grab a seat anywhere? By the way, I

found Ryanair. I found the totally not illuminating section from Wikipedia. The wet bandits have also reached the city after escaping from prison.

Oh, okay. Maybe they put them on Rikers. Yeah.

Yeah. I would also just mention that this is yet another film where Catherine O'Hara is like another iconic thing for Catherine O'Hara. Like if you think she's in Beetlejuice, she's in Home Alone. She was on SCTV. She's in all of the good Christopher Guest films. She was in Schitt's Creek. like this is she's had a sort of zellig like career where i swear to god every time you turn around katherine o'hara is in something that's like like her like remembering that they figure out they left kevin behind is like an iconic moment of that film yeah also 35 years of iconic mom roles seriously also great cameo from john candy what's the name of the bowling the bowling league that he's the boy remember oh i forgot about that they get the airport you know like he like right he's like the isn't he like the he's like the milwaukee bowling king or something

and is an accordion involved or am i confusing my john candy cameos my candy-os uh

he does do a lot of travel in his movies yeah yeah he is he's always on the go um uh by the way andrew you're totally right that the the movie poster for home alone to lost in new york is Macaulay Culkin reading a newspaper that says the Wet Bandits escape on it while the two of them sort of leer at him from behind the Empire State Building.

You guys are going to love this. Because New York.

The tagline, he's up past his bedtime in the city that never sleeps.

You guys are going to love this. Oh, that's good. Not only did I find the John Candy cameo, but it's literally...

Recorded off of VHS tape because I can see, like, the word play here. And it's got that tracking. Let's take a listen. They're in the airport.

Allow me to introduce myself. Gus Polinski. All right. Polka King of the Midwest. The Kenosha Kickers. No? That's okay. I thought you might have recognized it. Anyways, I had a few hits a few years ago. So that's why, you know, Polka, Polka, Polka, Polka, Polka, Polka, no? Twin Lakes Polka, Damavuji Polka, a.k.a. Kiss Me Polka, Polka Twist.

Well, these are songs.

Yeah, some fairly big hits for us, you know, in the early 70s, you know. Yeah, we sold about 623 copies of that. In Chicago? No, Sheboygan, very big in Sheboygan. So good.

So good. I think we probably play that about once a year, Luke, but we have goldfish brains, and so it's new to us every time.

Honestly, that's one of the nice things about having no medium-term memory is it delights me every time we replay it.

Also, how about John Candy just making a meal of Midwest city names? Like, have Kenosha and Sheboygan ever been funnier? Yep.

Absolutely. Like, my first ex was from Iowa, my first ex-wife, and we would go to Iowa a lot. and the big thing was you've got to get these sausages from Sheboygan. The whole family would talk about it. And these were not particularly sausage-y people if you saw them. They were pretty clean eaters generally, but, man, they got these rolls from Oosberg and then these sausages from Sheboygan, and you would butter up the bread and put this Sheboygan sausage on it. People would talk about it all year until it was time to have one of these.

Wow. Sounds heart smart. Sheboygan. It was.

Holler at Sheboygan.

that is very good i've lost track is that number one or number two we're in the home stretch oh

no no my number one is it should i should i go into it now so sure all right number one on the list everybody's been waiting two whole days for this one yeah they have and i think it's going to be worth it because this is hands down one of my favorite christmas movies but also one of my favorite christmas movies to think about because while it is a muppet movie the magic thing about the Muppets is that everybody plays it straight you can't be looking at the camera and hamming it up saying isn't it funny that I'm talking to a Muppet no Michael Caine plays Scrooge in this and there is a scene where he receives after like having the life-changing things towards the end of the movie he receives a gift from Beaker one of the Muppets and he's saying meep meep meep while handing him a scarf Michael Caine looks like he's going to cry in this scene acting against the Muppet it's it's the future that we didn't know we needed because eventually people would be doing this with tennis balls and green screens of course I'm talking about 1992's A Muppet

Christmas Carol I have never seen this film Nick but you have convinced me that I will watch it

tonight you should and also hot tip if you have Disney plus there's actually two versions of it on there there's the regular one that if you just go to the title and click play it'll play but there is a song cut out of it for some reason that is in the extras menu if you click on the movie so if you click on the extras you get an extra song or you can watch the extra song separately it's not a particularly good one but i'm a completist when it comes to stuff like this weirdly so i watched the longer version were they were they whitewashing it was it like a dot org

i don't know if i've seen that or not but i will say this there is something about the muppets even if it's not a specifically muppet christmas movie there is something because of that cozy feeling i get from both like me growing up in that era and the fact that they're like literally fuzzy like i get such a fuzzy warm feeling watching any muppets like i'd watch the muppets take manhattan during the holiday season and that would still feel like kind of appropriate to me might even give you a

fuzzy feeling hey you know um i'll tell you i'm reading a timeout new york's description of the film nick and what i'm realizing is the muppets are very well positioned to play the characters in this you know movie you know obviously play originally because like i definitely think you I get powerful Bob Cratchit vibes off of Kermit the Frog. 100%.

Yeah.

You know what I mean? 100%.

Which leads me to one of my favorite things to think about while I was watching this movie was there's a bit of an internet meme that, you know, we don't need another live action adaptation of an animated thing or an animated adaptation of a live action thing. We need more Muppet adaptations of things. So I started thinking I started spinning out another list of films for myself.

where I was thinking, what movies would I want to see the Muppets play? Because I completely agree with you that Kermit is good as Bob Cratchit in that they didn't even really need a Tiny Tim. They just did a smaller version of Kermit, basically, and he's adorable. And I got to tell you, one of my favorite movies that came out this year, Conclave, would be perfect, perfect as a Muppet movie. You keep Stanley Tucci and the Cardinal who vapes in it, and then everybody else can be a Muppet.

That's Ralph Fiennes, Stanley Tucci, and who's the other one?

Oh, Isabella Rossellini's in there. She might get some awards stuff. But it's basically an all-male cast. And one of the bummers about doing Muppet versions of movies is that the Muppets are mostly male. So this works best with male-dominated cast. Because another one I thought of, 12 Angry Men. I would watch the Muppet version of that.

Goodness. That's like, yeah, because you have the whole cast in there. Absolutely. 12 Angry Muppets. Oh, angry Muppets. I'm thinking about the holdovers because it came up on the show yesterday. Am I right that Fozzie Bear would play the Paul Giamatti character? Like kind of a sad, kind of a sad, he looks the most like Paul Giamatti. Yeah, I guess I'm maybe body typing here.

He does. You know, the main thing you have to do with the Muppet adaptation is think about who Kermit is going to play and who Miss Piggy is going to play.

Ah, start from there.

You build it around that. That's a really good point.

um in that case i have kermit being probably the kid that he's trying to help during during the holdovers the kid who does not get picked up from his i think it's animal oh you think the

kid is animal only because the kid is yeah he's chaos on his own wavelength he's he's just like he's doing bad shit he's he's lost he's adrift he's and i feel like that's not kermit to me i mean what if the kid is the only human you keep dominic sess and everybody else is a muppet very interesting maybe yeah maybe we maybe paul giamatti's character is played by the swedish chef there's layers yes there's layers there that we've never explored yeah i'm trying to

i don't feel like there's a good one asshole kid is definitely animal the one who's oh it's like

come pick him up oh yeah he's animal he steals a joint or something i think possibly or or maybe a nudie mag or something from the other kid but um yeah that is a fun exercise so um it came upon a midnight clear not on your list the made for tv movie that came out in like 1983 never how are

you chef sorry there was a delay in the line there i really had to get that one on no that

one was worth it that one was worth it bork chef and then we clap their hands like that okay

then after that we remake the bear oh we should remake the bear with muppets now that that's so good oh my god i was sort of thinking the menu there i actually haven't seen the bear but um i understand oh the menu right yeah yeah where they're eating also yes chef energy another

refines he's also boy it's refines world and we're just living in it he's in this other movie that i think is an adaptation of like the odyssey the iliad or the odyssey and he is so ridiculously fit my guy is like in his 60s and he is just i mean he doesn't have an ounce of fat on him and it's like it's really torpedoing my i would i had just gotten to the point where i was like look i'm 48 years old this is what it looks like to be 48 and i had settled into it and i had made peace with him and i saw ray fines in this new movie so i hope he's doing it in a healthy way man you never know i mean is there any other way for ray fines to do things he just seems like a deeply centered i don't know with it guy he's also in like four movies this year or something

yeah you spend too much time in hollywood you start doing weird stuff to your body a couple other muppet movies i would like to see glengarry glenn ross okay it's so perfect oh my god who's alec baldwin i think you recast alec baldwin but keep him human everybody else's muppets really i like miles teller for that what do you think about miles

teller for that i can't picture miles teller um he's uh from the drumming movie and also oh yeah okay um i i definitely feel like i could see kermit would be a perfect shell levine oh my god yeah yeah just kind of just broken down by life just a sad sack yeah basically gill from the simpsons yeah yeah oh i only had one payment left on that hot plate that's that's the kind of

kermit energy to me oh man i had i had a couple more as well too fast too furious specifically because I think we should keep Tyrese and Devin Aoki and then everybody else's Muppets.

Okay, I have never seen that movie. Who's the Vin Diesel? Who's our Muppet Vin Diesel?

Oh, I think it's got to be Gonzo.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But like a kind of a more taciturn version of Gonzo?

Exactly. And then I had one more Ocean's Eleven. You keep like half the Eleven around and then the rest are Muppets.

Piggy is Julia Roberts oh that's great I would watch that I really would that sounds like and now here's the question though do are the Muppets being Muppety or are they is it played because you're talking about Michael Caine playing it straight in the Christmas Carol version which I think is genius are the Muppets are they still being kind of their normal kooky selves or are they playing it pretty much straight they just happen to be Muppets so that's one of the things

that works about the structure of a Christmas Carol because since it's a play Gonzo and Rizzo the rat are the narrators and they're the only ones who get to do like zany muppety stuff and talk directly to the camera with these other adaptations i think everybody just has to do it straight and then maybe you have like for ones where there is a uh a comic relief character you let that one be kind of zany like whoever does the don cheetle part in oceans 11 yes a you got

to keep the exit b ham it up man oh my goodness nick this has been so much fun um i really appreciate you uh reprising your role as uh i i guess our movie correspondent and our chief

thinker on the listologist yeah yeah happy to do it it's it's always a pleasure coming on the show i know that obviously most of the time i do it to uh with andrew while luke is gone so it's a pleasure to have both of you here for it yeah i'm probably not as good though no definitely not as you know in the olden days of tbtl uh when andrew and i were working even when it was very cold

sometimes he would want to put one more piece of coal into the stove and i would yell at him from across the room and i would only give him half of christmas day off um but now that we have these amazing donors that support the show I let him put a piece of coal into the fire and I don't even yell at him

Do you know that I have a very sickly Nick at home?

Please sir Say there boy

What? Is it still Christmas Eve? Oh there's a commercial out now and I can't remember what it's for but it's a parody of A Christmas Carol. Boy am I going to mess this up and we should have just thanked the donors I did this to us carol and you have the scrooge character he's yelling out to a little boy oh boy you know the butcher shop where the fatted goose hangs in the window and the boy's like yes he's like there's a donut shop next door and i can't remember what the commercial is for but it makes me laugh

so much that's great there's no way that's duncan that's too good i don't think it's actually for

the donut shop i think that's the weird thing but yeah keep an eye out it's probably for a phone I mean, you do an entire podcast about commercials, Andrew, but this is the eternal tension, right? It's like, do you make a dead-ass funny commercial that we have no idea what the product is? Or do you just show a car driving on a winding road that is unavoidably about the vehicle? Today, we unavoidably have to thank, and even if it was avoidable, we wouldn't. We would run right out to thank Elaine Olson of Buckley, Washington. Hey, Buckley. Yeah, man. Buckley, that's kind of... I feel like Buckley is... I'm going to be guessing now near North Bend?

I feel like it is, too.

Do you have a sense where Buckley is, Nick? You grew up in the Pacific Northwest. I have no idea. I was going to guess near Gold Bar. Uh-huh. Oh, you know, yeah, that would kind of make sense. Near Startup, near Index. Enumclaw. It's below Enumclaw. Enumclaw. Enumclaw, sure. I bought a car once in Enumclaw. I bought a Hyundai Accel.

Just east of Bonnie Lake.

That's true. That's the gateway to Bonnie Lake. That's where Elaine Olson is. Thanks, Elaine. Also, Alan Jones is checking in from Los Angeles, California. The gateway to Anaheim.

That's what they always say. Alan, thank you so much for donating to the show. We appreciate it. I mean, we did this show today extra long for you because you're in Tinseltown, and we know that you love pictures.

and that you could use any good idea for like you know reimagination of existing ip because you're in the biz and probably you'll be pitching these ideas before the day is over

that's right and we i need to see those muppet movies tomorrow we're gonna get we need some

points on the back end al uh brian dast is in portland oregon this is our friend brian the pedal steel uh master the music production person the all-around wonderful guy who's made lots of

things for the show the oft blurs ryan dast brian dast sorry about that i left the b off there for

a second uh let's see here i'm trying to spell i wanted to find a couple of the things that brian made uh well he made this remember when we used to advertise bing on the show and that was back when I wouldn't let you have any coal. Yes. How little Bing was paying. That's Brian. Man, that's incredible.

Do we have the rights to play that? Here's something called TBTL Podcast Intro. This is made by Brian.

Live from a room next to Luke's bathroom, this is TBTL.

These are all Brian Dast original. That's incredible. Yeah. Anyway, thanks, Brian. We really do appreciate it. Thank you for the support. Thanks to Chris Rupp in Shoreline, Washington. Thank you, Chris.

Just right north of me right now.

I started, you know, it's funny because I grew up in North Seattle mostly and spent a lot of time in Shoreline, and now, Andrew, you're the mayor of Shoreline. Not officially.

No, officially. No, officially. I'm the mayor of Shoreline.

I spend no time in Shoreline, and we can't get you out of there. No, you can't. Despite the police's best efforts. That's right. Hey, it's Dave Bledsoe in New York City.

Hey, Dave. That's where Home Alone 2 is. That's right. Hey, listen, I don't want to say this loudly, but I think Dave is one of the wet bandits, like in real life. I think the one that Pesci is based on, in fact.

I think Dave and I are following each other on the Ascendant social media platform, Blue Sky. And Dave does a podcast, I believe. Yes, he does. And they've done a lot of episodes, like hundreds of episodes. So, Dave, thanks, man. We really appreciate the support and keep your head up in that podcast game. Thanks also to Rachel Potesta of Kalamazoo, Michigan.

Oh, that is a great name. Thank you, Rachel. I love the name Rachel, I mean.

Yes. It's a name so eccentric it almost seems impossible, but it's real. It's the name Rachel.

No, obviously I was thinking of Kalamazoo, although Rachel is the one who donated, not Kalamazoo, so I need to keep this straight. But Kalamazoo seems like another name of a town, a good Midwestern town like Sheboygan that could have been thrown into that John Candy mix.

And also, Andrew, I don't want to nitpick or micromanage you, but I did notice, I just wanted to let you know that the way that you spelled Sheboygan in the show sheet, in the Google Doc, is not how the city of Sheboygan is spelled.

C-H-E-I-C-H-B-O-Y-G-A-N is how I spelled it. How do you actually spell it?

I believe it's an S-H. It's a Sheboygan.

Oh, it's Sheboygan. Is it Michigan or are there two places? is because sheboygan is in uh is in wisconsin i see there's a sheboygan michigan that is spelled

the way i spelled it let's spell it that way wait hold on i see and then wisconsin no i think we

should go for the original sheboygan i it's actually way funnier sheboygan michigan i did i want to know how the other kalamazoo is spelled right right i did did you so you didn't know that

there were two sheboygans obviously i had no idea i'm sorry i but no i apologize no well i mean i

I think what I did, and I'm going to whisper this part too, I just typed in a just, like, as we were talking and I'm trying to type that at the same time, I just mashed in a bunch of keys that were so far from the proper way of spelling Sheboygan. I was shocked that the Google Docs understood what I was even trying to do. And then they auto-corrected it to that Sheboygan. But honestly, this one is respectful compared to what I threw up there originally.

well thank you so much to all of our donors um for supporting tbtl and making this a thing all these years later and again nick thanks man for coming on the show we uh we gotta make this a

regular thing if you'll if you'll have us yeah absolutely and i'm also uh flying the friendly

skies on blue sky now that's right i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna i will start following you um even right now in fact nick why don't you tell everybody i know last time we did this

You got a lot of followers on Letterboxd. People were joining Letterboxd so they could join the fun. How can people find you there?

Oh, thank you. I totally forget the plug stuff. I am Slow Nick, S-L-O-W-N-I-C-K, on both Blue Sky and Letterboxd. Nice. Fantastic. Slow Nick on Blue Sky. No longer Nick the Quick. I'm Slow Nick.

That's right. And then at some point, we are not getting into this now. We do not have time. But you and I, and maybe along with the audience or just ourselves, we need to talk about the new Kendrick record I have not gotten your reaction to that yet and obviously I know you will have many and strong feelings but we're not getting into it now none of them right now you were being a very good guest right there don't like the fuse

alright thanks everybody for listening we'll be back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio for you in the meantime have a great Tuesday have a great Christmas Eve and please remember no chimney too tall

and good luck to Santa Claus. You set me up in the end. I love it.

You do have a harness.

Power out.

That was like a full hour, but that was a lot of fun. That was really, really fun. Thanks, Nick.