or, you know, and I would think like, oh, I don't waste the time anymore. You know what I mean? I don't, and I don't feel obligated. It's like to have to be part of that group or this, or if somebody doesn't call me back, what did I do? What did I do wrong? What did I do wrong? You know, and I would watch that sort of angst in other students. And I would think like, oh, all of this past, this history, this navigation, this adult world, actually gave me a certain presence and power in really being able to enjoy this and meet people where they are, not where I want them to be, right? And that's very freeing because then you can genuinely like someone and if you don't or they don't like you, it's okay. You know, it's not the end of the world And I think that being surrounded and having to be a professional and operating and watching adults act like children, you know, and bad behavior. And you think, oh, my God, don't they see how they're coming across? Why is that okay? And I don't want to be that. And it, you know, and it allowed me to understand what I didn't want and who I didn't want to be. Right. You know, what I didn't want, what I wanted to reveal and what I hoped to nurture in myself, because you can go any direction if you think about it, you know, and I, I remember thinking, no, I don't, I want to be the best of myself and I want to be a good person and I want good people in my life that are there for, I mean, you know, I, in my 60th year, I, all of my different groups of friends, like my high school buddies, my college buddies like my work buddies individually but in in their kind of groups and they don't know each other instead of having like a big party with everybody which would have just made me so uncomfortable we did specific things and in each sort of clump you know of of gals we all mentioned like I just got a text this morning from one of one of the girls and said it's amazing how long we've been friends and I always feel the best me when I'm around you guys and it because there's such there's such deep connection in years and and we've been through so much together but like there's something so comforting about having long-term friends and I think that at a very early age partially because my mother again wouldn't let me just give school up and and just work I was able to have quote-unquote normal friendships you know yeah