Muse

Superintendent, I hope you're ready for mouth-watering hamburgers. I thought we were having steamed clams. No, no, I said steamed hams. That's what I call hamburgers. You call hamburgers steamed hams? Yes, it's a regional dialect. Uh-huh. What region? Uh, upstate New York. Really? Well, I'm from Utica, and I've never heard anyone use the phrase steamed hams. Oh, not in Utica, no. It's an Albany expression. Ah, I see.

TBTL

Ahoy hoy Is that still a thing?

Aloha means hello and goodbye Goodbye I was just fixing to get me some grub Beans I love beans Big fat hot juicy beans Don't get me going on beans Or I'll be jabbering away Till the sun comes up That's a Donnybrook That's a total Donnybrook. A Donnybrook. You know what a Donnybrook is? It's a Donnybrook.

No, a joke's not a joke, unless everyone can laugh at it.

Eh, tomato, tomato. It's tomato, tomato. You say tomato, tomato, I say tomato, tomato. Wow, you are really good at wasting time. Can I go home now?

Well, all right. Hello, good morning, and welcome, everyone, to a Monday edition of TBTL, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. Oh, yeah. My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host, coming to you from the Madrona Hill studio, perched high above the mighty Columbia.

When you grow up out here, you learn to tell facts from fertilizer.

We are looking at, actually, you know what, kind of a decent day. It's not actively raining, which we always appreciate out here. The river is calm, no porpoise sightings. I cannot believe how many people have been emailing me, telling me I didn't see a porpoise. I really struck a nerve in the porpoise skeptic community here at the Mighty Columbia, but I'm not letting that get to me. I'm focused on the task at hand, my friends, which is episode 4,669. Let the fun begin. Ronnie, the limo driver voice. in a collector's series. What I'm really focused on is a macaque monkey in Japan named Punch.

You've been living in the monkey house.

I'm supposed to fly to Olathi, Kansas tomorrow, but if this situation with Punch the monkey is not resolved, I may redirect my flight to Japan and just deal them some swift Portland justice at this Japanese zoo. More on that coming up in a moment. Also, I tried to be a cool, tough, strong guy this weekend, and I ended up embarrassing myself in front of my family members.

It's embarrassing and it's gross, but at least it's kind of funny.

It actually was all of those things, I think. Maybe not as funny to me. We'll talk about it. Plus, we'll talk to this guy, longest-running co-bro of the show, maybe best known, for his depictions of the tall ships. Would you say that to Tom Petty? You wouldn't say that to Tom Petty, would you? He's Andrew Walsh. He's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

Good morning, Luke. I just want to say, and I know you don't want this discourse, but I'm just saying, I do believe porpoises exist. I just don't believe they landed on the moon. That's all I'm saying. It was a sound stage.

You fought a porpoise once at a convention, didn't you?

What is that a reference to?

Do you remember Buzz Aldrin punched a moon landing denier, I think, at some kind of a convention for, I don't know, space, but not like a NASA thing, But, you know, like maybe you go and get an autograph. And this guy went there with the express purpose of calling Buzz Aldrin out for not landing on the moon. And Buzz Aldrin, who I believe at the time was probably in his mid to late 80s, just decked the guy.

I vaguely remember that now that you say that. And I get it conflated. Now, listen, I'm. Why would I do this on a Monday? I'm about to give you a hot take on something. It's a little bit of a negative take on an institution that you and I love so much and that our listeners love. So I don't want to be I don't want to be breaking open the bottles of Haterade here on a Monday morning. But having said that down on what color the Haterade will be, orange or green, it's going to be Seahawks green. Sure. But when I think of that Buzz Aldrin story that you just recounted, I also think that was the era that he was on 30 Rock. and a show that I love so, so, so much that just tonally hit 98% of the time. I believe there was a Blackface episode. I don't remember it, but I remember reading about it, so I would say that would be in the 2% that didn't hit. Yeah. Or I don't know if they called it the Blackface episode, but I do believe there was something with Blackface at some point that they pulled.

off of the streaming services that would be in the two percent and the buzz aldrin cameo and i do have it right it's buzz aldrin right and he and yes liz are like shouting at the moon together and like listen i i love him i love what he's done for space i love what he's done for humankind i love what you've done with this space an interior designer talking to buzz aldrin but also

someone who likes that he went to the moon.

Oh, that feels like a bizarro comic from the 1990s or something like that, just opposite Farside in the funny papers. But I don't know how well you remember that episode. It feels like it comes up a lot.

I don't know if you remember this, but why was he cameoing on the show again?

Well, if I didn't make people mad with my hot take there, I will make people who were in the know even madder by recounting it incorrectly. But so Liz Lemon always has a fascination with astronauts. I think she has an imaginary boyfriend that she turns to sometimes or some imaginary figure who's an astronaut that I believe is like sort of a fantasy for her. And I think I just said she has a fantasy that's a fantasy for her. But anyway, and so it's always this recurring joke about about astronauts. And I think, I'm stalling here, but I think maybe she learns that her mom could have been with Buzz Aldrin. And then in her head, Buzz Aldrin maybe could have been her dad. And then she finally gets to meet him. It's near the end of the run. And so I think there's been so much energy around this idea that she fantasizes about or certainly celebrates spacefaring folk. And so anyway, so I think Buzz Aldrin ends up being on the show. And there's this kind of, it should be a special moment where they're kind of like yelling at the moon together. something like that but it's just like you know he's a great he's one of the better astronauts yeah but he's you know he's not i can name yeah and uh glenn close it's the other one glengarry glenn close is that a show title i don't know i think it might be it might be so anyway that's a pretty rough moment in the show that is otherwise mostly impeccable so here's what i'm

going to play this is this is really not going to pay off but it's from first of all because it's from Facebook and it says, Buzz Aldrin punches filmmaker Bart Cibre. So apparently they were at like a Beverly Hills hotel where this guy accosted Buzz Aldrin. This seems like it's kind of shaky grainy footage as is. Like, so I don't know if this is going to be audible or not. Let's just play it and see what it sounds like. It's 21 seconds. Oh, that's great too. It's already muted on Facebook. This is already getting off to a hot start. Okay, here we go. This is Buzz Aldrin outside of a hotel in Beverly Hills, punching a skeptic. Nope.

When you didn't, call on the kettle black. Okay, here we go. You're the one who said you walked on the mend when you didn't. Call on the kettle black, if you ever thought of saying that. You get it away from me. You're a coward and a liar and a thief. Whoa! That is some old school justice. Absolutely cold

cocked him. I mean, it is just extremely satisfying. In this sort of, you know, post-factual world that we're in, Andrew, in this world where it's so hard to separate facts from fertilizer.

When you go up out here, you learn to tell facts from fertilizer.

Just like a moon landing denier just getting cold cocked by, again, a guy who's conservatively in his early 80s. Yeah, right. It's pretty satisfying.

Yeah, I don't go around, like, encouraging people to punch other people, obviously, but there is something that just like so like just so like i said old school justice about that like you just don't talk that way to that man given when he grew up like that that could have

happened 70 years ago in a playground well i mean the thing is like if you're buzz aldrin like it had to be a little bit scary to go into space right because you know it hadn't been done i don't know where he was in in line as far as you know the different folks but it's just yeah nasa says uh we have this all mathed out it's going to be fine but i don't know it just seems like it would be both thrilling and terrifying and if you actually did that insane thing which is you went into space and aldrin went to the moon right that's why the moon deniers are on him because i sometimes i get mixed up with who was just like orbiting things like so john glenn was like the first guy in space right for us i think so he's an ohio guy

Yes, that's for sure. Yeah, but we were just talking about that recently because of the NASA, the Glenn Research Center, whatever it's called.

Oh, right. So John Glenn was the first person in space, and then I think Buzz Aldrin definitely, I think he walked on the moon. Then there's like a couple guys that aren't Buzz Aldrin that also walked on the moon, and we don't even know their name. Can you imagine that?

Well, wait, Neil Armstrong was the first guy to walk on the moon, right?

Okay, Neil Armstrong was the first guy. Did Buzz Aldrin, are you able to, or I can search, did Buzz Aldrin even go to the moon? You know what? Be careful asking that question. Be careful who you ask.

You could walk away with a swollen jaw. Buzz Aldrin, by the way, Andrew, Buzz Aldrin, born 1930, is a former American astronaut. Look at that. This guy is a 4'10 pile of awesome. What does that make him, 96 years old? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was the second person to walk on the moon. He spent over 21 hours on the lunar surface, conducting experiments and exploring, cementing his legacy in space. My point is just the, like—

That's what keeps him going, by the way. The fact that he's the second guy on the moon. You know what I mean? Exactly. It's that chip on the shoulder that really keeps him going.

It's a real second city. It's a real Chicago kind of situation. But you know what I mean? If I was Buzz Aldrin and I did this insane thing, which is I got in a tin can and flew to the moon and then got out of the tin can and hit a golf ball and then got back in the tin can and took off from the moon and came back to Earth, and someone was like, you're a liar, I would punch them, too.

Yeah, and calling them names, it got very personal there.

Yeah, exactly.

Oh, God, by the way, I screamed at my neighbor again yesterday.

Andrew, what have we been doing 10 minutes into this show, talking about Buzz Aldrin when you've got more? Is this the Mr. Sign Ripper?

This is the old man across the street who tore apart the sign.

Did you tell him that he lied about going to the moon?

I did. I called him a POS, only I said the words. I said, you're a real POS. I shouted from my front porch area. I said, you're a real POS, you know that?

Let me just say the words. On the small chance that we have new listeners, let me just quickly refresh this story, which is you have a cross-street neighbor who you were sort of tolerating for the first year or two you and Vives were living there. It was kind of a lot. he had been maybe removed from one of the local email chains in the neighborhood for just being kind of irascible and had said things that you didn't find. Disrespectful. Yeah. Yeah. But that you were just tolerating until he became very irate about a sign that was put on a roundabout by your house that was just basically saying, go slow, right? Yeah. So we have another neighbor

who has a couple of kids and she's really involved in sort of keeping the neighborhood kind of all together and chatting about things and hold social events and stuff and she's sort of a force for good and she put in one of those little signs that says you know 20 is plenty or slow the flock down or whatever just a little sign on little metal pegs that you can put in a roundabout and then he kept tearing it out and then it was just gone for a while and he had some theory about how like it blocks traffic. Well he kept moving it initially right? No see here's the deal so he kept pulling it out and throwing it on the ground It would go missing, and then my neighbor Katie would have to track it down or whatever. Then it just went away for a long time, and she said, I have a plan. Then she brought it back with, and so what she did was she took one of these signs, and she put it in a bucket with cement, and then dragged that into the roundabout to make it harder. Because this is an older guy, and he's now walking with a cane, too. And she put it in the roundabout in order for it to be more stable, and he couldn't move it away. So then he pulls that out of the roundabout and drags it into a neighbor's yard. And I catch him doing this. This is like six months ago. And I start yelling at him, like, what the hell are you doing? And I said, I'm just going to put it back because he kept moving it and I kept putting it back. So then he took a razor blade and, like, cut the – just cut the sign up so that nobody could replace it again. And so it was – And you did yell at him about that one. Yeah, that's when I started screaming at him. I was just, what the hell are you doing or whatever? and he tore it up and then that was pretty much the end of the story and then um so we have not spoken no no my neighbor katie just says listen it's this is the long she's she does not want me fighting with him you know what i mean like the point her whole thing is we should be together as neighbors but she's also a human being and understands how frustrating this is imagine by

the way if a kid gets hit on your block because someone's driving too fast right and like what is this guy going to be like satisfied with that outcome like thank god i stopped anyone from

driving slightly more slowly on this road yeah and again you could you could ask yourself whether or not those signs do anything they do they mean something to me but i'm like an old man now who drives so slowly through little neighborhoods because i'm constantly picturing little kids on bikes and balls bouncing into the into the road or what have you and we do have this weird area where it's a um you know it's a small little neighborhood that we live in on small streets but but we live by that rental place, Handy Andy. So you have all these trucks that are like these rental trucks used to play on their baseball team, I believe. True story. So we have all these kind of construction-style trucks that are being rented, just tearing through the neighborhood at pretty high speeds. And so anyway, our neighbor wanted to put that little sign out there after having it pulled out a bunch. Then she put it in cement with a more sturdy...

like sign stand or whatever. And then he just ripped that one up using razor blades. And I caught him doing that in the act. And this is, again, a while back. And I yelled at him. And then we just haven't talked to him. Or I guess he and Genevieve might say a quick hello. But he doesn't, like, corner you anymore. He doesn't say shit to me. We could walk right past each other. We could be getting our mail at the same mailbox and just not say anything to each other. He'll say a polite hello to Genevieve. And then yesterday, it's Sunday. and apparently there's a house for sale somewhere in our neighborhood. So, you know, listeners, if you want to be my neighbor, look into it. Won't you be? What's that? Won't you be? Won't you be his neighbor? So anyway, there's like a couple of those heavy like, you know, open house this way signs, but they're kind of like the A-frame signs, you know, they're not insignificant. And there's like one or two of them in the roundabout or one in the roundabout and one in the corner of some other neighbor's yard or whatever. And I just am in my kitchen making my hot chocolate and coffee for my volunteer thing. beautiful sunday and i see him out there and he's almost in his sunday best he's wearing his hat he always wears like a he always has like this indiana jones hat that he wears but he's wearing a long trench coat he looks like he's going to church or something maybe but i knew he wasn't because he wasn't gone long enough for a church service but anyway church this is his church but

i see him and he's just like so these are the like a temporary like it's a open house for just this afternoon for this afternoon sandwich board on the roundabout a completely normal part of

american life yeah and so i see him going out there and like walking kind of slowly now walking with his walking stick and then grabbing this thing and like dragging it you can tell it's heavy for him and he's like dragging it and then just like throws it on the ground in some other neighbor's yard by the way those poor neighbors like they didn't ask for any of this and then he comes back for the second one and i'm just like watching him do this so i just run outside on my porch and this is where i just you know how when i'm mad and i'm full of adrenaline sometimes i say something that's too sarcastic and then nobody can tell what i was talking about and i just make the whole situation even more awkward like the time i called somebody's car too polite and i meant it as an insult well maybe i sort of combine that with a story you tell a lot which is or a fantasy that you have you bleed for me someday i'm gonna punch somebody and it's gonna be like decades and decades of pent-up frustration you're gonna send the third man to the moon exactly when you punch

them because it will be a punch for the ages i stand by this i feel like that's what i did

verbally yesterday i was like i didn't i did not say anything that could be interpreted any other way because i ran outside i'm just gonna swear i'm just gonna say what i said will mark this show explicit but i just ran outside and just said what the fuck are you doing asshole i just yelled that as loud as i could into the street what did he say i don't know he just kind of growled something and then and continue to like and then he's going back to the other one and then i said oh i know and at one point i said why can't you leave other people's property alone and he's like i don't belong there or something i don't know what he says and then i just yell you're a real piece of shit you know which was like the equivalent of just like me winding up and punching verbally it's like i don't have time for any games here i'm not trying to be clever I just want you to know that nobody likes you, that you are a stain on this neighborhood. You are a POS. And you know what he said back to me, which I've really been thinking about, and honestly, well, I'll tell you what he said. He said, you're a child. Wow. And I thought about it for a second, and then I said, thanks. Yeah, kind of a compliment. And then I just sort of mean-mugged him. I just stood to my door. Oh, and then as he marches back, And then he's heading to his car. That's why he has his coat on. And he says, now I'm leaving. You can go pick him up if you want to. And I didn't. I don't work for the realtor. But I just stared at him until he drove away and then did not drive. By the way, this is the real frosting on the cake for me, icing on the cake, is he doesn't even go around the roundabout properly. If you're taking a left through a roundabout, you've got to go around the roundabout and then take the left. And I'm just like, you son of a gun. Now I'm cleaning it up. You take down the signs that tell people to slow it up. You don't even know how to drive. And he drives to a really old Seville or something like that.

If this roundabout is some sort of, if this is holy land to you, at least also then operate your vehicle around the roundabout in the way that we all know that we're supposed to do it, which is you don't cut a left to the left of the roundabout because you could crash into someone. you go all the way around even though it feels silly that's what you do what a what an amazing roundabout for this guy to die on like yeah you know what i mean like what a crazy thing for him to feel so this is obviously massively triggering for him if anything is sitting

on the roundabout any signage is on the roundabout and like where does that come from does he think it looks gauche does he think it somehow distracts people again the fact that he doesn't even do the roundabout properly makes me wonder but it's like does he think it somehow renders the roundabout less effective like it what a weird thing for him to be upset about which is you put a sign on the

roundabout i think he doesn't like the way it looks he claims it's a distraction for drivers And he talked to engineers at the city. We don't have to recap everything.

That makes no sense, by the way.

No, it makes absolutely no sense at all. I think it's just like during the summertime, he just sits in his front yard at kind of the golden hour and just basks. So I just think that he likes a certain view. The interesting thing, which I probably said last time, was this roundabout was pretty overgrown and just weedy. Some of the roundabouts in our neighborhood are well-maintained, little garden plots that some neighbors take care of. and ours had just been sort of gone to seed and it was our neighbor who you know Katie who originally put in the sign and everything who spent last summer trying to beautify it a little bit like she tore out all the weeds got some logs to put around the outside it's still a work in progress but like she decided like well we don't need to have this like kind of trashy little roundabout in our neighborhood let's make it look a little bit nicer she planted a tree she pulled out an old stump which is like a huge amount of work and i just see her out there toiling for like long periods of time doing back back breaking labor and for improving the neighborhood for improving it and then he just goes out there and it's just like if he didn't if it's not his idea if it's not his project it's just like he didn't sign off on it and so he doesn't like these signs and that's that's it and then you know the question is like why do i have to say anything like when genevieve got home i really did think i would say something genevieve was not home for this so i was like when she gets home i guess i should tell her that i yelled at the neighbor again she doesn't like this you know what i mean i don't blame her like she doesn't think he's in the right but it would also just make life easier if i stopped yelling you're a pos at our neighbors you know like she does not like the feeling of being uncomfortable being outside or like look you know like having an awkward interaction or something like that so it doesn't help but also what's his damn problem yeah i think you're totally in the right on this

and i i'm i salute you and your direct approach of saying you're a real piece of shit and i like that you didn't get cute like you didn't go like oh hey i wanted you to put those signs over on that part of the yard or something right something sarcastic right you just went with the direct approach and i i really i mean i i really feel like this guy needs to have some negative some pushback on this behavior because i mean it's like when i drive through a neighborhood in seattle and i see that folks have like done any kind of beautification to the roundabout whether it's they've put some yard art in there or again you know planted some little trees or flowers or something or even like you know put chalk on like you know the kids write in chalk or whatever it is i am filled with a sense of happiness of like oh this neighborhood is is um you know they're they're beautifying this thing they're they're they're making this slightly more interesting than than it would otherwise be and they're kind of just i don't know there's something that feels community minded about it you know what i mean like and in fact the more kind of like the more they've done up the roundabout the more that i think this the stronger i feel the sense of community is in the neighborhood it feels me fills me with a very good feeling to see that i can't imagine seeing that kind of stuff and being enraged and you know what else is the

neighborhood response people moving in like why are you like why are you doing anything that would hurt the sale of this house right i assume it's a house i don't know some unit you know down the street like why would you not you know what i mean like why would you not encourage more people to move into this neighborhood and property taxes andrew property taxes it's just he just he does it's not his so he doesn't like it so he throws on the ground and again he doesn't like just move it he like takes it he throws it on the ground angrily and then stomps away now here's the real

question if he went into cardiac arrest doing this would you give him cpr i wouldn't piss on him if you were on fire there was a very touching moment i told you that show neighbors that i've

been watching on hbo don't think i didn't think about that yesterday i actually i'm just making

that connection that wasn't even why i was bringing it up but um you could be on that show but like these these two families are kind of fighting in montana and again the challenging part is one of them is a q anon guy and the other guy is just a regular maga guy so it's kind of hard for me to pick a fave but the the q anon guy is is among many other conspiratorial behaviors he is um like he's dynamiting out slash kind of hollowing out this cave in this like rock face on his property which is he's built it's basically like a fallout shelter that he's trying to build for him and his family.

because he's very convinced that there's going to be some sort of a whatever nuclear event.

Is he the guy who doesn't want the wild horses on his property? He is the wild horse guy. Oh, okay. He has wild horses.

He's the guy with the wild horses, and he needs to technically use this other guy's road to get to where his wild horses are, and the other guy hates wild horses and hates people using his road, so he put a gate up, so now no one can get to their land. And I guess the general thing in the past has just been like, people will let you kind of use a road to get to your thing even if it's technically their road so this is horse guy is the guy that's that's that's also dynamiting a rock wall to build a cave to hide from whatever bad thing's going to happen and it was very touching because even after like they had been having it out these two neighbors the the producer asked him like if there was a you know some kind of an event would you let him and his family in the cave and he was like yes i would oh that's nice which was kind of sweet actually you know so my question is would you tend because i feel like i feel like really the move here is to put increasingly heavier things on the roundabout well that's the thing test this guy's ticker i know our neighbor

who put the sign out is not done yet i think that she sent a note back to me she's like we're just going to make them bigger and stronger so i don't know electrify them yeah i know i've so many fantasies so many and here's the deal this gets a little bit darker but like i kind of told veves later like I'm just mad all the time I'm just angry all the time Luke I just I at any time I try to you know just sit down you open up any app on your phone and it's just like some sort of reminder of the horrors going on in this country and I'm angry at everybody all the time and so when somebody does something like that that gives me an excuse that I feel like I'm in the right I was just like, I needed him. I need him to be there. Yes, I would save his life because I need him so that I can scream at somebody and feel okay about it. You know what I mean? I think that, I mean, I'm teasing, but I'm being serious about when I am.

Wouldn't it be crazy if you find out someday that he knew that all along? He doesn't even mind stuff in the roundabout, but he knew that you needed somewhere to focus your energy.

Can I say one weird thing about this whole situation is after he drags these signs away, there are no footprints. There are no footprints at all. I only see this line where the sign was dragged.

My mom had a scripture about this hanging above our toilet growing up.

Yeah, perfect. So anyway, I feel like, I don't know, other circumstances, am I just literally yelling profanities at a neighbor from my porch? I don't know.

I'm filled with rage all the time these days. Listen, I absolutely support your behavior in this particular incident because he's the one that is being weird. You are not being weird. If you were yelling profanities from your front porch because your neighbor— I'm trying to think of an example. Like they parked their car in a way you didn't like or something. I don't know. Some kind of like a normal kind of transgression or neighborly dispute or something. I mean, that would be unhinged. I feel like you're yelling at him because he is being insane with these signs and destroying stuff and just being. And again, if nobody goes to the open house and no one buys that house and then, you know, property values plummet in your neighborhood, that's on him. Right. So I think you I think I think this is one of those things where it's totally reasonable for you to yell at him like, what the F, dude?

He's an old crank. But I got to say, something about him saying you're a child, at first I was like, well, that's kind of sweet. Yeah, I would take that. But also, like, I thought about it a lot. I'm like, why did that come out of him? Like, what does he think of me? And why, because in a certain way, I was like, I'm glad I didn't engage on that. Like, well, it's more childish to be doing what you're doing. But, I mean, honestly, it is, he's kind of acting like a petulant child, right? Absolutely. but I didn't you know I'm not I don't want to get into that but it really did make me think I was kind of like I don't know man like as much as he's in the wrong I was thinking about it later and the your child was kind of a it was kind of a good barb because it's a little bit confusing to me I'm like okay I don't know exactly what that means and then I started thinking about it more later I'm being totally sincere here and this is just how messed up my brain is on this how bad the wiring is these days but i was kind of like i don't know maybe i kind of respect it a little bit like he's this old guy who's walking around with a cane and he is leaning into the character like he is he's like mr wilson of dennis the menace like you just couldn't have a more like or a grumpy old men like he's walking slowly grabbing this thing but angrily and dragging it and throwing it down and then saying you're a child and then it's

he gets into his car says now you can pick him up which i didn't because i don't care that much it's kind of like yeah yeah he acquitted himself well like kind of like as far as like as far as it sounds like dealing with it like i'm hit maybe i'm him is this two spider-men pointing at each

other now there are two of us here's the thing this is a guy who's been in a run-in or two oh yeah you know what i mean yeah like this is this is just the tip of the iceberg this is just the This part of him that you're seeing Yeah This is not an isolated event This is not like the one and only thing Where he gets weird on something I promise you if you could just like Follow this guy around throughout his day I bet you there are other examples of this stuff I would guess Where he's got really strong feelings about something And I have a feeling this is a guy Who's been in enough run-ins That when he gets in one like this His heart rate doesn't go up

You know what I mean

Like my heart rate and your heart rate goes up that's why i once yelled at someone in the parking lot you bleed for me because my heart rate was highly elevated also i i had been punching a guy so you know there was a lot going on but people like you and i when we get into a conflict it's like the first thing that happens is our pulse changes we we are at a loss for words sometimes we say weird stuff because we're just like adrenalized not this guy i bet you his resting heart rate yeah it was it was imperceptible the difference in his heart rate which is why he was like you're a child he's probably said that to four people this week maybe he gets at his car now you can pick it up like it's just like this is not even registering in terms of his uh i don't know his anxiety this is

a this is a weird place to take it and potentially uh egotistical but um what else is this show if not that but you know i know he's a huge public radio listener and i know he's like a you know big kow listener i know he like submits a lot of um i think puzzles to like the weekend puzzle because when we would talk he would like corner me and tell me all these stories about what he know that you are occasionally on kow well that's no like he never has and i would guess that he doesn't know but part of because now i'm going to go back and be on their friday live show again this this friday at noon our friend bill radke show and i'm like is there any chance that he has heard me? And if so, so first of all, that's just a question there. Is there any chance he's heard me on the radio? And secondly, if so, does he make any connection that that is the neighbor who yells, you're a piece of shit across the street? And I don't even know how I feel about it one way or the other. I don't know if I want him to know or make that connection or not. I honestly, I'm the definition of ambivalent about that, but I'm curious. I have that same thought

a lot of times like when becca and i are doing something in portland and we have some sort of a run-in or whatever and it's with a person who i kind of think is like public radio listener coded you know whether and i can't give you a specific example but it's definitely happened where we something something goes down with somebody that i can tell probably listens to opb and i will say to her like would you say that to tom petty like would you do you think they would do you i'm like i bet you they're a live wire listener like i bet you they've heard me on on their public radio station and i bet you that they would be behaving differently if they knew what my job was and that sounds extremely egotistical but i wonder about that too just with like oh i'm kind of surprised

i thought you're gonna say that maybe you should act a certain way no absolutely but i mean that

must be a bit of a regulator as well right well yes i mean that's well hence the if you see us say something a rule of tbtl land which is if you see me or andrew in public you have to identify yourself because i don't want to be acting out of pocket when there's some 10 who's just observing me being that way but no it's just like i guess it's just funny to take this like so for instance if i'm doing the live wire show and i'm on stage and there's this big theater with a bunch of people in it there is a presumably anyway a certain amount of like i have a certain amount of stature kind of in that in that scenario in that dynamic because i'm the person on the stage and i'm kind of hosting the whole thing and presumably the people in the room are feeling generally positively towards me and i guess i'm mildly a celebrity in that sort of context but i could also run into one of those people or a person very much like them who's never been to livewire just as i'm like in line at the grocery store but i can just tell by their by the cut of their jib that like by the subaru they drove in on that like uh this is probably an opb listener But they don't connect me with whatever that person that maybe they hear on the radio on Saturdays. And then they're just being their normal, maybe slightly rude self. And I'm always wondering, if you knew who I was, would you be behaving differently? I'm not saying I deserve any kind of different treatment. I'm just saying I do wonder about that sometimes.

I don't have that. I also don't have near the exposure that you have in those situations. But my question is,

Mine is the opposite. And I think this is a good thing. Every now and then, like, if I feel, you know, offended in traffic or whatever, I need to remind myself, the person that you want to, like, tailgate right now or whatever could literally recognize you, like, is a very good regulator for me to be like, oh, you know what? or what if then you're just like oh yeah anything that you do in public you know think about how it would look if it were publicized you know what i mean if this was a video if there's a dash cam video of this or or whatever the situation might be it's not always car related but like anytime you feel maybe a little bit restless in line oh my goodness i went to the post office this is a good example i went to the post office on saturday which is usually you know i know that you can wait in line for a long time at the post office but i go there quite a bit i was what what is the b in bdsm boxes boxes uh boxes deliveries stamps and mail that's so good that's so good anyway um yeah but i've i rarely go on a weekend and there was just one person working and he seemed very polite and very very friendly and very incompetent and i got in line and there was already a long line And then there was some couple, and he was the only open kind of – what do you call the person? I was going to say teller, but that's more on a bank. You know what I mean? He was the only postal worker there. And so I got in line with these other people, and I could tell that the people in line were already, like, doing that kind of passive-aggressive huffing and puffing. Huffing. Just, like, a lot of those in the room. Because I don't know. I wasn't there for the beginning of whatever transaction was happening. but there's like this young couple and they're trying to mail stuff I guess or ship stuff and I don't know if they have some unreasonable requests or a million things or if it's just purely the incompetence of this very friendly worker who I know has a hard job I think those jobs are very difficult yeah but you can just tell that everybody's been in line for a long time and I started clocking it and I realized oh I've been here for 10 minutes literally 10 minutes and the line hasn't moved he's still just working with those two people and again I don't know if anybody really was quote unquote at fault but there's something going on with our with our actual uh post office because for the third time i had a slip of paper in my mailbox saying that some records came bounce back to us but when i give the slip of paper to the person they can never find our mail anymore i think we're missing so many packages like what remember that basketball that a listener sent you that was signed by sonics or whatever like that is behind you So when that came, and I didn't know what was going to be in the package, I remember there was a slip of paper in the P.O. box because they said you have a package that doesn't fit. You take it to the front. Luke's doing some pretty snazzy spinning. That was so dangerous, dude. I came so close to knocking my coffee off. You're Harlem Globetrotting it over there with that ball.

But anyway, that thing went missing. A listener was like, I sent it, kind of blamed us for losing it. And I was like, I didn't lose your ball or whatever. a year later another slip of paper is in my box i give it to them and they're like oh yeah here's this package and i look at the the delivery date it was a year earlier like they're just losing things in the back of the post office so anyway saturday was intense at the post office it took me 35 minutes just to mail something very simple and once again they couldn't find whatever record was bounced back whatever lp was bounced back to us that we shipped off to somebody so i don't know Check your mailboxes. But all of that is to say, in situations like that, I really try not to be like Mr. Huff and Puff, because God knows who's in line before or after you, you know? Absolutely.

You know, this is slightly related, I guess, just in the sense of kind of like that, trying to think about how you're coming off, even if you don't think there's anybody around. I am very careful about the shit that I yell in my house, because I have an Alexa. because i don't know what i i would fully expect bezos at some point to be like for premium for premium subscribers we won't release the audio of the shit you mutter in your house when no one's around but you've got to pay to keep that shit quiet what kind of stuff are you

i'm picturing you by yourself here so i'm assuming you're not like arguing with somebody

what kind of stuff would you be yelling that you're not um you know just like a particularly crude things at a sports figure okay yeah like you know like watching the game and i'm really mad i'm just like not just like you know catch the dang ball but just like you're like you're you're a pos and you know who knows just like sometimes i just want to say some yell some crazy shit at the tv during also sometimes i will just i was having i can't i don't want to get into this because it makes me sound insane but sometimes i'll also just like have an out loud entire mice

of an argument, just to rehearse in case it comes up. Like, what it'll be is, this is how it'll work. I'll just for some reason get some little kernel of a thought in my head about someone or something that I kind of disagree with or that, you know, it's been kind of bugging me. And then what I will do is I will rehearse my entire sort of argument on the matter so that if, kind of like your neighbor, so if it comes up my heart rate doesn't increase. So that if I have to explain to this person that I may be a little bit disappointed with or mad at, If I have to explain it to them, I can do it in a really clear fashion that really makes sense. Like, I'll practice these things by myself walking around in my house. I mean, not even consciously. Like, I don't even realize that I'm talking out loud. So, but again, that Alexa thing is always recording, always listening to everything I'm doing in my house. So, like, you know, I really am sort of like, I try not to yell anything that I wouldn't be okay with the world knowing is the kind of language I might use or the kind of things I might say because I do feel like at some point everything I've said in my house will become public record because of that stupid hockey puck which is basically a glorified kitchen timer but I did use it last night uh to make some incredible rice by the way I I've I've learned the rice dad it yields um I've learned Andrew that I don't need a rice cooker I don't use one I I heard you say that um I assumed that the that the rice cooker was the way to go but no becca explained i mean all she does is get some water boiling puts the rice in

stirs it oh interesting she's water first there's some there's some people have different approaches because the bag always says to combine the water and the rice and then boil it but some people

boil the water first then add the rice well she made this really um incredible kind of meal of like a Mexican style rice and enchiladas for this birthday thing that we went to, um, down at her mom's house, um, this weekend. So it was her kind of late birthday and her brother, Jeff's birthday early. And, um, and I was like, this rice is incredible. How do you make it? What do you do with the rice cooker? She's like, no, no, I just like boil the water and some salt. And then I put the rice in and then I boil it for like maybe five more minutes and I just take it off the heat. And then it just does its, I cover it and it does its thing. And that's exactly what I did last night. and it worked like a freaking charm.

Yeah, I mean, I don't know.

I've been using this Instant Pot on the rice cooker setting.

And I heard that those are good, too. Genevieve uses that. It's an ongoing conversation in our house, and I don't want to jinx it or whatever, but for some reason I've had really good luck with rice. Genevieve is always like, because she can only make it in the, whatever that dumb thing is called that we have, like a food ninja or ninja foodie or something like that. You have to say it in Sofia Vergara voice. The ninja! Oh, that's right. Is that from the old commercials or something? I think she was pitching a coffee maker that they do.

Like the Ninja Company, I think they have a bunch of different sort of like, you know, kitchen appliances.

Well, I don't like saying it. I don't like looking at it. It's an ugly appliance. But I guess it does things like rice nice. But yeah, for some reason, I don't have issues with it. Genevieve is always envious of my stovetop rice, and I guess I do it kind of similar to that. I combine the water and the rice at the beginning, and then I bring it up to a boil, let it boil a little bit, and then put it on the lowest until it's just like, you know, until it's, I don't know, I just let it simmer for a really, really long time and absorb the water. But, yeah, it comes out okay.

Speaking of going down to Salem for the weekend, you know, Becca's family is very, most of them are really into running. Like her brother, Scott, is like a phenomenal runner, like literally finishes in like the top five of certain marathons he's in and stuff. It's like, it's insane. And Beck is a super serious runner. And now their nephew, Alexander, who's I think maybe a freshman in high school, he has gotten into running and he is really fast. And so on Sunday morning, so we stayed down there on Saturday night, we get up Sunday morning and like, it's torrentially raining. And I'm like, I brought my running shoes. And if we're going to do this run that we sometimes do, it's like six miles. It's down to this one road and back. And it's kind of like a family tradition. but low key i was kind of relieved that it was raining because i was like i don't totally feel like doing this and also i'm just a lot slower than all three people that i've named so far and it's kind of you know i i don't know i don't like the feeling of feeling like i'm making everyone run more slowly i don't like the feeling of having to run faster than i want to so it's raining we decide we're not going to run and then i guess it clears up because all of a sudden scott and becca emerge and they're in full running regalia i'm like wait a minute i thought we weren't running they're like well it stopped raining so now we are do you want to go and i was like okay peer pressure i felt like i needed to so we get out on the road and we're having a nice time but the other thing that i realized is i have eliminated all hills from my jogging life i only i either jog on the treadmill here in the madrona hill studio or

I go down to Lake Sacajawea, which is very flat. Uh, the, um, the Willamette Valley is not flat. It's very hilly, this run that we do. And we're running and running. And, um, eventually Scott and Alexander go a little faster than us because, because they're both very fast now. And I keep saying to Becca, Hey, if you want to go ahead of me, that's fine. And really what I want her to go ahead of me so that I can start maybe run walking towards the end of this. Like I want to be alone with my shame. I want, I want everyone else to just go be done with the run so that I can kind of like speed walk and then jog and speed walk. I do this thing sometimes when I'm really tired where I just, I'm counting my steps. I count to a hundred and then I count from a hundred down to zero. Then I count back up because it kind of like distracts my mind. I think Becca can tell when I'm getting tired on a run because I just cease all conversation. I'm just grimly going like one two three four five six in my mind you know so eventually she gets the hint and now we're like maybe this is like a six mile run and we're about um maybe a half a mile maybe three quarters of a mile from being done and i am just like fully in the uh you know the pain cave i'm on the struggle bus as they say and becca goes on up ahead of me but this is the thing that's so weird about me when i get to be about a quarter mile from the end i realize i could actually catch her and even though all i wanted was for her to run ahead of me so i didn't have to feel pressure or be embarrassed i now kick into this weird like the cop from terminator mode i'm gonna like chase

her down for some reason just sort of a game within a game a little bit because like you're

like i guess it's just weird it's like i like she's a she's just faster than me generally speaking I've already had to like, I've already had to like, you know, acknowledge that in my own life. So who cares if I catch up to my girlfriend on this run, but I just decide that I'm going to just floor it for the last half mile. It's kind of like a slight uphill grade to like the driveway of their house on this like beautiful kind of country little, you know, two lane road. And I'm just gunning it. And, you know, I catch up to her and she's kind of laughing and whatever. we kind of finished the little run at about the same time and everyone's now standing around scott and alexander and becca and everyone's just kind of like by the way barely even breathing heavy except me and i realize oh i'm gonna throw up right now from running like i get that thing you know your jaw gets tight and starts salivating and i'm just like oh don't do that this is so oh by the way their other brother john had come down because he was going to go on his run so it's like There's many people there observing me. And again, no one else is even mildly perturbed by the run that's just happened. And I try to sit down, I'm trying to get some breath, and then next thing you know, I'm just retching into this ditch.

So you're not standing and retching? I know that's a small thing. I'm not standing and retching.

I thought somehow sitting was going to maybe help me. But it was just that moment where, here's what I'm trying to say. I haven't thrown up publicly in a long time. like first of all i just don't throw up very much anymore luckily you know i'm generally pretty healthy and and uh you know it's just not a part of my life it's certainly not something that i do in front of four other people it was like a weirdly personal thing and by the way nothing is not to get too graphic i'm barely it's i haven't i've had like two cups of coffee for breakfast i didn't have like a bunch of food in my system it wasn't it it was just basically liquid but it was totally that thing that you see i don't know you know on a like a track event where like someone's just throwing up on the side or a football game someone's throwing up because they like ran so hard that they threw up i don't know when i don't know if that's ever happened to me before honestly in all of my years of playing sports you know in high school and stuff i don't think i've ever thrown up from just exercising too hard um but it was again it was like i really was like if there's any way for me to somehow short circuit this i would like to but i just couldn't and then i'm just throwing up in a ditch as everyone's just like oh are you okay yeah what was the reaction well they were all actually alexander was like he goes huh i mean sometimes i do that after a track meet but not like on a run like this like yeah it must be nice kid yeah um you know he was everybody was chill about it i mean i guess in on some level it showed that i was trying yeah i mean you ran i mean you know but it just also just what it felt like was i guess my insecurity around this stuff is already that like all of these people are in better shape than i am because they're all more disciplined they all run further distances more regularly than i do they run hills they do speed work and i'm kind of like a pretender is how i feel when i run with them because again they're all like they're like scott's doing the boston marathon his wife as is his wife becca's training for the the eugene marathon you know like everybody's like doing these very impressive runnerly things and i'm just kind of trying to stave off you know middle age with my jogging i always feel like

Like, I don't fit in with them. And there's nothing like retching after the jog to really fully indicate that you are not up to the task.

Yeah, but again, it's still, you look at the spectrum of people. I'm not out there running at all. You know what I mean? So you take a little bit of pride in the fact that, yeah, you pushed yourself. And then, you know, and so you have, you know, not to spin the, actually, I did not realize how well you were going to set up something that I wanted to talk to you about. That I was sort of on the edge. I heard a radio commercial this morning for the second time. I'm like, I think I need to talk to Luke about that. But I was going to try to do more research on it first, but I can't. It's too perfect for right now. In fact, I'll just launch into it. Forget about whatever I was going to say. It's not interesting.

We're going to talk about Punch the Monkey tomorrow, everybody.

Okay. But there is a commercial that I'm guessing you haven't heard yet because I've only heard it twice. And I listen to a lot of the 710 sports station here in Seattle. But I'm wondering if you might hear it as you start listening to Mariner's broadcast in spring training. Although, if you're getting that through satellite radio, you're not hearing the same local commercial. So I'm a little bit worried about this. I need to capture it and play it for you. But there is some commercial, I want to say for a cell network or a mobile network, it doesn't have anything to do with... Facts or fertilizer? Facts, fertilizer.

When you grow up out here, you learn to tell facts from fertilizer.

But it's one of those commercials where there's a lot of actors involved in setting a scene. And the scene is this woman is calling, I want to say, her sister from the last mile of a marathon. Have you heard this? Yes, I know this commercial. You have heard it. This commercial is terrible. Does it insult you? She's just like slightly out of breath. She's just like, hey, I'm calling you from the last. And that's about as much as she huffs and puffs as she's on my, she's like, I'm on mile 26, but boy, I can hear you clearly. I think it's a mobile network. I'm not sure. Yes, it is. Yeah. And the acting is so bad. Yeah. It's like, well, I just, she's saying like, oh, now you got to carry me to my car, but she doesn't actually sound at all winded. She sounds like she's at the beginning of the race. It drives me bonkers.

Dude, I never, that's such a good point. I just disliked the commercial because I thought the acting was really lousy. and i just thought like this is one of these silly commercials that they create that i don't i can't imagine it moves the needle of people buying this particular service but but you're also right she is not you could listen if she's going to need to be carried to the car we need to hear her throwing up like i was yeah right we need you know what i mean you can't be like hey sister i'm at mile 26 check me out i'm gonna need you to carry me to the car it's like do you because You sound pretty fine right now for this commercial.

Let me see here. Oh, so I have Bump and Stacey on 7.

Hey, I literally.

I had the radio station going on in the background in case we could just needle drop it and luck out. Sounds like that's not the case. But did I actually find Marathon T-Mobile plan from December of 2025 called Marathon here on YouTube? We are waiting for YouTube.

Are there visuals, too? So is the radio version that we're listening to just an audio, but there's also moving pictures, or is it strictly audio?

This is interesting. It looks like this is maybe a TV commercial, and either they made a radio version, because there's something. We're going to find out. All answers, or all questions, some questions may be answered in a moment. But what I'm looking at here is a T-Mobile commercial, and that would make sense. T-Mobile commercial is running on 710, given that T-Mobile Park is where the Mariners play. 55 plus plan commercial from just December of 2025 so we'd still be in the run time of this except I'm looking at a TV commercial now the commercial that I hear on the radio sounds very much produced like a radio commercial there is a difference you can really tell when something is just a TV commercial but let's take a listen to this and see because sometimes they will just take a TV commercial and reenact it for radio uh oh what's playing here okay Bump you calm down we're leaving Bump and Stacey I thought I had you muted Yeah, here we go.

Never have I ever called my sister from the finish line of my first marathon.

Now you can. Just switch to T-Mobile's 55 Plus plan and get two lines for $30 a line. Plus, iPhone 16E with its advanced camera system on us. What you do with it.

No, I don't love giving them free advertising. This is very different than the radio. It's this whole thing where she meets up with her family, and then she's like, and now you've got to carry me to the car.

it doesn't have as much voiceover yeah you're right there is a sound to radio commercials because of course they're thinking well there's no visual so we have to kind of over explain this

oh wait a second now youtube wants me to watch shopping for peggy's favorite bra married with children clip it's five minutes long and the photo is of um al bundy I don't know.

lecherously reaching towards a woman's breasts in some sort of lingerie shop. Oh, nice. Let's play that, too. Should we play that now? Absolutely. Is it visual or just audio? Well, it'll be just audio for you, my friend.

We was hoping for some razzle-dazzle. Razzle-dazzle. That's right, man. Razzle-dazzle.

On your mark. On your mark. Get set. Get set. Now ready. Ready. Go. Everybody razzle-dazzle.

Hey, let's thank some dazzling donors. These folks are donating a dazzling amount of dough. which enables TBTL to exist. This is 100% listener-supported podcasting. This weekend when I was spending some time with Becca's family, I was trying to explain the TBTL business model to her brother, John, who is a very prominent real estate developer in Portland. And I saw confusion in his eyes as I said, yeah, people give us money. They don't have to, but they do because they like the show. He said, well, if they didn't give you money, would you still do the show? I mean, I said, yes, up to a point. If nobody gave us money, then there would not be a show, but no individual person probably has to carry the load, and yet they do. Folks like Michonne McCabe, who's in Portland, Oregon.

Hey, Michonne.

Michonne says, long-time listener, since Jen and Sean were part of the gang. First time dazzler when you went independent. A middle-aged mom type who was introverted by nature, so I have never called in, been to a live show, et cetera. I did attend a Livewire event. Thanks, Michonne. i am months behind in listening and i have been for a while so it's like i live in the future because i know how things unfold in the hellscape that is the current regime destroying democracy i never thought about that andrew it must you know i think about folks listening to the show on delay as as like i worry if the show will be interesting to them or not you know because they know what's happened but actually it might be kind of fun to feel like you know the future as the listener that we don't like you and I don't know what you know what will happen in three weeks but if somebody's listening to this in three weeks they know more information than we do

now I want to encourage everybody to listen to every show however and whenever they see fit yes that's good absolutely we need listeners we need listening but for me when I am on a podcast jag i feel like the opposite happened so like when i was heavy in my dan lebitard days and i'm like you know they released so much content that i would fall behind by a few days or something if some really big sporting event happened let's say the super bowl and i was still like i don't know three or four days behind once the super bowl happened i would just have to move forward it would drive me a little bit batty to be hearing pre-Super Bowl talk knowing how everything is going to work out. You know what I mean? I remember being uncomfortable with that scenario. See, I like that

because it makes me feel smart. You can yell It makes me feel like I know something that Nick Wright doesn't know yet. Yeah, right. Michonne says, on a more positive sentiment I absolutely love being a 10. I'm here for the drops. The normal life discussions keep me sane even though I am not much of a sports fan. The camaraderie of good, kind, funny humans is something everyone deserves, and I'm fortunate enough to have the business boys and the 10s in my life. Kind of. Keep up the great work. Thank you for your service. Power out. Well, Michonne, thank you for your service. Really appreciate you listening and supporting the show and tolerating our sports ness. We're going to really have to, I mean, this Mariners season is going to be, we may have to just break out a no point like every week to try to get those yaya's out because i can already i mean just just the comeback victory yesterday which by the way means nothing spring training but it's like i'm very excited about this team yeah we're gonna have to who knew that we're gonna have to do a

whole no point about michael arroyo a man whose name we were unfamiliar with we literally ended friday's show being like wait who is this who's this young kid like you're like do you know this name i'm like i don't think i know that name and then he hits like his first at batty it's a home run right and now i'm just kind of like oh we need to do a full no point conversion just i would die for michael arroyo is what i'm here to tell you on this monday could you do me a favor actually before before you say the magic word here yes um we don't have to turn into a whole thing but could you just play one drop for me sean she said she loves the drops and i just sort of feel like can you just like pick one custom drop oh sure absolutely let's see here uh how about it is

our turn apparently it goes from it goes from obama our turn into wilhelm scream let me just i'm gonna do this again i'm just gonna let this run for a second okay it is our turn

Hey, Romano.

I am courageous.

Obviously. What the F?

Dolphin of Lips for sharks.

at all.

God, that's Targets, Targets. I like turtles. Splatter today. Slapjacking. Why don't we just, what am I doing making intros cautiously, carefully crafting these intros? That's all we need to do is just hit go. I even like the, it's my birthday today in there randomly. Why not? I get a little

nervous that there's some drop. Well, you know, one thing, I actually started these South of a Donald Trump drop intentionally. Oh, I see. South

on the list, I see. Yeah, yeah, sorry.

Like, you know, basically, I saw that there was a Trump one, which we don't play anymore because, you know, it was funny when there was no chance he was going to be ruining the world the way he is, and now it just hurts my heart and brain. But yeah, I get a little worried that there's going to be something in there from the olden, olden days that I, like, don't really stand behind, but that was actually pretty fun. So thank you, and you're welcome, Michonne. Maestro?

On your mark. On your mark. Get set. Get set. Now ready. Ready.

Well, if it isn't Kelly Hedgecock, who's in Kernersville, North Carolina.

That's a great name for a North Carolina community.

Kernersville. That sounds just like rock ribbed, salt of the earth. People that definitely separate facts from fertilizer.

Absolutely.

I mean, that's the facts from fertilizer separation capital of the United States. That's actually where Luke Wilson has that scoreboard, where he keeps track of the ukla speeds of his whatever.

Don't they actually have a center there? I don't know if you call it like a transfer station or whatever, where they sift out fax from fertilizer. Big trucks are constantly beating up.

And here's the thing, Andrew. It's kind of just performative. You can throw your fax and fertilizer into the same bin. It's all going to China. oh it's just this whole separating um kind of makes you know it's virtue signaling makes you feel good but at the end of the day they all go to the same landfill fertilizer fertilizer theater as you like fertilizer theater yeah sure kelly says hi business boys for my dazzling donor message i would like to one say thank you to all of you who send cards during the holidays yes it always makes my day to receive a card from a tbtl friend across the country kelly i'm so glad you brought Because of the many things about this show that I am sort of just pleasantly mystified around, the card program is maybe near the top of the list. What a cool thing that the TBTL listeners just send each other cards because it's fun for them and people like to get cards. Like, we're trying to cure global loneliness here, and what a cool way to do that.

Well, can I mention that I was at the post office, as I mentioned, and there was a super, super long line. and everybody in line was kind of getting a little bit huffy and puffy. And I had to ship something, but I had gone to the P.O. Box first, and I opened it up, and what I found was a whole host of Valentines to us because the Valentines card exchange just ended. So I was actually fine in line because I was just opening up all these cards being filled with delight, and also the creativity of the listeners is really astounding. I just want to thank everybody, and I'm kind of glad that you brought that up because it was so, or I guess that Kelly brought it up because it was so nice. And I just shipped a bunch of holiday cards to you, Luke, a little bit late, but that have come in for us as well. And they're always so, so great. So thank you, everybody who sent it. And thanks, by the way, to Jamie, who handled the Valentine's exchange this year. And of course, Melly, who always handles the holiday card exchange.

You know, I say a version of this kind of a lot, but just because it's true, but it's like, it's just so crazy that this little podcast somehow generated this or sort of brought together this world of people who now have just taken it their friendships with each other and everything and just made it so much more than we ever thought it would be or even deserved it to be like it's just a very lucky thing that that that somehow we were the this show this show was sort of the catalyst for a bunch of really awesome people just being awesome to each other and doing cool stuff At this point, it's like, like, again, I say this all the time. I don't think I even have access to the Facebook page anymore, which is fine. But it's just like the fact that this thing continues to sort of move along and continue in the world of just, again, this sort of kindness between these folks who met through TBTL is a great honor of my life, honestly. Kelly says, number two, I'd like to encourage everyone to give what you can to your volunteer or of your volunteer time or financial resources to your local nonprofit that addresses food and housing insecurity in your community. They need your help more than ever. Well said, Kelly. Absolutely. And then number three, Kelly said, I want to thank Luke and Andrew for playing Dove's words at the end of each episode. It warms my heart to hear my favorite band. Wow. Every day. Thank you for friendos for another year of TB.

tell kelly thank you who knew that kelly was such a doves fan i think i've told this story more than once on the show but i think i was working this is my memory is i was working for npr in la i was working at day-to-day and i got this doves cd it was one of those things where they probably mailed it to the you know they mailed it it's not really a radio station but whatever you'd call it the broadcast center as a way of you know hoping that we would listen to it and play it on the radio and it just ended this Doves CD ended up on my desk and I think I used to just listen to it like to drown out the noise of other people in the work environment kind of a thing and I remember this song Words and it struck me as like I my initial thought was if I ever wrote a movie I would want this to be the final credits I just loved the song and I just I just thought it would be kind of epic if you know the movie was over and someone's walking down the road and now this is the song that's playing or whatever but I never did make a movie but I did make a podcast with you, Andrew, and I think day one, hour one, I think we went out with Words by Doves, and here we are all these years later, so Kelly, I'm glad that that's working

for you. Do you remember that we stopped doing that for a long time? We started choosing a song at the end of every episode. I mean, for a long, long time. Yeah, for like a couple years? Yeah, I mean, going back to Words by Doves was kind of a real return to form after having done something different, I think for a significant period of time, but I think maybe partially that was due to the fact that we were starting to get more and more pings about like well you can't play this song what i get in trouble for last week i got some notice from youtube oh yeah what was i playing i was like i made sure that we're talking over well i played the i'm sorry yeah that got a ping and then all which is funny because it pinged it as like do you know that that that was a brenda lee song but apparently from a movie did you know it's from some movie that has like a i didn't know a western like a french western or something i don't know i have no idea but anyway i i think also uh um run like the wind is that a song that we played recently flock of seagulls run like who's oh we played a ran and i ran yeah that's it yeah i ran so far like oh you're gonna be pulled down in bulgaria i was like uh

also i think i think what was starting to happen was we would end wouldn't we end up spending a fair amount of time trying to choose the final song. I think that was torturous for the listeners. So yeah, we're just doing Doves, and Kelly loves it, and we love Kelly. So, Kelly, thank you very much.

Here I go once again with the email. Every week, I hope that it's from a female. No, man! It's not from a female.

Well, Andrew, our dialogue with the people for the ethical treatment of animals continues apace. with an update from our guy Wes over there at PETA. We've had this ongoing thing, which is I was very excited when Wes reached out from PETA because I thought that maybe we had a bunch of listeners over there and I tend to think that overall I think PETA is doing good work. I appreciate their commitment to trying to make the lives of animals at least a little bit better. And because Wes had reached out about the feed two birds with one scone thing we'd been saying. And then later we learned that our friends, um, Lindy and Megan had also received, had also been reached out to by PETA. And we, we realized they're just kind of scraping the internet for PETA mentions and then doing a really smart thing, which is reaching out to those podcasters and getting some earned media, as we say. And so last week I was using this kind of almond based, uh, like half and half alternative that I just had out here in the, in the refrigerator here in the studio. And I was trying to remember where it even came from. And it was part of this gift pack that Wes had sent and Wes just reached back out over the weekend and said hey Luke I'm glad to hear you got the Rat Pack hat by the way I'm wearing it right now Andrew

oh yeah it's a cool hat right that's right because he said oh we're going to send you a mug that says two birds with one scone and you were like on mic you were like I kind of would rather have this hat

yes and I wear this hat all the time now by the way at first I was a little nervous I think I told you because like if I'm wearing it says PETA on the back

yeah you're like name three songs by PETA

precisely or like uh are you wearing leather shoes my guy you know what i mean like i feel like my whole if i'm wearing something that says pita i need to be living an exemplary like life of non-animal you know harm um but uh anyway west said uh i'm glad to hear that you got the rat pack hat and that you've been wearing it but i am sorry to hear the nut pods we sent were a bit underwhelming a different brand it's on its way to you that i think you will really like also i wanted to point out that i live in tacoma so while we do have a lot of ears listening for mentions tbtl is a podcast i personally listen to smiley face signed wes from people for the ethical treatment of animals can we can we believe wes you know that he's that he's a he's actually a listener to this show uh Thank you.

as opposed to getting kind of a readout every day of, like, the various places that PETA was mentioned? I don't think Wes would lie to us, right?

I was pretty loud about a theory I had, not only that they were, like, kind of listening for mentions, but, like, it really seemed to me that because podcasts are so easily turned into text these days, especially with, like, AI tools and everything, I figured, oh, they're being pretty smart. they're just like scanning specifically like you know audio to text transcripts looking for these PETA phrases and that would be why both us and text me back got these around the same time because we were both spoofing on it around the same time you were doing it when i was out of town but as we talked about that we're like well how real is this west person and so i started googling and remember i ended up on west's like personal instagram page right and i was like west might

be himself an AI. Yeah, and we're like, oh, no, no. Or itself an AI.

No, we treat AI with respect on this show, Luke. That's the first I'm hearing of that. It's a new dawn. I'm so mad at my neighbor, I now have a lot of grace towards AI. But anyway, it was clear that he was a real person, and he wrote in to me a couple of times and even said, hey, sorry, because I was pretending to be a little bit butthurt about him leaving me off of the gift list when I'm the one who's really championed, and also contributed to the cannon I don't have a Doug on this flight. Yes. Wes if you're still listening can we kind of get that officially canonized please as part of the PETA vernacular but I was pretending to be butthurt that I didn't get my own mug or whatever I'm fine but he reached out to me and said hey man I can send you one like I knew that Wes was a real person but I still thought all of this dialogue begins with just sort of a as you said sort of scraping of the internet but I I actually am completely convinced.

I think we're slowly drawing Wes in. Yeah, maybe that's true. Because he is definitely, this, of all the podcasts in America, and so many of them are much more popular than ours, this has to be the one that has talked about Wes the most. That is true. So by that fact alone, I think that he's got to be kind of, if there was a podcast that talked about me on a semi-regular basis, I would be tuning into that podcast as well.

That's a really good point. mean kind of like our when we were at american public media the more we talked about various colleagues at american public media the more we got ears on the show at american public media at one point i think a quarter of our listenership was coming from the basement we were the number

one podcast about american public media mandatory training which if you worked there was highly

relatable content for you but i would say that the the mention like now that we're thinking about lindy oh another pacific northwest person not that she's not known nationally obviously as are you but like it would sort of make sense if this was if you were going to try to convince me that these were more organic listens if you're somebody in Tacoma and you're sort of keeping it and your job is to keep an eye on media you're probably you know listening to things that are somewhat regional as well so that all that all scans for me you know I'm I'm down with Wes I'm down with Wes as well Wes is more that's also a show title boy if we name the only podcast naming an episode

for Wes at PETA, Andrew. We're definitely super serving our people. I don't know. I've got to be honest with you,

Wes, don't take it the wrong way, but I don't think anything beats Glen Gary, Glen Close. I honestly think that might be an all-timer for us, so I don't think I could mess with that.

What about Glen Close but no cigar?

Okay, listen. I want to also talk about another piece of mail that we received. This one, a physical piece of mail we were mentioning just a little bit ago during Kelly's Dazzling Donor message about the card exchanges that the listeners are engaged with. And we got many, many, many amazing holiday cards this year. And I just sent some along to you so that you can open them in this late February, Luke. But we got this one from our friend Eric. Eric is the person who made the little animation about us many, many years ago, Oops the Dirty Monster. And, of course, he is an illustrator.

Coins, are our coins? That's right. No, no, no.

I forgot. Good remembering. Yep, Eric designed the coins for us as well. Well, I got this amazing card that looks handwritten, but it is handwritten, I think, but also sort of printed on the front as if it's kind of a piece of notebook-ruled paper. And it says, hello, friendo. Apologies for the lateness at this greeting when I decided to do the TBTL greeting card exchange. Wrote challenge and scribbled it out. i uh found that i had plenty of time to get this to you well before christmas but a lot uh happened in late 2025 so basically apologizing for sending this out late and i get the impression that this went out to everybody on like all of the tens on eric's list so it's this really cool card but then when you opened it up there is a custom tbtl mini comic book Here we go.

in here that eric made that is extraordinary it was based on all those top five lists we were doing at the end of the year it says my top five tbtl experiences for 2026 and there's little illustrations of you and me with word bubbles do i have a mustache you don't have a mustache your mouth is open oh okay and it's in in my figure is saying i'll bet there will be garbage and then you're saying it goes without saying and then it lists uh it's a countdown with these amazing

illustrations if i could do did did eric send in two of those can i get yeah one should be in the

mail on the way to you now i believe and so it's a countdown list of walking the dog it says preferably late at night when it's a little chilly and my brain is overcooked and there's a picture of eric walking his dog it says just thinking let the fun begin or i guess that's coming through the ear buds ear buds yeah uh air buds uh ear pods okay doing dishes anyway i'm not going to read the whole thing right now i got lost and trying to remember what ear buds are called but anyway this is incredible and wow i'm saving it for the rest of my life thanks eric yeah that's really

cool i'm actually very excited to uh get that in the mail along with the roku you're sending me because life is hell when you want to watch oh my major league baseball oh my gosh yeah i sent you

a Roku. I had a couple of extra ones. I'm sorry it's not the stick kind, but all of them need power anyway. So are you cool with like sticking that, like maybe sticking that to the back of your TV or something? Yeah, I'll just like Velcro it to the back of the TV or something. It's very, very light, and you can stick it to the back of the TV, but then you can watch your ML... What is it? Your Vizio TV can't install the MLB app? That is benign. According to the internet.

It's so silly. So last year, when they were on the Root Sports app or whatever, my Vizio didn't have any problem with that I was using Fubo and it was in there

see I couldn't get my Hisense TV couldn't get the Root app which is why I bought these Rokus and so yeah

on Friday I was all excited to watch the first spring training game and I was just like searching around you know this Vizio TV to try to find the MLB app which was nowhere to be found I went on the internet and they were like yeah it's not native to a Vizio TV. You need a Roku or a Fire Stick or whatever. You need some other plugged-in thing to your TV so you get the MLB app so you can watch the Mariners. It's just always a hassle.

Yeah, it really is. And the fact that we're just chasing these things around, so I'm really glad because I started to have an abundance of Rokus at my house, which is not a problem I ever thought I had, so I'm glad to know that it'll get it. Maybe it'll even just be a bridge until that MLB app is on there. The MLB app, you know what I mean? It's not a regional sports network.

Also, why would you just not have an app available to your smart TV? It just seems like it improves the experience of the smart TV owner. Why would there ever be some governor on that?

I got it on mine, and I have a cheaper TV. Mine had the MLB app but wouldn't load the Root. You had the opposite issue, but now Root doesn't exist anymore. I bought a Roku just so I could watch baseball games last year for a service that then lasted one year and then went away. This is the world we live in. This is why I'm angry all the time. This is why I'm yelling at my neighbors. It's Arroyo's world, Andrew, and we just live in it. I've got to go yell at my neighbor again. I'm going to go watch for him to do something I don't like so I can scream at somebody.

I could not support you more strongly in this endeavor, sir. No, I'm not going to do that. I think we live in a world where there are consequences for being crazy, and this person is being crazy, and I think you yelling at him is perfectly appropriate. What you really need to do is work it into your KUOW appearance this Friday. Yeah. I sort of thought that.

Like, if there's a way I could mention.

Do they do a thing? Do they do, like, a what's grinding your gears or something? No, they do the opposite.

They have, like, what makes you smile at the end of the show.

Okay, you can do this. You could say, what makes me smile is the way that one of my neighbors has put up these signs encouraging people to drive more slowly in the neighborhood. and also the fact that it allows me to have a really productive dialogue with my across the street neighbor who keeps cutting the signs into pieces I don't know, somehow just like lay it out there so he's just randomly imagine he's just like in his car driving listening to KUOW and just hears you describing your exact run in he might drive off the road, you might be rid of him once and for all

well first of all, I don't want that you would let him in your bombshell it is i love the idea that somebody's making a cave by the way i want to be a part of that so bad um it is somewhat bother it does bother me a little bit that what i'm really mad at in this world are the maga people who are supporting the administration and what the administration is doing and i'm screaming at a public radio listening biden supporter across the street from me you You know what I mean? Yeah. In a certain way.

is kind of it's not entirely fair but also he should leave the science alone damn it absolutely

all right that is excuse me my goodness that's what i get for uh chugging all this half and half i'm back to half and half coffee by the way uh that's gonna do it for today's episode of tbtl but we will be right back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio so tune on in for that in the meantime have a great monday take care of yourselves everybody stay safe be nice to your your neighbors unless they're destroying other people's property and please remember no mountain too tall and good luck to all power out