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The World Cup is back and Football Weekly is going daily. From the goals and the glory to the politics and the problems, join me, Max Rushton, and our expert panel every day of the tournament. World Cup Daily, listen on Spotify now, and watch the full episodes on YouTube.

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Get ready for battle. It's time for Sports Ball. Brought to you by gambling.

Gambling. It's literally free money.

what's up sports pros and sports bras i'm desi lighting and i'm jordan klepper this is sports

war the show where we are legally not allowed to agree with each other so if i say cheerleading is not a real sport then i say of course cheerleading is a sport why else would i be constantly watching it when i'm alone at home whatever keeps you indoors and away from people

Let's kick things off with our top story. Kaitlin Clark has returned to the court from injury, and not a moment too soon for the WNBA.

It wasn't just the Indiana Fever that missed Kaitlin Clark. The WNBA missed her, and badly.

Kaitlin Clark effect. Since the WNBA stores injury, ticket prices have drastically dropped.

WNBA ratings plummeted 55% league-wide. Wow, so Caitlin Clark gets injured and you all just stop supporting women's basketball. You people bailed on the WNBA quicker than Desi did on her fifth marriage. Look, fair weather fans make me sick. I, Jordan Klepper, champion of women, friend to the female, Maya Angelou, lover, and Susan B. Anthony, mega fan, am here to tell you there is plenty, I mean plenty of excitement in the WNBA besides Caitlin Clark.

Name one WNBA team.

Okay, I'll name three. The Cleveland Clams, Toledo Tampons, and the Boston Bushes. Go Bush.

Jordan, you idiot. Those are possibly correct. I don't know, I was bluffing. Regardless, it's great that Clark's absence gave fans a chance to watch cooler, less popular sports, like, I don't know, women's cornhole, which I happen to have played professionally. In fact, people say I'm the Caitlyn Clark of Cornhole.

You're the Caitlyn Clark of Cornhole. Who says that?

You just did, you big dumb giraffe. Which brings us to our holy hut bed of the night. Will our ratings decline if Jordan Klepper gets injured by the hood of my car? Brought to you by gambling. Gambling. You can't spell degenerate without great.

Staying in the world of basketball, did you know it's also played by men? And one former NBA star is making headlines in Puerto Rico by going a little nuts.

Former Golden State Warrior DeMarcus Cousins was suspended for the rest of the season in Puerto Rico's basketball league after this heated exchange with a fan during a game. Cousins made an obscene gesture, exchanged words with a fan. The four-time NBA All-Star was ejected.

This is awesome. He grabbed his crotch and wiped it on that fan's face. Oh, anyone can shake a player's hand, but not many get to taste a player's ball sack, you know? I just bought season tickets at the Puerto Rican Basketball League, and I'll be watching every game courtside with my mouth wide open.

Jordan, you human glory hole, you couldn't be more wrong. DeMarcus Cousins should know how to act professionally during the game, but after the game, he should break into that fan's car and rub that tank stank all over his steering wheel. But I'll have pink eye before he leaves the parking lot.

Wait, is that how I got pink eye?

Which brings us to tonight's Sack Attack, Bed of the Week. How many CDs will DeMarcus Cousins buy in his free time?

Wait a minute, wait a minute, hold on, hold on. What CDs?

CDs Nuts! These Nuts have been brought to you by Gambling. Gambling, sack up and bet.

I should have seen it coming. Moving on from a former pro to a current pro who just won't go away.

After months of speculation, looks like Aaron Rodgers, the former Jets and Packers quarterback, is going to the Pittsburgh Steelers. So this was a decision that was best for my soul.

Good for you, Aaron Rodgers.

he listened to his soul, the one part of his body that can't get CTE.

Desi. Desi, Desi, Desi. Did yo Botox your brain? Come on. Aaron Rodgers shouldn't be doing anything good for his soul. Everyone knows that bad souls equal great players. O.J. Simpson, terrible soul, incredible player. Mother Teresa, great soul, dog shit quarterback.

You're just mad she wouldn't sleep with you.

The one that got away!

But luckily for the Steelers, Aaron Rodgers' soul wasn't the only thing making headlines.

Rodgers was at the Steelers' mandatory minicamp yesterday. Noticeable difference compared to last season. Rodgers was rocking a wedding ring, and he did confirm that he's now married, although we don't know the identity of his wife. Whoa, the man does a lot of ayahuasca.

Are we sure he knows the identity of his wife? He could have married a ficus plant. Either way, you know it's true love because he found someone willing to live in Pittsburgh.

Jordan, we should not be celebrating this. Everyone knows football and marriage don't mix. O.J. Simpson, great football player, terrible marriage. But what do I know? I've only been married 12 times.

Which brings us to our Say Yes to the Bet wager of the week. What eradicated disease did guests contract at Aaron Rodgers' wedding? Brought to you by gambling. Gambling. He went to Jared. That's my bookie. and that's all the time we have for sports war join us next week when we debate if hockey would be better if they played on pogo sticks of course not they'd slip all over the ice no there's no ice they're playing on a layer of pogo sticks oh my god that's the dumbest thing

picture this it's the middle of summer the family is packed into the car for a road trip and about two hours into the middle of nowhere, the engine starts making a sound like a blender full of wrenches. The transmission gives out. Now there's a breakdown on the shoulder of the highway with restless kids, a stressed out spouse, and a brutal pit in the stomach knowing a massive out-of-pocket repair bill is on its way. It's an absolute nightmare. And that's why CarShield is a lifesaver. They take the absolute terror out of car breakdowns. With these crazy complex modern vehicles, repair costs are soaring, but CarShield offers low-cost, month-to-month protection plans that save the family budget from those brutal surprises. When a vehicle breaks down, CarShield provides 24-7 roadside assistance, courtesy towing, and rental car options at no extra cost. Plus, they partner with ASE-certified mechanics nationwide, and their contracts have incredibly low deductions. They've been doing this for over 20 years, covering 2 million vehicles with a 96% customer review rating. They even have an A-plus rating from the BBB, and were named a USA top place to work for 2026. They are the real deal. Look at the facts. Repair costs are soaring, and modern vehicles are more complex than ever. Waiting for your transmission to fail before you act isn't just a bad idea. It's bad math. Get ahead of the curve with CarShield. Right now, CarShield is offering our listeners 20% off with the code TDS at carshield.com slash TDS. Visit carshield.com slash TDS to lock in your coverage today and protect yourself from expensive car repairs. Again, go to carshield.com slash TDS and use code TDS for 20% off.

what's up sports nuts i'm michael costa and i'm ron chang this is sports war the show where we are legally not allowed to agree with each other so if i say defense wins championships Then I say defense loses lawsuits, and specifically in my DUI case. If they didn't want me to drive into that Dunkin' Donuts, then why do they have that sign-up that says drive-through, okay? By the way, Ronnie, can I get a ride home? Uh, yeah, fine, but you have to lay in the trunk like a kidnapping victim. Thanks, bud. Let's start things off with the greatest sport on Earth, tennis. This past weekend... This past weekend was the final of the U.S. Open, but it was what went down in the stands throughout the tournament that made the biggest headlines.

With the attendance at this year's U.S. Open expected to shatter previous records, fans haven't exactly been acing tennis etiquette. People are loud and chatty and moving about. People are complaining that all this...

is leading to bad fan behavior these people are starting to drink honey

deuces at 11 a.m. so I think it's just New York that's the way it's always always

been that's how it is we're loud we're drunk we're spending six thousand dollars a month to share one bedroom with four non-binary tattoo artists all named Devin, this is what's great about these Grand Slam tournaments, okay? They take on the personality of their host country. The U.S. Open is drunk and loud. Wimbledon is stuffy and inbred. And at the Australian Open, the ball spins the other way. Wow, Ronnie, wow.

You sure love some crowd noise for someone who performs to complete silence. Look, I got nothing against people having a good time. You know me. I get invited to all types of parties, and it's not just because high school kids know I'll buy beer for them. shout out to chad and jared my point is different sports have different etiquettes tennis fans should be respectful and quiet just like nascar fans should have jean shorts and a yahoo email address it's just standard practice take it from me a former ranked professional tennis player ranked 864th in the world it's true look it up yeah yeah no one watching tennis wants to hear obnoxious drunk fans. They want to hear the sweet, sweet sound of players grunting. Oh. Uh. Uh. Uh. You know what I mean? Yep.

I knew it.

Wow. I guess tennis players can get CTE, which brings us to our bad brain better than night. How many honey juice cocktails will someone need to drink to have as much brain damage as Michael Kosta? Brought to you by gambling. Gambling problem? Call 1-800.

Moving on. This was the opening week for the NFL, and things got off to a spittacular start.

The NFL season kicked off last night between the Eagles and the Cowboys, and one of Philly's star players is in the spotlight for all of the wrong reasons. Defensive lineman Jalen Carter was ejected right after the opening kickoff for spitting on Cowboys quarterback Dak Prescott.

Yo, ejected for spitting? This is football, okay? Between the blood and the brain matter, spit is the cleanest liquid on the field. People don't tune in to football to watch people being nice to each other. We tune in to see when that Fox robot will finally kill Terry Bradshaw. Plus, the Cowboys should love this. Now their quarterback is all wet and slippery, like a newborn baby, and how to tackle like a newborn baby.

Come on, Ronnie. This kind of behavior can't be tolerated. Players shouldn't be spitting on each other. They should be spitting only on the fans, particularly the ones who took the time to make signs asking for it. Pasta, you disgust me. How much? Enough to spit on me? Which brings us to our lucky loogie bet of the night. What is wrong with me? As always, brought to you by Gambling. Gambling. Your kids weren't going to college anyway.

Let's move on to minor league baseball. It's a sport watched by people who don't know movies exist. But one minor league team is using some major league technology.

Artificial intelligence made its professional sports debut over the weekend in Oakland.

Yeah, get this. The ballers replaced their manager with an AI program, creating the lineups and recommending pitching changes. And they won. So we spoke with the team's previous manager, Aaron Miles, about being the first manager ever replaced by artificial intelligence.

Every person out here in a job that knows AI may be coming for their job doesn't like this at all, you know what I mean? And part of me is, you know, thinks that too.

A part of you thinks it's bad that you'll be replaced by AI. Stand up for yourself, man. AI can't replace you. Only a human being can spend nine innings in the dugout scratching his nutsack going, good eye, good eye.

Ronnie, if you ask me, we need to ban all AI from sports. Costa, that's the worst thing I've ever heard, and I've read the Gene Hackman coroner report, right? AI is what baseball needs. This is how baseball works, okay? It's always evolving, and teams are always looking for an edge. I mean, first it was the curveball. Then it was black people. Now, it's A.I. Plus, it's a statistics-driven sport, okay? You think white people were ever going to learn math? Oh, really? Oh, really? Oh, really? Taking a shot at white people.

we don't know math well maybe you can count these two you're good but my point remains you don't need AI to win a baseball all you need is heart, determination and a few good Dominican guys which brings us to our AI A plus bet of the night what sacred American pastime will AI ruin next? As always brought to you by gambling Use promo code COSTA for $100 in instant debt. And that's all the time we have for Sports War. Join us next time where we will debate if rugby should be played on actual rugs. Of course not. Think of the cleaning fees. You can clean a rug. Yeah, it's a f***ing rug.

I've got a 20-dollar game. I've got a 20-dollar game.

Sports War! Brought to you by gambling. Gambling. It's not just for professional athletes.

What's up, Num Nuts? I'm Ronny Che. And I'm Jordan Klepper. This is Sports War, the show where we are legally not allowed to agree with each other. So, if I say college basketball is more exciting than the NBA...

Well, then I say college basketball. Who's watching the NBA and thinking, gee, I wish these players also had homework? Come on, Ronnie. Homework builds character. Yeah, your mom builds character. That's right. She raised a good boy who grew up into a fine man with compassion and empathy.

F*** you, Ronnie. Let's kick things off with the Los Angeles Dodgers who continued celebrating their World Series victory this week.

The Dodgers and their fans basking in the glow of back-to-back World Series titles. Will Smith was the hero, hitting a game-winning home run in the top of the 11th inning. An estimated 250,000 fans flooding downtown L.A.

At the World Series after party, Dodger star and newly crowned champion Freddie Freeman doing the worm.

Wow, wow. Congratulations. Who says white people can't dance like it's 1995? My penis hurt just watching that.

All in all, this World Series reminded me of Jordan's pre-show bathroom routine. It was long, dramatic, and involved multiple Japanese guys.

Shut up, Roddy. Everything done by them to them is consensual for me. Nothing, nothing topped Dodgers catcher Will Smith hitting that series-winning home run and finally redeeming himself for that time he slapped Chris Rock in the face.

That was a different Will Smith, you moron.

This one is a white guy. I know, Roddy, and I'm talking about a white, Chris Rock that white Will Smith slapped. There's a lot of people named Chris Rock and Will Smith out there, and they all f***ing hate each other. Point is, the Dodgers championship was straight out of a baseball movie, a true Hollywood

ending. Ugh, did someone break a bat over your giant head? This was another boring Hollywood reboot, okay? The Dodgers won. Hooray! They won it last year and spent more money to do it again this year big deal if you want to see a true hollywood underdog story imagine a team of grandmas winning the world series all played by me ronnie chang in nine different old fat suits i call it grand slam and it's filled with hardcore nudity which brings us to our fat suit fat cat better than night

which british actor will play show a otari in a netflix original series about the dodgers brought to you by gambling. Gambling, you lose 100% of the bets you don't make with your wife's credit card.

Speaking of gambling, it's been a tough month for America's favorite new pastime.

The new fallout from the gambling scandal in the NBA. Authorities accused Miami Heat player Terry Rozier of faking an injury and feeding that information to betters.

Commissioner Adam Silver speaking up. There's nothing more important to the league and its fans than the integrity of the competition.

That's right. That half-man, half-lizard is right. This affects not only the integrity of the NBA, but it puts the entire sports gambling ecosystem in jeopardy, which is why it's time for a rare Sports War ceasefire.

Sports War ceasefire. Activate.

We here at Sports War have prepared a joint statement.

Thank you, Ronald. To whom it may concern, if you're the kind of depraved low-life scum that would throw a game to win a bet for your friends, then we have one thing to say to you. Hit us up, bro! Seriously, Terry, what the f***? I love having inside information.

Hey, anyone planning on tearing their AC?

Is he out tonight? Well, slide into my DMs. I'll put you in my parlay. Don't worry. I can be trusted. Okay, you wouldn't believe the stuff Jordan has told me in confidence, like how he's the hymns.com customer of the year. Okay, you know what?

You only know that because you were the runner-up.

Which brings us to our rock-hard Better Than Night. How many months until Jordan flies to Thailand for penile rejuvenation? Brought to you by gambling. Gambling. Your wife's PIN number is 5266. If she changes it, just say, what, you don't trust me?

Turning now to sports for people who can't play sports. Big news in professional darts.

Aussie darts player has been banned from using his nickname at the upcoming World Championships. Tim Pussy Magnet, as fans refer to him, is not allowed to use his moniker for the December event after the governing body deemed it, well, vulgar.

Hey, chill out, professional darts league. Let him use his nickname, The Magnet. Why are these officials being such a dick to pussy, all right? The only reason a dart league should have a governing body is to make sure you're drunk and fat enough to play.

Ronnie, you know less about darts than you do about pussy. The darts governing body is right on the money here. First of all, this guy stole my nickname from college.

There is no chance your nickname in college was Pussy Magnet.

Yeah, I know. It was Tim.

What? Your name is Jordan.

Yeah. Back in college, let's just say I was a real Tim. So I say, good for the darts league. When I'm watching darts, I'm not trying to think about Tim Pussy getting laid. I'm trying to think about what went wrong in my life that I'm watching a professional darts game. which brings us to our vajayjay parlay bet of the night. What will Tim Pussy's new nickname be? Brought to you by gambling. Gambling, your wife's birthday's coming up. Buy her a nice necklace, so the credit card statement says K-Jewelers. Then return that necklace for cash and buy a much cheaper necklace. Use the leftover cash on a seven-way parlay on North Korean Cornhole. If your wife calls you out and says, wait, this cheap-ass necklace caught $10,000? You didn't buy an expensive necklace. Return it for cash and then buy a cheaper necklace so you could bet the leftover cash on North Korean cornhole, did you? You'd just start crying and say, how dare you? Then head straight to the airport and beg them for a job. After a few months, they'll promote you to baggage handler so you can rifle through people's luggage until you find a decent necklace. Then bring it home to your wife and say, found it, honey. Gambling. It's just that easy.

Well, that's all the time we have for Sports War. Join us next time where we debate if hockey would be better if it had a ball, court, and black people. That's basketball. Oh, yeah, that's a great name for it. I was going to call it black hockey. I mean, you can play basketball.

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In the gown.

What's up, ball bags? I'm Roy Chan. And I'm Michael Kosta. This is Sports War, the show where we are legally not allowed to agree with each other. So if I say Indiana winning the national championship was the most surprising sports story of all time...

Then I say, uh, hello, are you forgetting OJ? Nothing. What's more surprising than his infamous 2,000-yard rushing season?

That was not the most surprising thing O.J. has ever done. And this is true. He once murdered his audition for the naked gun, allegedly. But let's move on to even bigger football news because Super Bowl LX is set.

The Seattle Seahawks and the New England Patriots now headed to the big dance.

Pats fans are dancing in the snow-filled streets.

There are a lot of fried vocal cords in Seattle. Two teams from opposite coasts ready to face off in football's biggest game.

Yes, it's the Seahawks versus the Patriots, Seattle versus New England, Starbucks versus Dunkin'. Point is, I am shitting myself with excitement, and neither will give me the bathroom code. Ronnie, who do you like?

Well, Costa, I got to go with Seattle for pretty obvious reasons, because that is where Frazier lived in his hit sitcom, Frazier.

Ronnie, that is the dumbest reason to support Seattle. I'm all in on New England for one simple reason. Boston is where Frasier lived in the hit sitcom Cheers.

Costa, sounds like we got ourselves a Frasier Bowl.

Of course, this is a rematch of the 2015 Frasier Bowl, and if it's anything like that game, by the fourth quarter, those players' brains will be tossed salad and scrambled eggs, and I'm here for it.

Any non-Fraser-based analysis of the game you'd like to add? No. Great. That brings us to our BB Networth, Better Tonight. What song will Bad Bunny perform with Kelsey Grammer during this year's halftime show? Brought to you by gambling. Gambling problem. Good.

Moving on from pigskin to whatever animal hockey pucks are made from, the NHL is seeing a huge resurgence thanks to one unlikely bedfellow.

The show Heated Rivalry, which we've been talking about all morning, being credited with a surge in interest for hockey tickets. StubHub says there has been a 40% spike, 40% in NHL searches since that show debuted.

Woo-hoo! This is fantastic news. Now, I haven't watched Heated Rivalry, but I love any show about hockey. I can't wait to meet these characters and their devoted wives.

Yeah, Costa, I have some bad news for you. The on-screen hockey in this show is terrible. What?

Well, at least tell me the characters are gay. Of course they are. Great, then I'm back in. I was sick of having to watch hockey and gay porn on two different screens at the same time. This is much more efficient,

and it's great for hockey fans. Oh, wrong. It is awful for hockey fans in the stands like me, all right? Because now when I kiss random men on the kiss cam, people will think I'm gay instead of just trying to start a fight, which brings us to our LGBT better than night.

Which gay actor will win NHL's most valuable player? Brought to you by gambling. Gambling, did you know you have unlimited plasma?

Moving on, we are just days away from the Winter Olympics, the world's second favorite kind of Olympics, but it's never too early to start cheating.

Norwegian ski jumpers have been suspended from the upcoming Winter Olympics after enlarging the crotch area of their uniform. Some ski jumpers go further using pumps to manipulate their crotch size so they can fly like a kite.

What a disgrace. It's one thing to take steroids or gamble on your own games or hire your idiot boyfriend to take a pipe to your rival's knee. But lying about your dong size, that's where I draw a big, veiny line. Well, an average size.

line, but veiny. Imagine a purple spider web. Okay, enough! Stop telling me about your dick. I prefer text. That way it's searchable. First of all, if lying about your dick is a crime, then lock me and my massive hog right up. This is great for ski jumping. Okay? Because I'm finally going to tune in. Now, instead of watching to see if the ski jumpers die, I'll be watching to see how big their dicks are right before

they die. Come on. Come on, Ronnie. Think of safety here. Some of these ski jumpers are inflating the size of their penises with hyaluronic acid. The only acid that should be anywhere near the penis is LSD. Trust me, I did it, and I was soaring. A great eagle lifted me on its talons and carried me all the way to Saturn, where the ghost of Benjamin Franklin shared with me the great universal truths. And when I awoke, I was in a camping tent filled with elderly Chinese tourists again apologies to the Hwang family for ruining their reunion I don't know how to feel

about that which brings us to our ski balls better tonight world Olympic ski jumper Sven the dune worm Christians and take home the gold brought to you by gambling gambling it's probably

in the Bible well that's all for this edition of sports word join us next time when we'll debate whether there should be an autumn Olympics. Oh, autumn Olympics? I would take the golden leaf peeping, no question.

You wouldn't know the difference between a cherry tree and a cracking ass. I'd kiss you off. You don't know anything about it.

You're in the problem.

Sports War. Brought to you by gambling. Gambling. 90,000 commercials can't be wrong.

What's up to all my good, bad, and fugly bunnies? I'm Desi Lydic.

And I'm Jordan Klepper. This is Sports War, the show where we are legally not allowed to agree with each other.

So if I say the opening ceremony in Milan was a beautiful celebration of Italian culture...

Then I say it was complete insult to Italy. No Sopranos theme song, zero people dressed as lasagna. I mean, they might as well have pissed on the grave of Chef Boyardee.

can it you talking strand of spaghetti let's kick things off with the super bowl it's supposed to be the super bowl of sporting events but this year it was all about the halftime show nobody

brought the house down like man's butt the global superstar showcase in ode to puerto rico the singer

show was the most watched halftime performance of all time making history as the first spanish language halftime show performer. Ay-yi-yi, I'm wee caliente. Bad Bunny was hot. I mean, watching him swivel those hips, I haven't been this confused since college. I mean, that intro to philosophy class made no sense. Also, I had several gay experiences.

Jordan, you top-shelf dingus. It was too hot. See, that's the problem. These halftime shows have become so elaborate that they're starting to overshadow the actual game. We need to go back to simpler times, like 1908, when they'd just bring a donkey out at halftime and everyone would be like, oh, shit, a donkey.

As someone who has a timeshare in Tijuana, trust me, there's nothing hotter than a donkey show. As they say in TJ, hee-haw, Senor Jordan.

Which brings us to our Latin lover, Betta the Noche. Will anyone tune in to watch Jordan and his donkey at next year's Alternative Halftime Show. Brought to you by gambling. Gambling. Poor game, no. Moving on to the other major sporting event of the weekend, the Winter Olympics, where apparently skiing doesn't mean doing cocaine. Once again, my apologies for following the Norwegian men's freestyle team into the bathroom. Anyway, this year in Milan, Olympic athletes are leaving their mark like never before.

this morning the political firestorm igniting under the olympic flame olympic skier british

american gus kenworthy writing f ice in urine in the snow and posting it to instagram

this guy was able to start and stop his stream between letters man oh that is some gold medal pissing in fact peeing in the snow should be an olympic event and i would dominate i mean look what

i did in the backyard this morning jesus how much urine is that no wonder your wife sleeps in a wetsuit

Peeing in snow should be outlawed, not just at the Olympics, but everywhere. I mean, what happens when someone eats that yellow snow because she thinks it looks delicious, even though everyone keeps telling her, don't eat yellow snow. It doesn't taste like Gatorade. And sure, sure, she even wrote it on her hand as a reminder, but she's wearing gloves because it's so cold outside. So she ate the snow anyway because she's sick and tired of everyone telling her what to f***ing do. And you know what? It didn't taste like Gatorade. It tasted like urine, but she had to come to that conclusion all on her own. What about those people, Jordan?

Which brings me to my pee-pee-pants parlay better than night. Which country will take home the gold in Olympic snow peen? Brought to you by gambling. Gambling. If it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's brown, double down.

Moving on from something delicious and yellow on snow to something delicious and yellow on ice.

We turn back to Milan, where one Olympic figure skater isn't just dreaming of gold, but minion yellow, too. Tomas Llorent's Guarino Sabate. His signature short program featuring songs from the wildly popular Despicable Me movies.

Minions over Mozart. It's nice to mix it up in figure skating.

I, I, I, I, I know Caliente This is despicable for me And the entire sport of figure skating I mean, where's Tonya Harding with a pipe when you need her?

Jordan, the scores are in You're a moron This performance was what the Olympics are all about There's something for everyone Skating, copyright law, adults wearing overalls Anyone can nail a double axel in a skin-tight unitard, but it takes real skill to do it in a spirit Halloween costume. His parents should be so proud, assuming they still speak to him.

Are you kidding me, Desi? The only thing more certain than this guy not getting an Olympic medal is him not getting chlamydia in the Olympic Village. I mean, you have to esp to get the TD.

Which brings us to our millionaire maker, Bed of the Night. the night, what movie character will Tomás skate as next? Brought to you by Gambling. Gambling. Banana, banana.

Well, that's all the time we have for Sports War. Join us next week when we debate if the Winter Olympics should be in the summer and feature running and swimming.

What's that?

I think it's a good idea. I think it is a great idea.

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welcome to a new era of baseball's great spectacle the t-mobile home run derby live on netflix the biggest sluggers in baseball put their talents to the test on all-star weekend raw power meets star power big swagger meets bigger slams and you don't swing to make contact you swing to make history watch the t-mobile home run derby live on netflix this monday july 13th at 8 p.m eastern 5 be in Pacific.

Sports War! Brought to you by gambling. Gambling. It's God's test to see if you're a pussy.

What's up, ball taggers and teabaggers? I'm Desi Lydic.

And I'm Jordan Klepper. This is Sports War, the show where we are legally not allowed to agree with each other.

So if I say ice hockey is the best kind of hockey...

Then I say, screw that, it's tonsil hockey. I've been told by multiple people it's the best kind of hockey. And one day I'll get my shots.

Moving on. We're halfway through March and my pee is green, which I hope is from St. Paddy's Day, but it also means that March Madness is upon us. And this year, there's a foolproof way to pick the winner.

March Madness is just two days away, and if you haven't done so yet, it's time to fill out those brackets.

This season, though, some people are turning to AI to create the best bracket.

Not only can AI better inform your picks, it actually gives you better odds of avoiding that dreaded bracket buster.

What? What? What? No, no. This.

This is madness, and not good madness, like March Madness. Bad madness, like what Shia LaBeouf has. No. AI should not be settling our brackets. Whatever happened to just picking the school with the hottest mascot? Plus, I tried using Grok to fill out my bracket, and it just warned me that Jewish teams control the weather.

Jordan, you drooling giraffe. AI picking college basketball is the future I've been waiting for. Letting AI write my bracket means I finally have the time to do things that I love, like letting AI my husband. Thanks, AI. I haven't had a fake headache in six months.

And that brings us to my slop prop, bet of the night. Who will grok pick to win March Madness? Brought to you by gambling. Gambling, it's a hobby and an addiction. It's a hobdiction. Let's move on to baseball. America's favorite sport, in 1945. Well, last night at the World Baseball Classic, Venezuela kidnapped a win from the USA.

The World Baseball Classic stunner for Team USA. Venezuela scored the go-ahead run late and shut down the Americans in the bottom of the ninth to win, 3-2. It is Team Venezuela's first championship at the World Baseball Classic.

What? What? America lost the World Baseball Classic? Something I just learned about four seconds ago? I will never get over this. Being humiliated on the world stage is something we do on the battlefield, not the baseball field. Shame on America's mostly Cuban and Dominican team for losing to Venezuela.

Shame. Actually, Desi, it was mostly white Americans on our team.

What? Were we even trying to win?

Desi, Desi, did you staple your wig to your brain again? Come on. It's fine that Venezuela won the WBC. Venezuela's going to be part of America in a few weeks, so either way, that trophy is ours. We did it, boys!

Which brings us to our wallet invasion bet of the night, which soon-to-be U.S. state will win the World Cup, brought to you by gambling. Gambling, you can bet on war now.

Moving on to the only thing more American than baseball, strippers.

The NBA has canceled a strip club promotion planned by the Atlanta Hawks.

The team had planned to celebrate Atlanta's Magic City Strip Club. They said it was going to be a tribute to the iconic cultural institution.

Oh, good for you, NBA, for canceling this promotion. Don't get me wrong. I love and fully support the idea of including more women in the NBA. but this is not the way to do it. If it were up to me, women would get their own league where they get to play basketball. We could call it something catchy, like the NBA for women, or girls be hooping. I'm an ally. Hold for applause.

How about you hold my nuts in your mouth? Not only should the NBA have kept this promotion, they should have gone further. I want an NBA game with the full strip club experience. Lap dances in the nosebleeds. Taking out cash from an ATM with a $79 service fee. Turning location sharing off on my phone. Wiping the glitter off my face with a rally towel. Using a foam finger to...

Desi, Desi, okay, okay. Stop.

Which brings us to our making it rain bed of the week. Which Magic City stripper will fall off the pole first? brought to you by gambling. Gambling. 100 NBA refs can't be wrong.

Well, that's all the time we have for Sports War. Join us next week as we debate if Air Bud is the greatest animal athlete of all time.

No way. I know a salamander named Joe that is sick at hockey.

You don't know a salamander.

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