Muse

You know, America's 250th birthday is coming up. That's going to be a big cake. And who's even going to blow out the candles, I wonder? Probably maybe Thomas Jefferson will come down from the clouds and huff and puff a few out. Maybe Betsy Ross or Frederick Douglass. I don't know. Somebody is going to come on down and just huff and puff them cake candles out. Happy 250th, America. and an iconic summer like this deserves an iconic drink. I'm talking about Mountain Dew. Yep, an American original. From their beginnings in the foothills of Tennessee, yeah, that's where they started, to the biggest 4th of July yet, the refreshing citrus kick of Mountain Dew is the perfect companion to your American summer adventures. USA, baby. And you know, I get that taste of Mountain Dew in me, and it just makes my ankles start talking to each other. God, I love it. Enjoy the refreshing kick of Mountain Dew, an American original, tasting great since 48. Look for American Dew limited time packaging or find it in stores near you at mountaindew.com. That's mountaindew.com. Just a reminder that Busboys the movie is available to stream at home on Apple TV, Prime Video, YouTube. You can see all the options at busboysmovie.com. Make sure to go ahead and check that out. We've also got some DVDs available if you're into that. And thank you to anyone and everyone who helped support our movie. Amen. Today's guest is a stand-up comedian out of Austin, Texas. You may know her from Kill Tony And from her tour Currently in America And in Europe as well Next year I had a great time getting to know The hilarious Miss Christina Mariani Shine on me

And I will find a song I've been singing Amongst us

Thank you for coming, and thanks for adjusting your time or whatever was going on in your life.

Thanks for having me. You know, for a second I thought you meant you were going to do my podcast, and then I was like, why would he? He didn't know about that. It clicked later. That's why I asked if you could do it in the evening.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

I'm glad that you would think about me being on there. I don't know what hat to wear here. What do you think, Christina? What do you think if you had to pick a hat for a guy that's sitting in here? That's one.

Okay. I think I like that one more.

You like this one more?

Yeah. You look tan.

What do you say I look handsome?

It's tan.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, like you've been in the sun.

Oh, I thought you mean, look, I honestly, I thought it gave me a little street cut. I thought you look closer to being like a BG black guy.

Oh, no, not with a mullet.

that's true you never see a black guy with a mullet but you know what you know you know what's i think is something that should come back is the jerry curl that's what he was saying

you and zach were just mentioning that well she was talking about mullets and i said she was like if he was it's a long story we're talking if you were black and he had a mullet i said i think

that's a jerry curl oh that's what a jerry curl is i didn't know oh that's a jerry curl baby okay

sorry and it's hard to call you baby too also that's insane and that's very unprofessional

and it's not cool i felt like you were being a narrator not you theo just the narrator of the

thank you yeah yeah i wasn't trying to be offensive no i didn't think you're like you you said i was aloof that was worse okay that was before we were rolling yeah yeah but

now everyone knows if i'm being weird it's because you called me aloof and now i'm in my head about

it okay um oh sorry okay um your hair looks nice how about that can i say that yeah you're very funny too let me say that first okay cool yeah and your hair looks really nice it looks different

than the last time i saw it yeah i got banged um just yeah i just wanted to try it and how does

yeah how does a bang choice come on i know that's how um you know every once in a while something

happens during the month for girls and you just get more testosterone and then you start making decisions oh really yeah i feel like that's when i make all my important decisions is around my period you mean something ovular oh just like because you get way more testosterone in your body when you're about to that's why we get so angry because we're closer to you guys um when we're about to get our periods we're the closest to guys so then is that is that is that really what happens i'm pretty sure i don't want to like we can fact check no bring it up but so so you get

more testosterone right out of there because why is it because you have to hatch an egg kind of deal or like, does the body need more power? or need more that's not a good way to say it somebody's gonna get upset no matter what i say here but about uh power or just like you know what is the what do they need more testosterone

for do you feel like um i don't know i have no idea i feel like it was just your body punishing you for not having a baby that's what a period is that's what the it's like now you get to be

a man for a week but then if you and what branch of christianity says that i don't know i don't i don't know are you religious you're a little religious yeah i believe in god you know right and uh uh yeah and i like jesus dude so that's where i'm at but no i yeah i have faith for sure yeah that's cool and you're part you're part-time religious are you i uh grew up really religious i

grew up really catholic so but then uh you know in high school i was like i don't know i don't know if i believe in this and then now i'm like kind of into crystals and stuff oh yeah and like But I'm spiritual, I guess.

But you can't spell crystal without...

Cree, like me.

Oh.

No?

Christ.

Christ. Yeah, okay. I was thinking... Also Christ, Christina is close.

Wow, so you... Yeah, no matter what...

So you know I was thinking about myself.

Yeah. What was I even asking about? Oh, no, but tell me more about the ovular, like the energy, the ovular energy.

Oh, okay.

And how it led to the bangs, kind of.

Oh, okay. Well, I think I just, um, you know, I was, I think I always have these, um, things in subconscious, like in the back of my mind, these things that bug me, but I'm able to ignore it for most of the month. And then when I'm about to get my period, they all kind of come to light and they really aggravate me, you know? And then I'd get like more insecure and stuff. And then I just, you know, I'm like, you know what? I will get bangs. Why not? Cause you get that testosterone and that confidence to just go for things, you know?

Okay. So some of it feels like a confidence that comes in.

Kind of like when you're angry, I feel like you don't, you don't have time to overthink things if you're feeling angry about something. That's what's nice about feeling angry sometimes is that you're not overthinking.

That's a great point. Actually, anger usually kind of leads to some sort of action.

Yes. And not always good. Most of the time, not good. But you're not overthinking when you're doing it.

You know, that's true. Like, oh, look at these definitive people who are making a bad choice.

yeah exactly I don't get really that angry though

yeah well I think they look nice I think they look great or those are bangs

huh thank you I like yours too oh thanks yeah I feel like we're kind of matching yeah we're kind of the same

yeah we're like two different versions of Britney

kind of yeah it's Britney

bitch yeah and I'm tired well every girl always wants to be toxic Britney I'm okay I'm with be I'm okay with being dancing in the foyer with the knife Britney or whatever like one of the newer ones

okay like the second like the new testament a new generation yeah yeah oh this this is you i'm this one yeah i'm halloween britney i bet she got those bangs too it was a period decision

i'm michael myers britney this is michael jackson myers britney right here this bitch is legit and you think those dogs how do they feel take me through this christina how do i think the three

dogs staring at her like i don't i do you think those are employees the dogs are they emotional support dogs do you think or recreational ones i'm not sure one of them had cornrows i think along its back i don't know i always feel like emotional support dogs look sad oh you know they're just like imagine your friend is just like always making bad decisions and you can't say anything but you have to stare at them like yeah come on stop doing that don't fuck your ex

again yeah dude i never thought about that and like yeah you don't do anything in the emotional support you just feed them it's like oh they're like you're fucking your life up you know like you're doing heroin over i'm just laying over here with this vest on you know and people think i was in like the military or whatever and then they're like uh you want me to forget about it so you'll

just feed me yeah and and dogs are good at that and forgetting about things if you feed them that's a good point i feel like cats would keep you more accountable and that's why people don't like them as much a cat would be judgy every time you do something wrong it would like go away and show you its butthole yeah you'd be like i fucked up and the cat wouldn't like you know that is

quite a move what ethnicity move is that to walk off about 11 feet away show you their asshole and then just wander over behind a curtain what ethnicity yeah i like to i like to relate things to ethnicities like behaviors to different ethnicities okay so what ethnicity would like

walk away show you their butthole and hide behind a curtain i'm thinking i'm gonna get a little

flack for this but i'm gonna go i'm gonna go vietnamese gay vietnamese probably gay vietnamese

i don't think they would hide behind a curtain oh you think it would just i think they would be

proud mill around maybe the past.

pass a hat around yeah yeah they would shoot their butthole and then freeze freeze frame i bet you're wondering how i got here and that's how i met your mother

christina mariani is that how you say your last name yeah yeah yeah good uh thanks for hanging

out today no problem theodore is that your full name theodore uh the adorable my grandmother said

but she was a

whore

okay yeah I was gonna say no no I'm sorry

I don't know

no I was gonna say she was just like kind of a brave woman who did a lot in her community but yeah we'll go with that version of it horrible she was a different type of lady yeah Theodore that's my name right there

I like it it's like Alvin and the chipmunks

yeah

so you'd be the fat one

yeah yeah oh dude yeah I think I feel kind of like I don't know I don't think you can say i think i feel fat because people that are thicker would be like upset like you can't take the feeling of being fat but not the the smorgasbord of it or whatever you could be like i feel full

that's it right i feel like a full male i feel like i've been full for a few years that seems gay i feel like yeah i guess so it's the enemies guy too yeah like you haven't eaten

anything in a couple days you're like i'm full yeah some dude saying that is definitely been

being gay um have you ever been gay have i been gay yeah just like for fun no no i remember one

time some guy was like he was saying he was like a soothsayer or whatever what's that a soothsayer soothsayer bring up an image of one let me get a jpeg of a soothsayer that kind of sounds like uh like that that doesn't look soothing at all well all these are options right the man talking to the horse the other britney sousayer britney right there that's your grandpa the man talking to the horse but it was like it was just like some guy and he's like he apparently there was a guy in our town who could read your ribs by rubbing his fingers on him he could read them like it was almost like reading on a crystal ball or something okay and so he was like a rib reader right like a mystic okay and so i remember they would take us there like during the carnival or whatever the fair they would take us there and this guy would just kind of like you know he would kind of like read like the you know that's just your body braille right there your ribs yeah and you can kind of feel it like that and then give you a message okay like a message of hope or like a message of uh um concern okay i feel like the ribs is a funny thing to pick because you can only

feel um skinny people's ribs and so that was a way to like filter out who he would touch i think he i think the soothsayer was like i'm not touching fatties

right like but i don't know i think look britney i think money doesn't have i don't know if money cares about how like which you know like but maybe yeah he maybe he maybe he had a type he had like a very like a starving type but yeah i guess it's like yeah let me just

picture an obese person you know and you go to like look for the ribs and you've really got to

like i would love that get in there it's like an easter egg hunt kind of yeah yeah i think i would dig that um you are from just some audience can learn about you because you you and i toured together some yeah yep and you're on tour right now yes i am right yep where you have coming up Just so we know.

I, man, I just, fuck, I should have looked that up, right? Here we go.

Skyline, Appleton, Wisconsin. I love Wisconsin. Chicago at Zany's. That's great. Yeah. Dude, the Comedy Store La Jolla.

Oh, yeah. That's the first time me doing that. I'm excited.

That's the best.

Okay, cool.

That's where Mitch McConnell lives, somebody said, I think.

Okay.

That's where, anyway, or lives is a unique term to use with Mitch McConnell. but um didn't he just fall asleep the other day did you see that why he's a senator okay so he's just up to those like it's like those sleeping senator tricks you know like those what's those animals that play dead or whatever possums yeah yeah oh so he's just being a possum yeah he's just the opossum of the uh what is it senator mitchell mcconnell was found unconscious at his washington dc home on june 14th 2026 and reportedly received cpr for suspected cardiac arrest sure probably trying to get insurance money while his office confirmed he was hospitalized they have provided few details on his current condition i don't know i kind of

believe that he had a cardiac arrest you do i think that's yeah well he's the guy that they

keep like pressing the butt like they keep shutting him down a lot of people think that he's controlled right and so he's the guy that they keep pressing the button on him and shut you know he's the guy that kind of shorts out oh so he's a robot you think people have said that as he's...

more of like yeah he's kind of a yeah that would be great to make all robots old so that's the excuse for them glitching out oh they're just old oh you got a 1996 yes what do you what do you expect you know maybe michael j fox is also a robot you think he's just like glitching i think

he's definitely uh he's testing the matrix how is michael j fox what's his health condition right now because i know he's made all he's what does he have ms right oh he's got parkinson's dude oh i feel bad making a joke oh no it's okay i mean he's a comedic actor i'm sure he's okay with joking around uh michael j fox in the advanced stages of parkinson's disease and also this is what you get for traveling through time um uh is in the advanced stages of parkinson's disease which he was diagnosed with in 1991 while he deals with severe symptoms and mobility challenges. He remains mentally sharp and active, making high profile appearances like his surprise attendance at the 2026 SAG Awards. Dude, it would be interesting to talk to someone that has that just to learn about what it's like, you know, just to learn about Parkinson's and like, just, I always wonder what it's like to have certain, like a certain ailment or a thing that's going on with your body or mind. But while you're like, can you still experience it? Like, does it feel like you're in like a halloween costume like you know when you're in a halloween costume you put it on in the mask and you're still looking out of it like it's you inside but outside people think you're like a ghost or like a uh like a wookiee or whatever you mean like if you're self-aware about how you're coming off to other people yeah or like does it feel like you're like just trapped inside of something that's having a problem or does it feel like you are having the problem i guess that's what i mean i mean um and sorry there's bugs in here oh it's okay it's not bugging me it just has a lot of bugs it's not no it's okay sorry no it's all sorry i'm taking on anger for somebody else you're fine with it that's fine you're from stockton it's okay you're a guy you always have anger that's true and you get it every once in a while every once in a while that's when

i get stuff done i wait i write down the things that okay i'll do that when i'm about to get my period because i'm about to get anger that's a good idea like a period to-do list yeah yeah yeah so then i'm like i'll get to this i know when i'm gonna so that way i remember it's like all right time to, you know, um, yell at my mom today. No, I wouldn't. I love my mom. Well, who knows if you

do time to like dig up that body or time to like, you know, go look for treasure or time to do

something that's productive. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Put those two by fours up. Yeah. Yeah. Cause then if not, I'm just sitting with all that anger. I need to use that energy. Um, which is why do you

work out? I like that. Yeah. I like to work out. Cause of all the anger. Yeah. You got to let it out somehow it does kind of it makes me just i don't know it makes me here's what it does for me as i realize i need to let myself know that i'm in control of myself right because if not i'll be more at the whims of just like what my what my thoughts are so going to the gym making myself go puts me a little bit more in control of myself like it gives me a little bit more hope that like okay somebody's got my back and it's me okay yeah that makes sense a little bit of that does it

make sense it completely makes sense i appreciate that if you complete tasks if you do things you tell yourself you're gonna do that builds your confidence and then you trust yourself because you're like i'm not a liar i said i was gonna do it and i did it you hate yourself when you're

lying yeah yeah to yourself yeah oh dude yeah and that's oh i spent i got to the point where i didn't believe myself anymore i wouldn't even listen to myself i realized i would know i would saying something like i'm never that's not gonna you know like you start to lose like integrity with yourself it gets kind of like i don't know it can get it can you can get in like kind of a

rough spot yeah because then you don't like yourself i mean think about somebody in your life that you know is a compulsive liar you don't respect them you don't want to be around them it makes you feel bad and then that thing is inside your head it's you then you're like you can't escape kind of like britney's dogs you know and then that's you in your head you're just like you know somebody cornrow my back like enough just that's why i never say one of the dogs had lipstick on too that's the part that shook me a little he was just he was like i need to feel better somehow do i look pretty

and he was a man too i think he was a vietnamese dog that one yeah and this is a new advertisement for hollywood uh this is insane yeah hollywood the musical

that's exactly what this is you know there's some things you couldn't make musicals it would be inappropriate right you can make movies about everything but you can't make musicals about

everything i don't know if that's true i've been thinking one thing we do need more of is like

wiggers the musical okay but see that's funny that's funny you could do that that's what about

9-11 the musical what would you call it though 9-11 the musical yeah i don't know that

Thank you.

doesn't seem appropriate it seems like no well i think you yeah you need a softer pitch the the title of the the title of it i think it's an interesting idea and i think if you had fundraising in it then it'd be i could see it but 9-11 the musical no fundraising who would be in it you need like kind of like a gay hero that survives the rubble a gay hero that survives well you have

to have somebody that first of all likes being in a musical okay right so that's why you said yay i'm just i'm not saying it has to be would you not be in a musical you don't think i don't know

i'd be in i'd be in it for 10 minutes can you sing i can sing all right i'm pretty good i'm not that great uh i'm i'm getting better i'm actually not that good well can you sing something no really yeah i'm not singing also and it's yeah i don't sing during the daytime also okay it's a nighttime activity yeah you know like being gay yeah yeah being gay is uh it's for the night time for some people i think it's nighttime i was just talking to my friend earlier about having a hot air but like they had this guy in our town and he would meet a friend they both were hot air balloon enthusiasts and they would go up in the sky and that's where they would hang out and just like i think they had a gay a gay energy and they would take it up there because there was just so

much embarrassment here at uh sea level okay so you're saying two gay guys went in separate hot air balloons and then they yeah and that's but they're in separate hot air balloons right but they met up oh so they did it so people on the ground thought they weren't gay they went their

separate ways and then they but people knew they're like there's no what are they doing up like you know i'm saying people started started to kind of put two and two together it's like up but also their penis is up it's a new disney movie i guess it is um christina mariani good to see you today um can you tell me again about so did you can you bring that up about um if a woman is going through ovulation do they have is there more testosterone in the bloodstream i think it's like around their period not ovulation okay yes yes on average women's testosterone rises around the time of ovulation and then stays somewhat higher through the luteal phase okay yeah that's when you get your period and stuff okay but it is not highest during the actual period

huh yeah it's usually the week before that i find is the most productive then i start to

mellow out again once i start bleeding it's like so that pre-period that pre-drip kind of

yeah yeah exactly and is that that might is that a crazy term to use pre-drip yeah i feel like that

that makes sense because i don't want to be like unprofessional or whatever have you ever seen under the tuscan sun no is that a is that like a euphemism for a period or whatever no no no it's

a movie but um the whole movie she's trying to open a faucet and it doesn't work and then at the end it just flows and she's happy that's kind of what it's like ah yeah oh like mad max or whatever when they finally get the water yeah yeah yeah yeah that's actually when it's like God, it's uphill from here now. It's kind of like we go through a movie every month.

Okay. Can you let me know how much testosterone, Trevon? Like, what is the actual increase? That's so cool. I didn't know that.

Probably varies from person to person the amount. Like, if you're lightweight about testosterone, then you just get fucked up on it. Just one shot. That's all it takes.

But you don't start, like, I'm trying to think. You don't just start, like, buying a Corvette or whatever, do you? Like, what do you? Let me see. No. in healthy women the mid-cycle rise in testosterone is small in absolute terms roughly 10 to 30 percent higher wow so take me on is this crazy to even ask you about no i don't think so okay you're from stockton right okay i just want to get a little bit about your life and then we'll go and yeah we'll come back and forth so take me through like how do you know if you're getting your period are you just like because is it almost like you get deja vu like you're walking and then you feel

like is it feel like getting deja vu kind of um it feels like i'm start i i get obsessive anyway i'm kind of an obsessive person but then when i'm about to get my period i get really obsessive like almost i can't get out of my thought loops whereas i can snap myself out but then when i'm on my period it makes me fixate on certain things or certain things i thought i resolved then it brings it up again and then i just get real like obsessive i don't know how but that it's different for everybody i'm already obsessive so i think it enhances it you know okay um what was the question

how do oh shit the question was like say i get a period right say i'm walking around town or whatever and i'm gonna get a period or whatever how do i know i'm gonna get it like do i like do you start to feel like you're like does it feel like your legs sweat or do you feel like so you said you start to feel a little um more fixated on stuff and you can notice it oh yeah it's super

different than dude that's crazy bro yeah i get like two weeks where i'm

like pretty happy like feeling good and then two weeks of just sled steady decline and obsessive and then you know like um do you always see how people perceive you the same way it's a pretty constant for you that's a good question so like do i always think like

yes i think i do yes i think i do i think i always kind of think people sort of perceive me the same way okay so i don't know what it is i haven't specified it but i do believe that yeah

like for me i feel like sometimes people perceive me better and then when i'm on about to get my period i'm like oh everybody hates me it kind of gets like more darker ever like it's just kind of like real life but with like a cloud you know like a mean dark cloud that's just like and you have to like think no this isn't it's kind of like being on drugs but a really bad one you know like and it's a bad trip for two weeks but it's like it's not super intense i don't know i don't know how

to describe it it's just no it's cool it's the most i ever even talked about it with somebody and it's interesting because it's just crazy to think that like maybe that's why women are so resilient and tough you know because they have to like you know i'm saying they got like an interior thing that's good they got like a they're going through like a moon they're going through like a how do you call it like almost like going through the four seasons in their body and in their like that's so true in their mind and heart and everything they're going through all that so they're like they're constantly sort of having to monitor and see what's going on with themselves and and kind of uh come back anew kind of except it's kind of like

summer and winter is what i feel like it's like summer and then winter just hits you just out of

nowhere we had a neighbor lady and something had happened to her i'm trying to think what happened she fell out of a boat or something and it didn't and it was going too fast and she uh so after that something was on kind of unwell with her with her brain right she had a brain issue an overall brain issue and whenever she would get her uh period she would put uh like pot like hand warmers or something on okay and she would stand out in their yard down the street from us and she would always sing like deaf leopard or she would sing like uh lock up the wolves it's like it's like an old song but it's kind of crazy that she would that she was basically going through a menstrual

cycle and she would sing lock up the wolves it's like so you think her about to get that's what made her do it? Did it help her feel better?

I think it probably did. It was some sort of coping mechanism. She would stand out on the porch in the yard and kind of vibrate a little bit and she would sing like a couple of different songs and one of them was Lock Up the Wolves. Dear God.

How does that go?

Bring up the lyrics to it.

Lock up the wolves. Okay. It was like a metal song? Yes. That makes sense.

Bring up that Lock of the Wolves, Rodney James. That's Dio right there. In the house So the holy to the middle of the mystic sea at the cradle of the world, there's a black cat screaming and it's not even midnight. No. At the cradle of the world, they're screaming for sanctuary. They're screaming at you. Lock up the wolves. Lock up the wolves. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Does that seem like a period?

Totally. Yeah. Except you want the wolves to get out of you. Get away, wolves. Get out. I'm tired of these demons, you know. Enough wolves. Enough. get out of my cat you know speaking of cats meow because it hurts too

oh dang yeah I gotta think I sometimes gotta remember that is it crazy if you approach a woman and ask her where she's at in that sort of cycle pattern is that do women feel like they don't or I'm sorry some of this stuff feels like I'm just like

because I'm a girl you're asking about periods

is that what you feel like yeah I just feel like it seems kind of cheesy and i don't mean to do it like that i just don't ever get to talk about it and

somehow we ended up talking about it it's okay i wouldn't overthink it okay it's like this is what i would be like if i was about to get my period i would get in my head about oh my god i would still be thinking about the mullet comment earlier oh yeah and i wouldn't be able to be present i think my whole life i've been about to get my period probably well you're a guy so yeah exactly dude

think about it if you're a guy you never even get to have your period you just have to do all the

other shit the whole time you're on your period the whole time if you're a guy oh you are yeah that's like us on our periods is closest to a guy just baseline well what if a guy hugs you while

you're on your like when you're writing that baseline is that like almost like a gay moment

i wonder maybe maybe that's why it's like you know if you're straight you're just like no get away from me buddy yeah you only kind of want to be around like i don't know if you actually i don't really want to be around anyone when around my period time.

yeah i just wonder if we all should be wearing some sort of thing that tells how we're doing so people would know when we get approached not even ovularly yeah you can't tell though like

people's vibe right away like oh they're not having a good day today yeah i think sometimes

you can but sometimes i think there's a little of you don't know i met a girl at the gym today and she um i could tell she was something was a little bit uncomfortable but i didn't know what it was but then i just said yeah what's what's going on you know you seem like it is maybe

having like a you're thinking about something maybe like because she was like at the gym trying to work out and you went up and hit on her i don't know like what's going on it can't be that i'm interrupting you working out i don't know i mean like that can't be it that could have been a small part of it you know what i mean she's there trying to like meet her goal and you're like, so, so baby, which hat? Which hat? What? You're not enjoying this? Hey, can I ask you about your period? Are you on it? Oh my God, dude. Well, why didn't somebody tell me that

there's something this wrong with me? I don't know. Hey, which one? She's like, I'm trying

to bench 20s or whatever I don't know please but I don't know maybe not maybe that wasn't it could have been something else it could have it could have been anything it could have been anything

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Yeah, thanks for having me

You grew up in Stockton Take me, just so our audience knows Because some of our audience knows you A lot of it does, but some of them might not And so, take me through a little bit of that If you don't mind

Okay, so I was born in Lodi, California But just born there Then I lived in Stockton until I was like four or five. And then I moved to Italy.

italy um and then i moved back after a few years when i moved back when i was 11 and do you remember being italian over there oh yeah totally i uh really yeah yeah i mean six through 11 you remember

things you know wow yeah yeah and the the romans they're very are they romans some of them uh not

all of them the ones in rome are romans and then the ones in tuscany just italians you know and

how was it like being around being an italian child um you know the kids are a lot more brutal

in italy they're like wild animals they'll just like beat you up you know here in america they're like mean with their words you know and like they're more psychological about it but in italy they just are mean or they just beat the shit out of you really yeah i remember when i first moved there me and my sister went to a birthday party and i think because we you know we're new um yeah all the kids started chasing us around and trying to beat the shit out of us and at first we thought it was like hide and seek or like tag like a kid game yeah and then we were just hiding like we were like really got really good at hide and seek we were hiding under the table we were calling our mom like please come get us but like in italian because it was in italy you know yeah but um so

there was a level of like so they got the italians well they're very handsy well that's the thing so i guess it goes like even if it's violence or love or something like that that's true yeah i guess so they're very gesticular you know they use their hands when they talk yeah totally and when they

i guess do violence or whatever yeah the yeah yeah does it did it feel romantic do you think

people romanticize like do you ever romanticize like getting beat up all the time even like the getting beat up the musical okay getting beat up the musical my childhood in italy the musical it's just me getting beat up for four years but do you ever kind of like yeah do you ever like i don't know i guess i wondered if i because i like i'll like romanticize or like kind of like make something seem greater that was a long time ago just because right like what for example like the past was better you know but what's in something it could be just like um like when i was a kid if you wanted to know if somebody was at home you had to go over there and see if they were at home right okay like now you can have your mom text or you could text or send it uh uh just hit them in the chat or whatever but now but then you had to walk over there and you kind of get a clue sometimes their cars would be their car wouldn't be there sometimes maybe one of the parents would be home and they'd be home sick or whatever you'd even just try to go in and play anyway like yeah but you know but you had to go over there and so you It would create this, like, you know, it was kind of like a little bit of, sometimes you'd be too nervous to go ask. You'd just go stay in there. Like, I remember standing by my friend's door for, like, 10 or 15 minutes until one of his parents or somebody just came out or came by. Like, what are you doing here?

You were just standing there. You're committed.

Yeah, I'm like, is William home, you know? Yeah, yeah. And you're like, he's not home. He's out of town or whatever. But, you know, so I think something like that. Does that make sense, you think?

Yeah, so, like, you look at it fondly.

But I really emphasize that it was tougher for, you know, kids had to do this sort of thing.

it's kind of a bad example I guess so that's not romanticizing if you're thinking it was worse or

you think it was better I thought it was better because it challenged you a little bit more you had to actually go right it was just like I don't know things seemed a little bit more like you had to go and have an actual human experience to get a little bit of information yeah I mean that's

what I mean I guess no yeah I get what you're saying I feel like everybody says like social media and like just how much access we have to the internet is killing human connection and i was thinking about it and i think it's killing like the small talk of human connection you know now you can't like you already know what they did like superficially now when you see them you have to like talk about your mental problems you know like okay i saw that you had a salad for lunch and you're going through a divorce tell me how you're feeling yeah like show me your croutons yeah exactly It's like now I know all the boring stuff.

Yeah, I'm trying to think of some things maybe that I romanticize.

But is romanticizing healthy, do you think?

Is that the word? Am I using the right word?

Yeah, I mean, I feel like if you romanticize something, you're painting it with rose-colored glasses.

Right, that's what I'm saying. It's not exactly like romantic, but it just means you're looking back on something fondly even though that may not have been the way it was.

But what was the way it was? Isn't it better to romanticize everything then? So that way you're like looking back at your life all romantical because like what's the alternative like even last week

or something you mean

yeah even yesterday even this morning at the gym you know with the girl you could romantic

with the harassment you mean

yeah yeah yeah you could romanticize that you could be like it was unrequited love you know

yeah it was

yeah it was and eventually the universe will bring you guys together in a more appropriate setting

you know you know what those videos that are the wildest to see those reels bro some reels it's like it's too much Thank you.

it's like, um, 90% of your shower water is chemicals. Have you seen those reels? It's

like, Oh yeah. The ones that try to sell you the filters. Yeah. I've gotten one. I got one. I believe them. I'm really gullible. I'm a sucker for marketing. Do you know how many best bloody Marys in the world I've had? So many because they always say they're the best. And I'm like, I got to see this for myself, you know, and I believe them. Why are they lying? You know, they're never the best. They're not even close. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, sorry. Keep going. No,

that's good but they're all those things are like that it's like uh did you know that your grandmother has forever chemicals in her you know it's like hugging your grandmother in the summer again that's a no-no it's like it's just like shit that's like what like we can't even hug our grandmothers now it's like oh the forever chemicals that not that nana has you'll never

get it out of your arms you know if it was your nana it was still phyllis that's what the chemical because she's a whore I'm sorry that's a call back from earlier that's fair but I haven't heard that about hugging your grandma is that actually something that's like a

no but it's just these things that you see it's like nosebleeds must be a f***** or whatever you know it's like every reel is just something it's almost like it's just this bot that's making up two things and putting them together

I feel like it is a lot of them it is bots that are doing stuff

like that you know and then it's just like you hope and then it attaches some sort of thing like that's a product you know what i'm saying it's like nosebleeds must be a f***ing huh time to get some roller skates you know or you know time to get this new uh time to get this new set

of ice trays or whatever you know yeah so it's like two things that aren't related at all but

they somehow make it work for the marketing yeah and they just and it it makes so many of them that that it doesn't even care, dude. Like, all it cares in the end is if you buy something, right? One of the craziest things that I see on AI all the time, or I don't know if it's AI, but that I see on, that's reels a lot, is the, have you seen the one that's like, if your husband is in Wilmington, Kentucky, and you think he's here on a business trip, think again, baby girl. Have you seen those?

Mm-mm.

Damn.

No.

See if you can pull up one of those for me, guys.

it sounds like they prey on people's fears most of the time like yes this is a fear thing well yeah that's because like people respond to fear that's like so if they make it seem urgent like oh this is gonna happen you know your grandma's gonna get cancer if you don't buy i don't know splenda right yeah something like that where it's like oh man i don't want grandma to die i don't want it to be my fault yeah i feel like they use that there's like here's one yeah what is this one

your name is Meredith and you live in Nashville Tennessee and you're dating Kevin and he works at a car dealership run he's not just test driving cars baby run but there's like I see these all the

time well that's not even trying to sell something do you think they're just being nice or do you

think they're being shit stirs that's what I just know there's just so much everything out there I just think it is it's about fear like you just said it's like everything out there it's like it's just creating like oh my god you know i mean this guy's a snitch or whatever which is fine i guess but i guess maybe he's a good snitch or maybe it's not even true maybe he was just like

people are gonna find you know that he just fabricated it i always believe them though i'm always like oh shit poor meredith you know i always i'm like i'll comment sometimes i'm like

prayers for mayor you know i'll put that in there a lot dude but yeah i don't know there's just so much shit that's out there i feel like and it's i don't know sometimes it's fun to figure out if it's entertaining to me or if it's just kind of like i need to stay away from it um so so okay so you grew up you grew up until 11 in italy and then you moved to where and then i moved to

stockton again wow we moved back yeah you ever seen nate diaz over there no you know that i feel like every time i've been on kill tony tony always asks me that and i did no no no it's okay it's That's the only thing Stockton's really known for, I think. I don't think it's really nobody. There's nothing else going on there. No, I never have.

Well, how would you describe Stockton then as? Like, what would you say about it? Because there's probably a lot of great things about it. I know there's a lot of missing people up there.

Yeah. Crime is a big one.

What else do they have? I know there's cigarettes, I know.

Yeah, yeah, cigarettes.

The Kings.

The Kings, yeah. No, that's in Sacramento.

Oh, Sacramento.

Wait, is there a Kings in Stockton? No. Basketball, Sacramento.

Oh.

Yeah, yeah, right?

Yeah, so tell me a little bit more about Stockton and Ann.

I mean, you kind of nailed it, I think. That was pretty much it. I liked it, though. I think when you grow up somewhere, you think that's your baseline. I think it's better to grow up somewhere that's not that great because then, as I've moved around places, everywhere else has been way better.

Oh, that's interesting.

Yeah, so my baseline is low for where I lived because if you live somewhere,

somewhere like really pretty like um i don't know aspen then everywhere else you're gonna be like or australia like can you imagine and then you move to stockton but i guess i went from italy to

stockton but i don't know that's a crazy push yeah it was a lot different for sure i lived in

the mountains it was like in an isolated town in italy in italy yeah there's like 300 people corfino in corfino nobody even knows about it i feel like uh when you look it up on google it used to say human settlement it didn't even say like town or village wow that's it yep oh my gosh nope it's not see they always think it's in abruzzo no it's in tuscany it's in tuscany yeah this is wrong see there's an i it's n o man i yeah but that's how tiny it is it always brings up that one got it it's the wrong it's an imposter 300 people live there yeah oh my gosh oh my but as a kid that was awesome it's a perfect amount yeah we the whole town was basically like we could play hide and seek in which was good for me yeah with the violence do you remember leaving it uh not really um it was really sudden our house is still like when i go visit yeah it's still my house my room when i was like nine or ten there's still my toys yeah my parents still have the house we grew up in um but it's still like untouched it's like a time capsule yes it's crazy i go back and i was still playing with like barbies and they're still out and it's just there and it's crazy kind of that's wow that's stranger things dang and so uh why did your family move um i think my dad he's really ambitious he's always been a real like project starter and it's just a tiny town and he got stir crazy i think and so he was like i can't do this anymore um then he wanted to move back yeah i think also um just in those tiny towns you know people are in each other's business all the time and i think he got sick of that yeah yeah it makes sense to me it makes sense to me too i don't think i would want to live there now i think if i were to live there it'd be when i'm like you know retired it's really pretty you know like i could write up there a book or something you know oh yeah i always romantic about writing a book

somewhere yeah i'll write a book what would you write a book about i would probably write a book just about i don't know i thought about two guys that aren't married that just keep giving each other shitty advice about like like they keep being each other's like i'm gonna help you find somebody type of thing okay that'd be a funny thing to write about i would write about growing up just people that i knew stories from home things like that things that i thought about things that i think about now um i would write a book maybe a cook and so some of it would be words some of it would be recipes okay a little bit of that maybe words and recipes yeah a book is kind of like a bunch of words because sometimes i'm reading i get hungry that's a recipe huh sometimes i'm reading a book and i get hungry and i'm like oh yeah yeah no i get that it's kind of

watching a movie then you get hungry it's because your brain's preoccupied and it's nice to do

something while you're right i want to do two things at once yeah you know yeah but also if you're reading or get hungry or you're in a recipes right there or a movie had a recipe right in the

middle of it so you're saying like if um like a recipe movie like oh so it's not like die hard and then in the middle there's just a recipe for some reason yeah it is stops to like yeah it is okay like that so he stops and he just is like okay let me make some food or like just read the recipe or does he go through with it then he goes back to killing german terrorists oh does now if

you could get that would be cool if that person in the movie yeah like daniel day lewis is suddenly yeah yeah that's what i mean yeah helping you make like a tuna tartare or something i think something like that would be pretty wild you know or he's helping you make like a booyah base or some kind of you know like a nice soup or something or koi spot or get uh gazpacho or something yeah

or like untaken you know he's looking for his daughter but he has to eat still yeah now he's

looking for ingredients in his cupboard for all the ingredients cool yeah dude yes i used to think of like a bunch of tv shows i don't think of that many anymore have you ever did you try to pitch television and stuff like once you got into hollywood did you try to pitch like on what you

got into like entertainment oh i've just been working on some like things but i nothing that i'm like comfortable pitching or anything yet you know but yeah i mean just being creative it's fun

to like explore did you have a dream for like a sitcom type of thing like or did like what was kind of your motivation towards like getting into comedy like there was a time probably before my generation where a lot of people were like i want to get a sitcom you know and then now i think it's been a it's been a little bit more like i want to get a special and i want to get like Thank you.

my generation probably like, uh, I want to get a special or I want to get a podcast, right? Maybe those things. Oh, but yeah, I wonder like, yeah. Was it like, what was some of the reason like that, like that you kind of got into like being creative, like in this way? Well, I guess I've

always really liked writing and, um, being artsy ever since I was a kid. And then for a while, I kind of neglected that part. And you know, like when you become a teenager and then college,

and then i was just kind of lost and how'd you neglect it what do you mean like drugs you went

into nursing no no i i think just um you start other things seem to matter more than just being creative you know because like kids start bullying you and then you start worrying about what people think about you and i remember i used to never a lot of things that then i got insecure about i never knew i was just focused on like creating or like drawing or writing and then something like is like oh this matters now like all the social like aspect and then you know you kind of get lost and you got get sidetracked and then when I figured out what I wanted to do after I graduated college I was in insurance and I after a year I wanted to kill myself and I was like how did I end up being in an insurance job and then I started thinking what did I do as a kid that I made me like enjoy life so much and then I kind of started doing that stuff again and then I that plus things that scared me and so then i got into like trying to do comedy because that's something i always like wanted to do but i always was like scared and i thought it wasn't like something you could

really do you know um did you see a certain comedian it made you be like that or did you see like it made you think like yeah because sometimes i don't remember if there's a certain comedian i mean maybe chris rock probably or i mean eddie murphy was like the biggest that people would past when I was young you know but then it was like uh yeah I don't know I'm trying to think of other ones I mean there was like John Caparulo there was like um I'm trying to think it was like a certain comedian that really got me into it one time I just went to a comedy club they gave you free tickets they would call all the time and get free tickets and I never been to a comedy club I never even see I'd seen comedy like uh on television and stuff like that but I'd never seen it live yeah and so i went to a live show and i was like oh my god so this is how it works and like somebody gets up there and they do this and then people laugh and everybody's just like in a room having a good time i was like this is so fascinating i needed that like exact direct

proof of like seeing it you know interesting what about you i never had like a comedian that i saw i just always liked to make people laugh for some reason when i was a kid to the point where my mom would get annoyed with me because I wasn't that funny when I was like yeah I would try to make people laugh because for some reason I loved when they laughed at something I say and then I would repeat it over and over again and then my mom would be like you gotta shut up that's just fucking annoying and um I would always want to make my dad laugh because I felt like I got his approval when he laughed he was pretty strict dad you know so then when I could make him laugh he wouldn't laugh at anything I would feel like so then that was something too like um like making a black guy laugh kind of kind of yeah absolutely that was my dad he was um he's a black guy of the family yeah he's the black president father though he very much oh yeah yeah like he was he was there you know yeah he was very um but uh i forgot what i was saying i'm sorry um oh no yeah so i was i just like to make people laugh always and I like to create and so even when I got into comedy I didn't have like oh I want to get on a tv show or anything I just really liked doing it and I just knew it felt right and so then I just like like to write and get on stage and perform it and so I've just been kind of like oh this I just love to do this and um I like exploring other avenues too but this is like

the thing I really like to do has touring been tougher than you thought has it been a good time are you enjoying more when you just get to be at home um you seem to be out there a bit yeah i

really like it i like uh going to the airport i like being on a plane i like being in hotels i like the whole experience really yeah it's like relaxing i don't know uh why like being on a plane is relaxing all i got to do is think i like to just like close my eyes and just think will you sleep on the plane sometimes i can't i can't sleep but i'll like get like relaxed kind of daydream you know they can just think about things oh that's probably a good that's a good call yeah it's it's nice you know um yeah oh yeah dude the other day i was on a plane

and my friend that was with me he had to freaking do uh cpr on somebody on the plane yeah what what airline and i was like it was on delta and i was like dude do not go do cpr they're like does anybody know cpr and he fucking raises his hand i'm like dude do not

go do CPR right now, dude. Because he couldn't do it? Did he lie? I didn't know if he could do it. He's like, dude, I can do it. I was like, dude, you cannot do it. He had a couple drinks. I was like, you cannot be have a couple drinks and do CPR on somebody. But I mean, yeah, what

if he threw up in his mouth? That'd be crazy. The other guy's like,

What if that then brings the guy back?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he throws up and they keep throwing up in each other's mouth but they're both alive

oh yeah oh that's romantic yeah so did he

did he do it did he give him CPR

and they got the guy going again they got him back up they puffed him up to almost 200 PSI filled him up

that sounds good

dude one time I told this story before but one time I was at a restaurant it was like a breakfast breakfast buffet and Magic Johnson was there and somebody started they needed cpr or whatever so this guy like it was at a table it's like a kind of a nice place and so they just kind of bring out one of those like you know those folding walls those chinese folding walls or whatever that they bring out like a section or like a section like origami yeah it's like a sectional that oh okay yeah yeah uh i think origami's japanese anyways yeah like a panel thing just to make a right make it like a little area for something okay okay they bring they bring one or two of those out and they're just doing cpr behind this these like little sectionals while we're all the rest of us are supposed to be eating and you can hear him like hammering away on this dude like they're doing like baritone shit on him and we're all like when do we eat like because it's like because it's a buffet it's nice and it was like

On the plane?

No, this was off of a plane. Oh, okay.

I thought I was picturing this was all on a plane. I was like, there's a buffet on the plane?

No, this was at a hotel.

Delta's really stepped up.

This was at a hotel. Okay. And so everybody starts looking at Magic Johnson to know when to eat because he just became like, it's weird. Like in a tribe, like somebody kind of becomes the leader. And everybody just looks over at Magic Johnson. We're like all waiting for him to eat. And he had like a plate of little sausages, I remember. and everybody's just waiting for him to have a little sausage so we can all eat it was kind of crazy just like and then they got the guy going they got him popping you know you could hear him kind of gurgling a little bit and popping or something and uh and then he went down again so we all started eating and then everybody was like everybody had to like set their silverware

down again and we're like okay oh man you know that's that's crazy because um what that story tells me is that no one really cared about how the guy was doing everybody just wanted to eat and then they had to pretend because if not you look like a horrible person but everybody really just wanted to eat because it's like who is this guy and who sent him to ruin our meal that's kind of the vibe that i'm picking up on because if you're worried about hey can we eat you're not caring about the guy dying nobody gave a fuck that sucks dude oh here was the worst part

though we kept seeing the dude that had saved because somebody saved him the first time and then that guy had been like pumping too hard he'd been like and i think his tries had worn out or whatever and he said his tries locked up because he had like he'd been overdoing creatine or whatever i guess your arms can lock up if you have too much creatine what it's like the opposite of oiling your joints yeah i think he just because he was over there i mean seven or eight minutes they were over there just looking for oil in this guy dude they were over there pumping him and you could hear him and you know and like everybody's just like it was almost like everybody's like yeah and everybody's just waiting to finish their food which was getting cold you know and it's not like save the guy fast but it's like save him or don't save him like dude i will say this at a certain point you started to kind of feel like hey this guy's had enough you know i'm saying like hey guys we all kind of feel like that's enough like we gave it our best shot the musical it's just it's 40 minutes of cpr yeah so dan they get him popping and then he goes down again so he's like fuck fuck fuck you know and i'm like magic johnson help out like you you know go over there and fucking because he's so good at like dribbling it's like just go dribble the guy's fucking you know i'm saying you would think if he just would go over there and just double dribble the guy's heartbeat you know till it would get i don't know but that's just he just becomes

black yeah he's like oh shit and then he gets a heart attack bad hearts oh do a lot of blacks i think so right isn't it like high cholesterol sugar in their heart the sugar just goes right

to their heart i'm not sure that that sounds insane but i think they get sugar in their heart because they have a lot of some black people have too much sugar because there's even people stopping them you'll see people don't have any more sugar i've seen a couple of black guys in my area they'll have a shirt on says i can't

have sugar don't give me sugar really yeah black adults are about 30 to 50 percent percent more likely to die from cardiovascular disease than non-hispanic white adults i wonder why i don't know does it say yeah to say why can you just ask why at the bottom and this is on perplexity right here um social determinants of health let me see lower income unemployment and poverty increased stress that makes sense unequal access to health care so some uh internal and external higher rates of high blood pressure dude you know what was i thinking about the other day what was i thinking about oh do you see there was like i was thinking about ai and just like the truckers that are like like they won't even have any more like they will have some autonomous trucks out there so like self-driving yeah yeah and the self-driving stuff kind of gets me a little bit have you seen the first time a waymo sees a gay guy have you seen that no oh that's good i'm trying to think see if you guys can find that but dude an autonomous truck and what if some what if like some lot lizard is parked behind like a you know a flying jays or whatever like it's parked behind like a bucky's or whatever and some lot lizard just climbs in the cab you know like one of those like kind of parking lot escorts or whatever she climbs in the cab and she's like what do they even

do then yeah um i would think they would have the doors locked so you wouldn't lock specifically for lot lizards that like like to pleasure trucks i think you gotta let them in though you gotta give the truck the full experience that's true the truck is probably pissed driverless semi

driverless semi trucks have started running regular semi indeed huh texas yeah semis from the autonomous truck have computers and sensors that can see for more than four football fields the company is starting out with a single self-driving truck and plans to add more

by the end of the year fuck that dude that's too much for me um what was your journey kind of when you got into comedy in the beginning um you said you kind of got up to be creative did you end up feeling did you try other outlets first like did you was there like music or was there well i used

to um one thing i was scared of was leaving uh home because i feel like i've just always been just you know my family's really italian really close they don't really like it when you leave you know so i was really nervous to like leave so that was the first thing i did that made me scared was leave and i knew they were gonna get mad at me but i did it anyway and i drove from california to texas and then once i was um and before that i would do things like go to the grand canyon by myself for example and like um like to practice being out on your own yeah or to like practice just um yeah just being by myself and doing things that like i used to feel self-conscious about eating by myself in a restaurant you know so then i started just doing that to get over that feeling embarrassed like oh like just feeling a lot of shame i did a lot of things to get over all these dumb things i feel shame about because i had a lot of guilt and shame i get from growing up i think catholic and so i would just i started doing a bunch of stuff to get me over that and um just not not care about what people thought anymore because that was i realized that that was keeping me prisoner in my own life and i wasn't able to like live it how i wanted and if i kept doing it i was just gonna wake up one day and be old and be like where the fuck did my life go i didn't even do what i wanted because i was so worried about what everybody else was thinking

about me do you know how you kind of got through that moment i can relate to that a lot like recently i started like took a like i finished touring for like a long time and i've been touring for like i don't even know i've probably done half the weekends every year you know four days a week for 20 years maybe uh every other week so not all the time but i've been touring for a long time and now there's just like i have no comedy dates on the books i don't even have to do it if i don't want to it's like you know i do want to i'm feeling but it's like but for the first time i was like a little bit of me was like who am i you know like yeah like i didn't have i always kind of define myself i think by like achievements like some sort of achievement and i don't even feel much reward from achievements but it's just the only way i knew to like have like to define myself for some reason it's like a measure at least yeah it was just something like am i okay like am i like i guess i guess this means i'm okay right if i'm achieving something then i must be okay right um so that that's just been like such a spot where i'm at um right now you mean like two yeah just recently i've been there i'm just recently been there and i went and did this plant medicine and uh and i started like but they record you while you do it like while you're under it so then you can go back and listen to the recording after most of the stuff most of the stuff i was saying was just like am i okay am i okay am i okay it was like this like this voice inside of me is asking this all the time so do you feel like when you achieve things

you can you're like okay well i must be doing fine because i did this and this and this but then you feel kind of empty inside because it's more like oh this is just something that everybody gets to see that you did but it's not really about you it's not really necessarily like do you know you're like the things you value do you live with like um doing things like oh i'm nurturing this thing that i value and this thing or is it more like oh this is the goal i need to achieve and then you kind of ignore what you value to get to it no i don't ignore what i value to get

to it but i do i don't i think i haven't had like a lot of like strong list of what my values are i think i have them i know i have them but i've never really kind of listed them out so funny you say that that's kind of like what i'm working on with this therapist right now is like well what are your values? What are your beliefs? Um, and, um, and, and actually being able to see, okay, well, what I'm doing, does this go towards, does this like honor those or is this something that doesn't honor those? Um, so at least to give me more of like a, uh, a map, like kind of a chart of what's going on. Yeah. No, I just think I didn't know any way. Um, I didn't, I never felt like, look at me. I just felt like, well, what's a way that you can know you're okay. And it's like, okay, well, if I have to achieve something, right? Like if I do something then, and we get it done and everybody, and, and, and it seems like everybody thinks it's fine. Then it must be fine. You know, I just didn't have any, I didn't have any other, I'd never had a pattern built inside of me. That's like, well, this is really what means something to you and this, you know,

um does that make any sense it makes i think so if i'm understanding it correctly um so it's kind of like you it doesn't feel almost though like then you're not super present in your life when you're focusing on like okay this is what i gotta do and then you're not really like really absorbing every moment and then that gives you so much anxiety because then you get to it and it's like oh well where'd all that time go that i got to this but i didn't even live and now more time has passed and now i got it but to what cost i didn't even like really spend the time enjoying

it yeah yeah dude it's so crazy it's like you're reading what i was writing out yesterday yeah that's what this therapist was saying it's like well you have to take time when you have certain things that you're proud of that you recognize that with yourself okay man i'm proud of you you did a good job and or we did a good job or this is neat um uh and so yeah just i never I don't know. I never, I didn't have a strong other value system. Like thankfully I didn't have like a strong immoral value system where I thought like crime or murder or stuff like that was okay. I knew those things, but I didn't have a much other sense of like, um, yeah, I don't know. I guess I just, the only way I knew how to be seen, like, like, I guess if there was some sort of achievement, then I was being seen, I guess, or something. And then that made things kind of okay. But yeah, at a certain point, you're just like, I wasn't even there. I wasn't even there. Yeah. That's what it felt like. I felt like I got to the end of this touring and I was like, where am I?

And it's like, and then you'd think, but I should have been like really enjoying this the whole time. But I was just in my head thinking about like either being hard on myself or like, that's

what it was.

That's what it is. And then you're not like being really immersed in it. and then it passes you by and it's like this is a cool thing everyone thinks it's a cool thing but I wasn't even really there like if I'm really being honest yeah and it's hard to separate that like wanting to do something just right and being present and just letting yourself exist without worrying about doing it bad you know because it's like you still want to be like well represented but then that's still caring about what other people think and it's not making you be in the I think about this stuff a lot, too, because I struggle with this stuff, too. Do you? Yeah, yeah. That's how I can read it.

Yeah, no, as you're saying this, I'm like, damn, that's so crazy.

I've had these thoughts, too, before, because you get really in your head. You beat yourself up all the time.

Yeah, people are like, dude, you're so hard on yourself. Yeah. And it's like, I don't know. I feel that some, but it's like, it's the only way I know how, it's like.

It doesn't even feel like you're being hard on yourself when you do it. No. It just feels like you're being realistic, and you're being like, well, I'm just not an idiot. and you see people all the time that are like not hard on themselves and then you're like well i don't want to be delusional like that because that's not helping them you know so if anything i err on the side of caution and i'm a little bit i see myself in a little bit worse than what probably is true just in case so i can improve from that does that make sense yeah um yeah you know but then but then you get to these milestones and you're like why was i stressed out for Thank you.

so long you know and then somebody will ask you on a podcast like what was your favorite part about touring and you're like fuck I was stressed out the whole time I don't even I can't even remember something like I obviously I was doing exactly what I want to be doing but I was so stressed out I didn't even like enjoy so much of it yeah and you're like fuck yeah it's kind of like an

you get in like kind of this like paddle ball match with yourself or like this you get in like this uh padel pad what do they call it ping pong yeah yeah you get in like this ping pong match with yourself but yeah i think in the end it's like i don't know it takes focus to like do certain things and it does take like um a lot of self-monitoring and stuff like i grew up with like a lot of self-monitoring like always kind of monitoring myself like is this okay is this okay do i seem okay how do i seem am i okay how do you where do you think you got that from i think i just didn't have anybody telling me that everything anything was okay so you had to guess kind of yeah so constantly guessing like i used to do like things like to soothe myself when i was growing up like i would rock on my bed all the time as a kid um like my brother and i's bed were on wheels and they would wake out in the morning they'd be across the room like we would both have like rocked and sometimes they would be like kind of like over by like they were both trying to get out of the room like it was like cars trying to leave um like traffic jam yeah traffic jam um i used to walk like step on certain things like monitor while i was walking i used to swallow on both sides of my mouth like uh like bite your cheek kind of yeah yeah do certain things because just to create patterns so some so things would make sense to me in my life like because I think I just didn't I had no idea if anything made sense yeah and it was harrowing I think as a kid because then you're so in you're just everything's internal you're like this sort of like a fish that

fucking somebody put on some land no I feel like and let you be alive I feel like I um I had most of my existential crises as a kid I feel like people have them as adults what is it existentially

you guys bring it up just so we can say it because i know people we say it all the time

but also maybe that's not the right word for this because i was a kid but um i just i was just had so many questions as a kid and i i was one of those kids that asked questions to my mom all the time and i'd freak out i get like i throw up sometimes because things didn't make sense like you know that sounds like a cartoon character sorry no no no but it but it didn't like um like being in space and then black holes and then i'd worry about a black hole forming right next to the earth and my mom wouldn't have the answers i'm like but how do you know but how do you know

like that that can't happen and just stuff like that yeah so yeah when i heard i was worried a black hole that the music would be so loud in there in a black hole yeah and i'm like i'm gonna fucking hate that shit that's why i did not want to be an astronaut that's so funny that's so

autistic you didn't want to do it for the loud noises well just allow music i'm like i'm gonna

fucking call the cops they're gonna come over everybody's gonna get pissed they're gonna make a it's gonna be a world star video or whatever um what an existential crisis is an existential crisis isn't a formal mental health diagnosis it's a pattern of thoughts and feelings centered on big questions like who am i what's my purpose does anything really matter how should i live

given that life is fine yeah that's literally what i would think about as a five-year-old and i remember just seeing other kids playing and stuff and i would just be like mom what's you know is the world gonna end you know like just stuff like that like uh yeah i had to worry too early i think i yeah yeah i think me too yeah worried all the time why do you think you had to do it though i didn't i don't know i think i just was curious i think it comes from curiosity isn't curiosity cool like it's like so double-edged sword because curiosity makes us want to create and ask things but then also curiosity is the reason for like i don't know bestiality for example right because it's like it's all coming from like a wonder what if oh yeah that's true bestiality i mean that's why the cat it got killed it's because of that because it's really awesome

yeah and i want to see that if they do like a mural of that i don't want to see it of a cat if a cat got killed through bestiality i'm out um but sorry i don't know how i got down that

train of thought i uh no worries i don't we're talking about being curious and i don't know why

i thought i don't think we even know what we're talking about but it's good no no we're talking about like we're making any sense at all i i think so i'm following you and i think i know

what you're saying do you know what i'm saying i think so are you like thinking about the girl in the gym no okay what if this whole time when we were talking that's just what you were thinking

about oh no no no no i wouldn't let my brain just like i don't let my brain just do that anymore I try to stay locked I'm happy to be here with you

Sometimes I do that and I catch myself It's like tabs and then I'm like Don't leave that tab open, just close that one out So that way I can come back

I control the tabs Every now and then the one of them will get out of hand And I'll have to chase it around the screen

It's like you get a virus Every once in a while

a while i control the tabs yeah it's like a porn pop-up and you're like fuck yeah yeah yeah um but no worries talking about we were talking about like um as kids just being warriors too soon oh

yeah yeah i think that's it you just find for some reason concern comes in too soon for a kid and i don't know why sometimes why that happens i think um when you're a sensitive kid that's part

of it like you're sensitive so like but you don't know when you're a kid that you're sensitive everybody else tells you you're sensitive but you don't know what somebody else's experience is and how they're perceiving the world so you only know like oh that really hurt and everybody seems to not feel that but to me it hurt really bad and now i'm being dramatic and i feel it so much or like and then you worry something's wrong with you yeah yeah 100 i always thought i was so weird and i always felt like yeah did you feel like that too oh i felt like my life was kind of a

nightmare when i was a kid i'm not getting into like i'm not in like any woe is me shit but shit was kind of a nightmare. And so I thought that, that the outside is this reflection of me. So I must be a nightmare. Like, Oh, if this, cause you, the world just centers around you. You're a kid. That's all you know. So it's like, fuck, if everything's so fucked up out here, then it must be, it's a reflection of me. I must be fucked up, you know? And that like, I think when you, for me realizing that, well, I think it just like, I don't know, it makes it, it makes a lot of things you're going uphill a lot it's up it's a battle a lot yeah and um i think it's kind of

like you know when you get older your taste buds decline i think um when you get older also like you get maybe less sensitive because you get more data and you get more used to like um certain experiences so then things don't feel as intense so you're still sensitive now but probably less

than when you were like brand new you know yeah you start to get the hang like no matter what horse you're on you kind of get the hang of how it rides a little bit yeah so i feel like a lot

less stressed out now than i did as a kid to be honest i feel like as a kid i was like peak like just everything was overwhelming and too much you know yeah and then i felt like how come everybody else seems to be getting along and i'm so weird and i'm trying to be like them but i'm not they're

on to me you know that's what i always felt like i was trying to have to like i didn't always feel that a lot of times i felt like i was having to try to posture to fit in and i didn't really know where i fit in and also sometimes i was kind of glad that i didn't fit into just one place though like I think there was bits of all of that you know um but I do start to recently I start to like uh say thank you God for these things that happened right even if some of them are painful I can say thank you even if something was painful I can say thank you God you know because um that's the only way right like even if my like family stuff like I can still be very grateful to my mother for having me you know I can be very grateful to my father for having me like um instead of sometimes being generally like I got, sometimes I get in the space where I'm generally upset, but I, I can still find a lot of specific things that I'm have gratitude for. And that gives me like a different position to operate from, you know, for sure. I can sit there and think like, Oh, I'm upset at my mom about this or this thing happened or my brother or this or my boss, whatever. But if I can find some, Oh, thank them for this. Right. And then that's kind of where I can hang my hat on with them you know and if my thoughts start to go down some of these other spaces i can put up some boundaries and say i'm not going down those spaces anymore just because

it's not the best place for me to be does that make any sense yeah 100 and um it's it comes from self-trust and open-mindedness and it's a fine line that's what i've been thinking about too because i've been like is it that i don't trust myself or i'm open-minded i tell myself i'm open minded but is that an excuse to not trust myself do you know what i mean like like um sometimes you want to be open-minded and not think oh i know all the answers because most of the time you don't know all the answers so you look for like you you're open to what people have to say and feedback which is good but then it can go too much to where you don't even listen to what you think and you're you know the gut feeling because with the excuse of oh i'm just being open-minded i don't want to be like I know everything you know does that make any sense so so then sometimes it's like oh the measure is if people are liking it but then if that's the only measure and you're not thinking like in your gut I'm not proud of that that's when you end up feeling like because I've done things where people have liked but then I've been like but you know that doesn't really reflect my values very much and I don't feel good about it even though it went viral I don't know if I really feel good about that oh yeah it's almost like you sold out a little bit because you didn't listen to the voice that was like but is that something you value even if everyone else

likes it yes that's something i still value there's things that i've put out there like or that are out in the world that i wish sometimes uh i hadn't put in certain like could be a special or this or that but then some of it is i won't even be fair to myself i will hold myself to my older myself when I taped this. special or something to a certain special only of two specials i will hold myself to when i tape the special or when i put a certain joke out there i'll hold my current self to those to the time at that time you know i'm saying yep like i'll hold the person at that time to my current like way of looking at the world so that's when i start to realize man you're too hard on yourself you're holding a past self to a current belief that is like if you watch somebody do that that would be it would be insane to watch somebody do that so that's when it's bad to romanticize something is

when it holds you trapped into it you think romanticizing is good but then it's just making a story that's better than the current one and that's not good well sometimes romanticizing i

think this is interesting because we're kind of bringing it back to that sometimes romanticizing is uh it's almost a savior way of like if you really had those moments for the past or those feelings like sometimes maybe you're grateful that your brain romanticizes them you know like maybe if you were trapped in a you know if you were like imprisoned for like as a prisoner or war and but there's you the thing you remember the most is like chats with the guards on a Sunday right you know it's like um or being able to sit there in peace and meditators you know I don't

know totally well it's like if all the stories in your head are not quite right why not make them good so that way you have like a good like story because if it's all made up anyway why not make up something fun you know instead of like making up something bad it's all made up like i think

yeah dude yeah you're so true yeah i think real i started i think i'm just so funny i'm like just like in the past 10 days like in this place where it's like i'm realizing a little bit more the control that uh i have over how to frame some of my thoughts and frame some of the ways that i'm looking at things yeah and how kind of off some of it has been you know yeah and yeah i guess i'm grateful that i can still kind of learn and it's definitely a slow process i feel like i don't like to lie i don't i don't know every it's like i like to be where i don't know i like the comfort of the old thoughts and ways but it's just after a certain point it doesn't it's not serving you

anymore yeah i feel like it's like um it's like going on a diet or eating healthy but with your brain so like when you're like reframing things expressing gratitude being present that's you eating healthy but every once in a while you want to dip into the junk food and that's the you know going back and thinking about things that don't even make you feel that good but for some reason you do it anyway even though it's not helpful because because why like it must be doing

something to do that right yeah oh well I think for me Christina I realized there was a time where I was like man sometimes I don't want to leave these old feelings of being sorry for myself or feeling bad or thinking about the sad things sometimes I don't want to leave those feelings sometimes i would because they're the only for at a certain point for years they were the only friends that i felt like even had like somewhere deep inside of me it was like those are the real things i knew was like how much pain i was in or how i felt or like this level like a certain level of discomfort they were like my closest friends does it make any sense yeah like they were the things i felt the most so to leave them it almost feels like you're abandoning a big part of yourself which for in some ways sometimes you are you know and i feel like sometimes it's comfortable

to be in that mindset of like um pain because if you start feeling too good that kind of sets off alarms it's like oh now i have something to lose but if i can like retreat in the safe place of like not misery but like pain then it's like well i was already there and i didn't expect much more you know and it's almost like a protective mechanism because it's scary to feel completely

good it's scary to feel like you deserve something yeah that too like you but yeah it's not but that's a lie but that was a lie that i think was stuck in me for a long time it's scary to feel like i deserve something or if i feel like i deserve something what are other people gonna

think of that yeah or like oh am i gonna jinx it if i feel i don't know that's kind of like oh i think there's some karma in there something like that yeah too it's like all these like oh i need to like keep putting my making myself smaller so that way i don't lose everything almost or i don't like fuck it up because i'm being like i'm giving myself too much that's not good like i don't know

why we feel like there is a nice balance with that though because i think the world like you do want to watch your ego because your ego will also trick you right into thinking that you know you deserve like everything's like you know that there's something more special about you you know it's okay to think that there's something special about you but to think that there's something more like i don't know yeah i don't know um it would yeah but it wouldn't be

like that it's like a fine line between ego and like loving yourself the way you love like your sibling or your mom or somebody you know like because like when i see my sister for example i'm like she's amazing she's great she can do whatever she wants and that's not me being like thinking that like some ego driven thing it's just love you know so i think that's towards yourself it feels like ego when you do it to yourself you know when it's like no but i do that for other people why do i feel guilty doing it for myself it's not like from a place of superiority it should be just love and i think that's the struggle it's loving yourself but like keeping yourself in check like not it's the difference it's the difference being like egotistical and loving yourself but it's a hard difference to distinguish I guess but I think

thinking about it and seeing it a little bit and having a conversation with it you know like well why do I act this way for like what what do I get out of acting this way or what am I afraid of if I do behave this way and like but but having there's some of that self-conversation I think it's like that's pretty key and some of it can be fun to have some of that conversation um before you go because we got to stop in a few minutes because they have to they're gonna this is a restaurant and a nightclub and here in austin texas it's cute i've never been here you haven't no but i liked it it's a good area yeah it's great we're glad that you're here yeah thank you um what uh when when was the first time your parents came to see you perform and what did

they think because obviously you got see me perform they've never come to see me perform really yeah they uh on my end they were they were not happy with me doing comedy for a long time they're okay with it now but they haven't seen me perform yet and um part of it was me too i don't know if i really want my parents to see me perform you know why do you feel like it's your own thing or something i i just i feel like um i can i really care a lot about hurting my parents feelings and like um making disappointing them or doing if i say something that they don't think is quite right i don't want to get it censored because i know it's going to get in my head like whatever they think and i want to be like when i do comedy i want to be as honest and real with people and connect with them in the most genuine way i can without feeling like i can't talk about this because my dad's gonna get mad at me you know what i mean yeah because then i'm not doing what i'm supposed to be doing i'm thinking about what somebody else wants me to do and then i'm not being myself and then i'm not even doing a good job at that point yeah then you're wasting everybody's time yeah it's like that's then that defeats the purpose of uh but that's something i'm trying to get over too that's where i don't care about not in a bad way i don't care what my parents think but more in a like i'm my own person and i'm gonna trust that they love me anyways if i

you know like we no matter what here yeah yeah that's it wow yeah i forget i didn't have much relationship with like my parents at that time really so there wasn't like i don't have to worry about any of that but i forget that some people have to worry about like you know when your mom first sees you're doing your some of this stuff and like how that feels yeah yeah yeah it's interesting to see like to put that in front of them yeah yeah and i had like you know my

they were very involved in my life and very like you know not passive parenting at all they were very so and they raised me a certain way very strict parents you know what's tough yeah yeah so it was very like so it was even hard for me to like move out comfortably without feeling like oh i'm doing something they don't want me to be doing that gave me a lot of anxiety and i know it's like sounds kind of dumb i guess because it's not that big of a deal but to me it was no it's a huge

you're disappointing you're someone that loves you disappointing your parents i don't have tattoos

because i know that were that would make them feel bad if i got tattoos you know and i don't i guess i don't want them that badly but i think when your parents are really involved and are really strict and if and it's from the best they love me you know but sometimes it makes you like not feel like your own person until you leave for a while and then you're like what do i actually like what do i want to do what do i think yeah you know i don't know i don't want i don't mean to keep going

because i know you gotta go it's okay yeah well it's okay the time limit just happened we didn't know yeah and we've been having a nice time chatting and i think it's like um yeah it's been cool and yeah and that's important stuff and sometimes we talk or like that's unique things but that's real stuff that happens for people it's like yeah i don't want to disappoint what am i but am i being too this and how do i grow and like how do i you know it's like we're all kind of examining the walls um to see like you know what the space looks like yeah um but yeah i just appreciate your time and yeah we'll have we'll just have to do it again soon so we can have a we have to talk about some more of this stuff yeah i'd love talking about i think about this

stuff all the time oh my god constantly and then the more i think about it i feel insane sometimes i'm like i have nothing figured out it's like they think i figured something out and then i'm like i didn't really though there's sleep there's so much more and then it's like is any of my thoughts even my own sometimes i just go crazy i go down rabbit holes yeah and then i'm like i gotta stop like because i'm just i need to be present then um sometimes i smoke weed so i can get present that helps quiet down the the all the voices that are constantly like just getting high and watching a movie and not trying to predict what happens because that's what i'll do i'm just like nope just go scene by scene and don't

Try to figure it out. Just experience it how it's supposed to be experienced, you know?

Yeah. No, experience it how it's supposed to be experienced, yeah. I mean, I think it's what we're all trying to do with life, you know? Christina Mariani, thanks so much for hanging out. Thanks for touring with me some and doing some shows. Fun.

Yeah, super fun. Thank you for having me on the road with you. I did that when I was two years in. That was an insane experience. Oh, wow, that's crazy.

I forget about that.

Yeah, then it went from, like, doing little rooms to fucking arenas and theaters.

that was crazy did we do something really cool my brain's bad yeah no we did for me it was really

cool it was like a 8 000 person um oh that's awesome yeah you tripped on the stool i remember

oh yeah oh yeah oh no uh and uh ari ari was yeah ari was there yeah yeah that was the biggest place that i've done so far i think well um yeah we'll have to do some shows here when i'm in town too because i'm gonna be spending more time here because i gotta start practicing comedy again Coming up, you're in Appleton, Wisconsin, Chicago, Illinois, La Jolla. Comedy store there, Sunnyvale, CA. At Rooster T. Feathers, tell them I said hello over there. That's a beautiful place. At the Bend Comedy Festival, Rochester, New York. I love their garbage place. Central Pittsburgh, Comedy Bar.

I'm going to Europe next, in January, too, later.

And you're doing shows in Europe in January?

Yeah, in January, February, yeah. And I have a podcast, too. i almost forgot to say that i have a podcast so i on my youtube and what is it called i don't know i think i was thinking um this upcoming weekend this upcoming what do you think what do you think of that name

you think that's good yeah i think it's one of the better names yeah should i call it that for real

i think it's not a bad idea i have no idea what to call it so um how about this i'm gonna think

us some titles and if you haven't started by the next time we talk uh by the next time that we

podcast i'm gonna call it this upcoming weekend i swear to god i will do it if if there's nothing

else well look don't second guess it then don't think too much about it i think it's a great choice um christina mariani thank you so much thank you thank you now i'm just floating on

the breeze and i feel i'm falling like these leaves i must be cornerstone Oh, but when I reach that ground I'll share this peace of mind I found I can feel it in my bones But it's gonna take