Muse

Our next caller is Pete from Manhattan. Pete, what's your question? Hey, Larry. First time caller. Adore the show.

Hey, I recognize that voice anywhere, Larry. That's my friend Peter Frampton on the phone.

Uh, sure. Listen, Tracy, I love the idea of hiding cash at work. Can you be more specific about where you hid your money?

Of course, Pete. I hid my money in the safest place at 30 Rock. Without giving it away, the place I picked is very dry and warm. Its top is hard, but its bottom is soft. And although the location changes all the time, the money stays in the same place.

If you're just joining us, we're with Tracy Jordan, who is giving guitar icon Peter Frampton enigmatic clues about a secret treasure. Stay with us. T-B-T-L

Guess what day it is? Guess what day it is? It's Friday, Friday. Gonna get down on Friday. Everybody's looking forward to the weekend.

I don't know, guys. I think I'm gonna add Sam Fringe to the last leg of my parlay. Right. What did he say? He said, as his head, yeah. He only chopped and don't because he couldn't see you no more. What's he known? I feel a real need to express something, but I don't know what it is I want to express or how to express it. I am not gonna talk about myself. I'm gonna talk about you, and if I talk about you, I think I'm gonna talk about me.

We could not talk or talk forever and still find things to not talk about.

All right, take a run. See you on the Flippy Flops.

Well, all right. Hello, good morning, and welcome, everyone, to a Friday edition of TBTL, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. My name is Luke Burbank. I'm your host, coming to you from the Madrona Hill studio, perched high above the mighty Columbia as we have arrived, everyone, at episode 4,648 in a collector's series. A special episode of the program.

This is special. This is special.

Something that the TBTL listeners have come to love because it's happened a couple of times before. Hopefully the Text Me Back listeners are enjoying it as much as our fans are, And that is a crossover episode featuring me and your guy, Andrew Walsh. By the way, good morning, Andrew.

Good morning, Luke. Sorry I left my microphone open during that intro. I sort of chortled twice. Sorry if that was picked up on the mic.

I think it's good to model things for the listeners. Sometimes you need to sort of be an example of how they should be responding to the audio.

That's a good point. That's why you have that applause and laughter on your little red machine, your sound effects box.

It's called leading by example. I like it. And it's what we do here. How many times, I'm putting you on the spot here, but how many times have we, I was going to say crossed over, but that just sounds like we're starting a new segment on the show where we do some, what's his name, James Van Prog, like medium stuff, crossing over. How many times have we done a show with our friends, Lindy and Megan from the Text Me Back podcast?

I was literally going to ask you the same question. That's nice foreshadowing, by the way. Oh, that's right. Very good. I'm doing an invitation of Rob Lowe.

We're going to hear more Rob Lowe content coming up.

I thought that this was either our third or fourth time, but I was going to ask you if you happen to know.

I'm going to say three or four. That sounds about right. If you are unfamiliar, if you're a TBTL listener and you're not familiar with Text Me Back, it's this phenomenal podcast. Lindy West and Megan Hatcher Mays do. They're actual real-life friends from high school. Garfield High in Seattle, also the alma mater of our friend P. Fletch. And our friend Ivan. If I'm just going to start, this is the part of the show where I name Garfield High alums. Right. And just shout out to James Garfield, honestly. Totally. Hey, make sure you check out Death by Lightning. It's a good, it's an interesting miniseries on Netflix about the assassination of James Garfield. You were telling me about that, I think. Very interesting. It's got Michael Shannon. It's got Nick Offerman.

Oh, you mean Michael Shannon from Pottersville?

i mean michael shannon from one of my favorite rem cover bands yeah i mean michael shannon from one of the weirdest architectural digest home tours i've ever seen oh you might have mentioned that before i don't know if i have like well i mean michael shannon it truly does seem to be a person who is not how do i put it he is very much marches to the beat of his own of his own drummer which probably is why he's a phenomenal actor and a pretty good singer but he is very when you see him interacting with interviewers or in this case so like architectural digest home tour is kind of the mtv cribs for the new yorker set you know same premise we're going we want to see what the inside of famous people's houses Thank you.

look like um but this is done with a little bit i guess maybe it's a little more understated but they go to michael shannon's he's got this cool uh apartment in new york and it's just like him talking about the stuff in the apartment and where it came from is it's just so he seems and he's i don't think he's in any way trying to be unhelpful he seems like he could fall asleep at any moment he may still be recovering from the from the bullet that he took playing james garfield in Death by Lightning. But anyway. Pardon me.

How unprofessional was that? What happened to me? I couldn't even reach my mute button in time.

You know what that was? That was Death by Lightning. You can't go around being worried about it all the time, but when it happens, it's quite sudden. It really is quite sudden. And maybe that was

God trying to smite me before I picked some nits with you, but is it fair to say that he's in an REM cover band when he's just doing michael stipe's role with the band rem with michael stipe standing next to him on stage

which i think is what's actually happening well he's actually he's doing that sometimes but he's

also been touring with a whole other dude oh okay doing rem none of the none of the original members

none of the original guys okay and i forget the other guy is maybe from like the mountain goats or something the other dude is like kind of in a i think a kind of a well-known like maybe sort of indie band but yeah they've now i think it started with what you're describing which was michael shannon showing up and performing with rem and now it's become its own thing where he i think he might be literally currently touring anyway jason or ducey is that the name you're looking for yeah what is where's that guy from not the mountain goat i'm looking this up now uh because i'm i'm

totally out of my element here um he seems to be listed as like kind of an a solo musician i'm looking to see like the first line on wikipedia doesn't seem to associate him with any band and i guess they i was like well what do they call these are famous people who are doing a cover band of a very famous what would they call it is it something clever is it based on an rem song i think they're just calling them themselves michael shannon and jason narducey and friends and they just perform R.E.M. songs, which I kind of appreciate. Like, let's not be super clever about this and let's not call ourselves Chronic Town or, you know, some sort of... Which, there's nothing wrong with that either, but they're just like, we're doing this thing and we're just going to tell you what it is.

Nardusi deserves a quiet night. Not that this is exactly fame and fortune, but it looks like Nardusi did... He was touring with Bob Mould. Oh, okay. for a period of time that seems to be the the highest profile thing that i can find here uh oh you know what though let's see uh his single his current solo project split single uh blah blah blah uh that features he's uh some john worcester is on the drums that's a mountain goat okay so i think this was all blending together in my mind he also toured with sunny day real estate okay um but i guess uh what i would say is i apologize that we ran out of time for our conversation with Megan and Lindy because we spent a little too much time talking about Michael Shannon and Architectural Digest. Here's what I was trying to say. Lindy and Megan are real high school friends who have now maintained their real adult friendship. And the very name of their podcast, Text Me Back, is born out of the fact that one of them would text one of them something. And then it would be, I think it was mostly Lindy because I'm friends with Lindy as well. And it would take Lindy too long to text Megan back. So then the text would start to be, text me back, like, hey, hey, you know, get back into this conversation. So they decided the text relationship wasn't working, and they should start recording these conversations. And boy, aren't we all the beneficiaries of that, because that is the impetus for the Text Me Back podcast.

And I just have a grand time doing this, Luke. That sounds like a fake thing to say, but I was telling you off air, where I'm nothing but real.

You've said before that I'm almost too real sometimes. I'm uncomfortable most of the time. Right. Because I keep saying, we're not recording this anywhere, are we? Because you are getting freaking, you're Yahoo serious. That's right.

I'm so serious they call me Yahoo. You're sunny day real estate. So anyway, but I was just saying before the show today that I just really, after we recorded this, I just was like feeling like, God, what a fun hang. It just really always feels like a fun hang. And I think that translates. And I love hanging out with them. And I think that what you and I do together matches very well what they do together. And I think when all four of us get together, it's just the right vibe. And so I hope listeners are vibing with us.

You and I and John have talked about, like, well, you know, what are the podcasts that we could do these sort of crossover shows with where we think there's a decent chance that our listeners will really like what the other podcast is doing?

and the other podcasts will really like what we're doing and therefore maybe grow both listening audiences. And again, as you said, just have a fun time. And I'll be honest with you, it's sort of a short list because of like how, I don't know, whatever, the DNA of our show. There are not a bunch of other shows that we actually think we have that much, I guess you might say, sort of synergy with. Connective tissue. Connective tissue, crossover, just vibe sharing. and so it is really it's been really fun to get to do this with them because it's always just like and you the other thing andrew is you and i we got a lot of big ideas and uh we we follow through on a lot of them but there's a lot that we don't follow through on and this is one that we have been because that's how much fun it is like we at some point we're like we should try to do more shows with text me back usually that's the last we speak of any particular idea that we have something shiny catches our eye and yes and that's not been the case with this because not because we can point to any particular audience growth or anything else it's because we love getting to talk to Megan and Lindy so that's what you all are about to hear um uh you know I believe this starts where every good podcast overlap starts Andrew with a dog violently barking in the background and possibly interrupting the broadcast but no no we pushed on and had this conversation with Megan and Lindy. So here we go. It's T-M-B-T-B-T-L, the dog, happening right now on your podcast.

Oh, good. Kevin's involved.

Perfect timing. He must have heard me hit the button.

Yarp, yarp, yarp, he says. Well, and with that sound, we know it's time to record podcast because Kevin only does that the second someone hits record. So it must be podcast hour.

That's right. But you know what? Kevin knows what he's doing because you know what podcast this is? It's not any old podcast. Oh, I'm sorry. I tuned in for text me back podcast. Is this something else? No, this is something even better. It's called Timptle of the dog.

Wow, wow, wow. Yippee yo, yippee yay.

And Kevin's a dog. Do you get it? Kevin is a dog. You know, and that's true. Luke and Andrew are here. Or shall we say we're there? because we're in their riverside which means we don't have access to any of the stupid nonsense on our media board which is unfortunate so lindy can't play the trump drop where he's like very rich very rich fat shot drug so unfortunately the listeners can't hear that but welcome andrew and luke to your own riverside recording studio it's beautiful to be with you it's amazing to see you

thank you for sliding into our riverside yes i love what we've done with the place thank you we have so many trump drops that we can play from here if you need us to although we actually yeah we i think it was was it after the first one andrew the first election we just said we laid off it was kind of like we couldn't figure out for us personally the line between yes it's funny it's ridiculous or it just kind of kills something inside of us our listeners our listeners

actually have banned them and i'm not allowed to play we took a poll and then they immediately

like immediately everyone said don't do that and then we violated the sacred trust and played them a bunch the next week and i still feel bad about that then we never did it again never again did

it again we played him like crazy leading up to the first election because it was like what a silly thing that this person thinks they could be president everything they say is humorous because it's so misguided and it just has i don't know if you've been tracking it but it's gotten

less funny i know i haven't been paying attention at all so let me know if i if anything happens that i need to know about yeah well so on our show we have something we called the no giggle pledge and we invented it um during the election in 2024 because um every i am so sorry to say this everything that comes out of that guy's mouth is sensational it's comedy gold so funny he's so funny and frankly the fact that he is the president makes it funnier because why is the president asking each of his cabinet members who's on ozempic like what like what and what am i watching as why is he saying we're gonna lose 80 800 billion pounds before the midterms the midterms hello hello so you know so it's just insane um so we during the election lindy and i were like okay we're gonna try really hard not to laugh at anything trump says because now we're in this very serious moment where he might get elected again and unfortunately i don't know if you guys have been paying attention but he did i was t-bowing that again yeah he totally did get elected again so we were like every time we laugh at something trump says we'll donate five dollars to kamala harris and and sadly it did bankrupt text me back podcast text me back podcast is no longer solvent uh because we had to donate all our money in the words of maya rudolph

to what end to why would donald trump want to rust my both my basement you know but it happened he did he did do that and now um we are gonna do world war three i guess if if we can remember the difference between greenland and iceland then we will invade so how are you guys doing keeping politics out of the podcast so good so good no no this is our second vertical tim to love the dog we have we have text me back main we have swamp person and then this is our third part of our our media empire person is a great name by the way thank you and i can just i was

saying this before we started recording but and i don't know if this is this is um you know sort of public to y'all's uh text me back listeners or not that you're thinking about maybe doing a show that's more politics based is that public knowledge it is yeah so we asked our listeners

like because we talk a lot about politics on the show and uh sort of i mean but sometimes something so bad happens that i feel like lindy and i need to process it and what's going on in minneapolis is one of those times where it's like we can't just like do a show where like anyways yeah then the frog pretended to be a cop you know what i mean like you i like we kind of have to acknowledge that like the government is extra judicially killing people and the reason that our show exists is to try to like keep everybody alive through this crisis and like make sure everyone's in the right headspace to fight back not to ignore that this stuff is going on but there are a lot of people who listen to our show who are just like that this is like my escape room so i can't solve

the puzzle to get out that's where that's how you keep listeners yes we lock them inside the

text me back podcast i'm taking notes never um so and we at text me back podcast support

dissociation so if you want to dissociate from society like we want to help you do that too so so what we're going to try to do is i mean the show it's not not possible for any podcast to be apolitical and if it is that is a political choice in and of itself yeah but to the extent that we might have like a big guest who comes on to explain like actually what's going on because i know some things but i don't know everything and so but you know a lot of things megan a fair

number of things you and i after you and lindy and i were in seattle doing my radio show we went out afterwards um and you and i were talking about this stuff and i was like immediately struck by how really like you know deep your knowledge is of this thing so i mean i really do mean that like

you know your stuff i have a lot of debt to show for it too so subscribe to our patreon patreon.com text me back pot and free me from the shackles of student loan debt but anyway so so like one time we had united states senator jeff merckley on our show like that sort of thing would live on swamp person it's not going to be like a weekly thing but just like a little extra something to help people contextualize what's going on because um this is like unprecedented times that we live in and uh and i do miss the precedented very much yes who knew yeah how how much the precedented

had going for it at least for certain people for reals luke and i have messed around with

isolating content in the show because we like sports so sometimes we would talk too much sports And folks would say, hey, could you keep that for the end of the show? So we call that no point conversion. I believe a guest or a listener came up with that, which is one of my favorite titles of any little mini project. And we did that for Game of Thrones and stuff, too. If you want people to embrace your political conversations more, I would recommend spending a week going deep on like Mariner's bullpen decisions. And then they will come racing back for the politics talk.

so we didn't get that deep but during the mariners playoffs run which was still hurts me so much so so much um we talked about baseball a lot like yeah we we did yeah we did i was processing my baseball feelings and lindy was also there and like says the person who looks

like she's waiting for her stepdad to pick her up and take her to the game i'm talking about

lindy west right i don't know if you can see what my hat says though does it say baseball oh no it says basketball it says okay that's a different ball entirely great look by the way lindy you do look like you're about to go play t-ball for like yeah uh beacon plumbing or something yeah exactly uh anyways and it went on for like two weeks and then it was over and then but we got quite a few comments on spotify and the other podcast platforms being like okay girl i think we've heard enough

about baseball fully turned into a baseball podcast for about one solid month and i'm talking five days a week like it was it was because you know when you do shows like this you know you're mostly just talking about whatever is happening in your life or whatever is occupying your mind at that time and for for me and andrew certainly as the mariners were like going through the playoffs that was the only thing occupying our mind so it's like very difficult to not like just end up

talking about it every day for hours on end do you feel that way about the seahawks or did you give up nfl because i gave up nfl and now i'm being tested like i've never been tested before because they're really they're one game away from the super bowl andrew andrew started low-keying

his nfl because he volunteers at a pop-up that serves uh food and coffee to folks who are unhoused on Sunday. Yes. How do you like that? My friends, not all heroes wear capes. And so he kind of sort of stepped back, which actually was very inspiring. And I then stepped forward to make up for him. And now I'm watching for two. I'm watching so hard.

The other side of that coin is guests who already talked to his fellow volunteers and took this Sunday off of his volunteering gig so he

can watch the championship. I think I'm going to watch. I'm a little bit scared. I'm really stressed. this is what we talked about on our show at the risk of recreating this all over again on your show is I'm a really stressed sports watcher I I feel personally involved I feel like the decisions I make on game day affect the outcome of the game like am I wearing the right shirt am I wearing the right hat am I paying attention enough am I paying attention too much because if I get too excited that will also potentially negatively impact the game and I would like to share a memory from before I knew you Luke I remember Lindy text I was living in I think I was living I must I must have been living in DC at the time and Lindy texted me and was like oh my friend invited me to the NFC championship game I guess he has an extra ticket in this box and I was like and I was like what I was like are you gonna go and she's like no I don't care about that at all and I was like I was like what I mean while I'm in my kitchen in my Richard Sherman jersey or whatever and I was like you have to what the fuck are you talking about and she's like yeah my friend Luke and I was like who's Luke he has an extra ticket I was like what time is the can I come can I fly five hours and get there in time she's like no and I'm not going to go either I was like well did anyone take the ticket she's like I don't think so and then it ended up being like one of the greatest football games ever played not just like in the history of the Seattle Seahawks but potentially in the entire NFC Lindy Jesus Christ I think about it all the time well

Well, actually, do you know, and for the real heads, this will be a funny update. Do you know who did take one of the tickets? Daniel Savage. Did he really? Yup.

Wow. That's amazing.

It was literally like, I think Alaska Airlines had this box, and I think that they, I think I was, for the people that worked in their marketing department at the time, and I remain a very small micro-celebrity getting more micro as the years go on. But they were like we need to try to get some local Seattle heat in our fancy box. We'll ask Luke but we'll also kind of let him know that we really need him to invite some people that are more famous than him. So I reached out to Lindy, Ken Jen, who came, Dan Savage. I'm trying to remember who else. But it was a motley crew in that box.

Let me check my messages. I can't remember if I got that call or not.

So you didn't invite me because you wanted to spend time with me as your friend? Nobody wants to spend time.

I really wanted to spend time with you. But I also, I wanted to spend time with you as my friend and as a friend who would maybe tweet about it.

Hashtag add hashtag Alaska Air Partners.

Hashtag caught in the middle. I was just, I was trying to keep Alaska Airlines happy. I was trying to get to see the game in the box. I had a lot going on.

Was it fun? I have the vaguest memory of being asked. Oh, this game. This game.

It was, and text me backers, get ready to email in about how unrelatable this content is, but it was an extremely exciting end to the game that the Seahawks did win. If I remember right, we had a full life-size cutout of Richard Sherman, the Seahawk, like a cardboard cutout in the box for some reason, which we then stole and walked through after the game, a totally jubilant crowd of people who were all just

high-fiving a cardboard Richard Sherman. Well, for Lindy's awareness, because you might not know, Richard Sherman kind of single-handedly saved the game for the Seahawks. I vaguely remember this yeah I still have his post game

interview memorized. We don't need to get

into that, but don't you open your mouth. Let's hear it. Open your mouth about the best. L-O-B! Who was talking about you? Uh-oh, Crabtree! Would you try me with a sorry receiver like Crabtree? That's the result you're going to get! Anyway, I think about it all the time. I can't believe your

listeners don't want more of this. Megan, have you considered a third vertical, which is just your Richard Sherman impressions? because I would become a power user of that.

Did you? You and Andrew would be my top and only subscribers.

And maybe Richard Sherman. And donors. Luke, is this also the game where you ended up on Brock Huard's shoulders at one point? I assume he didn't end up on yours.

Actually, that might have been the same game. It was a very tense season, and there's kind of a local Seattle sports guy, Brock Huard. He was like a quarterback for the college team, and now he's like a sports broadcaster. quite handsome we were in one of those oh man i got stories one i asked his wife out in college when i didn't know that they were engaged i sent her like she was in my geology class at the u-dub and i had a large crush on her and i wouldn't probably do this now but like the professor it was called rocks for jocks and the professor sent out an email but didn't know about bcc or like you know how to do like he sent an email to the whole class that had every single person's

email address on it and I found

her email address and I sent her a message respectfully just said hey and she was a basketball player for the UW too and I was sort of like hey you know I think you're swell if you ever want to get a cup of coffee let me know total crickets and then like a week later

and then you said aw shucks

I read in the UW Daily she and Brock Huard were engaged because he was also in the class which I didn't think was related to that but anyway they got married they have like 80 kids, and they're all, you know, they're living their life in Issaquah.

No, I think in Arizona now, by the way. I think they went to live free somewhere, yes.

Sure. But we, after one of these really exciting football games from that season that we're talking about, Brock and I were hugging and spinning in like a dervish. We were so excited at the end of the game. His wedding ring flew off

in the luxury box. And you swallowed it.

It went right into Dan Savage's mouth. It could not, if I remember right, it could not be located for I think maybe a while maybe that night and he had to go home to this gal who I had once tried to ask on a date and explained when you made your move exactly checkmate he had to try to explain to her why he didn't have his wedding ring because he had been spinning around like a dervish with me celebrating the Seahawks

somehow his wedding ring fell off whoopsie

exactly exactly well anyway that was my first memory of luke burbank even though i didn't know

you but you know that's okay i'll take that even though even though um lindy turned down the

request i'm honestly surprised that i did because even though i didn't care about football i um i i liked doing stuff back then yeah i wasn't it's a fun thing well if i ever get how about this

again my star has really uh i'm like an actual star i burned out eight years ago but the light

It hasn't reached the earth yet, so nobody knows it.

But if I ever get another invite, Lindy and Megan and Andrew, you're on the list. This is the core group, okay? Thank God. Finally.

We made it. I've been waiting my whole life for this. Great.

This is the core group. Hey, speaking of power moves, can I just say something here? And I don't know that the listeners can see this or not, because you guys put this all on YouTube. Am I right about that? You're still doing this whole thing on YouTube? We do. I don't think our little title cards are going to show up on YouTube, but I'm just looking at the power dynamics here based on the names we entered, I see that we have a Lindy West and an Andrew Walsh, full names proper, I think. Megan is kind of like, I can just do one name. They know who I am. I'd be invited to the NFC Championship box at this point. Luke has labeled himself Luke Host. And I feel like that's a power move. What's going on with

that? Are you in charge here? I don't think there's any benefit to us dancing around the fact that i'm the host of this i think it honestly insults all of us to pretend that it's otherwise no you know what i think this speaks to my deep misunderstanding of the program that we're using riverside because uh andrew was in las vegas uh a couple of weeks ago and so i was like i was i was hosting the show meaning also i was from a technical standpoint and i think where it wanted me to put my name and i thought was the part where i let it know that i'm supposed to be the person recording it so i changed my name luke host to luke host uh unintentionally but actually it kind of has a nice ring to it i like it you know what it reminds it reminds me

of as we were chatting after live wire and

And we were like, oh, because we had kind of talked about maybe trying to get together in person to record something. And Luke was like, Andrew can't do it. He's got something at four. And it made me laugh and laugh. And then I was like, well, I've been wondering, like, who is the Luke and who is the Andrew of each? And it just fell into place so obviously after Luke said this, because, like, Luke and Lindy just want to record all the time. Never not recording. Megan and Andrew have something at four.

Andrew doesn't not want to record, in my opinion. But you had something going on that day, Andrew, that I think meant we needed to either record in the morning or not do it. It just made me laugh.

I'm sorry if I'm bringing up something bad.

No, I have no idea what it was.

No, it was just really funny because I was like, yeah, I can't do more than one thing in a day either.

I'm good. I'm looking at my calendar now. It was a nap, actually.

That's not true. Don't. That's not fair. Because I am the napper in this relationship. And Andrew is not.

I've gotten more into naps. So if we want to talk about this for a little bit, because I'd like to know your reaction to this. So I'm more of a sleep-in late person than a nap in the middle of the day. But I've been trying to incorporate both into my life lately. And for naps, I have a rule, which is I'm allowed to nap if I don't turn onto my side. If I only sleep on my back. Because I'm a side sleeper when I really get into my sleep, you know? And so I'm like, if I just stay on my back, then it's a nap. But if I go to turn into fetal position, then I've gone too far and I've just got to sleep through the night.

I actually know exactly what you mean. It's like you got to keep it casual. Like if you're on your back or even like three quarters sitting up, you have plausible deniability that this was an accident.

I have that. That's on my couch. The rule is I can't be fully reclined if I'm leaning back. And the other problem is I put this powder in my hair so that my hair looks less thin. It's called Topic. But it's supposed to stick to your hair follicles with static cling, but a lot of it still comes off. And my couch cushion was getting covered in it. So I have, like, a special blanket that I keep on this one couch cushion. But it's the one for your back. And I sit up kind of, but then I go to sleep. But it feels like you're both saying that if I'm not fully reclined, I'm not really sleeping like a full nap. and that seems to be like less lazy of me or something.

Yeah, sometimes I will like leave on a particularly uncomfortable item of clothing. So, cause if I take it off, like, you know, remove a bra or like a pair of jeans, something that would make my nap way more comfortable, then it's too much like going to bed. I'm committing too hard. And I'll actually get in my head about it to the point where I will nap better in the uncomfortable item than if I took it off, because if I took it off, I start to feel guilty and I can't fall asleep.

Is napping in shoes totally off the table for you? Are you a shoes-off house?

Not at hotels. It's on the table at hotels. I just did it recently.

It would have to be not... It would have to be... Only if it was in public, like on a plane or in a waiting room of some kind. Not if I'm in my own space, no.

I've napped in shoes. That's another way that I'm keeping it cash with the nap. Just leave the shoes on.

Maybe if I was at someone else's house and they were like, I have to go do an hour-long phone meeting or something, and they were a shoes-on house, yeah, okay. I might lean myself over on the couch with my shoes still on. I would never put them on the couch. But, like, my feet still on the floor, but then my body kind of diagonally. Yeah, I could see that. And I would like it. And I like the thought of it.

I went to a party recently. Andrew, I meant to tell you about this. And I rolled up. And for some reason, I had decided I sort of bought these boots that I've been wearing lately that are pretty involved to lace up. I'm trying to mix it up from just my normal, like, white sneakers look. And I got to this get-together, and to my horror, I hadn't even opened the door. This was at someone's house I don't know particularly well. I looked through the little glass of the door, and the first three people I saw did not have their shoes on. And this was very far from where I live. This was hours from where I live. And I just was like, I froze. And I thought, like, is it, did anybody make me? Could I duck down and get out of here? And then I opened the door and realized some people had taken their shoes off out of courtesy. And at least one person hadn't. And that was all I needed was to have one other person validating my decision. And so I shoes donned it.

Yeah, we talk about this a lot on the show, and I'm not saying that I'm right about this or that I have any kind of justice to stand on, but I'm old now. I'm like 49 and increasingly sort of set in my ways and cranky and other things.

that people love about me and find attractive. And one of the things that I say now is, like, if you live in a shoes-off house where you throw shoes-off parties, like, I don't want to say that you're wrong to do that in any way. Of course you're not. But I am going to straight up say, no, I don't go to shoes-off parties anymore. Like, I'm just going to be honest about it. Like, I don't like socializing with my shoes off, you know, unless it was some sort of a beach blanket bingo kind of situation, which I don't see myself with those either. It's happening constantly. Right, exactly. I did get your e-vite. Somebody raised Annette Funicello from the dead. But I just feel like, well, listen, it might not make you like me anymore, but I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to say I'm busy. I have something at four. I'm just going to say, you know, I'm not really comfortable in that situation.

Are people putting that on invites?

No, you have to know the people. You have to know.

Oh, so at any moment, it could be a surprise. You have to visit their house under the cover of night, weeks before the event, and just do a little recon. I see they're wearing shoes. It's safe. Speaking of being grumpy, can I share a tidying? We don't have our song, but Lindy and I have tidings. And mine's a real... Can we get Rooney up in here? Can we evoke the spirit of Lindy Rooney? Yeah, not Sally.

Yeah, I actually have some audio for that if you'd like. Just give me one second here. It might not be yours. We do a segment on my other podcast, which is about TV commercials. It's called After These Messages.

You let Andrew have other podcasts?

This thing Luke hosts in Riverside is really just in title only.

It comes with no actual power over Andrew. So here's a little, sorry for all the cross promotion here, but we do a little segment on After These Messages where I complain about things. We call it Andy's Corner. And now, A Few Minutes with Andy.

Old man, look at my life. I consider myself to be an absolutely dead center, normal, average American. My opinion that a great many women have one thing in common. They spend too much time and money fooling around with their hair. I don't use foul language, and I don't like to hear anyone else use it either. It's a fancy bottle. I bet that bottle costs more than the water. When does a rainforest lose its virginity anyway?

All right, you're in the clear.

Why did he say that? going off about virgin rainforest now i regret tying myself to the fate of rooney but can i just say one thing by the way i feel like andy rooney died parentheses question mark and then they and they i feel like they never named a new national curmudgeon like they never like who is that can i i want to be that who's gonna be the curmudgeon laureate of the united states now that he's been

dead for question mark is he dead he is dead okay he is dead um i i'd certainly not me but what what i what i have done weirdly as a job thing is done these commentaries for cbs sunday morning which is kind of the like you know the the beginning part of that like day of like cbs programming and what I found out really fast from doing these commentaries was that you become Andy Rooney so fast because what is an interesting take, it's not just like, hey I had this the other day, it was really great you know what I mean? The only interesting take is this is really grinding my gears or like I did one about you want to hear more Rooney than Rooney this was when Twitch had been sold for like a billion dollars or something I mean, this is years and years ago. I think it had been sold maybe to Facebook or Meta or somebody. And I was like, my mind was blown because I'd never been on Twitch. I didn't understand how big of a thing it was really going to be. I just knew it was a place you could watch other people play video games. And an actual line in my commentary was like, that's like watching someone else's paint dry.

Can I say I know about this because when I was in Wisconsin for the holidays, my mother-in-law and i watched your cbs this morning about bagging your own groceries at

the grocery store i hate that too i i don't isn't that rooney though like if they're gonna make us

work there we should get a discount oh i have the opposite i know you're building towards something laughed and laughed oh she loved it but i i am the opposite i push the baggers away i try to do it as politely as possible but i always just say no you know i got i got it and if they're like no like to help i'm like i got a system i just have a system andrew might be one of the world's great

uh shopping you know grocery shopping bag fillers i've gotten compliments it's the highest

compliment you can get from the cashier yes nice i will say i don't like doing it and i'm not good

at the bag filling necessarily but i have this like teacher's pet energy where because people are always bad at doing the self-checkout they're always breaking the machine and standing there motionless for hours on end hovering over a button like and i do every time i do it i'm like oh look at me like i like i'm showing off like someone's gonna be like wow she really knows how to work that don't worry about me lindy i have

the P.O.U. number for bananas memorized. 4-0-1-1, fucko. Okay, but here's my real one. Okay, so I had to go to downtown Washington on Sunday for an appointment, a salon appointment, to get my mustache waxed, okay? Just in full transparency. I drive down there thinking this is not going to be a problem. It's Sunday, okay? I'll just park somewhere on the street and if not, I'll park in a parking garage. Perhaps you've heard of this invention. it's a garage where you can park your car you know what i mean so i drive down there no street parking i'm like fine backup plan i'm gonna park this car in the parking garage also i'm sorry that i drove i should have just taken the train but i didn't feel like doing that anyways so but all the parking garages are closed because none of the business boys needed to go to washington dc on sunday because it's a weekend and they don't work on weekends you know so only like three parking garages in the whole city were open and i'm like fine i'll just go into one of them so i drive into one it wasn't a parking garage it was the budget rent a car return so i said oh no this isn't a parking garage at all let me back up out of here while famously an easy thing to do at a rental car lot yes where all of the cars are triple parked and there are never weird spike teeth right no embedded in the concrete it was amazing and all the budget guys got to watch me do this where i was like have a good sunday and i drove off and i'm like fine whatever so i like i'll go around the block and go to the other one that i saw but of course every other street is one way i had to go like seven blocks and then i turn back around and i drive back down the street i'm like okay i'm locked in i'm gonna go into the parking garage i go to the second one and it just doesn't work it's not giving out tickets everybody's calling the pressing the phone button for assistance and the person's just going no no and so we all are leaving so i'm like fine i'll go around the block again again it's a whole situation because of the one-way street situation so then i i'm like okay i think i saw another one i'm gonna try to go into that one and i remember there was a sign that said just drive in and i thought that was weird because what else would you do what do you mean what else would you do what do you mean just drive in what was my what was the alternative what's what what are they doing at the other parking garages if not just driving in but whatever it's fine at least i know it's open so i go around the block and i go in i just drive in and as i drive in the parking attendant runs out and he's waving his hands like hey hey hey and i was like huh and there's by the way there's no on demand abortion yeah i was like what's happening um and then he's like because there's no gate there's no ticket to be seen okay just drive in they say so i just drove in he didn't like that he's waving his arms dramatically on the ramp like ma'am and i was like oh my god what the fuck so i rolled down

my window and i'm like yes and he's like did you want to park here and i said yeah i did and he's like okay well you have to pay with your phone and i said great and i look up and i see there's signs everywhere with the qr code i'm like fine i'm a veteran of the qr wars code wars qr code wars they call them you may now board the airplane first i got the joke off anyways so i'm like i'll just scan the fucking qr code that's what the signs are here for no no nespa okay and i'm like he's like yeah you got to pay on your phone i was like okay and i'm like go to drive and he's like you have to give me your phone number i was like okay so i give him my phone number he's like because i'm going to text you the link then you got to click the link and then you have to make an account and he's and he's like standing right next to my car with his little ipad texting me the link and then i gotta click the link and i'm making a whole account i have to enter in my debit card he's like he's like and then i say and as i'm saying it i could feel myself morphing like the michael jackson black and white video into andy rooney and i say to him seems like we should have just kept the ticket system and he says nothing he doesn't acknowledge my bitch ass at all and i finally set up the thing and i was like am i good he's like yeah you're good i go in i could have done all of that from the qr code i didn't need to be involved with him at all and i just was sitting there thinking in what way is that an improvement over the gate and the ticket system this was the worst of both worlds because now i gotta do the qr code thing but with an assistant like with a helper while he stands by my car for an

extra seven minutes now the parking garage has to pay this guy for doing for being a human qr code just get bring back the gate and the tick what the fuck here's the worst part i go and i drive down and there's no parking all of the spots are blocked off so i drive all the way down to p3 and i'm thinking big whoop i'll just take the elevator up there is no elevator garage i had to walk walk up four flights of stairs into some random lobby and walk out and I and as the door was closing behind me I'm thinking I hope

I'm never getting that car back

I just thought I hope I can get back in that lobby because it's like a business lobby to a corporate building I go to my appointment I come back they don't let me back in the lobby they don't let me back into the lobby at all the guy just looks at me like hello may I help you and I was like I guess like a lady

did come through her earlier with a mustache totally different

do you know her so i had to walk down the ramp exposed got my car and then it says just drive out we'll just charge you just drive out so i just drove out i'm waiting for by the way for this man to chase me out to the road demand that i just drive out with him involved but he didn't then i get my receipt and for for less than 30 minutes of parking in this hellhole of a parking garage 13 jeez i just would like to complain about that bring back the gate and the ticket or let me use the qr code without having to interact with other human beings pick one

i can't believe that guy really worked for the parking garage yeah i thought where the story

was going was this was a scam or he just wanted your number hello well he was wearing a uniform and he apparently had the key to the parking garage he opened it oh okay i see i thought

you were just driving in like that used to be the hustle in like seattle too right at those like diamond parking lots and stuff you'd have a lot of folks that would kind of run up to you they'd get a little blue jacket and then they'd come up and collect your money when you were

parking and they didn't work there oh i've never heard of that i found to be kind of smart a kind

of a really smart and kind of like a charming old school scam i like that like i kind of yeah i kind

of was into it if i got got by that i'd be like nice right yeah that's good that's good yeah

especially if they put a little work into it and made a whole backstory and they were like

uh uh buongiorno i'm antonio from the parking company from a diamante parking garage exactly i mean who's gonna pay for the uniforms if not us rubes you know what i mean exactly so anyway so i just like wanted to complain about that because i've been mad about it for three days

your upper lip looks flawless though i just want to tell everyone who's listening to this as an

audio only product so at least it was worth it it was megan i want to say i love your new i love this pitch for you to be the new andy rooney thank you of america mandy rooney maybe and i it occurred to me while you were talking that i think there's a role for me because you know who else has not been replaced is is willard scott who's celebrating the old

people oh my god that's so true every now and again only will a representative of smuckers appear on the today show set to be like here's an old guy we used to get that every day i was

what happened i was getting updates on i knew every old person in this country when i when i was a kid yes i could name them all like they were like pokemons and now i have no clue what

they're getting up to no i happened to my 97 year old bulbasaur andrew uh you have gotten into uh or at least around Thanksgiving, you were playing old Macy's parades, and they had Willard Scott in them still, right?

Yeah, that's one of my things. I didn't really grow up watching the parades that much, so it's not even that, like, the parade itself isn't a nostalgia hit for me, but the commercials certainly are. You know, I'm kind of obsessed with commercials. And also just anything that makes me feel like a safe little boy again. And so instead of watching, and first of all, I also like to sleep late, So I'm not catching any of the actual live Thanksgiving Day parades, but I will dial up on YouTube. They have the full things, like 90 minutes, two hours or whatever. Just choose one from like the 80s and then watch all of the tie-ins for the toys, the toy commercials with the floats, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, the Masters of the Universe type of stuff. It's wonderful.

Andrew, I didn't realize you were a commercial enthusiast. Have I ever told you that I'm advertising royalty?

No.

it's true what it's true my father was an ad copywriter and he wrote i hope that this is going to ring a bell with you he wrote those bartles and james commercials with the two old guys where one of them talks and one of them doesn't talk hell yes that was your dad lindy

she's got a life-size cutout of the b and j guys do. Frank and

ed was he at like mccann erickson or where was he at in seattle uh no it was it was in la we lived

in la when i was little at a daily and associates was the house yeah that's a big national campaign

i was like surprised that that was being handled at a little old seattle that's no no and although

he did yeah you go no you go ahead please oh he did do some so we lived in la for me when i was four to eight so before that he did local stuff in seattle i believe he came up with the slogan for washington mutual a friend of the family oh that's a big time one he did also dress up as the creature from the black lagoon and play the piano on a float in um elliott bay to advert to advertise ivers that's really good can i think clam did he what did he did he write keep clam

which i believe was the ivers the big ivers keep clam was really good keep clam i've never heard

him brag about that so i don't know for sure and now he gone but i i can ask my mom my favorite

paul west uh local hit is the bob byers volvo jingle which is just bob byers volvo and just

the way he sings it's very jazzy yeah because he would he was a copywriter but he was also a voice talent and he would write he was a musician so he would write jingles he would record the jingle and he would do the radio ad so was that super cool for you as a

kid lind to hear you know kind of you know around seattle i would be so stoked about i just wanted my dad to get in the back page of sign maker magazine and it didn't happen like i would have I'm so geeked if I were you.

It was really cool and nobody cared. But I was like, hey, I was like, you know, when you're listening to Cube 93 and then all of a sudden there's a commercial that tells you to recycle and then a guy goes, recycling, it's easy to do. That's my dad. And everyone was like, I don't care.

You're like, is anybody familiar with tradition to depend on, depend on, Yonker Nissan?

Remind me this, because I get these things conflated. I definitely remember the old guys. Were their names Ed and what on the porch?

Frank.

Ed and Frank. Frank and Ed. But also, you had Bruce Willis advertising a similar product.

Seagram's Golden Wine Coolers.

That was Seagram's? Okay, so it was not the same brand. So your dad was competing with Bruce Willis in a certain way. I guess so.

Yeah.

Okay.

And he never recovered. That's why he died. well you know what I'm sorry I brought it up you know what he took a chunk out of

Bruce Willis too not right is having a rough go of it as well so you know those

commercials we were really obsessed in the early days of TBTL with the era where we were letting Bruce Willis's band just run amok oh my god we were just

treating it like it was a real thing and everyone everyone was acting like it was not only normal but great yes are you insane like oh look oh great news everyone bruce willis is here with his harmonica and then the crowd would go yes i was so hoping bruce willis would show up with his harmonica and do whatever the fuck it is he does with it it was so weird listen it was

mental illness i'm sorry to both uh as a man cut you off and correct you but i believe that was

bruno who was playing don't even get me started on bruno because he was it didn't he have a whole album that was like the life and times of bruno some shit like that my understanding oh god why would you say bruno to me i'm so unsettled at the memory of that oh my god he i want to say has a cover of one of the best songs ever written respect yourself by the staples singers and it's hideous wow and i want to say that it charted what is wrong what what was going on ronald reagan was putting drugs in the water and everyone was like let bruno live let him cook

I think the reason that you're also slightly confused, Andrew, is because there's products, Bartles and James and Seagram's close together. But then the commercials, the Bartles and James guys are often on their front porch, right? Or the kind of wraparound. And in the Seagram's golden wine coolers, Bruce Willis starts out in a bar. And I believe the music is flowing through him with such vigor that he ends up outside on a porch doing a whole shuffle. like it's they were they were like the commercials were very visually close except some of them were good the ones Lindy's dad made bad the ones that had

Bruno and that's right by the way the name of the album was is the return of

And on the cover he's got his arms crossed and he's smirking like Return of Bruno Just like you've all been clamoring for When is Bruno going to return? Waiting for Bruno, right? Fingers crossed And we have a show title How do we represent that I said Bruno like Goudo

Put a T on the end

Lindy, who's a professional writer now?

Bruno Oh, speaking of me being a professional writer, I have a segue into my tidings. Go on. I've written a book. Oh! Yeah, I've written book number four of mine. I've written four books. Is it four?

I thought we were on five.

Well, this is so wonderful. It's five if you count the little book the stranger staff made. I don't. I don't. I've written my fourth solo book. It's called Adult Braises. It's coming out March 10th, but this is neither here nor there. I mean, it's here. It's here in that you should, here you go. It's time to click on the pre-order link.

Absolutely.

Pre-order is very important for authors to get on lists that cause other people to buy our books, apparently. Please pre-order my book. It's called Adult Braces. Thank you. But in the lead up to the book coming out, I have to do something called learn how to be an influencer. Because that's the only way you can get the information to the people, especially to the young people. okay should have come to that seahawks game with me dude i i regret it every day i didn't remember about it at all but now that i've been reminded i'm retroactively ruining the day um but i okay so i have been making uh makeup tutorial videos i've been making get ready with me videos i've been doing story time i i'm i'm doing it all i'm about to start i'm make i'm gonna make uh oh what which chapter of my book are you based on your zodiac sign or whatever oh nice i'm going i'm getting in there and i'm doing the work and you know actually let me tell you they're not lying i made a trail a book trailer a three-part book trailer i posted the first one on monday instant 4 000 new followers which could be fake but i was like i don't think so i don't think so i was like oh it really they they like it when you make the content and then it rewards you so now i'm hooked on the attention and one of the things i'm gonna one of the upcoming videos i'm gonna make and here's where my tidying comes in and that's also slightly a game i'm gonna do fantasy casting for the adult braces movie slash tv show so i i need help deciding who's playing me and uh i was and i think we could do since it's fantasy it could be anyone alive or dead And also, since it's fantasy, we can pretend the three of you are in the book. You're not. But we can pretend you are.

What do I got to do to get in one of your books?

Well, you could marry me and then decide you want to be polyamorous. Your thoughts?

I floated that.

That's what I was asking you to the NFC Championship game for, Jesus. God damn it. okay no but if you guys want to so here's what i was thinking for myself i just i need help i need this to be um i need this to go viral i was thinking um margot robbie in a fat suit for me yeah or cgi or cgi or cgi or um chris farley

we could do that would be that would be non-traditional casting yep yeah um anyway

anyone have any other ideas uh i could do maybe like um the fairy godmother from disney cinderella

you might want to think about somebody who's just has a lot of buzz right now oh yeah and one person is that girl odessa asian who is everywhere i can't name a single thing she's in but she's on in all of my bloids you know a single thing that her mom was i know a single thing her mom was in but i then she like changed her name to be sneaky so that no one would be that's her dad's last name well but it's like a combo because the a is from adwan from pamela

is that the girl who she has the curly hair yes and everyone's like she's doing blackface kind of yes even though i think she's just mediterranean yeah because i've been wondering

who that is she's in marty supreme yeah oh i haven't seen it and her mom

is bobby hill yeah yeah her mom is her mom is the voice of bobby of course pamela adlon the legend exactly yes well okay so maybe how about do you know who britney broski is yeah that's a good one that's a good one also she's really funny she's really funny i mean a very flattering to

me to be compared what about zendaya is she available what about timmy chalamet oh he could

do it method acting meryl streep one of the best he's got to move to the olympic peninsula for two

years okay yeah we inhabit the role of lindy west okay how about this meryl streep as lindy martin short as a hom love it i love it and for megan can we cast tayana taylor we don't have

anything in common i just am obsessed with her she's so beautiful have you seen the tayana taylor my sweet 16 though and how do you feel about that i've seen clips that's what a wild it what a what a character arc she's had she must have been i would have never thought first i didn't know anything about her sort of growing up years before she was acting and everything but like yeah the fact that she clearly grew up in a family that had the means to do like an over-the-top sweet 16 and then i'm sure this is mtv making her act extra demanding that's the premise of the show but But then that person who's kind of like really has very specific ideas about their super sweet 16 ends up being a phenomenal actor. I know. That's the part that's shocking to me.

She's had such a character arc to go from. I mean, I've never heard of such a thing for someone to go. Well, I mean, I guess in a sense, the first person that came to mind was like Jennifer Lawrence was on not Larry the Cable Guy, but one of the other rednecks. Right.

Thea Vaughn was on Road Rule. The gauntlet.

Yes. and Sean Duffy was on

Real World regular but anyways

like Jennifer Lawrence went from one of the rednecks sitcoms to winning an Oscar so that's kind of weird too you never know what people get up to by the way apparently Brie Larson was a pop star and now she's a respected actress it's so strange what they want us to forget about their pasts

are you filming all of your your influencer her videos posts whatever either sitting in your car or eating a bag of something because this seems

to be exceedingly popular in my feed yeah yeah i'm also doing a lot yeah i sit in my car i get like a mcdonald's cheeseburger nice i take a bite i go wait wait why is this actually why is this loki fire that's most of what i do oh is grimace available to play you oh good get grimace okay and i want the hamburglar to play me i'm okay wait who was i a minute ago i'm meryl streep in the grimace suit yes a homs martin short zendaya is roya yes megan is teyana taylor in the Hamburglar outfit. Luke, I guess, I'm hearing Jennifer Lawrence.

Sure, I love it.

Andrew is Timmy Chalamet. Yeah, well, that's that solved.

It's not the first time I've heard that.

And that's the cast of Timberl of the Dog,

colon, the movie. Colon, a pre-order adult braces everywhere you get your books.

Absolutely. They say don't judge a book by the cover, but I haven't had a chance to read the book, but I have seen the cover and it is a phenomenal cover and it makes me want to read the book.

It's a really good cover. Really,

really good.

Possibly the best book cover ever made. I think it's what I'm hearing. Her name is Sarah deck, D E C K. And she is incredible. I didn't meet her or talk to her, but I, yeah, they, my publisher, um, sent me a couple of options and I was like, Ooh, I like her. And, um, and then just, and then it's also the, the portrait of me is based on a photograph of me that um jenny jimenez took who is my friend who also photographed megan's wedding and my wedding she sure did yeah oh i saw that awesome

oh sorry go ahead i was gonna say i won jenny jimenez in a charity auction she took all my pictures yeah and then she took a bunch of my other friends pictures too so i'm very happy to

have met her those ones that you published in your newsletter were amazing your guys's

newsletter is so good obviously thank you what was your idea it was your idea it was tptl's idea you were you guys were like oh we do this you guys should do this too and we're like okay we'll just copy you guys yeah and we did a pledge drive yeah but how was i supposed to know you could

write so well yeah and don't copy us to the degree that no one who has gmail can get you

newsletter anymore because that's the current status of the tbtl newsletter only five percent

of the american public can currently receive it three newsletters ago i accidentally included a link that was that was fine but for some reason was flagged by the internet police and now i am flagged by the internet police at least on the gmail side of things and every time i send out a newsletter it's going directly to people's spam folders and not just that it is saying that like you cannot trust this person, this sender. It literally says this sender has attempted to grab people's personal information, which is absolutely untrue. If you have an iPhone, which I don't, but I have friends who do, showed me what it looks like. Next to my name is a logo with a little fishing hook.

Devastating.

Yeah, so I'm not going to write it anymore.

They said, you're Tiana Taylor dressed up as the Hamburglar.

I'm going to burgle some personal data.

You're the Italian trying to steal my money at the Diamante parking lot.

Oh, I thought that was your Irish accents you guys were doing.

Oh, I don't know what. Oh, girl, no.

So, Andrew, was that your tidings? Sure, I guess so. That you're the Internet's number one.

Yeah, exactly. Nobody trusts me. I'm actually excited. Are you trying to get into what you've brought to the table, Luke? Because we need to talk about this. I've been having this conversation with you in my head for two days.

Well, here's the question. I don't know what Megan and Lindy's timeline is. It's a different time back there in Washington, District of Columbia. So we have a few different directions we can go, and I want to just give everyone options. One is hat talk, because there's been a couple of different. I worry that this one, because there's audio, and we'll all have thoughts, there's a lot to say about that. that's the long version the short version is we could talk about the fact that people are doing

snake yoga in portland i just read about that i just read about that uh and the third option is

that we could all just uh call it call it a day no i'd like to i'd love to keep chatting i have

a thought about rob lowe's hat interview but um but it sounds like but i don't know i feel like maybe snake yoga is more spiritually connected to our show i've been lindy i've been wearing a hat for an hour and a half.

We're talking hats in a little segment that we like to call Hats Entertainment. Once again, raising the question, will an instrumental version of the Judy Garland song That's Entertainment get us pulled down in parts of Eastern Europe? Yes. Does it contain enough of the DNA of the real song to get us in trouble and further besmirch Andrew's good name? So, for many years, Andrew and I have been referencing, maybe not many years, but for kind of a good while, we've been referencing this photo of Rob Lowe at an NFL game where he's wearing a hat that just says NFL.

It's the best.

It's just so beautiful, and it so kind of scans with the way that I am. I did once sit at the Alaska Airlines lounge next to Rob Lowe and his wife. They seemed very nice and normal. I didn't talk to them or bother them. But I will just admit to not having a strong sense of like what Rob Lowe's personality is like outside of him doing the Adkins, the commercials for like Adkins shakes and stuff, which kind of doesn't make me think he has a good personality. It kind of makes me think he's just like a kind of like a weird creation of trying to stay skinny and like have taut skin or whatever. Like I have all these preconceived ideas about Rob Lowe and they were confirmed when I saw him wearing a hat that said NFL at a game. and like who's wearing a hat that just says NFL and that has become meme-ified now um you know to represent like a person who is not very committed to anything uh you know who has no backbone and who doesn't have any real rooting interest is just there um I'm gonna I'm not gonna tell the listeners that Lindy just pointed herself because you do have a backbone my friend I do but

I'm non-committal and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings yeah that is true well Rob Lowe was on

rich eisen's show and was like asked but this rich rich eisen show i really like actually like it's one of the last bastions of kind of i don't know when sports when you didn't have to yell as much when it was like that the takes were not quite as hot yeah which was fine for me the takes are too spicy i have a very sensitive yeah mouth area that can't take the spiciest of takes yep so rich eisen was asking him like about this hat situation this nfl hat and this was rob lowe's uh let me get a a little volume going here. This was Rob Lowe's answer.

What is the story behind that hat? The hat was, they gave me a choice of hats to wear. I was at the game so they could, it was a Fox game.

I had a show premiering on Fox. So they were like, would you go for promotion? We'll cut to you in the audience. Okay. And so they're like, here's a hat. And they were all like these loud, half one team on one side and half the other team on the other.

And like, this, by the way, was when Rob Lowe really started to win me over. Yes.

Me too. Me too. I can't wait to talk about this.

You know that, Megan, that era of those like crazy hats, kind of like maybe, I don't know, late 90s or something.

Yeah. i i he started on me over because i he's gonna say the best part in a second but like to me like what you just described about this nfl hat is like somebody who's like doesn't really believe in anything and it kind of gives the vibe of i guess i just hope everyone has a nice time but in my opinion wearing a hat with two teams mashed up is worse that's that guy more than if you just wore the nfl hat like that would have been disgusting and he would have been memefied in some other more rotten way so i would just like to foreshadow that i think he made the right call yeah if we're going to play the rest of the audio we are um okay great but this is where i because i just started to think like i was like you luke where i was like i the the main thing i know about roblo's personality is that he wore the nfl hat and i thought and i thought he did that because that was the type of person that he is you know what i mean so it it i think it

confirmed all of our priors on who we thought

exactly you know all right here's more we're busy and like the special game hats are just bad yeah yeah and then there's this one simple nfl hat which i'd never seen before i'd never seen

that hat before i'd never seen that hat before usually i i don't normally normally when you see something like that it's a ref right and it's white and it's white and i'm like oh that looks

like a i'm definitely gonna wear that simple thing in your street and and people it's become a meme of someone who is agnostic to everything if you're just like hey go teens

go teens what game was that by the way and this is another thing too roblo remembers what the game was which is kind of like again it also means he he was conscious of what was happening around him you know like not just like i don't know his two teams it was like he knows who the teams were and stuff and then later uh um rich eyes and asks if um like if if he can have the hat and and rob low is like no i'm giving to the smithsonian this is really really forcing me to rethink my thoughts

about rob low he does seem like the kind of guy who might have that mary lou henner thing where

he like remembers everything that's ever happened to him yeah that came up on tv till like two weeks

ago oh really i think about it all the time well he i i think um i think what's interesting about it is like one of the reasons i think the meme was so popular and so successful as a meme is that he really seemed like the kind of guy who doesn't really give a shit about football he's there because somebody asked him to be there and he wore an nfl hat and he's standing there kind of almost robotic in the photo and it's just a still photo so who knows how animated he was before or after somebody took that screen grab but then for him to be like i remember exactly who was there i was having a great time it was like i think it was like the 49ers and somebody else yes it was like a champ probably a playoff game um and he like remembers it he's like i was having a great time i don't want to wear an ugly hat and i'm like who is this person like i thought that you did that because you are agnostic about everything go teams i thought that was your deal i mean if

you think about his character on parks and rec i don't know if y'all watch a lot of parks and rec But it's like comedically, he's very much leaned into, I think, the idea of how who we all think he is. And it's wild to me to think that Rob Lowe may have been at least a little bit in on the joke.

That really blew my mind. And then at the end, when Rich Eisen asked for the hat and he was like, what? No, this is like my greatest contribution to society is this hat meme. It's so funny. I want to get I'm going to give it to the Smithsonian. And then he's like offers to lend it like like a museum. he'll lend it to Rich Eisen and Rich Eisen wants to put it next to the cell phones from Wall Street or whatever and I was like don't disrespect the hat like that and then also there's like this interesting part where Rich Eisen's like will you sign it and he's like well I don't I mean he's like I'll sign the inside but I don't want it to be on the outside that would ruin the hat and he said it would ruin the look yeah it would like ruin the whole point of the hat which is that it's nothing

that it's not busy I can't think of a so I hadn't had the chance to talk to anybody about this But all three of us – and, Lindy, I don't know how – are you in on this as well? You were familiar with the whole thing. The NBA gave her that hat that says basketball.

Yeah, this is so much more appropriate than I even realized.

I donned this blank hat that we got. It was supposed to say TBTL on it, but I got a blank one.

I love that.

Oh, now everyone is wearing a hat.

But I can't think of a better story or another example of such internet redemption. Like that thing was so omnipresent. It became the first thing, as one of you already said, the first thing I thought of when I thought of Rob Lowe. And I found this 90-second clip so damn relatable immediately. We've all had this. I don't know how far this will range as it makes the rounds. Oh, what are you doing up there? What do you got?

I went and got my little hat.

Is that a tiny husky hat or a tiny Washington, D.C. hat?

I would like to tell you the unfortunate tale, which is, well, first of all, it is a little hat that you put your ice cream in. You get your little sundae in it at the game. And I live in Washington, so occasionally I go to Nationals games. We lost the hat. But the hat fell, and I root for them if I have to. But they're a National League team, so usually there's no crossover between the Mariners and the Nationals. So I will occasionally support the Nats, and I got this little ice cream sundae tiny batting helmet. And so that's the hat I'm wearing.

Was it ice cream or was it Dippin' Dots in there?

It was absolutely ice cream. You know, we don't mess around with Dippin' Dots.

How God intended it.

Yeah, exactly. Sorry to interrupt.

So, the other story in Hat News today is, or as it's called sometimes, Hats Entertainment, involves Billy Bob Thornton and his particularly unique look. And we, on this show, have really, we really disliked Billy Bob Thornton and his work for years and years, ever since he yelled at that one Canadian radio host. John Gomeshi. Which, who had his own set of problems.

Oh, but then he got canceled.

That is true. I believe those were unrelated events. no we don't know two people can be bad billy bob had an axe to grind but like yeah right maybe he knew something but like you know that that the interview went viral where like billy bob thornton wanted to just talk about his band i believe they're called the box masters and like not talk about his acting career and this guy interviewing him on the cbc made the mistake of in a very if i remember right pretty delicate way trying to like you know mention the fact that like this guy who's in here with this band that nobody's heard of is also, it turns out, a person who won an Oscar for acting or whatever, and he went off on him. And that was like, that didn't win him any points with us. And then also just his kind of, so, you know, again, it's like you start off with this particular idea of this person being totally humorless about themselves and just kind of like somebody I'm not a huge fan of necessarily. And then you see the getup that he wears oftentimes in public, like this hat situation where he's got like a kind of a, it'll be like a beanie sometimes or like a tighter you know not like a do-rag but like something kind of smaller and more low profile and then he'll have this big like hat felt hat kind of sitting like sort of jauntily on top of it and he's got these loops in his ears it's just like a whole situation so every time i see that it just makes me i mean this was before he started starring in these really ridiculous cell phone commercials that andrew and i love to make fun

can i say something about that really quick first of all i feel like trump won an election with the slimmest margin like in american history right and as a result all media has been redirected towards whatever the fuck that is like whatever the yellowstone the land man yeah axis of evil yeah of of the land guy in like low slung old pants you know what i mean and he's like and by the way this man's wearing a piece and i just feel like it's not a good one i mean he wants his rug back hello like it's so inauthentic to the big sky montana vibe he's trying or whatever texas whatever and he's like where am i anyways and it's so obnoxious and so stupid and then and then you know what happened they got rushmore in on it they got they fucking wilson luke wilson to start doing them for at&t or whatever i was like no no one voted for this no one voted for two different big sky landmen walking around kicking rocks talking about you'll never guess where i am i'm at the pancake store at the gas station i'm luke wilson i'm staring at a scoreboard that i

keep deep in the interior of my texas property that tracks cell phone reliability i can't i've Taking out binoculars to look at that. Which is part of one of the ads.

Vis-a-vis the hat, he's walking around looking like a Coachella influencer, except he's 950 years old. So the vibe is unsettling, to say the least. It's a real Captain Jack Sparrow meets Norma Desmond kind of thing.

Lindy, that is a perfect...

segue into this actual tape oh good here in the hats entertainment segment is he doing an accent tell me he's not doing he's being interviewed on a cbs this morning not to be confused with my beloved show cbs sunday morning get into it even though cbs this morning did steal all of our branding which we were very sad about they took the sun because like cbs sunday morning had good ratings and so they cbs this morning was uh not having great ratings and so they borrowed all of the like everything that indicates visually the show on sunday and now they use it five days a week that's fine i'm not bitter about it but uh he's being interviewed he's he's promoting landman and he's being interviewed by uh it's like gail king nate burleson by the way pride of seattle yeah day hi get into it absolutely i love nate burleson i did think i would be one of the more famous tv people from the metro leagues but that is not how that has worked out this time buddy no no not this lifetime not in this part of the multiverse it's nate furlison's but um uh and then a guy named vladimir uh duthier i think is his name i was just wondering what happened to vlad oh he's a he's still in the mix he's a he's a he's a cbs this morning guy now love him so like they're interviewing uh billy bob thornton about landman and this is the thing um lindy you're referencing pirates this is all at the very beginning of this i was like don't do this to me billy bob thornton don't actually have a sense of humor about yourself you son of a bitch he's talking about how much he likes being in land man okay i'm so sorry to interrupt

the show is actually called land man are you doing a bit no it's called land man it's oh god

are you not inundated with ads for land man literally the most popular show in on television

in america is it part of the extended yellowstone okay it's a taylor sheridan production i let all of that exit my brain hole immediately. As well you should.

As well you should. Yeah, so he's on there talking about Landman and he's talking about how he likes being in the show because he gets to just be himself and he starts to say, they don't make me dress up in some pirate suit. And then he realizes that he looks like a pirate and he starts making fun of himself just ever so briefly for looking like a pirate. Take a listen.

Dress up like a I started to say go dress up like a pirate, but I do.

People still remain nameless, but they said Billy Bob is here. He's got the pirate look going. I mean, what is the look that you go for? Because really, it's very unique to you, too. Not many people can pull this off.

By the way, extremely well positioned by Gayle King. She's not saying even he can pull it off.

Yeah.

She's saying, what are you going for with your look? It's not something a lot of people can put off, including you.

Well, you know, I've always, first of all, these boots had dirty there. I got these boots in Telluride, Colorado in 1996. And they look like tire treads.

Talk about high quality. They look great stuff. They look amazing. By the way, Vladimir is so thirsty for Billy Bob's approval in this. I would say there's about three more times where Billy Bob is talking about a piece of clothing that clearly doesn't work. and all we hear is Vlad interjecting, but it works. But it works. And we are getting a little bit of that from Gail, too. I think Nate Burleson wants no part of this conversation. I don't think we hear him once, which is why he's a good broadcaster.

He's a good broadcaster, and he's actually handsome and well-dressed. He doesn't want to have his legacy stained by whatever Billy Bob is doing.

Precisely. If I wear them in weather like this, but I wear women's size 6 Levi's. Okay.

What? Hello?

I mean, way to break down whatever, you know, whatever your preconceived notions about Billy Bob's, you know, attempts at masculinity. He doesn't see that as a challenge to his masculinity. Okay.

I mean, good for him.

Right? And also, yeah, you know, well, Gayle King is, it takes her a minute to let that sink in that she's wearing size six. She says something. Well, I'll let you hear it, and then we can try to interpret what she means by this.

Size six? Well, yeah.

Oh, Billy. and then

oh no

what do you think that oh Billy means

I think she's worried about him he's too little

yeah that's a very very that's a pretty small that's a pretty small male

he's too small by the way a lady size 6 he couldn't have just said oh waist 28 or whatever that's such a choice and I feel like he's trying to brag it's so weird

not to jump ahead to my final analysis of this but the fact that you just said that's a choice i think that is quite literal i think it was a choice coming into this interview that he was going to do this whole thing he is an actor and he knows that he can win us over by acting like

somebody who's not an asshole and I think he was ready to talk about his fit don't you think though

that like if he is if he's truly the person who we think he was from the Q interview on the CBC which is a kind of a very unselfaware very kind of uh rude person would that same person be able to then talk about the you know the fact that they look like a pirate and and that they're wearing size 6 jeans of the gender they don't identify, etc?

He brought it up. That's my whole point. And I went back, that

John Gomeshi... Well, no, Gail brought it up, right?

He brought up, he's the one who interrupted himself mid-word pirate to bring up his own looks. And I feel like, and so first of all, you guys should know where I'm coming from on this.

Andrew wears a size 7 women's jeans. He's been trying to get down to size 6 for years. And it friggin' eats at him.

Billy B and me have been in the competition, and hearing that I'm slightly behind. No, I mean, those types of things. Bruce Willis did it once with his co-lead actor on the movie Red, I want to say, or something like that. Oh, sure, when he was really rude to that interviewer. I get really, really defensive when these big-shot Hollywood types come in and talk down to, or in Billy Bob's case, like actually kind of like really almost harass the interviewer by kind of displaying their gap in sort of social power, cultural power or whatever. And while Gomeshi has his own issues, like in that case, I have internalized how much I hate him so much from his proudiness from that moment. So I went back and watched that today just to make sure, just to get my anger up and to revisit this. And I'm just sort of thinking like, yeah, Billy Bob comes off as super charming in this and very likable. But he's also a really good actor. As much as I kind of don't like him, I think he's a really good actor. And I think in this case, he decided I'm going to come on and I'll accidentally bring up my little fit and I'll make it a thing and I'll be super charming about it.

Good use of little fit.

Yes, exactly. So anyway, that's my take on the whole thing.

I have a question. do we think there's any possibility that he's doing like a galaxy brain high level marketing move because it's like the for the for the the real americans who watch landman yes the guy who's to them the guy who stars in landman is not a pirate wearing women's jeans right and so but so it's like he but he needs to maybe try to reach some of um the the woke mind virus americans by being like see i'm like you but then the other people who do like landman but don't like a gay pirate will say he's so good look how good at acting he is because in real life he's that guy in the women's genes but then in landman he's a testosterone soaked you know t-bone steak

happens on landman i feel like at the very least i think what he's learned he had to teach himself how to be self-deprecating or whatever version of that that is in this and maybe that was a result of this disastrous gian gomeshi by the way i was also on his radio show once when he got canceled

i was like oh my god we were at i was at a like a public radio conference where there was a get together afterwards and he was there and weirded out our intern oh years years before obviously like the the s really hit the fan but let you know and i don't think anything substantive happened yeah but it was just kind of like huh that's a strange thing you got to trust your

instincts girlies that's what we're saying anyways i just feel like you don't go on to a morning show wearing a wool scarf as an ascot and a disco collar shirt open and a and a do rag underneath a red velvet Dave Navarro hat from Ink Master and then be like and then take yourself too seriously I feel like this was all choices everyone a choice and I think that I I feel a little bit like Lindy like I feel like he's like okay we've already captured the elderly people who watch CBS Let me try to get a couple woke or two. I don't know. Just let them know I wear women's jeans. That'll really win them over.

That'll really win over the coasts. He opened up a can of whoop-up on my heart.

No, they forgot about whoop-up.

Because I think I bought this hook, line, and sinker. What is wrong with me? I'm so naive. I mean, I'm hearing what you all are saying, and I'm tending to agree with you. i very much fell into the trap of thinking oh this guy maybe is actually like not as much of a little turd as i thought he was from that other interview you don't wear

you don't wear dave navarro's cast offs like that unless

Unless it's Carmen Electra.

Maybe not everyone fits into a neat box, you guys. Wow.

So you're saying it's not just good or bad? Would you say it's more like 6'7"?

Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

Okay, so the rest of, I won't play the rest of the interview. Oh, there's more. There is. We don't have to hear it. But basically, again, because you guys think this is all psyops, it doesn't really matter. But I did think it was interesting that he was saying, and I'm leaving out like three more. Oh, it's working.

wait from vladimir can i say i don't think it's psyops actually i think that that's just what he's like i would just like to say personally my it my stinks say this is just this is just like a chaotic guy who is a is annoying but like you know what i mean because like an annoying person can sometimes be charming i just feel like this man is is pickled in showbiz and so he does whatever he wants, and he thinks that whatever he does is a great idea. Oh, boy, is he pickled.

He's pickled,

sister. I think that's such

a perfect description, Lindy, of exactly what happens to these folks. I support my

colleagues' analysis that it's all choices. I think both. I think NFL. I think go teams.

He did say that the reason he does that weird double hat thing, and remember, this is the segment's called Hats Entertainment. We have to always bring it back to that, is because he, um, he really liked this, like, skullcap little thing that he got from some designer guy, but then he said, and then he's like, yeah, I pull, you know, I put on this little, like, ski cap thing, and then Vladimir goes, it's working. And he goes, yeah, but Billy, Billy Bob has to correct him and go, yeah, but, but if it's just wearing that, I look like a pinhead. So then I thought I'd put this other hat on top of it. And then I think at that point, Gail realizes that they've spent far too much time she hard pivots into an unrelated gail's like you know i don't even have to work

like why am i here exactly so like nonsense if it makes you look pinhead what do you like about it

sounds like you don't like it if you immediately have to cover it with as megan has called it a

navarro navarro job uh you know i this is a too obvious thing to say and i apologize for being so pedestrian but if you haven't seen the um i think you should leave sketch where they parody the gameshi yeah interview it's it's a cosmic gumbo it's it's the one where santa claus stars in the action movie yes and then they show him doing press and the guy mentions him being

santa claus and then he flips out yes that's so funny i did not connect those dots but yeah that's

obviously he's like i said i said no questions about being santa claus i'm here to talk about

my acting by the way r.i.p to that guy oh that's right he passed away recently that's why i feel like there's a there's another there's like an alternate universe where billy bob walks into some interview and somebody has the gall to ask him about his outfit or his little hats and he says you wouldn't say that to tom petty would you and like he would just decide that he's going to be a total jerk about that right so that's that's what kind of bugs me i agree with you andrew and

i think that goes to lindy's point which is like and i bet you that there's a lot of people you know a lot of these hollywood stars that are like this where they've just been pickling in it for so long it's been working for them regardless of if like they even understand why it's working and so everything to them that they're thinking seems like a good idea in the moment and sometimes that ends up being charming and nice and sometimes it ends up being totally unhinged and they can't even tell you the difference.

Agreed. I think that tracks. He looks cold. That's the last thing I'll say. I wish him some woolly socks and per Gail, he needs a book up. He's too small. He's too little. She's worried.

Well, my friends, what do you think? If you can tell over the video I am no longer, in the words of Manfred Mann, I'm blinded by the light. Not wrapped up like a douche, which I thought it was for most of my life. Wait, where do we always land on this, Andrew? Is that a Bruce Springsteen original or not? I don't think so, but I don't know. Have we had this conversation? Did it have anything to do with blinded by the light? I didn't even know that was Manfred Mann. I thought I was. We're recording this a little bit later.

It was written and recorded by Bruce Springsteen. Billy Bob Thornton. And it was on greetings from Asbury Park. And singing backup vocals was Billy Bob Thornton from Landman.

Would you ask that of Tom Petty? Absolutely. No, but I'm realizing a structural design of my little home studio here in southern Washington, which is if we're ever... trying to record at this time of day and it's the weird nice day in the winter time it's absolutely

impossible for me to see what's watching you suffer right now is unfortunately very funny to me it's just it's like a rectangle of bright ass sunlight just where your eyeballs are it's like

nowhere else in your room it's so funny to me it's so funny to me i i did not even know this was a

possibility so i'm obsessed i don't know if if you guys noticed but i uh was having the same same problem yes you were first half because i'm sitting under a skylight and the whole right side

of my face was um well you don't know this but well maybe you do because you can see yourself but your your camera was like glowing around the edges like you were sent by angels from heaven into this riverside it was beautiful i had to turn my hat to the side

i thought you were just being jaunty no like i look like a like a rug rat I had to go sideways cap To shield my eyes But now the sun has gone You look like MC Scat Cat

You look like Return of Bruno over here Anyways Another pleasurable afternoon With Tim Tull

Of the dog Absolutely thank you all

Thank you goodbye Would you say that to Tom Petty You wouldn't say that to Tom Petty would you

power out