Muse

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Hey, babes. It's Paris Hilton. So I was checking my points balance in the Hilton Honors app the other day, and yeah, I've got about a billion, which feels excessive, even for me. Just kidding. You can never have too many Hilton Honors points. And I want to do something iconic this summer, so I'm giving away all my Paris points. Just find somewhere you've always wanted to stay, then go to my socials or Hilton's and tell me about it. Just make sure you're a Hilton Honors member, and I might be sending you Paris points. Because when you want points that make your summer even hotter, it matters where you stay.

Oh, hey. Welcome to The Moth. I'm Amina Brown. I'm a moth storyteller, poet, and the author of the essay collection Never Tell a Black Girl How to Black Girl. When something comes out of the blue, how do you react? Do you freeze? Do you panic? Or do you find a way to move forward? On this episode, we've got two stories about being surprised, dumbfounded, blindsided in completely different ways. Our first story is from Janelle Banks, who told this story at a Kansas City main stage where the theme was daring. Here's Janelle, live at the mall.

Fall 2003, when I packed up my hopes, my dreams, and too many hoodies and landed in good old St. Joseph, Missouri. enter Janelle eager and ambitious and allegedly destined to become a lawyer at least that's the plan but I'm not sure this school could actually produce lawyers but let's dream big college came at me fast and not in a partying late night ramen kind of way but still there was a mission in the background to drive and no not the motivational drive to succeed I mean literally learning how to operate a motor vehicle here I am in a rural community stuck with no car and transportation is key. And you can't get around like you can in the present day by tapping your phone and trusting a stranger with five stars. So yes, I'm afraid to drive. And here I am in a rural space needing a car. Because you see, two years prior, I was in an accident where I was driving a purple Hyundai Accent as a newly permitted driver, and I was hit by a Ford F-150 and T-bone in a major intersection. My car spun around like a washer machine on its final cycle until it finally stopped like God himself said, that's enough. That accident nearly took my foot away from me. it crushed all the bones in it and broke it off of my ankle, and doctors openly debated whether amputating it was the best option. I still recall being asked to recite the alphabet backwards before surgery, which was the only calm and normalcy before the chaos. I remember waking up in a sterile room with my foot hoisted high and a cast as thick as drywall and it was hanging like a monument of survival. My hospital stay was short but unforgettable and with the help of a Morphine pump.

I was able to learn how to walk on crutches and drag the wagon that was now my fragile foot. And from there, I was pushed back into society in the middle of a snowstorm, snowboarded into our third-story townhome, where I had to move from the third floor to the first floor for safety and convenience. Now that I'm settled in and back to reality without my morphine pump, Now comes the next journey, which is physical therapy. And as I can recall, the first sessions were pretty brutal. But little by little, I learned how to walk, not necessarily because I wanted to, but because I refused to hop, skip, and jump everywhere, especially to the bathroom. That accident changed my life. It taught me how to endure pain while walking, what my endurance was, and even what shoes I could wear. But most importantly, it changed my relationship with driving. I didn't drive. I stopped. I never got my license. Because now driving came with fear and drama. It just wasn't about a rite of passage. It actually was a roadblock. And you know in the Midwest, driving is like a form of currency. So now here I am in college, basically cosplaying as a licensed driver because people can understand you not having a car, but not having a license at my big age, very embarrassing, but I managed to maneuver through five years of asking for rides and catching rides and getting all of the favors in. In fact, I had built my own underground Uber network powered by sorority sisters and fraternity bros and all of the relationships I built along the way with my brilliant personality. Here I am, five years, 18 through 25, without a car, without a license in sight. In fact, I haven't driven once. I haven't come close to a steering wheel. The closest I've come to driving may be a bumper car at an amusement park, which scared me, or PlayStation's Grand Theft Auto. But now, in my mid-twenties, I'm a college graduate, and I'm tired of asking for rides. In fact, I'm afraid that public transit might be the next step, and I've heard stories. So now it is time to shift. Shift into bravery and get my driver's license or die trying.

Now my stepfather approached me with a good option. He offered me a brand new black Mitsubishi with leather seats and a sunroof, which is a great deal. And the only cost was that I just had to get my driver's license. That's right. This man said he would give me a car for absolutely free and the title if I got my driver's license. And to most people, that sounds like a good deal, right? To me, that's like asking for a million dollars. I didn't have it. But as the great Allen Iverson once said, it's just practice. It's just practice. So that's what I did. I practiced. I got that stupid blue book from the DMV, and I learned the art of driving through online tests and reading that book. And eventually, I got some test laps around the neighborhood supervised in my brand new used Mitsubishi. And I started to feel confident, like I have been driving the last eight years of my life. I mean, I'm driving down these two-lane residential streets ready. I'm so confident at some point I paused and wondered, do I actually know how to drive or have I just memorized the neighborhood? But now it's time to move forward and take the driver's test. And no one tells you how scary the DMV is. It's nasty. It's cold. It's dimly lit. But here I am taking this test, and I'm proud to announce that I emerged from the cold, nasty, dimly lit DMV clutching a passing score.

Only after two tries, which is not bad for a product of an open admissions college. Now, on to the driver's test. I'm nervous. I'm afraid because, again, it's been eight long years of fear. but I am ready to stop letting life drive me and drive this car. Unfortunately, though, I have met my match because the instructor giving the test is extremely friendly, like way too friendly, which led to us having great conversations, which means I missed every turn she told me to take. I was talking with my hands like I had been driving for years. I think the only time I was at 10 to 2 is when we started the car. But now it was time for the final portion of the driver's test, which is parallel parking. The final boss. Before I could even turn the will, she said, stop. You don't know what you're doing. That will conclude the test. But you've passed. Now, here I was thinking that I was a forever passenger princess, but I heard the words pass. I've passed. I'm a licensed driver. OMG. And life is funny like that. Once I got my license, I didn't just sit around. I decided to relocate from Kansas City, Missouri to Houston, Texas, which is crazy for a person who's only driven on the highway like four times. but it was fun it was eight long years eight long years where I've held myself accountable for not driving and now I'm driving an eighth the symbol eight which looks like the infinity sign which ironically is tattooed on my right once shattered ankle and underneath it says not easily broken. That tattoo says it all. It says it all. I've triumphed. I've overcome a disability. I've pushed myself out of the cage. I've passed things that took away my

adulthood and my womanhood. And now I'm driving. And from Houston, I drove all the way to New York City, which is crazy. But life is crazy like that, because driving or riding in the car as a passenger is one thing, but driving by yourself, that is control, and that is freedom, and that is steering your own destiny. Thank you.

that was janelle banks janelle is a comedian actor storyteller and artist known for blending sharp humor real life experiences and creative expression into unforgettable experiences she's also a visual artist bringing bold energy authenticity and heart from the stage and screen to every creative space she enters we asked janelle what she thought about the events of the story all these years later she said i'm currently teaching my little sister how to drive and it made me reflect on how much responsibility comes with being behind the wheel once you become a driver you stop thinking about every step you just start the car and go but now i notice every decision every movement and every moment it takes to drive safely one of the things i love about janelle's story is how she talks about the importance of being willing to sign up for an adventure sometimes we think adventures are only zip lining or bungee jumping but learning how to drive is an adventure too when i was writing my book of comedic essays never tell a black girl how to black girl i really enjoyed writing stories about everyday things that become adventures like going to a pool party or trying to make new friends big thank you to janelle for reminding us to steer our own destiny and be open to wherever life takes us after the break another story about being blindsided One that's a little less life-changing, but a little more surprising. Back in a moment.

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Welcome back. Our next story is one that I know well, because I told it. This is from an Atlanta Story Slam where the theme was anniversary. Here I am, live at the mall. This year makes 12 years since I introduced my now husband to my grandmother. He was my boyfriend then. And I had never brought a man home to meet my family. So my mom, my grandmother, and my sister knew that this was a very big deal. I'm also bringing a tall, white man with red hair home. This is a very big deal. I mistakenly leave my boyfriend in the living room with my grandmother while I'm in the kitchen doing all the things with my mom and my sister. And when I come back, I can't hear what my grandma's saying. All I see is her doing this with her bra straps. And I'm just like, why would you be doing that? Talking to my boyfriend. But when I get closer, I realize they're in a conversation about swimming. And my boyfriend is telling my grandma how he loves to work out by swimming. And she's like, oh, I try to get these girls to learn how to swim and they won't never learn. And me, I would learn. But, you know, I'm top heavy and I would need a swimsuit that would have wide straps so we could really hold me in, you know. And my boyfriend says, Grandma, you know, let me know if you ever find that swimsuit. I don't mind, you know, taking you out to the pool or something, you know, I could show you how to float. and she said oh man after we got engaged I go to visit my grandmother and she says come sit down I got some advice some relationship advice and I'm like please tell me whatever this is and she says I want you to remember don't kiss Matt too hard at this point of the story I'm having to decide do I want to know why my grandma's telling me not to kiss my then fiance too hard but I'm too nosy so I say go on make sure you don't kiss him too hard Nina cause you know white people bruise easy at this point I don't know if you've seen the color purple but at this point my mother is running towards the kitchen with the same energy Shug Avery is running towards Celie when Celie went to shave Mr. and Shug Avery thought that Celie was gonna kill Mr. but my mom thought that

my grandma was going to really tell me something that maybe we can't like unhear. So my mom runs, runs, runs, gets to the kitchen. Mom, listen, you don't need to tell Mina how hard she can kiss mad or not. They're about to get married. You don't need to worry about that. At this point, my grandma says, will you tell Mina to watch it right here? Anyways, so by the time Matt and I get married, I realize my grandmother and my now husband have developed this very chummy relationship that apparently began with a wide strapped swimsuit conversation, further developed to my grandmother noticing a mark I left on my fiance. say, I don't know the vibes there. And now my grandmother's very concerned about Matt all the time. I come to her and tell her that I've just returned. from the mall. Here is the dress I purchased. Here is what I had for lunch. That sounds wonderful, Mina. What'd you get for Matt? Oh, that sandwich sounds like it was delicious. Did you buy Matt something? And it is a wonderful and unfortunate thing in your life when you feel like you have to sort of keep an eye on your grandmother because she might steal your man. The last moment I had with my grandmother was about my brother-in-law, who is my husband's younger brother, also a tall, red-headed white man. Came to our home this Thanksgiving. My grandmother walks right up to him, squeezes his bicep, looks at his wife and says, hmm, you made a man out of him. And my sister-in-law had a moment where, it's like a couple of thoughts cross her mind, right? Like the first thought is like, wait, what? But then the second thought was actually like pride, you know? Like I think something came across her mind, like, maybe I did make a man out of her. And as soon as my grandmother walked away, I turned to my sister-in-law and I said, she's sweet, but watch her. To this day, my grandma and my husband still have their own little rituals. When she comes over to our house, he makes her coffee, and she giggles when she tells him how much sugar and cream to put in it. I still think she loves him a little more than me. As I record this right now, my grandma is staying with me.

I told her I was sharing a story about her on this podcast, and I told her what she said in this story. She replied, I said that? Yes, you said that. I love how my grandma has selective memory, especially when she says something funny. That brings us to the end of our episode. Thanks so much for listening. We hope that this week and every week, all your surprises are pleasant.

amina brown is a writer spoken word poet performing artist and moss storyteller whose new collection of essays never tell a black girl how to black girl is available now if you'd like more amina we actually just featured another story of hers on the moth radio hour it's in the episode called american dreams which dropped just last week so take a listen this episode of The Moth Podcast was produced by Sarah Austin Janess, Sarah Jane Johnson, and me, Mark Sollinger. The rest of the Moth's leadership team includes Gina Duncan, Christina Norman, Marina Cloutier, Jennifer Hickson, Jordan Cardinale, Caledonia Cairns, Kate Tellers, Suzanne Rust, and Patricia Ureña. The Moth Podcast is presented by Odyssey. Special thanks to their executive producer, Leah Reese Dennis. All Moth stories are true, as remembered by their storytellers. For more about our podcast, information on pitching your own story, and everything else, go to our website, themoth.org.

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